Many of us facetiously claim we're not far from making that move to the pole when we're down and out and when the funds aren't looking right. I've been one of those people, only except I've been deadass. And if I could dance or could find a club that would take me as I am (raw rhythmless talent), I would have no qualms about twerking my student loans off.
I've been drawn to the idea of sex work and sex workers since I was younger. I recall wanting to read books like Diary of an Unlikely Call Girl in high school and taking an interest in sex workers as the subject of class videography projects. I admire and envy their ability all at once. Mostly because the way they hustle has always been dazzling (refer to the second definition of dazzling in a swift Google search before speaking) to watch.
Truly, it's a hustle that's not for everybody. It's a career that requires you to constantly unpack and acknowledge what boundaries you may or may not have. Sex workers have a particular gumption that entrepreneurs in other industries can undoubtedly learn from.
In fact, here are 5 things we can learn from sex workers that can be applied to any and every industry or you could say, the 5 commandments of doing business.
Get Money
So many of us entrepreneurs and even nine-to-fivers lower our value when it comes to putting a price on our product or negotiating our salaries, but I've noticed that many sex workers refuse to work for free. Not for nothing. At all times, they want to know where the cash at and they want it upfront. Stop lowballing yourself and get this money, unapologetically. This ties into my next point...
Respect Thy Boundaries
We often lose boundaries that allow for work-life balance once we begin working for companies. We find ourselves doing more than we're comfortable with and far more than we're paid for, blurring the lines of expectation. I know that we, especially women of color, have been taught that we have to work twice as hard but f*ck that! Your job is your job and you're not being paid for anything more than that. Do what's in your job description and do it damn good, but as soon as they up the ante, it's time for them to up the paycheck. Stop allowing them to get free labor out of you.
Thou Shall Care For Self
I'm not so naive to think that every sex worker is afforded the time and overall resources that allow for proper self-care, but I have noticed that there are a number of them who do make time for self-care. Part of this is because their job requires a certain level of maintenance, which crosses over into the self-care department such as maintaining hair and nails. These are things that we sometimes forget to normalize in our lives, they become secondary when really this type of pampering should be made primary. That doesn't mean you have to go to the shop and splurge every time, but maybe you invest in that home spa so that you can budget your money and time for self-care.
Marketing
Sex workers promote themselves using whatever platforms are readily available and they promote their work well. Sex sells and they play that to their advantage. Although I'm not suggesting that everyone begin to promote their brand using sexuality and sensuality, you should definitely play up your strengths.
On Their Own Terms
They stay at the party as long as it pleases them (particularly for sex workers who aren't survival sex workers). They have an exit strategy, usually through other means of entrepreneurial endeavors. Meanwhile, we tend to, especially in 9-to-5 roles that we hate, overstay our welcome. We ask God to send us signs that it's time to get out of the game when in actuality, we knew it was time to leave days, weeks, or months ago. Listen to that feeling that tells you when it's time to exit stage left.
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10 Ways To Develop An Entrepreneurial Mindset (Whether You Have A Business Or A 9 To 5) – Read More
I Quit My Job 3 Years Ago And Built A Badass Brand With These 5 Steps – Read More
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RELATED
Camesha created the organization after her struggles with mental health and the lack of community she experienced. The Chicago native explains how she created Sista Afya to be rooted in “culturally grounded care.”
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“So at my organization, Sista Afya Community Care, we focus on providing mental health care through a cultural and gender lens,” she tells xoNecole. “So when we think about the term intersectionality, coined by Kimberlé Crenshaw, we think about the multiple identities that lead to certain experiences and outcomes as it relates to Black women.
“So in the context of culturally grounded care, being aware of the cultural history, the cultural values, and then also the current issues that impact mental health outcomes.”
Words like “strong” and “independent” have long been associated with Black women for some time and many of us have begun to embrace the soft life and are using rest as a form of resistance. However, some of us still struggle with putting ourselves first and overall shedding the tainted image of the “strong, Black woman” that had been forced on us.
Camesha shares that while there’s more and more communities being created around empowerment and shared interests like running, she still questions, “are Black women really comfortable with being vulnerable about sharing their experiences?”
Being vulnerable with ourselves and others play an important role in healing the instinctive nature of always being “on” for everyone. “I'm currently facilitating a group on high functioning depression, and yesterday, we talked about how when Black women may be struggling or have shared their concerns with other people. They may be minimized, or they're told to just be strong, or it's not so bad, or I went through something worse back in Jim Crow era, so you should be thankful,” she explains.
“So I think there's a challenge with Black women being able to be honest, to be vulnerable and to receive the support that they need in the same capacity as how much they give support to other people. So that is probably a very common theme. I think we've made a lot of progress when we talk about the superwoman syndrome, the mammy stereotype, the working hard stereotype, the nurturing stereotype. I think we're beginning to unpack those things, but I still see that we have definitely a long way to go in that area.”
I think there's a challenge with Black women being able to be honest, to be vulnerable and to receive the support that they need in the same capacity as how much they give support to other people.
Roman Samborskyi/ Shutterstock
While we’re unpacking those things, we know that we’re still women at the end of the day. So as we continue to serve in various roles like mothers, daughters, sisters, and caretakers, we have to make caring for ourselves a priority. Camesha reveals four ways we can still care for others without abandoning ourselves.
Trust
First things first, trust. Camesha explains, “Some of the burdens that Black women have can be linked to not feeling like you can trust people to carry the load with you.
“It's hard because people experience trauma or being let down or different experiences, but one of the things that I found personally is the more that I'm able to practice trust, the more I'm able to get my needs met. Then, to also show up as my best to care for other Black women.”
Know Your Limitations
Another thing Camesha highlighted is Black women knowing their limitations. “The other thing that I would like to bring up in terms of a way to care for yourself is to really know your limitations, or know how much you can give and what you need to receive,” she says.
“So often, what I see with Black women is giving, giving, giving, giving, giving to the point that you're not feeling well, and then not receiving what you need in return to be able to feel well and whole individually. So I really think it's important to know your limitations and know your capacity and to identify what it is that you need to be well.”
Don’t Take On A Lot Of Responsibilities
Next on the list is not taking on so many responsibilities, sharing herself as an example. “The other thing is taking on too much responsibility, especially in a time of vulnerability.
“One thing that I personally struggled with was being so passionate about community mental health for Black women, and saying yes to everything and taking on so much responsibility,” she reveals. “That affected me to do well in serving Black women and then also impacting my own well being.”
Practice Self-Care
Lastly, she notes the importance of practicing self-care. “The last thing is really practicing regular self care, regular community care, so that it's embedded into your daily life. So for me, having prepared meals, going to the gym, getting eight hours of sleep, spending time with friends and family, all of those things are part of my self care that keep me at my best,” she explains.
“Then community care, leaning into social networks or social groups, or spending time with other interests or hobbies. That's a part of my community care that keeps me going, so that I can take care of my needs, but also to be able to show up best in care for others.”
Find out more about Camesha and Sista Afya Community Care at communitycare.sistaafya.com.
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