Money Talks is an xoNecole series where we talk candidly to real women about how they spend money, their relationship with money, and how they get it.
In this installment of Money Talks, xoNecole chats with Sage The Flame - a 21-year-old full-time adult content creator and erotic artist who is on track to saving five figures this year and breaking the negative stigmas against sex work and sexuality. Amid the pandemic, Sage pivoted by taking her OnlyFans side hustle to full-time status following strip clubs closing. The adult content-friendly website has allowed her to take her financial destiny into her own hands and monetize her work as an erotic content creator.
"I've always been comfortable with nudity and interested in sexual expression so I had been selling my own nude content since I was 18 and decided to sign up on the platform after consulting with another sex worker and realizing it could optimize my ability to monetize my content in a more organized way," she explained.
Here's what the Baltimore-bred badass had to say about her life as a top erotic artist on OnlyFans, gifting her mother with nearly $40,000 cash, and what we should do to learn more about the sex industry.
On OnlyFans:
"OnlyFans is a platform where you can monetize any type of content (similar to Patreon) but it's adult content friendly.
"People pay a monthly subscription fee and they can also pay to see additional content that is sent via DMs. OnlyFans takes 20% of all revenue including tips, which can be sent from any subscriber at any given time for any reason."
On multiple streams of income:
"At the moment, online adult content is my primary focus. Once I feel like I've really solidified that foundation, I'll be branching out. Stay tuned to see what's next."
On financial stability:
"Since I started in April 2019, it has always been a nice financial safety net to have. Now that I'm realizing how enjoyable the whole process is, I'm working on making it my main stream of income. It's currently allowing me to increase my financial stability by granting me the time to learn more about financial organization/literacy and also plant seeds for other streams of income to grow.
"For example, I can record enough content to last me 30 days. While that content is earning residual income within those 30 days, I can then start researching and upgrading my photography and videography skills and increase my knowledge and personal assets."
On being a spender or a saver:
"I'm on track to saving five figures this year, [so] I would say I'm a saver. I just thoroughly enjoy seeing money grow. What has helped me keep my savings plan on track is having an Excel spreadsheet with savings milestones. I list out everything I want to save for (short-term and long-term) and I'll include something fun and rewarding at the end of each milestone so that I greatly reduce the urge to get sidetracked and splurge. For example, once I reach the current milestone I'm working towards, I get to treat myself to new tattoos."
Courtesy of Sage The Flame
"I just thoroughly enjoy seeing money grow. What has helped me keep my savings plan on track is having an Excel spreadsheet with savings milestones. I list out everything I want to save for (short-term and long-term) and I'll include something fun and rewarding at the end of each milestone so that I greatly reduce the urge to get sidetracked and splurge."
On the worst money-related decision she’s ever made:
"Ignoring my own intuition and over-valuing the opinions of others when it came to the vision of my business and execution of my ideas because I assumed that since I'm so young I probably don't know any better. Always trust your gut."
On overcoming financial lows:
"Right before I started stripping, my finances were actually a big stressor on me. My paycheck was very inconsistent. There was a period of time where I wasn't able to pay myself, outside of my OnlyFans side hustle, for nearly three weeks.
"For a period of time, I just tried to push through and really tried to make things improve. Then, I really analyzed the situation, did my best to release all the worst case scenarios that were floating around in my head, and ultimately realized I needed to make a big shift if I wanted my situation to change. I proceeded to consult a well-known stripper in Miami, weighed all my options, and eventually decided to buy my first pair of pleasers and execute."
On budget must-haves:
"Honestly I'm not a budget guru, I have a pretty simple Excel spreadsheet where I make sure to list everything (monthly and irregular expenses) and that works pretty well for me. But whatever you do, the absolute most important step is actually sticking to your plan as best as you possibly can!"
On her biggest splurge:
"So far in life, my biggest splurge has been gifting my beautiful mother $35,000 cash. My original plan was to buy her a baby Tesla but I figured she would appreciate having the agency over how to spend the money more so than a car and luckily, she allocated it wisely."
On unhealthy money mindsets and habits she had to let go of in order to prosper:
"Mapping out my goals is what really allowed me to finally start saving. Without having anything solid to work towards, I kept spending my money as quickly as I was making it. Also, I definitely had to unlearn the ideas that money was hard to get [or that] I was incapable of achieving financial abundance. And I had to learn that it's OK to reach out for help or advice whenever I need it. I would come up with ideas and execute things that would put me in positions of abundance. Circumstances started to align for the better."
Courtesy of Sage The Flame
"I definitely had to unlearn the ideas that money was hard to get [or that] I was incapable of achieving financial abundance."
On promoting body positivity and increasing confidence:
"People who are paying for your content are usually always going to have a positive interest in you and will most likely positively affirm you if your content is good. OnlyFans has been helpful for me in that it affirms my work and my efforts. It makes it easier for me to express myself to paying supporters and it gives me an outlet and a safe space to document my sexual journey and showcase my erotic art which I really love. I don't think that OnlyFans is inherently helpful or harmful when it comes to confidence and body positivity though. It all depends on the person who is using it and how they are using it. When it comes to confidence, you could compare it to the strip club. On one hand, it can definitely make you feel sexy, powerful, and confident, while on the other hand you could get into the mental loop of comparing yourself to other girls and thinking about what you could be lacking and what you need to 'fix' about your appearance or you could end up relying too heavily on external validation.
"When it comes to body positivity, I think it has carved out a lane and created easier access to success and monetization for women of all body types and appearances. The success that these women are having as independent OnlyFans creators seems to be a manifestation of [sex worker inclusive] feminists and the body positive movement that was started by fat black women and their efforts to boost the conversation surrounding fatphobia. I am a conventionally attractive, light skinned, able bodied woman whose body type is already pretty well-affirmed through the lens of society so I don't think OnlyFans has done anything to change body positivity for people who look like me, although it seems to be boosting the conversation about sex work for the entire community as a whole which I'm happy to see."
On living her "hoe truths freely", as mentioned on Instagram:
"It's truly fantastic and freeing. Ever since becoming sexually active I've always had an interest and curiosity in sexuality but for a long time I kind of convinced myself that this was a background interest due to internalized whorepobia and fear of how I might be perceived if I intentionally pursued and expressed my interests out loud. I've allowed that interest and outward expression to organically grow over the years but ever since spending time reflecting in quarantine I've come to the realization that I am truly fascinated with sex. I am fascinated with the history of sex, the alchemy of sexual energy, the science of sex, sexual education, sexual pleasure, the expression of sexual energy, erotic art, etc. It's actually more of a foreground interest of mine and I'm happy to be able to align with my truths and grow from there."
For more of Sage The Flame, follow her on Instagram.
Courtesy of Sage The Flame
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Some women have their whole wedding planned out, from the bridal gown and venue to the bridal party and playlist. However, KJ was not one of those people. “I didn’t foresee a wedding in my future,” she reveals. “I was just gonna be the boss chick, rich auntie. I didn’t force love in my life until recently. I never had an idea of what a dream wedding would look like, it was easier for me to elope.”
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
And to many people’s surprise, that was their original plan – until Skyh brought up a valid concern. He was raised by his grandmother and thought she should be at the wedding, and naturally, that led to KJ wanting her grandmother to be there as well – then her mom – and later her sister – and, you’ve gotta invite the besties too, right? From there, the guest list continued to blossom. Much like the updo and pop of color bold red lip, she wore on her special day, which was initially on her Pinterest board as a soft glam look with her hair hanging on her shoulders, KJ is okay with changing her plan if it brings her and her loved ones happiness.
So let’s get into the wedding, which took place in Malibu, CA. The first thing you should know about the celebrity couple is that they’re non-traditional. They know, and they don’t care. So, in true unconventional fashion, they shared the morning of the wedding together.
“I woke up with Skyh, we walked our dog, had black coffee, and said good morning to the people who stayed at the venue with us,” she says.
Now, it was time for hair and makeup. While she was getting glammed up, she had Black-owned McBride Sisters wine and champagne (which ties into The Black Experience theme) on deck with her mom and friends, had her besties help rework her vows, retried on every outfit (sis is very Type-A), took photos, and ended the early-celebration with prayer and meditation. It seems very non-Bridezilla, I said.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company,” she explains. “The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
Things moved quickly, and before she knew it, it was time to line up to walk down the aisle.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company. The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
KJ Smith and her bridal party
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
Since everything started with their grandmothers, the couple wanted to ensure they honored them and planned to keep an element of their wedding traditional. Although we’ve all seen the reception videos and photos online, you may have noticed visuals from the wedding itself are harder to find.
“We planned for it to be traditional, but we’re not like that, so we tried to create those moments. We jumped the broom and had a salt ceremony (where the bride and groom individually pour salt into a glass container, symbolizing their lives becoming one.) But honestly, still, nothing was traditional about it.”
She goes on to explain that her mom caught the holy ghost coming down the aisle, her glam team was on deck, and she became so nervous with excitement that she had an anxiety attack – something she struggled with for years, she explains tearfully. Her friends had to literally cheer her down the aisle because of how overwhelmed she felt until she eventually calmed down.
“Skyh was standing there with his hand on his heart; we have our own little language, and I could feel the support,” she shares.
It was surprising to hear all these emotional moments happened before the party we saw online. That is until she once again got into the backstory.
“As a Black woman actress, for so long, it was popular to be mysterious and secretive, but that’s not who I am or what I like. Plus, we both wanted to create an experience for everyone there. We are the people who always host family and friends,” she says. “Like for me, the first order of business was getting sandals for the women so they can dance all night long. We had oxtail, D'ussé, and a coffee and sativa lounge – which is part of Skyh and I’s lifestyle and routine. We wanted to bring them into our world.”
Skyh Black (L) and KJ Smith (R)
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
She went on to discuss the dance routine she did for her husband at the reception, which has taken over the internet. Apparently, that’s another thing that didn’t go according to plan. According to KJ, she had promised a performance at their joint bachelor/ bachelorette party, but her outfit got stolen from her car. So, Skyh ended up performing for her – complete with a strip tease. Still, she never forgot her promise to dance for him.
So, she hired her friend as a choreographer, learned the routine, made friends and family watch it endless times, and attended Beyoncé’s Renaissance show a few days before for a confidence boost. It ended up being a show to remember. But that wasn’t all the night offered. Lil Mo performed, and the guests received special goody bags featuring their favorite Black-owned products like journals, hair care, and more.
“We made sure everyone was taken care of all night. That kind of stuff makes us happy. I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives,” she says.
But naturally, the internet is going to internet, and while there were countless people praising the event and applauding the newlyweds, some thought it was too over the top. I was curious to know her thoughts on some of the criticism.
“It’s cool. We did what we wanted to do. I’ve decided to share my world with people. Just how I went on social media platforms and found inspiration, I want people to do the same,” she explains. “I don’t think it's fair to my supporters not to give that out. There’s so much I wanna share with brides, specifically Black brides. I love that people are adding it to their Pinterest boards."
"I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives."
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
“I’m happy with it because we did what we wanted to do. They can do what they wanna do. Don’t be cruel, though, because you will get blocked,” she said, laughing.
The more I spoke with her, the more her sense of freedom shined through. People are always going to have their opinions, but at the end of the day, it’s you who has to live your life, and it seems like the couple realizes that and embraces that power. She also stressed the importance of not living for others and the lessons life has taught her.
“I’ve been to countless weddings, and I’ve been in countless weddings. I’m a generally older bride. So when women in my demographic get married, and you and your husband are busy working people like us, you deserve to have the one you want to have,” she shares.
“This is what we wanted to do. Our loved ones love and support us. We did so much to honor them, but we also wanted to start our own tradition, legacy, and creation. I'm not going to be pulled back into ideas of the past when I’m trying to create a future with my partner. “
If you’d like to see more of the couple, you probably won’t have to wait long. Although no content is planned yet, she admits to being an oversharer. “Me being open and transparent about my experiences lets people know it’s okay to have flaws; it makes you human, and for many years, I didn’t believe that was okay. I had pressure to be perfect, and I’d crumble every time,” she explains to xoNecole.
Now, she owns her flaws and uses them as a superpower to connect with her community and feel and express her love.
“Some people give us [Skyh and KJ] a hard time because they say we just seem too perfect. I’m like, why is that a bad thing? I love the people I love. From my man to my mama, to my friends - unabashedly. We move through time and space how we want to move. If we did it another way, we’d let ourselves and our union down.”
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Feature image by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
Choosing a destination that will provide you with the most memorable experience comes down to your own needs, and believe it or not, your love language can help with that. Our love languages are a guide to how we prefer to receive love and support, as well as how we like to give it.
Knowing about our love language can help build healthy relationships, better self-care routines, and improve our overall well-being. Imagine centering your travel around the way that you like to be loved and then experiencing that each moment of your trip. Every place around the world is unique and thus can provide a different vibe and feeling for us. Figuring out the places that align with our love language can be a game changer in how we experience the world.
Whether you’re a quality time girlie like me or prefer acts of service, here’s some of the best destinations to visit based on the five love languages.
Rome, Italy
The “Eternal City” is home to the Colosseum, Trevi Fountain, and all the pasta and gelato that your heart desires. People who value acts of service love when things are done for them, and life is made easier. If that’s your jam, consider going to Rome and experiencing an authentic Italian dinner cooked by locals for you. What better act of service than having someone cook a full meal for you in their home?
No need to learn how to roll pasta dough or knead pizza. Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the free-flowing wine while learning about Italian culture and having a 4-course meal provided for you. After that, take a guided city tour where someone else can show you around all the popular spots, skipping the lines and avoiding crowds.
Bangkok, Thailand
Having acts of service as your love language is not just about how others show you love but also about how you show it back. If you enjoy giving acts of service to others, consider heading to Thailand and visiting an ethical wildlife sanctuary where you can spend the day volunteering. Choose a place like Wildlife Friends Foundation Thailand, where people are not allowed to touch or ride the elephants but can help with harvesting bananas, cleaning enclosures, or even helping out in the animal clinic. You’ll leave feeling a sense of pride and knowing that your time was spent in a way that made an impact.
If your love language is physical touch, you might want to visit...
Rawpixel/Pexels
Guatemala
There are so many ways that we can experience the love language of physical touch, and Guatemala is a tropical sanctuary that can provide just that. This South American country is full of rainforests, volcanoes, and ancient ruins and can be the perfect escape to get some TLC. Consider staying at a luxury hotel like Villa Bokeh, where you can get your physical needs met through massages, yoga, or rowing on their lagoon. And if you want to explore off the resort, get those steps in with a hike of one of Guatemala’s volcanoes.
If your love language is gift giving, you might want to visit...
Dubai
There’s no better place to go to for all your shopping needs than Dubai. Whether you are a gift giver or like to be spoiled, this is where you need to be. To start, the Dubai Mall is the largest mall in the world at over 12 million square feet. With around 1,200 shops to choose from, you are bound to find something for just about everyone. Dubai is not a budget destination, so leave a little extra space in your luggage and prepare to spend a pretty coin while you’re there. If luxury gifts aren’t your thing, head to the Covent Garden Market, where you can shop local vendors for more affordable items.
If your love language is quality time, you might want to visit...
Costa Rica
Whether you’re planning a cute baecation or a solo trip, quality time is all about disconnecting and spending intentional time with your loved one or yourself. Costa Rica is an ideal location to be off the grid and be present. Spend some special time with bae at a nice resort, enjoying a couples massage, a trip to the rainforest, or a sunset dinner. There’s something about being off the grid that allows us to be more present with each other.
If you want to get in some DND solo quality time, book a stay at Nayara Springs Resort, located on the outskirts of Antigua, where you can enjoy uninterrupted and secluded relaxation while indulging in amenities like yoga classes and a hot springs pool.
Marco VDM/Getty Images
Tanzania
There are many ways to spend quality time with yourself or others, so why not do it in one of the most beautiful countries in the world? Explore Dar es Salaam with family, learn about the history of Tanzania, and then spend more quality time at the beach on Mbudya Island. If you are looking for a more romantic trip or quality time on your own, go out to Zanzibar, the archipelago off the coast of Tanzania. Here you’ll find some of the most beautiful beaches in the world and can stroll through the historical Stone Town.
If your love language is words of affirmation, you might want to visit...
Paris, France
If words of affirmation get you feeling all tingly inside, then why not take a trip to the "City of Love," Paris, France? Not only is Paris considered the mecca for love, but French is literally one of the world’s romance languages. So take a French lesson where you can learn how to speak beautiful words about yourself, or if you’re with bae, take a stroll by the Eiffel Tower at night while sharing some of the things you appreciate about each other.
Bonus points if you can say it in French.
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Featured image by Diamond Dogs/Getty Images
