

The Wetter, The Better: A Simple Guide To Getting Off With Lube
Getting in my own pants is a guaranteed good time. I give myself what I want, when I want it. Quickies when necessary. Foreplay when desired. And, ultimately the variety that is sometimes lacking with partners for many different reasons.
As with anything, including sexing ourselves, there's always a way to shake things up. For some, it may be higher vibrations. But, a simple way to create a heightened sensation while pleasuring yourself is adding a lubricant into the mix.
Forget all that you may have learned about using lube, and get you some.
It does not mean you don't have the wet-wet, but that a little wetter is always better.
Still, it's critical to your experience that you know what you're looking for.
As someone who only recently began dabbling in the mythical world of lube, it can feel slightly overwhelming when you realize it's a little more than picking a rando lube off the shelf and simply throwing it in the bag.
With the help of International Pleasure Coach Tyomi Morgan-Najieb, we created a comprehensive guide to selecting top-notch lube -- safe for your body, as well as your toys.
Material Girl
First things first, you've got to know what you're working with! Tyomi tells us that this means knowing the material of your toys, as well as that of the lube itself.
Aside from generally knowing what you're putting in your body, this is important because lubes made from certain ingredients can damage your toys. Rest assured that coming out of pocket to pay for another toy would be far from the pleasure you were hoping for, when you set out to explore.
She reminds us of the range of materials that our toys can be made from, listing metal, glass, silicon, gemstones, wood, and rubber, while also providing the various "Over the Counter lubricants" including water-based, silicone-based, oil-based, or a hybrid (water/silicon).
Additionally, we're cautioned against lubricants that include petrochemicals, paraben, and synthetic glycerin.
Unfortunately, Tyomi says, "Many over the counter (OTC) lubricants on the market contain these chemicals, and they can be harmful to a woman's reproductive system," giving us all the more a reason to investigate and ask questions before just buying any old lube.
To further emphasize the importance in doing so, sexpert Tyomi also shares that "women who have experienced adverse reactions to lubricants have had reactions to these aforementioned chemicals because of their toxicity… [Therefore], when shopping for lubricants for toys, all of these things should be taken into account."
Now that you know what you're looking for, here's the breakdown of each type of lubricant.
Water
Consider water-based lubricants to be the universally accepted form of moisture. As Tyomi says, "In general, water-based lube can be used with all of these materials because its base is H2O and won't harm the toys."
Furthermore, "water-based lube can also bring hydration to the vulva and vagina. [Also, it] can be revitalized by adding water when it begins to dry up."
One major exception to water-based lube is using it in your bath or shower, as in don't do it. Unlike other types of lubricants, water-based lubes will wash off quickly when saturated in more water. Should you want to take your play time to the shower, the lube you're looking for is silicone.
Silicone
According to popular lubricant brand Astroglide, they're prime for water-play because "silicone lubes (especially when in gel form) stay put and keep friction at bay while you enjoy some slippery, wet fun."
Overall, Tyomi explains, "Silicone-based lubes are great for those who want to have a longer-lasting lube with a silky feeling." As wonderful as they are texturally, the caveat is that they cannot be used with silicone toys, as they "will damage the toy and render it unusable" and should be used on rubber toys with an err of caution.
When pairing a silicone lube with rubber toys, Tyomi recommends doing a patch test before use. She walks us through the simple test, adding that you can do so by simply "placing a small amount of lube on a part of the toy that won't be inserted into the vagina is the way to test if the lubricant is she to use with the toy. If the toy melts or begins gooey or sticky when rubbing the lube in, that's a sign that the lube isn't the right one for the toy."
Oil
Tyomi emphasizes that oil-based lubricants cover a different range of sex toys and how well they pair with toys that "are going to be inserted into the anus, like butt plugs and finger rimmers."
These lubricants are best for materials such as glass, metal, wood, or gemstone according to our sexpert but are a hard "no" when it comes to silicone and rubber.
"Oil-based lubes should never be used with silicone or rubber toys. Oil-based lubes are heavier in consistency because they have an oil base."
Like, silicone, oil-based lubricants will damage your toys made of silicone and rubber. Tyomi's blog, Glam Erotica 101, elaborates stating that the oil breaks down the composition of the toys' material. But, also refreshingly adds that you can dig in your pantry to grab the coconut or grapeseed oil for your oil lubes as well.
Beware, oil is oil, so be sure to that your throw away sheets are on your bed to avoid staining your good ones.
Hybrid
Last and seemingly least (unheard of, I know) are hybrid lubes. Hybrid lubes are a combination of both water and silicone. Because of this, Tyomi recommends that these types of lubricants be spot tested before using your silicone and rubber toys, as you would with silicone or oil-based lubricants. If your toys doesn't start to self-destruct, then you're good to go.
If you still feel some overwhelm when considering which lube is right for you, here are some Tyomi approved lubes you can start with: Astroglide, which is available in all formulas, Good Clean Love an organic water-based lube, and the silicone-based, Uberlube.
Get comfortable with some of those first and then venture out based on what you enjoy. Whatever you do, it's time to stop sleeping on the power of lube.
Oh and don't forget to thank me later.
- What GROWN Women Consider Great Sex To Be - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Grown Woman Keys To Great Sex - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Man Feeling Threatened By Sex Toys - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Butt Plugs, Beginners First Time Guide - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- A Beginner's Guide To Lubricant - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- 10 Creative Ways To Use Lubricant During Sex - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Sexual Lubricants | Walgreens ›
- When Sex Lube Goes Bad: What's Safe, What Works, and What to ... ›
- 8 Things Nobody Told You About Lube ›
- Best Sex Lube Shopping Guide, Lubricant For Women ›
- 5 Lube Substitutes You Should Avoid - DIY Lubes You Shouldn't Use ›
- Amazon Best Sellers: Best Sexual Lubricants ›
- Wetter is Better: How to Choose the Best Lube | HuffPost ›
- How lubricant can transform your sex life | The Independent ›
- The Best Sex Lube for Every Level of Freakiness | GQ ›
- The Best Lube for Sex, Personal Lube Guide 2018 ›
Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.
Exclusive: Gabrielle Union On Radical Transparency, Being Diagnosed With Perimenopause And Embracing What’s Next
Whenever Gabrielle Union graces the movie screen, she immediately commands attention. From her unforgettable scenes in films like Bring It On and Two Can Play That Game to her most recent film, in which she stars and produces Netflix’s The Perfect Find, there’s no denying that she is that girl.
Off-screen, she uses that power for good by sharing her trials and tribulations with other women in hopes of helping those who may be going through the same things or preventing them from experiencing them altogether. Recently, the Flawless by Gabrielle Union founder partnered with Clearblue to speak at the launch of their Menopause Stage Indicator, where she also shared her experience with being perimenopausal.
In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
If you are looking to bring a little spice into your life, dating a fire sign is the way to do it. These bold lovers are confident enough to take the lead but may surprise you with how generous they are as well. Fire signs are the heat, the passion, the charisma, and the heart of the zodiac. They are often the initiators in love, and don’t mind making the first move. The three fire signs: Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius, love uniquely in their own way, but all have a lasting impact on those they meet.
You can feel a fire sign’s energy from a mile away, and getting close to them on a romantic level is a whole other type of heat.
Fire Signs in Love: What Is It Like To Date a Fire Sign?
Dating a fire sign is exciting, heartfelt, intense, and sexy. Fire signs are some of the most independent of the zodiac signs, yet they are also some of the most loyal. Their inner fire will warm your heart, but treat them badly, and it can just as easily burn. Due to fire signs' nature of feeling everything a little more heightened, they make empathic lovers, but they can also let their feelings overwhelm them and become easily irrational or agitated.
Fire signs can get heated quickly, and dating an unevolved one can get messy as they love to put on a show. They need a partner who is a good balance to their fierce nature, but someone who isn’t going to put out their inner fire in the process.
When it comes to who fire signs are looking to date, they look for partners who can love just as passionately as they can, and expect an unwavering type of loyalty. They are also looking for confident lovers, as they aren’t one to play games or beat around the bush. They are the type of partner to be your biggest cheerleader and will support you in all your endeavors, building up your self-esteem in the process.
These lovers are ready to risk it all when it comes to their relationships and love, and dating them is a fun adventure, to say the least. These are creative, confident, romantic, and heart-warming souls, and dating a fire sign is inspiring.
Dating an Aries
Aries are independent lovers. They are free spirits that are a little hard to settle down with, as most fire signs are, yet you will know how much they are willing to give and put into the relationship through their efforts. You have to be going at the same pace as them in life, and they need to see you as someone who can keep up with them to gain their respect and commitment. Aries have a vision when it comes to their life and love, and are looking for a partner that aligns with their plans or goals that they have for themselves.
Aries, at their best, are loyal and exciting; at their worst, they are competitive and brash.
When it comes to dating an Aries, they want to do things that keep their energy moving and stimulate them. They are fun lovers and are constantly doing things as a young soul does, fueling their spirit. Aries doesn’t want to feel restricted or limited in any way and seek relationships where there is a certain amount of freedom, which in turn sometimes leads them into emotionally unavailable relationships. An evolved Aries seeks their balance and finds themselves in long-lasting partnerships where they can still feel authentically themselves.
Dating an Aries is a compelling adventure.
Learn how an Aries pairs with each sign of the zodiac in love here.
Dating a Leo
Dating a Leo is like entering a rom-com movie. Leos are bold, outspoken, and dramatic lovers. They tend to prefer a spotlight on them, but when it comes to love, they are usually willing to share the stage. Leos want a grand love. They are all about outrageous romantic gestures, complete and utter loyalty, and a little spice. Leos want to be adored, and when you are dating one, they want all of your attention to be on them. Evolved Leos understand they cannot be the center of everyone's world, but Leo’s still going through their love journey may find themselves entertaining drama and controlling the scenario.
Leo’s, at their best, are playful and loving; at their worst, they are irrational and disruptive.
All in all, however, Leos can make some of the best partners to date as they rule the 5th house, the house of romance, dating, love, and flirtation. They are fun partners and are often the ones planning the dates or outings, and creating an atmosphere that is happy and inviting. They are the type to create an uplifting energy in their relationships, and you can expect a lot of laughs in this pairing. Leos don’t hold back when it comes to most things in life, including love. They will express their love and admiration for you often and will expect the same respect in turn.
Dating a Leo is a statement.
Learn how a Leo pairs with each sign of the zodiac in love here.
Dating a Sagittarius
Sagittariuses are hard to grasp, but if they decide to let you into their world, you’ll find a space of wonder, adventure, and magic. There are many different stages a Sagittarius moves through in love, and as much as they like to do things quickly in all other aspects of their lives, when it comes to dating, they tend to take it more slowly. They are not the type to be in a rush to define the relationship and take their time when opening their heart. You will feel their love, their personality, and their attention, but getting to know their deepest selves, their goals, and their dreams is going to take time for Sagittarius, and they prefer to have some fun with you while they get there.
Sagittarius, at their best, are warm and hopeful; at their worst, they are harsh and disingenuous.
Being ruled by abundant Jupiter, Sagittarius lives larger than life. They want a love that feels like it was destined by the stars, and it needs to make sense and fall into place for them with ease. They are looking for all types of synchronicities and signs when dating you, and once you make it past this stage, they truly have their eyes open to you. Sagittarius wants to go on adventures, learn, travel, and explore the world and you while dating. This is a spontaneous sign, and if you can match their energy of passion and wanderlust, then this is a good match for you when it comes to love.
Dating a Sagittarius is a journey.
Learn how a Sagittarius pairs with each sign of the zodiac in love here.
The Love Compatibility Between A Sagittarius Woman And Leo Man
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Featured image by Milena Magazin/Getty Images