

I never really considered the notion of saving for a rainy day until I went through my own struggles with money. As a child, going shopping for school supplies filled me with both anxiety and excitement as the thought of having tons of fresh, unopened items meant the start of something new ahead. As an adult, August signifies the beginning of my wallet dwindling in preparation to send my sons off to school again.
When my significant other and I couldn't start our kids off with what was supposed to be mandatory for their first week, my inner guilt came across as fury towards my children's father. I blamed him for not having enough to send just one off with everything he needed, cursed him for not making enough to make ends meet, and argued with him over bank statements and spending habits from months prior. In hindsight, he did the best he could with what he had and his response to my tangent reminded me of a lesson I learned through observation growing up: "What do you have? Where is your money?"
A girl has to have her own, right?
I recently spoke to a friend who told me about some financial roadblocks she's hit. She was a stay-at-home mom who worked really hard to maintain her household including raising her two daughters alongside her husband. They were now faced with living with in-laws or moving into a shelter. Without prying into any of her business she did not expose herself, I listened to the weariness in her voice as she told me stories of depending heavily on her husband.
"I didn't think to work. He took care of anything me and the girls wanted and needed, and I grew comfortably into life at home, without a job," she told me. I've heard this story too many times before. I sympathized with her, trying the stay-at-home mom move myself and realizing a mere a month and a half in that I had to support my own family, even if my partner did work.
There were things I wanted for myself that I could not buy. I grew accustomed to sticking my hand out to my partner for money and in a cycle of asking for things excessively, my partner felt frustrated and eventually, rejected my demands. What did I have for myself? What was I doing for myself?
Through my own experience and taking my friend's account of dependency into consideration, I was led to ask several married women and stay-at-home mommies about their thoughts in relying on their partners. Many had careers and suggested having separate bank accounts to avoid the headaches and hassles of finances. Some found purpose in their lives in raising their children at home and still held their own from past jobs that didn't allow them to be contingent on their spouses' paychecks. Others reminded me of trust and the significance of that part in traditional wedding vows that swears you tough it out for richer or poorer. "For me, I have to believe my husband won't leave me without anything, especially with children, because we made an oath before God," one girlfriend told me.
In watching my mother marry someone with a much higher credit score and more stable lifestyle, who later divorced her and left her in a financial bind that affected immediate family members, I've become slightly cautious of putting all my faith in one basket and living off of someone else's income. I don't ever want my reality to suddenly shift because my world was wrapped in someone else's and I couldn't do for me. As a young girl, I did bad all by myself, and as a woman, I know the importance of having your own.
Read what these five ladies had to say about the importance of women having their own, trust, and financial dependency:
Having Your Own
I have always been independent, down to changing my own motor oil. When I got married, that didn't change–I just learned to combine my powers with his. The freedom of being able to buy what I want without having to explain why is awesome. Plus if he ever falls short financially, I have the power to pick up the slack. – Kimani Fisher-Wynter
Too often a woman “having her own" in a relationship is positioned solely as financial independence. But, we forget that money is tethered to other aspects of our lives. Obviously having your “eff you" money in place is important. But, having your own is also about mental and emotional independence. Financial freedom equates to freedom in so many other arenas of your life. There's peace of mind that comes from knowing you have options. – Tyece Wilkins
The first time I realized that women were supposedly an extension of their man was post-nuptials when a woman asked me "So, who are you married to?". That immediately gave me pause because I am my own woman and although my husband is an amazing man, he is my partner, not my parent. I never knew that some women were assumed to be codependent because my mother was always very independent and my husband's mother was as well. I have never felt like I had to choose my relationship over my career because I married a man who wanted an independent and capable woman.
I think that is one of the most important parts because it is difficult to have and maintain "your own" if you are with a person who wants you to rely solely on them. As the director of an education nonprofit, I am many things to many different people. It certainly helps to know that I'm married to someone who supports that and is not envious or annoyed by it. My independence is not a burden to him but a blessing, and I love him for it. – Brittany Brady
Financial Dependency
At 28 years old, I will be celebrating 6 years of marriage this Fall. I've worked outside of the home and have also had the pleasure of being a stay-at-home mom for over a year - a personal choice that was very important to me. While I now take pride in being able to significantly contribute to my household's income, I never felt less than when I wasn't bringing in a check as an SAHM. Being home gave me a chance to re-group, figure out exactly what I wanted to do, and most importantly bond with my baby. I also financially prepared to be home, so I made it a point to have my own and even started a successful small business from my kitchen. My clique of millennial mommy friends all have hustles and businesses that we run when our families are asleep - it's all about maintaining a sense of self. – Jhéanell Adams
I've been a stay-at-home mom for roughly nine years and being financially dependent on my husband is honestly the best fit for the vision we have for our family. It's our highest priority for me to be home raising our children and my mind to be fully dedicated to that at this point in our lives. So, while he's out making the money to support our family, I'm home building the foundation for our lives–emotionally, spiritually, and academically. Sure, it hasn't always been easy not having my "own" money to do what I please, but at the end of the day, the bigger picture requires a joint effort, and my contribution doesn't require a financial aspect.
Sure, I worry about the what ifs, but aren't the most financially independent people as well? I mean we live in an unstable world. I definitely try to take the time to stay abreast with the job market, to better myself and hone my skills so I'm prepared when and if the time comes that I may need to support myself and my family. I trust that it will be okay. I trust that my husband will hold it down while he has to, and in the event that he can't, I trust that I'm resourceful enough as a person to pick up the pieces and do what I have to. Having a trustworthy partner and having the utmost confidence in yourself is what makes financial dependency a somewhat easy pill to swallow. – Tiffany Perez-Figueroa
Should you have your own or is it okay to depend on your significant other? Let me know your thoughts and share your own stories in the comment section below!
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On her debut album,CTRL,SZA crooned about her desire to be a “Normal Girl.” Now, nearly eight years since its release, her Not Beauty line represents her commitment to existing outside of traditional beauty norms.
The singer whose real name is Solána Imani Rowe first teased the idea of a lip gloss line during Super Bowl LIX in February, noting that the release would be happening “very shortly.” Not Beauty debuted simultaneously with the Grand National Tour, which she co-headlines with Kendrick Lamar, in Minneapolis on April 19.
Each Not Beauty pop-up would offer fans the opportunity to purchase the glosses, learn more about the brand, and have the opportunity to meet the superstar in the flesh regardless of their ticket status.
During the Los Angeles tour stop, which spanned three dates on May 21, May 23, with the finale on May 24, xoNecole had the opportunity to test out the glosses included in this soft launch, as SZA revealed in a statement that "this is just the start of other lip products, including plans to launch stains, liners, and creams all inspired by SZA's “infamous layered lip combinations.”
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So, what is included in the first Not Beauty launch?
The current Not Beauty products available are lip glosses that come in three shades: In the Flesh, Strawberry Jelly, and Quartz.
During my visit to the first LA Not Beauty pop-up activation, I not only had the chance to purchase all three glosses but also took a peek inside the blow-up log tent. Inside, fans got to experience SZA’s love for nature and her fascination with bugs, which are prominently featured in her performances for this tour. At one point, she even had human preying mantis prancing across the stage y'all.
There were blow-up photos of the beauty that is SZA for fans (myself included) to take photos, but in wooden-like tree trunks were a deeper dive into some of the ingredients featured in her products and their benefits.
For example, the glosses feature Hi-Shine Lip Jelly and Shea Butter as key ingredients and some of the listed benefits included are:
- Shea Butter - “A powerhouse ingredient, offering both functional and nourishing benefits.”
- Hi-Shine Lip Jelly (featured in the In the Flesh shade) - “Formula glides on with perfect adhesion to the lips without stickiness).
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What are in the products?
Featured in an orange package, with images of a bug and flower on the side, the back of the box reads: “It’s NOT BEAUTY, it just works. Developed by Solána “SZA” Rowe.
As someone who never leaves home without a good lip gloss, I loved how compact the wood panel packaging is. Perfect to slip into my purse, or in the case of the show at SoFi Stadium, into my pocket when I’m not carrying a bag.
Because I’m a sucker for a good black and brown lip liner and clear gloss combo, I decided to wear the Quartz flavor on night one of the Grand National Tour LA stop, and it did not disappoint. I’ll admit, it’s light weight feel made me nervous because it felt like there was nothing on my lips. However, when I checked my lips in my compact mirror several times throughout the night, I was shocked to find that my gloss was still intact. I only reapplied once out of the habit of looking cute and applying my gloss, but not necessity.
Here are some of the ingredients featured, but not limited to, in the Quartz flavor.
- Polyisoubutene
- Butyrospermum Parkii (Shea)Butter
- Ricinus Communis (Castor) Seed Oil
- Mentha Piperita (Peppermint) Oil
- Tocopherol
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Lip prep
I’m a simple girl who loves to stay true to her roots. So ahead of the show, I stopped by a local Inglewood Beauty Supply store and grabbed a Black and Brown shade lip pencil for just under $2 a piece.
Shading the outline of my lips with the black pencil first, I used the brown to lightly fill the inside of my lips before applying my Quartz Not Beauty shade gloss.
How to apply
There’s truly no right or wrong way to apply lip gloss (in my opinion), with this being a brush applicator sort of product, I simply untwisted the top and swiped the gloss around my top and bottom lip generously.
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Results
Again, my Not Beauty Quartz product stayed on my lips from the start of the show, which began with a fire DJ set from LA’s very own, Mustard, to the conclusion when Kendrick and SZA reunited on stage to send us home to their duet, “luther,” featured on the rapper's GNX album.
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10 Ways To Make Sure Your Vagina Enjoys Its Time In The Ocean & Pool
Although the summer season technically doesn’t begin until late June (June 20, to be exact), you and I both know that as soon as Memorial Day Weekend comes and goes, most of us consider it to be summertime. Well, as you’re in the process of making your summer plans (because you are going to go on some sort of vacation, even if it’s just for a long weekend…right?), if getting into some sort of water (outside of the bathtub) is included in them, I thought it would be a good idea to talk about some ways to take care of your vagina (and vulva).
Because, as I’ve shared in a different article (here), when the weather is warmer, you are far more susceptible to experiencing yeast infections (not just in your vagina, either — check out “What To Do For Yeast Infections (On Other Parts Of Your Body)”). Not only that, but if you don’t do certain things that are listed here, you could end up irritating your genital region in other ways too.
So, as you’re out picking up a new swimsuit, here are 10 hacks that can have your vagina (and vulva) enjoying the ocean and pool water as much as you plan to.
1. Be Mindful of How Your Swimsuit Bottoms Fit
Listen, y’all ain’t gonna ever convince me that, out of all of the panty cuts that are out here (and there are several), when it comes to vaginal health, thongs aren’t the most problematic. However, I do agree with health experts who say that if you must wear them, so long as they are made from a breathable fabric, you should, for the most part, be pretty straight.
Keeping that in mind, since a lot of swimsuits are made from materials that tend to trap in moisture, you might want to avoid the ones that have a “thong cut” to them — especially since something else that thongs have a tendency to do is make it easier for bacteria to shift from front to back (and vice versa), if you know what I mean.
2. Apply a Coat of Aquaphor on Your Vulva
If vaginal dryness or irritation while in your swimsuit is something that you’re concerned about, you might want to try applying a thin coat of Aquaphor to your vulva (the outer part of your vagina). Not only can it help to keep you nice and moisturized down below, it can even help to bring relief to minor itching (that isn’t associated with a yeast infection).
3. Don’t Hang Out in Damp Clothing
Something that we all have in our genital region is yeast; a yeast infection is what happens when “bad bacteria” overtake the good. And y’all, if there are two things that are basically like Six Flags to yeast, it’s sugar and wet/damp areas. That’s why it’s a really good idea not to linger in damp clothing for hours at a time, whether it’s due to water or sweat.
4. Immediately Change Your Tampon After Swimming
Periods don’t take summer vacations. Still, that shouldn’t prevent you from having a good time. That said, if you want to go swimming, you’re on your cycle and you happen to be a tampon wearer, please put forth the concerted effort to change your tampon right after getting out of the pool or ocean. In a little while, I’m going to get into how the waters that we swim in are usually not as clean as we would like, and so you want to make sure that the bacteria that is in them doesn’t stay up in your vaginal canal, via your tampon, for a long period of time.
Oh, and if you are a menstrual cup gal, those are perfectly fine to use. Just make sure to empty the cup before getting in the water and right after you get out, for the sake of your self-confidence (surrounding leaks) more than anything else.
5. Keep Some Feminine Wipes on Hand
Whether it’s due to your cycle, you want to remove some extra sweat or sand, or you simply want to feel fresher throughout the day, it can never hurt to keep some feminine wipes close by. Most of them are awesome because they are hypoallergenic, they help to maintain the pH balance of your vagina and they contain ingredients that can help to soothe and protect your vulvar skin.
One brand that makes a variety of different ones, including wipes that contain prebiotics, wipes that are great for sensitive skin, and wipes that have cucumber and aloe in them, is Honey Pot. You can find the wipes that you personally need here.
6. Always Wash Your Swimsuit After Wearing It
When you first get a swimsuit, it’s a good idea to wash it. One reason is because you need to remove any chemicals that could irritate your vulva/vagina/skin, in general. Another reason is because, well, while it would be awesome if stores didn’t sell suits that have been tried on (without panties) before, they can’t always guarantee that will happen. Then, before swimming, rinse your swimsuit out with fresh water, just to get any extra residue out.
Then, when you get out of the water, rinse with fresh water again to remove bacteria, sand, and whatever else may be hanging out in your suit. And finally, make it a point and practice to not wear your suit again until after washing it — I mean, basically for the same reason why you shouldn’t wear yesterday’s panties today.
7. Heads Up: Salt Water Can Dry Your Vagina/Vulva Out
Whether water is chlorinated or it’s made up of salt water, one thing that it has the ability to do is throw off your vagina’s pH balance. And when it comes to salt water (which is what ocean water is), specifically, if you stay in it for two long, it can also start to dry your vagina and vulva out. This is why it’s wise to rinse yourself in fresh water before getting into the ocean and rinse off once you get out. This is also where the Aquaphor hack that I mentioned earlier comes in rather handy too.
8. Sex in Public Pools and Hot Tubs Is Kinda Gross Because…
If you’re feeling a lil’ frisky and you’re thinking about having sex in a pool or hot tub — listen, I’m all for spontaneity. Just make sure that you literally know what you’re getting yourself into because public pools and hot tubs tend to be straight-up breeding grounds for all sorts of bacteria. I mean, pools? You already know that at least one kid has probably peed in it — and hot tubs? I’ll put it to you this way — check out the article, “Just how gross are hot tubs? A microbiologist explains,” when you get a chance. It might convince you to stick to your shower or tub when it comes to copulating. Just sayin’.
9. If You’re Gonna Have Sex in Water, Use Silicone Lubricant
No matter what kind of water you decide to get busy in, make sure to keep some lubricant on tap. Since you’re going to be in water, that can wash away your natural arousal fluid/natural lubricant, which could make sex semi-uncomfortable, if you’re not careful. For this, silicone-based lubricant is best; it’s got great “slip,” plus, it’s waterproof.
10. Always Remember That Condoms in the Water Are…Just That
One more thing — unless you are in a long-term exclusive or monogamous relationship (and you’re using another form of birth control), be careful about relying on condoms when it comes to “engaging” in the water. Although rubbers may stay on for a couple of minutes, they aren’t exactly designed to be in water for a long period of time and could weaken or fall off entirely. And no matter how appeasing water sex may sound, you might be in for an — eh hem — different kind of ride if your condom shows out on you.
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There you have it — 10 ways to take care of “her” while you’re hanging out by water this summer season. If you apply all of these tips, I have no doubt that she will have a blast from the moment you get into the water until you step out. Enjoy!
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