
Millennial Money Expert Tonya Rapley Says Bad Credit Kept Her From Living Her Best Life

Tonya Rapley, founder of My Fab Finance, believes that everyone has a financial story. For some, their story may begin as early as childhood, understanding the value of weekly allowances or saving coins in their piggy banks. For others, post-grad adulthood is the first true awakening, as they come to navigate student loan debt and fluctuating credit scores. No matter the chapter you find yourself in, with the right tools and guidance, there's always an opportunity to turn a page and become the hero of your financial journey.
For Tonya, her story began with parents who provided a solid foundation that cultivated her work ethic and nurtured her drive, "I came from a middle class family, so there was a lot of stability there. But my parents wanted to make sure that my sister and I knew how to get our own." At 15, having her own meant juggling a part-time job, maintaining academic honor roll, while paying for school lunches and even her prom dress. "My parents required a lot out of us when it came to the things we wanted to do, but that also required us to learn how to budget at an early age."
Courtesy of Tonya Rapley
As she grew into financial independence, Tonya always had a leveled relationship with her credit, still, she shares how her spending habits left her in a complicated financial situation, "I was using my credit to bridge the gap between my actual life and my ideal life, instead of understanding how to leverage credit and use it as a tool." After seeing just how much of an inconvenience it was to have a fair credit score, Tonya knew it was time for a change, "Having bad credit was keeping me from living my life as the adult I knew I wanted to be."
"I was using my credit to bridge the gap between my actual life and my ideal life. Instead of understanding how to leverage credit and use it as a tool."
Tonya's journey to correct her credit score led her to discover online message boards filled with people on the journey to reverse their financial missteps, "I started looking at what other people were doing and started to implement it in my own life." Learning from their insight allowed her to take her new found knowledge and impart it to her own community, thus creating, My Fab Finance.
Now, Tonya has reinvented My Fab Finance to be a full-scale, "holistic financial picture," providing millennials with financial education and support they need to become financially free and live an abundant life.
xoNecole: What was the inspiration behind starting My Fab Finance?
Tonya Rapley: When My Fab Finance started, we were focused helping people understand and improve their credit. Since then, it's more of a holistic financial picture, it's about how to put money aside for retirement, it's about understanding small business finances, and budgeting to help you achieve your financial goals. It has advanced to incorporate more priorities in people's financial lives, but I think it also served as accountability and a reminder. I think some people need that encouragement, so we're also "financial encouragers" - just letting people know that other people have done this, and you can do it too.
One thing I see you mention on your page is Scarcity vs. Abundance Mindset. In your own definition, how can we learn how to separate the two?
It goes into being mindful of it and calling it out when you see it. It's not like we deal with it once and we're over it, it's something you have to remind yourself of consistently and different circumstances can influence that. It's really about framing and being honest with yourself, are you adopting a scarcity mindset right now or an abundance mindset? And understand that a scarcity mindset is sometimes inherited, sometimes it's the collective culture you're a part of - the idea that everybody around you is struggling, so you don't see how you won't or when you do have thoughts of abundance, people try to bring you down. It happens. Be aware of it and switch this energy. Focus on all that is well instead of all that isn't. I say, "How am I going to become a catalyst for opportunity instead of just waiting for bad things to happen?
How are you learning to find a balance between motherhood, wife life, and entrepreneurship?
I am learning to ask for help. Prior to becoming a mother, I was like, "I can do it all by myself." I'm learning to ask for help because you need a village, you need rest to create and clarity to make things happen. I was feeling like, "Well, everyone struggled through this [stage of motherhood], so I have to struggle through it too." But no: utilize whatever resources you have available to you that will put you in the best position to do what you need to do. I think too often we pride ourselves on doing it without support instead of realizing that doesn't take away from your success. Lean on your support.
Courtesy of Tonya Rapley
Were there any habits that you picked up along your journey that you feel made the biggest shifts in your financial lifestyle?
Pausing was really helpful in achieving my financial goals. Pausing and asking myself questions like, "Why am I purchasing this? How will this help me accomplish my goals?" Also, being goal-oriented and being specific with my goals helped. Saying, "I want to be a millionaire," isn't not enough. Instead, we had to be specific about how much money we need to make in a day to hit our million-dollar target. Really being specific and gradual with my goals has been helpful in staying on track financially because I know on the micro level when I'm on track and when I'm not.
When it comes to having a positive relationship with money, what is one thing you may not have learned growing up that you look forward to teaching your son?
I look forward to teaching my son that he has options. When I was growing up, there was no other option for me but to go to college, so I look forward to encouraging him to be a creator and a problem-solver instead of a worker. When we look at people who are wealthy, it's because they have created solutions, so I want to teach him how to be solutions-oriented.
The biggest thing I want to give him is examples of what his reality can and should be. He has an education fund and a savings account that we contribute to regularly, so I know that we're doing what we need to do financially, but for me, the mindset piece is so much more powerful. I want to raise him as a proud, young Black man who knows he can do what he wants to do and that he has the resources to do it. And if things don't work out, it's not the end of the world for him. And I think so many people in our community are afraid to try because we don't have that leeway to fail.
What would your advice be to someone who may have shame associated with relationship to money, but wants to become a hero to their financial story?
Realize that shame does not serve you. Sometimes, it's not even ours, we can feel like we're failing at expectations that others have about us. Ask yourself, "Where are these feelings coming from?" I'm often motivated by asking myself, "What can I do to make me proud of myself?" I think pride counteracts shame. Give yourself more things to be proud about than to feel shame about. I think everyone experiences it, and that's OK, but it's about what we do with it that matters.
"Realize that shame does not serve you. Sometimes, it's not even ours, we can feel like we're failing at expectations that others have about us."
Tell us about your latest business endeavor, Club Loofah.
My current task at hand is to scale the Shopify business that I acquired, Club Loofah, and show people that you can actually buy an existing brand and scale that. You don't necessarily have to come up with the idea, you can buy someone else's idea, figure out where they came up short, grow it, and improve upon what they created. Sometimes we feel like we have to start from scratch, but when we look at the other side, they're not starting from scratch. How do we build on what other people have done and make it better? Black people are some of the most creative beings to walk this earth, so how do we lend that creativity so that we don't have to start from scratch and start over? We can just build on what's already established.
For more information on Tonya, follow her on Instagram and check out her services on, My Fab Finance.
Featured image courtesy of Tonya Rapley
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- Tonya Rapley | Black Millennial Mom & Entrepreneur ›
- My Fab Finance | Financial Help for Women ›
Aley Arion is a writer and digital storyteller from the South, currently living in sunny Los Angeles. Her site, yagirlaley.com, serves as a digital diary to document personal essays, cultural commentary, and her insights into the Black Millennial experience. Follow her at @yagirlaley on all platforms!
Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
Watch the full episode below:
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by YouTube/xoNecole
6 Tabletop Sex Positions That'll Unlock You & Bae's Most Primal Desires
Something I will never tire of is finding new ways to bring new layers to intimacy. A wall you use as momentum, a bathroom sink to help you keep your balance as he worships you on his knees, a shower that is usually for cleansing but evolves into a sacred ritual of shared intimacy.
My favorite kind of sex is the kind of sex that prioritizes pleasure and connection. So, technically and thankfully, I can say most of my sex life has been quite pleasurable throughout the years. But the memorable encounters for sure take the cake. One such encounter actually took place on a kitchen counter, and with it unleashed inhibitions in ways I never anticipated while unlocking levels to top-tier sex. And that, that involved a kitchen counter.
Why Kitchen Counter Sex Just Hits Different
What is it about having your hips pressed into the edge of a kitchen counter that lets out something so primal in you? The cool-to-the-touch feel of the countertop against exposed skin as you rise to meet him again and again. The urgency in every movement. The playfulness of repurposing an everyday space for something far more erotic. If you’re looking to bring that energy into your own sex life, keep reading for positions and tips to explore.
1. The Bounce House
They don’t call it Bounce House for nothing. In this position, the penetrating partner lies flat on their back on a sturdy table or counter while the receiving partner straddles them, knees bent and facing away. With their hands gripping the edge of the surface for support, the receiving partner slides or bounces at their own pace, owning the rhythm, the motion, and the view.
According to sex therapist Michael Aaron, Ph.D., who spoke with Women’s Health, the receiving partner placing their legs between their partner’s creates a tighter sensation, while staying fully astride allows for more bounce and range of motion. Either way, this one puts the receiver in full control, and you know we love a good woman on top position. Pleasure and power? Say less.
2. The Bicycle
Well, you know what they say about riding a bike. In the case of this table top position, it's the receiving partner who is the rider...but not in the way you think. While lying back on a sturdy surface or a table, the receiver will bring their knees toward their chest, bending them as if in a cycling motion. The penetrating partner stands at the edge of the surface, grabbing the receiver's ankles, and guides themselves inside, slowly so as to savor the moment. This angle puts everything on display for the penetrating partner while allowing for deep, connected thrusting for the receiver.
To take things up a notch , the receiving partner can touch themselves or flex their thighs to control the depth or the rhythm. Because, who says only one person gets to have control?
3. Counter Offer
How could we be at the table and not use it to eat? Enter: Counter Offer. In this oral-focused sex position, the receiving partner perches on the edge of a counter or table, lying back or sitting upright with legs parted or bent for comfort. The penetrating partner kneels or stands between their thighs, depending on the setup and the kind of attention they’re ready to give. No doubt, this one’s all about access and intention.
With the vulva front and center, the height makes it easier to maintain eye contact, use hands freely for things like breast play or incorporating toys, and take their time with every moan-inducing taste. And that’s on five, six, seven, ATE.
4. Standing Doggy
Standing Doggy is what happens when a classic like doggy style gets an upgrade. Instead of being on all fours on a bed, the receiving partner bends over a hard surface like a table or counter, keeping their hips aligned at its edge. The penetrating partner stands behind and enters from the back, using the angle to go deeper and create a strong, steady rhythm. This one offers maximum control and visual appeal, especially if the penetrating partner reaches around for a little extra clitoral stimulation throughout thrusting.
This angle can get intense quickly, so bonus points if the receiving partner engages their pelvic floor muscles or shifts their weight to adjust how the pressure hits, especially if your goal is to hit that G-spot sweet spot.
5. Top Shelf
Men's Healthcalls this one "Yourself on the Shelf," but we like to call it "Top Shelf" because it's giving full view, full grip, and climax potential that's hard to top. The receiving partner sits on the edge of a sturdy table or counter while the penetrating partner stands in front of them and slowly slides in, thrusting while keeping them in position. From there, legs can wrap around their waist, arms can encircle their back, and the closeness at peak ecstasy? Chef's kiss.
If you have the core strength, add lifting to the menu for the final strokes leading to orgasm. Otherwise, allow the surface to the heavy lifting and enjoy the pleasure.
6. The Thumper
What better way to remind yourself that you're both the snack and the entrée than with a little tableside service courtesy of The Thumper? This position has the receiving partner kneeling on a sturdy table or counter (keyword: sturdy), hands gripping the edge or braced in front for support. The penetrating partner can then either kneel behind them (if there's room for two), or stay anchored on the ground with both feet planted on the floor (similar to the previously mentioned Standing Doggy). It all depends on the mood.
Kneeling on the table offers just the right amount of leverage for deep, steady strokes. The receiving partner can play with tightness by either keeping their knees closer together for a snug grip, or open their knees wider to invite more access, depth, and stretch. The Thumper is versatile that way, and the most important thing? The receiver gets to be the main course. Yum.
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