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Unapologetically Owning Your Sexuality Doesn’t Make You A Hoe Or Prude

Her Voice

A woman who f*cks like a man is a woman who is unapologetic about getting hers. Unfortunately, to much of the world, her way of life is synonymous with promiscuity.


Like many other aspects of black culture, labels like "hoe," "thot," and whatever other degrading terminology is used to reference sexually free women these days, have been normalized to dehumanize black women. These inaccurate generalizations of sexualized women humanize cruel acts committed against women of color, including rape and sexual abuse.

Stereotypes like "the jezebel" have evolved to fit our modern day perception of a "hoe" and holistic images of "the good girl" have been reinvented over time to fit into the repressed box of pop culture.

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The common ideology among our generation is: "I'll respect a woman, but a hoe ain't got nothing coming." This way of thinking echoes a cultural belief that dehumanizes groups of blacks women to justify, build tolerance, and perpetuate the cycle of disrespect and abuse.

We continue to box black women into these roles through the power of our words and mindsets. Meanwhile, we fail to recognize that in this spirit, we're keeping the same energy of the masters who enslaved our ancestors.

The suppression of women's sexuality was no accident, as men have long known the power of p*ssy. They remain as eager as ever to mute our most divine right to it. On the contrary, women who antagonize other women for their wayward ways have underestimated or fear the power of the p*ssy and the exponential power derived from firmly standing in your right to exist as a sexual being.

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There are women who deem their peers who choose sexual liberation over repression unlady-like, which in all actuality is a misguided attempt at projecting our own sexual hangups onto other women. It's as though we as black women have become content with working overtime to ensure that we don't fall on either side of the spectrum.

We struggle to find the delicate balance between being a lady in the street, and a freak where man deems it Godly and respectable.

I believe it is the prejudice perpetuated against women we deem inferior to ourselves that continues to stagnate the black feminist agenda. This way of thinking stands to excuse the misogynistic actions against women of color from both inside and outside of the black community. This happens everyday on social media, the most recent incident involved one highly famed rap superstar who found herself in a world of trouble after she candidly slut-shamed women under the guise of uplifting them.

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Nicki Minaj, someone who sells sex on many levels, could have easily taken the opportunity to bring women together and help to create a sense of self in regards to our sexuality. But she didn't. And what she and women like her fail to realize is that anyone who justifies the mistreatment of women either verbally or physically simply because they're uncomfortable with the level at which they assert their sexuality is further contributing to the disrespect of black women through these dated practices of misogyny.

Tearing down women simply because they are sex workers (strippers, prostitutes, etc), like to f*ck, or even choose to abstain from f*cking is not uplifting and it's not where it's at as far as womanhood is concerned. You see, to tear down one is to tear down all.

Women can only be truly free when we liberate ourselves sexually and embrace the power to be and do what (and who) we choose. Women who have found that liberation aren't bogged down by the double standards of the world and they aren't living to appease outdated expectations that were created by a sexist patriarchy.

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A woman who discovers sexual liberation is detached from labels and open to simply living her life for no other than herself. She lives carefree, according to her own perception of self, instead of struggling to perpetuate the image of what she ought to be.

She is who I strive to be, and as quiet as it's kept, she's who many of you strive to be as well.

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