Kelly Rowland On The Cons Of Being A Millionaire At 20: "I Didn't Know What To Do With It"
Destiny's Child exploded onto the scene in 1997 with the release of their hit single "No, No, No." But by the time the ladies were singing, "Can you pay my bills?" they had many of them awaiting them in their mailboxes. Three Grammy awards, numerous coordinated outfits, and a Super Bowl performance later, Kelly Rowland reflects on her experiences as a young millionaire. She recently spoke with InStyle Magazine about what she did with her first big paycheck, how she navigated being rich at an early age, and how success has taught her better spending habits and the importance of being financially independent.
One of the hardest things to do when you're young is to actually listen to sound advice. The 36-year-old singer was once a young woman eager to bask in her newfound fame and money bags. Like many of us, when you finally have your own money, you want to spend it on all the things you were once told were too expensive instead of using that first check as an investment. Rowland reveals that this is exactly what she did. She says:
"I remember so many people telling me that I needed to save my money and invest — but I didn't listen. When I got one of my first paychecks, I went to the grocery store and bought almost everything that my mom used to tell me was too expensive. I bought all of that shit, had a party at my house, and everybody ate up everything. I'll never forget it, because it was fun and it was something I was able to fund myself."
But the fun didn't outweigh the fact that at just 20 years old, she didn't have the financial knowledge and restraint that she does now. Rowland may have had a lot in the bank, but she didn't always know exactly what to do with it. When she inevitably bought a 5,000-square foot mansion, she quickly realized that it was more than she really needed.
She says:
"I was a millionaire by the age of 20...It's insane when you think about a 20-year-old having all this money and not knowing what the eff do do with it. When it was time for the big purchase, I bought myself a house that was way too big. I was, like, 21 years old with five bedrooms and 5,000-square feet to myself. I was way too young to buy a home like that."
The Writings on the Wall dropped 19 years ago, and was the catalyst for making Rowland richer than her wildest dreams. Now that she's older, however, she practices the same advice she was given when she was younger and says, "I've also learned that you need to save, but also to invest." But in the beginning, she was admittedly an overspender.
The Voice: Australia judge admits that before she put a spending limit on her AmEx, she would rack up charges that would have any financial advisor shaking their head. She says:
"I lost my mind—when it came to extra hair, fashion, I had to have everything. I remember just going completely nuts on trips to Paris and Italy, blowing like 30 grand in 30 minutes at Bergdorf Goodman. It was ridiculous. Eventually, I started to realize that my AmEx bill was really, really high and I needed to chill out."
Over the years, she has become much more frugal and conscious of how she is spending her coins. But financial freedom includes more than just more money and more problem. As women, our financial independence is increasingly crucial and necessary. Learning the ins and outs of money management, credit, and investment isn't always a simple process, but the resources are available if you want to ensure your independence remains intact. "Ladies, it ain't easy being independent," but it sure is empowering. Rowland says:
"As a woman, I think it's the most empowering thing when you're actually able to take care of yourself."
There's no better feeling than being able to provide for yourself and those around you without the help of a man. We are creating more businesses than any other demographic, are more educated, AND remain humble enough to share our success with a man, if we so choose. The songstress reminds us of all just how far we've come and, for that, we should be proud. She tells InStyle:
"In the past, women were made to feel like they could only make things work if they had a man. Now, we're CEOs and start our own companies. Some of the most successful entrepreneurs right now are women. You can put your hand over your chest with pride because we've come such a long way. To be able to take care of yourself and be proud of that is a reward for all the hard work you put in."
Since black women are still only earning $.79 per dollar compared to some of our counterparts, pay equality is still an uphill battle. The more we speak up about this inequality and demand our worth, the more likely the next generation of women will benefit.
This all starts with actually knowing what you're worth. Rowland says that you need to come to the negotiation table armed with facts, figures, and confidence in your market value. She says don't be shy about asking for more:
"Know your worth. When it comes down to it, if you have a number and you've done your research on whatever field that you're in, and you feel like you're worth this much, you very much so need to make your worth and your presence known—and then stick by it. Don't be shy about it, and stand firm and believe it. Stay true to who you are and your gift, and make sure it's something you're passionate about because that's when you're going to be absolutely amazing at it."
Many fall victim to the pitfalls of an extravagant lifestyle once them make a lot of money, especially if that windfall comes at a young age. We've seen it everywhere from lottery winners, to artists, entertainers and athletes alike: a financial education is the key to financial longevity.
That's why Kelly Rowland is a good example of someone who started early by emboldening herself with the proper tools to have more discernment with her spending and make sound investments while continuing to work and increase the bag. Good decisions can now lead to long-term financial comfort. Choose wisely.
Read her interview in full here.
Featured image via Kathy Hutchins / Shutterstock.com
Michelle Schmitz is a writer and editor based in Washington, DC originally from Ft Lauderdale, FL. A self-described ambivert, you can find her figuring out ways to read more than her monthly limit of The New York Times, attending concerts, and being a badass, multi-tasking supermom. She also runs her own blog MichelleSasha.com. Keep up with her latest moves on IG: @michellesashawrites and Twitter: @michellesashas
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LISTÂ HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images