I know it’s an unpopular opinion these days, but I still like setting goals for the New Year. I think it gives you a tangible reason to revisit old desires and achieve new ones. That’s why every year on NYE, I write down my aspirations for the next 365 days on a whiteboard in my bedroom – that way, it stares me in my face, and I’m forced to be held accountable. But this year, something stuck out to me: improving my finances had made the top of the list – again. That’s when it dawned on me. I need more of a financial plan. “Saving better and making more” wasn’t making enough of an impact. That’s why I’m so grateful for women like Cynthia Smith and her vulnerability. Because when you know better, you do better.
Cynthia Smith is a renowned financial expert, business coach, serial entrepreneur, and author of Untangling the Ledger. The self-made millionaire started her tax service with only $500, and today, she’s made up to $100,000 a month through varied business efforts. But as expected, she had a plan for every dollar she made, and it was a journey.
“Before taxes, I worked in oil and gas. I’ve been making six figures since I was 26 years old, but I had poor money-managing skills. Also, I had twins at 18. So, anything they wanted, they got,” she admitted. “But as I got older, I realized I wanted to do more, so I had to stop spending so much to allow my bank account to grow. I positioned my mind to get uncomfortable with over-spending. As a people, we don’t teach money management, and it’s important.”
While she’s unique in the sense that her 9-to-5 allowed her to live generally comfortably, she still enjoyed doing taxes as her side hustle. Cynthia comically shared how she’d initially meet people at coffee shops to use the free wifi. But, like many, her main source of income started to come at the expense of her peace. “I recall being on my last project, and it was a hard project to be on because there were so many egos. I started to feel like why am I here? I had a successful business, but my job was my crutch,” she explained.
Once she became a full-time tax accountant, she started to experience extreme highs and lows and learned quite a bit along the way. “Some people look on the outside and don’t realize the hard work. There were nights I cried and nights I had to make payroll when I was still working,” she said. “At some points, I’ve had a $10k payroll, along with a mortgage, and still had to support my twins.”
There’s also been struggles she’s endured throughout the company’s process. “My business is predominantly women, and we usually get along well. But I had one messy situation. There’s been times where I could’ve been a better leader or manager or explained components better,” she confessed. “Now, when we’re together, we’re family, but I also don’t allow anyone to put holes in my ship.”
Cynthia Smith
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In addition to her accountability and hard work, Cynthia credits varied streams of income and responsible spending to her financial success. “I wasn’t strict in the past. But I started budgeting in 2017. The twins were in college so I had to change how I was spending, and I maintained that discipline. Now, as an empty-nester, I spend less. I don’t purchase large items every day.” Today, Cynthia owns her tax office, tax franchise, a tax software, skincare line, and teaches taxes. In their entirety, the tax offices have roughly 8,000 clients.
She also differs from a lot of her peers in how she invests. Most of her investments are primarily into her own endeavors, like the skincare line and tax software – not stocks and bonds. “When it comes to anything, I like to see a fast turnaround. I like to see where it’s going; I don’t like to wait. I made over $1 million in less than six months,” she said. “It may not be the right way, but that’s how I operate. However, I maxed out my sons’ 401k. I’ve seen the market go up and down, but that’s one of my favorite things I took from my oil and gas job.”
When asked what other financial tips she has for our readers, she mentioned the importance of credit and budgeting. “Instead of using my own cash, I use credit cards. Get one with points. For my birthday, I took my boys and my baby sister to Vegas. All of their trips and vacations were paid for by points,” she explained. She also encouraged eating in and being very specific with your budgeting spreadsheet. “For 2024, forget the outside. You don’t have to be in the in-crowd. Walk your journey. Read the fine print, and block out the outside noise. Focus on you and growing and learning yourself and passion.”
She continued, “My money mantra is to ask God to do exceedingly above all that I ask for and make me a good stewardess over my family. I put God first, and I know it’s nothing but him that keeps me going. Looking into the future, her goal is to become bill-free and have little overhead. “When I reach 50, I don’t wanna worry about my mortgage, and I want to retire.”
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The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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