The way I see it, being ashamed of having an insecurity is a lot like feeling guilty for having a period pimple — we're human and they are both a part of life.


But in staying along with the period pimple analogy, eating a ton of junk food won't help you to get rid of it. Doing things like drinking water and applying tea tree oil (usually) will. In other words, you can't do what makes you feel good; you have to do what will actually address the issue.

This same basic concept applies to insecurities. Back when I was in cyclic romantic relationships, oftentimes, I would use them to make me feel better about not feeling pretty enough or desirable enough when what I really needed to be doing was getting to the root of what I was so insecure about in the first place.

A lot of therapists will tell you that insecurities are typically based on five main things — a dysfunctional childhood, abandonment/rejection issues, an unhealthy strive for perfection, a lack of self-confidence, or living in the past. If a lot of us really took this pearl of wisdom to heart, we'd realize that the insecurities in our relationships, usually have nothing to do with the relationship at all. Therefore, we should avoid taking our issues — let's be honest, drama — out on our significant other. Instead, we need to be looking within and working on ourselves. Can I get an amen?

Keeping all of this in mind, if your relationship is currently going through more valleys than peaks, here are some telling signs that it could be due to your insecurities more than anything else:

You Are a Snoop

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We've all heard it, but I'm not so sure how many of us actually believe it. Along with love and respect, trust is the foundation for any healthy relationship. That said, if you're someone who's prying into your man's life — sneaking to try and get access to his phone, trolling on his social media, etc. — no matter how you try and rationalize it, you don't trust him very much.

If he's given you just cause because he's actually betrayed your trust, then we've got another type of insecurity issue on our hands. Why are you staying with someone who betrayed you? But if you know that you're treating him this way because of how an ex treated you (or worse, because you're not "happy" in a relationship unless you're stirring up sort of drama), that's not his problem, that's yours.

This is the kind of insecurity that is not only going to ultimately cost you your current relationship, it will probably result in you sabotaging more of 'em in the future too.

Insecurity is common. But being complacent in it is unhealthy. If you saw yourself anywhere in this article, the relationship isn't going to heal you. Self-introspection, self-awareness, and self-love will.

Give yourself big doses of the aforementioned and watch how it improves you first, your relationship second — for the better.

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