Unapologetically Owning Your Sexuality Doesn’t Make You A Hoe Or Prude

Her Voice

A woman who f*cks like a man is a woman who is unapologetic about getting hers. Unfortunately, to much of the world, her way of life is synonymous with promiscuity.

Like many other aspects of black culture, labels like "hoe," "thot," and whatever other degrading terminology is used to reference sexually free women these days, have been normalized to dehumanize black women. These inaccurate generalizations of sexualized women humanize cruel acts committed against women of color, including rape and sexual abuse.

Stereotypes like "the jezebel" have evolved to fit our modern day perception of a "hoe" and holistic images of "the good girl" have been reinvented over time to fit into the repressed box of pop culture.


The common ideology among our generation is: "I'll respect a woman, but a hoe ain't got nothing coming." This way of thinking echoes a cultural belief that dehumanizes groups of blacks women to justify, build tolerance, and perpetuate the cycle of disrespect and abuse.

We continue to box black women into these roles through the power of our words and mindsets. Meanwhile, we fail to recognize that in this spirit, we're keeping the same energy of the masters who enslaved our ancestors.

The suppression of women's sexuality was no accident, as men have long known the power of p*ssy. They remain as eager as ever to mute our most divine right to it. On the contrary, women who antagonize other women for their wayward ways have underestimated or fear the power of the p*ssy and the exponential power derived from firmly standing in your right to exist as a sexual being.


There are women who deem their peers who choose sexual liberation over repression unlady-like, which in all actuality is a misguided attempt at projecting our own sexual hangups onto other women. It's as though we as black women have become content with working overtime to ensure that we don't fall on either side of the spectrum.

We struggle to find the delicate balance between being a lady in the street, and a freak where man deems it Godly and respectable.

I believe it is the prejudice perpetuated against women we deem inferior to ourselves that continues to stagnate the black feminist agenda. This way of thinking stands to excuse the misogynistic actions against women of color from both inside and outside of the black community. This happens everyday on social media, the most recent incident involved one highly famed rap superstar who found herself in a world of trouble after she candidly slut-shamed women under the guise of uplifting them.


Nicki Minaj, someone who sells sex on many levels, could have easily taken the opportunity to bring women together and help to create a sense of self in regards to our sexuality. But she didn't. And what she and women like her fail to realize is that anyone who justifies the mistreatment of women either verbally or physically simply because they're uncomfortable with the level at which they assert their sexuality is further contributing to the disrespect of black women through these dated practices of misogyny.

Tearing down women simply because they are sex workers (strippers, prostitutes, etc), like to f*ck, or even choose to abstain from f*cking is not uplifting and it's not where it's at as far as womanhood is concerned. You see, to tear down one is to tear down all.

Women can only be truly free when we liberate ourselves sexually and embrace the power to be and do what (and who) we choose. Women who have found that liberation aren't bogged down by the double standards of the world and they aren't living to appease outdated expectations that were created by a sexist patriarchy.


A woman who discovers sexual liberation is detached from labels and open to simply living her life for no other than herself. She lives carefree, according to her own perception of self, instead of struggling to perpetuate the image of what she ought to be.

She is who I strive to be, and as quiet as it's kept, she's who many of you strive to be as well.

Featured image by Giphy

We all know what it is to love, be loved, or be in love – or at least we think we do. But what would you say if I were to tell you that so much of the love that you thought you’d been in was actually a little thing called limerence? No, it doesn’t sound as romantic – and it’s not – unless you’re into the whole Obsessed-type of love. But one might say at least one side of that dynamic might be…thrilling.

Keep reading...Show less
The daily empowerment fix you need.
Make things inbox official.

Idris Elba and Sabrina Dhowre Elba are gearing up for the second season of their podcast Coupledom where they interview partners in business and/or romance. The stunning couple has been married for three years but they have been together for a total of six years. During that time, they have developed many partnerships but quickly learned that working together isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be.

Keep reading...Show less

Before she was Amira Unplugged, rapper, singer, and a Becoming a Popstar contestant on MTV, she was Amira Daughtery, a twenty-five year-old Georgian, with aspirations of becoming a lawyer. “I thought my career path was going to lead me to law because that’s the way I thought I would help people,” Amira tells xoNecole. “[But] I always came back to music.”

A music lover since childhood, Amira grew up in an artistic household where passion for music was emphasized. “My dad has always been my huge inspiration for music because he’s a musician himself and is so passionate about the history of music.” Amira’s also dealt with deafness in one ear since she was a toddler, a condition which she says only makes her more “intentional” about the music she makes, to ensure that what she hears inside her head can translate the way she wants it to for audiences.

“The loss of hearing means a person can’t experience music in the conventional way,” she says. “I’ve always responded to bigger, bolder anthemic songs because I can feel them [the vibrations] in my body, and I want to be sure my music does this for deaf/HOH people and everyone.”

A Black woman wearing a black hijab and black and gold dress stands in between two men who are both wearing black pants and colorful jackets and necklaces

Amira Unplugged and other contestants on Becoming a Popstar

Amira Unplugged / MTV

In order to lift people’s spirits at the beginning of the pandemic, Amira began posting videos on TikTok of herself singing and using sign language so her music could reach her deaf fans as well. She was surprised by how quickly she was able to amass a large audience. It was through her videos that she caught the attention of a talent scout for MTV’s new music competition show for rising TikTok singers, Becoming a Popstar. After a three-month process, Amira was one of those picked to be a contestant on the show.

Becoming a Popstar, as Amira describes, is different from other music competition shows we’ve all come to know over the years. “Well, first of all, it’s all original music. There’s not a single cover,” she says. “We have to write these songs in like a day or two and then meet with our producers, meet with our directors. Every week, we are producing a full project for people to vote on and decide if they’d listen to it on the radio.”

To make sure her deaf/HOH audiences can feel her songs, she makes sure to “add more bass, guitar, and violin in unique patterns.” She also incorporates “higher pitch sounds with like chimes, bells, and piccolo,” because, she says, they’re easier to feel. “But it’s less about the kind of instrument and more about how I arrange the pattern of the song. Everything I do is to create an atmosphere, a sensation, to make my music a multi-sensory experience.”

She says that working alongside the judges–pop stars Joe Jonas and Becky G, and choreographer Sean Bankhead – has helped expand her artistry. “Joe was really more about the vocal quality and the timber and Becky was really about the passion of [the song] and being convinced this was something you believed in,” she says. “And what was really great about [our choreographer] Sean is that obviously he’s a choreographer to the stars – Lil Nas X, Normani – but he didn’t only focus on choreo, he focused on stage presence, he focused on the overall message of the song. And I think all those critiques week to week helped us hone in on what we wanted to be saying with our next song.”

As her star rises, it’s been both her Muslim faith and her friends, whom she calls “The Glasses Gang” (“because none of us can see!”), that continue to ground her. “The Muslim and the Muslima community have really gone hard [supporting me] and all these people have come together and I truly appreciate them,” Amira says. “I have just been flooded with DMs and emails and texts from [young muslim kids] people who have just been so inspired,” she says. “People who have said they have never seen anything like this, that I embody a lot of the style that they wanted to see and that the message hit them, which is really the most important thing to me.”

A Black woman wears a long, salmon pink hijab, black outfit and pink boots, smiling down at the camera with her arm outstretched to it.

Amira Unplugged

Amira Unplugged / MTV

Throughout the show’s production, she was able to continue to uphold her faith practices with the help of the crew, such as making sure her food was halal, having time to pray, dressing modestly, and working with female choreographers. “If people can accept this, can learn, and can grow, and bring more people into the fold of this industry, then I’m making a real difference,” she says.

Though she didn’t win the competition, this is only the beginning for Amira. Whether it’s on Becoming a Popstar or her videos online, Amira has made it clear she has no plans on going anywhere but up. “I’m so excited that I’ve gotten this opportunity because this is really, truly what I think I’m meant to do.”

Today is Malcolm X’s birthday. As an icon of Black liberation movements, his words are often rallying cries and guideposts in struggle. In 2020, after the officers who executed Breonna Taylor were not charged with her murder, my timeline was flooded with people reposting Malcolm’s famous quote: “The most disrespected person in America is the Black woman. The most unprotected person in America is the Black woman. The most neglected person in America is the Black woman.”

Keep reading...Show less

As her fame continues to rise, Tiffany Haddish has remained a positive light for her fans with her infectious smile and relatable story. Since Girls Trip, fans have witnessed the comedian become a modern-day Cinderella due to the many opportunities that have come her way and the recognition she began to receive.

Keep reading...Show less
Exclusive Interviews

Exclusive: Jay Ellis Shares ‘Full-Circle’ Moment With His Parents & His Self-Care Ritual

Staying grounded is one of the actor's biggest priorities.

Latest Posts