The Elephant In The Room: Kelly Rowland Reveals The Turmoil Of Feeling "Second Best"
A flower doesn't compare itself to the flower next to it, it just blooms. It doesn't compete for the number one spot, or spend its time worrying about when, how, and why the next flower will flourish it just… blooms. Kelly Rowland recently revealed that she had to learn this simple fact of life the hard way.
Nature can teach us a lot of lessons, some of which can be pretty hard to swallow. This week, a video surfaced of longtime besties and former group mates, Kelly and Beyonce, breaking it down in the name of Rhythm Nation at Janet Jackson's Las Vegas residency show, and proved that their lifelong friendship is as strong as ever. But as we all know, there's no friendship like one that's been tested by insecurity and passed with flying colors.
In the past, Kelly has been transparent about her feelings of being constantly compared to her best friend, and in a behind-the-scenes video of a recent studio session, she admitted some hard truths that she didn't even know were present:
"The elephant in the room for me has always been second best. That's actually the first time I've said that out loud."
After Destiny's Child disbanded in 2006, the three singers went their separate ways and pursued successful solo careers, but one group member would soon be known as legendary. With Beyonce taking over the R&B world and becoming a newlywed, and Michelle reigniting her gospel career, Kelly was left to forge a new path while both healing from an abusive relationship and struggling to find her own light.
Kelly revealed some of this turmoil in her headline-making song "Dirty Laundry", where she admitted that although she was happy for Queen Bey and all of her success, she was silently suffocating in her shadow. Her inability to break free from a toxic mindset and even more toxic relationship eventually affected her relationships with the ones she loved most; including her best friend Bey.
"It was the place that I was in…I was so young. My head was completely gone. That's what happened with my sister."
Although she didn't initially want to release the song, it was able to land a spot on her album and a whole lot of media attention. According to Kelly, walking in her truth (no matter how ugly) was a form of therapy as well as a way to mend the relationships that had been broken by isolation and insecurity. After playing the song from her former groupmates for the first time, she got a response that she wasn't expecting. She continued:
"What matters to me most is what we have. I'm so grateful for what we have as sisters…away from Destiny's Child. I played it ('Dirty Laundry') for her and Michelle. Beyonce said, 'I never left'."
No matter how dope you are, I think we've all felt a little bit like Kelly. We can follow our dreams, work hard, grind our asses off, but your success still won't look like Beyoncé's, because sis, you're not Beyonce. Rather than feeling overshadowed by the brightest star in the room, recognize your own light and use that sh*t, damn it.
After releasing the song, the singer received a sh*t ton of backlash from the media, and we all know how brutal the Beyhive can be. Although some critics claimed her song wreaked of jealousy and envy, Kelly confirmed that it's not like that at all.
"I think the people wanted those stories for years, and that's just so sad on them because it's not like that. It's so crazy, and I just think it's so sad that we live in a world where people don't want to see women get along and encourage and empower each other, and that's what we do for each other. I definitely think it makes friendship stronger."
Kelly Rowland is proof that good, hard-working, talented people are not exempt from the con of comparison. You're doing yourself a huge disservice every time you allow yourself to believe that your competition is anyone else but yourself. Beyonce may be the best at what she does, but that certainly doesn't make Kelly second best; it just means that Kelly is the best Kelly, just like you have to be the best you.
Be like Kelly. Let Bey and all of the other talented women inspire you to be your best because there's only one of those.
Watch the full clip below!
Red Bull Music Studios Sessions: The Kelly Rowland Editionyoutu.be
Featured image by Stefanie Keenan/Getty Images for Baby2Baby
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Tyler James Williams Explains Why His And Quinta Brunson 'Abbott Elementary' Characters Should Remain Friends
While Abbott Elementary fans are hoping that Janine and Gregory end up together, the show’s star has another take. Tyler James Williams plays Gregory on the Emmy award-winning sitcom, and he recently stopped by The Jennifer Hudson Show to share his point of view on his storyline with Janine, which Quinta Brunson plays.
“I hate to say it. I know that everybody’s always mad at me for this. I don’t necessarily want to see them together,” he revealed. “It’s partially an actor’s choice, but also somebody who, like, I read a lot of scripts all the time. I watch a lot of TV, a lot of film. I don’t think that we see displays of platonic love between two people often. I think it’s really easy to go right to they have feelings for each other, therefore they should be together. I like this dynamic of exploring withholding that and just actively loving each other where they are. That I like to see more.”
If you recall, they were co-workers who became friends but were secretly crushing on each other. They’ve had many awkward run-ins during and after school, like the unforgettable club scene where they were dancing nervously with each other in season one, and in season two, they finally kiss. However, it only made things even more awkward, and they decided to just be friends. Tyler further explained why he thinks it’s important to showcase that type of relationship on screen.
“I think it’s time for that. I think TV allows people to see things that could be their lives for the first time, and I think seeing a healthy friendship that is deeply caring about one another in a work atmosphere needs to be shown more than the relationship,” he concluded.
Abbott Elementary comes on every Wednesday at 9 p.m. EST on ABC.
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Feature image by Kevin Mazur/Getty Images
