You are what you practice. And healing and protecting your energy is a ritual you should implement daily.
I have to be completely honest in saying that life has been hard in the past six months – like really hard. And as much as I want to just give up and give in, I can't. It's not in me. So, a few weeks ago, I decided to take a long, hard look at myself and figure out why certain things and people were showing up in my life and completely wrecking me. Turns out, I am a "feeler" or empath which the internet defines as "a person with the paranormal ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual." As you can imagine, it's a gift and a curse because while being in tune with others' emotions can be fulfilling, it can also be draining. That's where I was – drained.
I have lived most of my life not wanting to be selfish until I heard Iyanla Vanzant say the following message which I now hold as truth:
"It's not selfish, it's self-full. It's self-full to be first, to be as good as possible to you. To take care of you, keep you whole and healthy. That doesn't mean you disregard everything and everyone. But you want to come with your cup full. You know: 'My cup runneth over.' What comes out of the cup is for y'all. What's in the cup is mine. But I've got to keep my cup full."
Talk about a word, beloved.
I came to the realization that in order to keep my cup full, I needed to let go of things that were not mine to carry and that included energy. My first step was meeting with an energy healer named Julie Larkin. Energy healing has risen in popularity in recent years as more and more of us experience overwhelm, depression, anxiety, burnout, and an overall state of feeling stuck. Energy healing is an ancient practice of medicine where the healer or the reiki taps into the body's frequencies to help harness the full power of your energy. This jumpstarts healing, promotes balance, and the flow and ease of inner peace. Through intuitive listening and guidance, Julie did that and then some.
Before I hopped on the energy table in the perfectly dim room emboldened with crystals and vibrational melodies, I was able to speak my intentions for the healing session. Julie asked me how I wanted to leave the room after the healing was complete. Once I shared my intentions, she shared some tools that she believed would help me protect my energy in my day to day life.
These are the tools I took with me:
Grounding
Feeling anxious? Grounding is a great tool for calming. I had heard of grounding before but didn't fully receive its power until Julie explained it to me. Grounding helps you to hone in your focus physically, from your body to your surroundings. It forces you to relinquish the thoughts that may cause you to feel anxious because the key is to be present.
There are multiple practices you can try but the most simple calls you to place one hand on your heart and one hand on your belly while standing or sitting on grass. By actually connecting to the ground, you create a cord from you to the center of the earth. Envision the energy draining from your head to your feet as you take long, deep breaths.
The Rose Method
GiphyResonating at 320 hertz, the red rose has the highest vibrational frequency of any flower. Its power is beyond describable. By visualizing it, you immediately summon clarity and power. In our session, I was encouraged to visualize a red rose blooming in between myself and someone that I may be having issues with to help disintegrate dysfunction.
The result? "It's super intentionally powerful when you are a high feeler/empath so you can be more CLEAR about what is yours (by way of senses/emotions/vibes) and what belongs 'out there'/with 'the other,'" Julie says. "We have never been taught about our energetic bodies and this is what I like to call 'energetic hygiene'."
To implement good energetic hygiene in your day-to-day life, Julie suggests looking at the rose method as a way to clean house every morning and evening. In doing so, you clear the energies you've taken in or encountered. "This is a way for us to be more aware and diligent around discerning between what energy, vibes, [or] emotions are ours and what is not. The alternative is what many of us high feeler/empaths feel -- muddled, confused, lack of clarity, overwhelmed, etc, " she continues.
Fill Up Your Bubble
GiphyInfusing your energetic field can be pivotal in protecting the energy you take on. I recently found that I always left work drained after encountering this one specific person; when she wasn't around, I felt more powerful. This awareness led me to practice filling up my bubble, outside of my physical self, to create somewhat of a shield. And once you make it a habit, you will find that there's an electric jolt that pulses from the crown of your head to the soles of your feet.
During my energy healing session, Julie softly said, "Imagine your energetic bubble - the energy that IS you - as a perfect oval shape approximately two feet out in all directions from your physical edges. Take a moment to mock this up in your imagination. See It. Feel It. Claim it as yours. You may choose to say: I Am Energetically Home."
As simple as it sounds, I needed her to give me permission to own my bubble because I had been allowing others to control it and reside in it for years. Once I reclaimed it, I felt a divine energy like no other.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
What Happened When I Tried Energy Healing For Burnout
10 Feng Shui Tips To Improve The Energy In Your Home
A Reiki Session Helped Me Mourn The Loss Of My Mother
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The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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