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Teyonna Lanez
Teyonna Lanez is a brand strategist and producer with a love for doing the inner and outer work -- mindset shifting and marketing. The Atlanta native is passionate about social media storytelling and sharing positive affirmations to help people maintain inner peace despite external chaos. Connect with on Instagram @TeyonnaLanez or on her site TeyonnaLanez.com.
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<p>Let's tackle a double standard today, shall we? Even as a woman, something that I find to be a real trip is how, when men do something that we don't like, oftentimes it's wrong—point blank and period. Oh, but let us do <em>the exact same thing</em> and here we come with the justifications for why it should get a pass. A good example of this comes from the article, "<a href="https://www.xonecole.com/women-cheat-more-than-we-think/" target="_blank">Women Cheat More Than We Think. What To Do If That's You</a>." that I penned for the site a couple of years back. If there weren't jokes that were made in the comment sections of our socials, women were writing me to explain why them being unfaithful wasn't "as bad". What. In. The. World?</p><p>When two people vow to be husband and wife, a part of what comes with that is <a data-linked-post="2630328698" href="https://www.xonecole.com/10-things-husbands-wish-their-wives-truly-understood/" target="_blank">fidelity</a>. And no, it's not—pardon the pun—better or worse if a husband or wife does it. <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/signs-you-respect-spouse/" target="_blank">It sucks either way</a>. With that being said, because marriage can also be mad challenging at times, sometimes things are understandable, even if they aren't justifiable. What I mean by that is, it can be easier to slip into an affair than a lot of us who've never had one may think. And until you fall into that kind of space, it can also be easy to say that you never would when actually,<a href="https://ifstudies.org/blog/who-cheats-more-the-demographics-of-cheating-in-america" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"> statistics say</a> that, based on the age demographic, sometimes it's actually <em>the women</em> who cheat more than the men do (the more you know, chile).</p><p>Since cheating is rather rampant (around half of all married people will cheat at some point in their relationship), it's kind of a trip how taboo the topic is when it comes to actually discussing it head on. Yet because I have sat in so many sessions where the wife either cheating or wanting to cheat is the issue, I thought it would be important to share what you should do if you find yourself in this head/heart/libido space and you're not exactly sure what to do about it. If that is indeed you, let's begin here.</p>
1. First, What’s Going on With Your Marriage, Sis?
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTU1MTYyNC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY2MjU3NDQ0NX0.dxi1eix26CO9J2FF7_a4YrGINwQLxPF24VS7QU6GkFA/img.gif?width=980" id="a766f" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="a862a5b2d835eb9dc1fb1838601c8b01" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="270" /> <p>It might sound cliché, yet I promise you that there is a lot of truth to the saying, if someone cheats in their relationship, it speaks more to what is transpiring (or not transpiring) within <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/signs-of-a-healthy-marriage/" target="_blank">their marriage</a> than it ever does about the other individual. Case in point. I have a friend who recently survived an emotional affair with an ex. It almost got to the point where sex went down but some messiness in the ex's life (cough, cough…another woman) nipped it in the bud. The thing is, this friend was going through <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/not-attracted-to-husband/" target="_blank">a really difficult time in her marriage</a> at the time and, you know what they say about that damn 80/20 rule—when you're not getting the 20 percent that you want at any given time, it can feel like the other 80 is close to being pretty irrelevant.</p><p>My friend, the wife, was in need of a man who <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/how-to-listen-to-partner-better/" target="_blank">listened to her</a> and <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/creative-ways-express-gratitude-relationship/" target="_blank">made her feel appreciated</a>. Her husband was doing anything but that which left a gaping hole for her ex to walk back into. When she finally cut off all communication with her ex and she and her husband got into counseling, she recalled why her ex was her ex to begin with. </p><h5>I'm telling you, affairs are a trip because they're a lot like mirages in the sense that, more times than not, the other person really isn't all that—<em>you're just so depleted in your own relationship that you want them to be.</em></h5><p>That's why, if an affair is something that you're currently in or even contemplating, first ask yourself why your marriage isn't currently fulfilling you. I don't mean in the vague sense either. <em>Get specific.</em> The clearer you are in what your marriage is lacking right now, the better you'll be able to figure out how to fill those voids—without being unfaithful.</p>2. Who Is the “Contender”?
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTU1MTYzMy9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYyNzA1OTMwM30.GLFjvkRl7CNIo75-BP78HN8fMmZTLhb4vXE9OLiQ9TY/img.gif?width=980" id="d29c8" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="a3cadc2257e35424ced0d2de2f3017bd" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="500" data-height="280" /> <p><a href="https://www.xonecole.com/these-are-the-type-of-relationships-that-definitely-need-boundaries/" target="_blank">Boundaries</a>. If there is one thing that all marriages need, it's boundaries. This brings me to my next point. Whoever the guy is that you're considering cheating with, where did he come from because that answer will make it easier for you to figure out how to set some limits. <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/miss-sex-with-my-ex/" target="_blank">Is it an ex</a>? Is it someone at work? Is it a guy who is—well, was—<a href="https://www.xonecole.com/he-wants-to-be-friends-what-to-do/" data-linked-post="2640314161" target="_blank">just a friend</a>? Maybe it's someone you met online or someone who is connected to a friend of yours.</p><p>While some folks are strategically selfish in their relationships—meaning they intend to cheat and so they do—oftentimes affairs are far more gradual than that. We find exes (or they find us) on social media. We get way too comfortable with referring to a co-worker as a <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/office-spouse-am-i-cheating-if-i-have-a-work-husband/" data-linked-post="2500798050" target="_blank">"work husband"</a> (you've got ONE husband, by the way). We tell our male friends more about how we're feeling than our own spouse. We sneak online or use a friend as an alibi to hang out with one of their buddies.</p><p>One of the reasons why I'm big on advising single people to totally get their heart pieces back prior to marriage (check out "<a href="https://www.xonecole.com/every-woman-healing-past-loves/?rebelltitem=2" target="_blank">Why Every Woman Should Go On A 'Get Your Heart Pieces Back' Tour</a>") is because, if you don't get some sense of closure and fully heal from your past situations, oftentimes they will be dormant instead of dead—and dormant has a way of resurfacing when we least expect it.</p><p>Yet even beyond exes, temptations don't end just because you've got a husband. Whoever the guy is, be honest with yourself about how you've relaxed your boundaries in the first place to even get where you are with and about him. Then use the <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/the-art-of-saying-no-to-things/" data-linked-post="2639863704" target="_blank">self-control</a> that is required to put those limits back in place. If you need a close friend (one who can be completely trusted) or a reputable therapist/counselor/coach to help to hold you accountable, get one. You're already vulnerable. Don't disillusion yourself into thinking that boundaries will suddenly just…appear. You've got to build those jokers. And sometimes it takes some real blood, sweat and tears to do so.</p><div class="ad-tag">
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3. Cheat…HOW?
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTU1MTYzNi9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzODI5NjQzOX0.dG7eCL7Hy5GFy-NPvHURQoJDyO3kFAluMHYsXSWdzLc/img.gif?width=980" id="00bfd" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="d144a78991deac0acb6bd3e67ce1f271" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="270" /> <p>Back when I was touring with a ministry that dealt with <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/working-for-a-porn-ministry-got-me-over-watching-porn/" target="_blank">porn</a> and <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/confessions-of-a-reformed-sex-addict/" data-linked-post="2627810402" target="_blank">sex addiction</a>, I was constantly encountering women who said they were virgins yet they would engage in oral and/or anal sex. Since a lot of them grew up in the Church, they felt like so long as they weren't vaginally penetrated with a penis, it was all good. First up, yeah…I'm not so sure about that. When the Bible speaks of virginity, it's referring to sexual purity (which is why some translations use words like "chaste") not just "not <em>technically </em><a href="https://www.xonecole.com/heres-how-your-first-time-having-sex-can-still-affect-you/" target="_blank">doing it</a>". And second, short of pregnancy, oral and anal sex can put you just as much at risk as vaginal sex can.</p><p>Do you see where I am going with this on the cheating tip? Some married people are in relationships that are totally inappropriate. However, because there may not be any actual sex going down, they figure it's all good. No cigar, sis. There are <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/5-signs-youre-in-an-emotional-affair-and-dont-even-know-it/" target="_blank">emotional affairs</a>. There are online affairs. There's crushing on someone else so hard that you either try and manipulate your partner into becoming more like that person or you fantasize about that individual (including during sex with your mate). Then there are physical levels of interaction. And these are just some examples of how you can cheat without traditionally copulating.</p><h5>How do you know when you've crossed the line? Do it like this—if your husband was doing the same thing(s) that you are, how would you feel? Don't say "fine" just so that you can excuse your own actions. Be real about it. If that lunch date, conversation or physical embrace would make you feel some type of way, then you have gone too far. On some level, you are cheating because you aren't being faithful to the understanding that you and your partner have about what is cool and what…isn't. You are expecting from your spouse what you are not willing to do. And yeah, that's being unfaithful—to him and yourself—AF.</h5>4. Pull Out Some Pros and Cons
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTU1MTY0Mi9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzMDU0MDg4MH0.2CefaKFWM9IKldUXylUoZHJ4sEAzEcbPKwfsM1S4V_w/img.gif?width=980" id="1c1c5" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="e5f638e02d0ea2f1db754393209f442e" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="219" /> <p>Oh, I'm good for a pros and cons list because sometimes we need to see things in black and white in order to make wise choices. Another wife that I know (<a href="https://www.xonecole.com/questions-to-ask-before-divorce/" target="_blank">who's divorced now</a>) was in an affair with a guy for about three years before she tried to end it (she didn't clean break it, so her marriage ultimately didn't survive). Her husband was built like a walrus. The man she was cheating with worked out daily. Her husband was always on the road. The man she was cheating with gave her constant attention. Her husband had a <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/husband-has-a-lower-libido/" target="_blank">low libido</a>. The guy she was cheating with was always good to go.</p><p>Yeah, let me address that last point first. If you're single, <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/ready-for-marriage-but-where-is-he/" target="_blank">you want to get married</a> and you're reading this, please keep in mind that while <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/10-wonderful-reasons-why-consistent-sex-in-marriage-is-so-important/" target="_blank">married sex</a> can—and should—be totally wonderful and extremely fulfilling, one of the reasons why a lot of people are thrown off by it during the first couple of years is because "single sex" can be extremely selfish. It's all about you and your needs when marriage is about substituting "me" for <em>we. </em>So, of course, sex with your husband is going to <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/signs-youre-in-a-sex-rut/" target="_blank">have seasons</a> of being less exciting than some new guy who is encouraging you to act like you're single all over again. Of course, the sex is going to seem unbelievable—at least for a while.</p><p>At the same time, when it comes to whatever is going down physically and otherwise, it's important to really assess both men and the connections as unbiased as possible. Is your husband a good provider—monetarily and in other ways? Does he love you? If you've got kids, is he a good father? What are the things you've been through together and he's always been there? Why did you choose your husband in the first place? Then, when it comes to ole' boy, other than what is happening on a carnal tip, what is he bringing into your world that is long-lasting and reliable (because again, he's down to help you gamble at blowing your entire world up, so how much can you trust him)?</p><p>If the pros with your husband outshine the cons, you know what you need to do. If the pros are somehow larger with the one you're cheating with—tell me…why are you cheating? Why aren't you taking steps to end your marriage in order to be with him? Trust me, the answer to <em>that</em> question will reveal a lot about what's actually going on…too.</p><div class="ad-tag">
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5. Have You Thought Past the Present?
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTU1MTY0NC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzNzI4MTk2OH0.wG21UVUc11c79V1aldeeVUGmUq14HA_1XRytrDDCCE4/img.gif?width=980" id="2bf37" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="c20c49d71fac97f0899851c4e1c9851f" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="270" /> <h5>Wanna know a clear indication that you are moving in these streets in a mature way? You don't just make decisions based on how you feel or what you want in the present. No, what you actually do is factor in how what you say and do today could impact your life—in 30 minutes, in a week from today and 10 years from now. </h5><p>There is another woman I know who cheated on her first husband, shoot, decades ago. The child that she created with that man never knew it and the person she cheated with ended up molesting her child after she married him. When that child found out, as an adult, they wanted nothing to do with their mom because they are now traumatized by the fact that her selfishness put them in harm's way—and she lied about it. Again, this all happened decades ago and yet the woman is dealing with consequences right in the here and now.</p><p>It seems like not a day goes by in the news cycle when we don't read about something someone did years ago that they are currently paying for. Listen, that man you're cheating with (or thinking about cheating with)? It might seem like bliss now; still, it's a huge gamble that it won't catch up to you, in some way, in the future. Very few things in this life don't plant seeds that sprout when we least expect it. Be careful that you factor all of this in with every decision you make. The outcome of an intoxicating affair can sober you up. <em>Real fast.</em></p>6. Understand That Cheating Is ALWAYS a Shaky Foundation
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTU1MTY0Ni9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY3NzIxNDI1NX0.0p1MIXND7QzKJC6QkV3raLmEFvl8mH5x-pPfFxpplFs/img.gif?width=980" id="b2ee8" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="c0236ea32988f44487508b6e71265956" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="480" /> <p>I'm not gonna lie to you. I know several marriages that have survived affairs—<a href="https://www.xonecole.com/rasheeda-shares-how-she-and-kirk-overcame-mutual-infidelity/" data-linked-post="2636559913" target="_blank">affairs from both sides</a>—and I even know a couple who married who cheated on their first spouse with each other and have been together like 30 years at this point. Yet one thing that all of these people will tell you is cheating is a shaky foundation to try and build anything on. Aside from the popular sayings like "if they cheat with you, they'll cheat on you" (which isn't automatically the case) or "once a cheater, always a cheater" (also not true; if you don't want to be thought of that way, don't put that stigma on others), the fact that you stepped outside of your relationship to begin with meant that either you or your marriage was broken—if not both. And to me, that's like trying to build a house on a foundation that is already cracked. Let the right storm come and the house isn't going to stand like you thought it would.</p><p>An affair? It definitely comes from a state of <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/youre-not-damaged-youre-broken/" data-linked-post="2636148263" target="_blank">brokenness</a>, no matter how much you may try to deny it or even romanticize it. It really is best to not "escape" into what keeps you from dealing with the real issues and instead figure out what is happening in your marriage and how to repair it. Besides, a guy who is down to help you dishonor your union is a guy who is broken his damn self on some level. Broken things cut, one way or another. And sometimes the healing process is complex, messy and long. Choose wisely, sis. Not emotionally. Not hormonally. Not temporarily. <em>Wisely.</em></p><h4><a href="https://members.xonecole.com/" target="_blank">Join our xoTribe</a>, an exclusive community dedicated to YOU and your stories and all things xoNecole. Be a part of a growing community of women from all over the world who come together to uplift, inspire, and inform each other on all things related to the glow up.</h4><div class="ad-tag">
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<p>I'd like to think I'm very comfortable in my <a data-linked-post="2628033990" href="https://www.xonecole.com/do-you-hate-being-single-read-this/" target="_blank">singleness</a>, I'll never forget a text a friend sent me this past Valentine's Day: "Thank you for being an example of what <a data-linked-post="2640712886" href="https://www.xonecole.com/7-women-share-their-journey-to-self-love/" target="_blank">self-love</a> is." I was so good by myself until <a href="https://www.who.int/emergencies/diseases/novel-coronavirus-2019/events-as-they-happen" target="_blank">COVID-19</a> hit, and now I'm just like everyone else wondering where my Rona bae is. TV shows make single life look so carefree, and to some extent, it is - but for every day we're able to book a last-minute flight, there's a night where you're sick and the only person bringing you soup is Uber Eats. </p><p>Don't get me wrong, I love the freedom the <a data-linked-post="2640919121" href="https://www.xonecole.com/benefits-of-being-single/" target="_blank">single life</a> provides - but right about now, matching pajamas and corny Tik Tok videos ain't looking too shabby. In a matter of days, Rona has made everyday life, uncomfortable AF. And while there's so much self-help for couples who want to keep date nights spicy, and parents who've become teachers overnight - what about us? So, if you're struggling between playing Megan Thee Stallion or Jhene Aiko, use these tips to cope with COVID before you get in your feelings.</p>
<p><em>Featured image via Shutterstock</em></p><p><em>Originally published on April 12, 2020</em></p>
1. Own the happiness and loneliness single life brings.
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMjkxNDQyMy9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzMDE5NTMxOH0.2pZL9iY2DCJnbXhAz8Hjl05A8LUAjrH26Sdh8ACTdCw/img.gif?width=980" id="1d149" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="3ccbd05376e19f71f20ec068829cb17a" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="350" data-height="350" /> <p>I recently listened to a live episode of <em><a href="https://omny.fm/shows/oprah-s-supersoul-conversations/oprah-and-tracee-ellis-ross-your-life-in-focus" target="_blank">Oprah's</a> </em><em><a href="https://omny.fm/shows/oprah-s-supersoul-conversations/oprah-and-tracee-ellis-ross-your-life-in-focus">SuperSoul Conversations</a></em> with <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/tracee-ellis-ross-sunday-times/" data-linked-post="2548002068" target="_blank">Tracee Ellis Ross</a>, where the Pattern Beauty founder spoke about making space for all the emotions single life provides. </p><blockquote>"I can feel scared that I'm gonna be lonely and also ask myself, 'Well, don't you like being alone?'" </blockquote><p>Keeping space for both truths allows you to live an honest life - when it feels good, and when it doesn't. </p>2. Plan a date night with yourself indoors.
<p>Honestly, <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/solo-dating-single-season/" data-linked-post="2577897569" target="_blank">solo dates</a> need to become just as normal as date nights for couples. Get cute for yourself, sis! <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/detox-baths-relaxation/" data-linked-post="2645514692" target="_blank">Run a bath</a>, put on what makes you feel the sexiest, grab some wine, and watch something that makes you laugh, hard. It might not sound like much, but you'd be surprised how those small choices can change the course of your coming week. Last night, I watched Lena Waithe's <em>Twenties </em>in my favorite bodysuit, and I woke up this morning, ready to go for my goals and leave my favorite 90's playlist on repeat all day. </p><div class="ad-tag">
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3. Check on your other single friends; chances are they're struggling too.
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMjkxNDQyNC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYxOTkxMjY5N30.McVZ5U6F1G13EqZgeqnWwLP96yuPG115s4bVTHnlV3Y/img.gif?width=980" id="c94ee" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="46b8dc074660c7a300fbc6810db22f00" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="270" /> <p>Singleness can often result in many of us, living very selfish lives (it's not our fault, 80 percent of the time it's just us.) Last week I was feeling alone, so I called a friend who's newly single to catch up. Minutes in, I found out she was pregnant, switching jobs, and moving during the pandemic. Naturally, I switched gears, ready to put on <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/self-care-tips-strong-friend/" data-linked-post="2644814441" target="_blank">strong friend</a> hat, but to my surprise, she held space for me too. She told me it was OK to be sad, and that she was proud of me for leaving a past relationship. That conversation reminded me that even when I feel alone, I have a community of women ready to hold me down, too - no matter what. </p>4. Be patient with yourself.
<p>The lot of us were already dealing with everyday issues, and then Rona came adding more stress. Collectively, I don't think we've given each other the space to feel however we need to right now. So if you wake up and have the energy to work on that side hustle, do it - but if all you have room for is your 9 to 5 via Zoom, and reheating leftovers, that's OK too. Whether we realize it or not, our <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/black-women-across-industries-mental-health-first/" data-linked-post="2646803641" target="_blank">mental health</a> can be impacted by staying indoors for so long, give yourself room to just be. </p><div class="ad-tag">
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5. Get a virtual happy hour going.
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMjkxNDQyNy9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0MjUyODI2NX0.HrvVMe_CjVbjzz4bP1PiLAQCYj0_8qx4P9H7Jly9EeQ/img.gif?width=980" id="a9201" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="6fc0ba2d2c8e4f98b0aa261ec4e29ddf" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="500" data-height="375" /> <p>Thanks to the liquor store being named an essential business, my girls and I have been hanging whether we can link up IRL, or not. I was curious if a virtual happy hour would feel the same, but three hours later, I felt just as connected to my crew as I do on our girls' night out.</p> <p>Ultimately we don't know how long we'll be inside, but while we're here, let's be extra kind to each other. Check on your group chat, call your mom, watch your favorite movie as many times as you need to. And when you go to get essentials, make sure you fly sis - your Quarantine ting might be waiting for you in the aisle re-upping on his favorite snacks. </p><h4>Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/st/SignUp" target="_blank">here</a> to receive our latest articles and news straight to your inbox.</h4>Related Articles Around the Web
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<p>A couple of weeks ago, I decided that I wanted to add some upgrades to my bedroom. There was a particular comforter that I was eyeing that y'all, when it arrived, it's like I never want to get out of my bed again! Then I added some shams and new drapes and it's like…everything changed.</p><p>That's kind of what inspired me to write this. Every year, there are décor trends that pop up. So, I figured that since we're only a few weeks away from it officially becoming spring (March 20), you might want to make some additions at your own place. Ones that won't cost you an arm and half a leg to get. Are you ready to check out 12 home décor trends that are currently all the rage?</p>
1. Yellow and Grey Color Palette
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTY1NTE4Ny9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY2MzE3NDIwOX0.msSsXA9mFEM0LvL0Qr2DtWBQVOgZ1rhAZKscxyi6h-I/img.jpg?width=980" id="b35e1" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="96cc0655218797f28e1fd5a74ed2cdb2" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="1000" data-height="932" /><p>As far as color trends go, a combo that is pretty big this year is yellow and grey which I actually think is pretty dope. </p><h5>The reason why I decided to put it on this list of décor trends is because, when a color trend is happening, it's pretty easy to find it, just about anywhere. You can put a yellow blanket over a grey bed or couch. You can find grey coffee mugs to go over yellow placemats in your kitchen. The possibilities really are endless. </h5><p>And personally, what I find to be cool about yellow and grey, is it's just the right blend of masculine and <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/what-is-feminine-energy/" data-linked-post="2650123579" target="_blank">feminine energy</a> if you happen to be someone who doesn't like anything that is "too girly" or you share your space with your boo thang.</p>2. Plush Accessories
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTY1NTE4OS9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY2MTg2NjMzNX0.dF8tsy8rmcE1FZfxOFPMU5aqylxpDJzQ0q5aeg-mHh4/img.jpg?width=980" id="e0d59" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="49997ad3a554ac61bdfc0550e9777e8b" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="1000" data-height="667" /><p>I've got some plush pillows that I'm looking at right now in my living room, that I absolutely adore. They literally look like clouds and sometimes, when I lay on them, I feel like I am on one. Plush accessories are everywhere in 2021, so if you're looking for something that's super comfy and not that expensive, this trend totally has you covered, from Walmart to the more high-end spots.</p><div class="ad-tag">
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3. Wooden Furniture
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTY1NTE5NS9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0MzY5MzY1OX0.IG94g5xE0q6Ziu7XytzNGlY_CXpP1TPZUR0lWmYSkRA/img.jpg?width=980" id="61546" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="3f8ad033394754ad2887525554036d3c" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="1000" data-height="667" /><p>Whether it's a nightstand, a bedframe or even a footstool, wood always adds a really nice touch. Not only is it aesthetically appealing but it's durable, versatile, easy to maintain, eco-friendly and is pretty timeless too (meaning, if you get it now and take care of it, you can probably hold onto it forever). The key is to not get the cheap imitation stuff. Nah, the best woods for furniture include mahogany, walnut, maple, cherry and ash. Real lasts. Remember that.</p>4. Vintage Pieces
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTY1NTIxMC9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1NTY4ODE4OX0.WsiiMCMsvGO2-f2_I8UR4835bemhDGKUkJDGQz26EaA/img.jpg?width=980" id="bb4ce" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="b0df55fc207037bef772c31106f43dd8" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="1000" data-height="667" /><p>It wasn't uncommon that my mom would stop by antique malls or estate sales when I was a kid. As a direct result, I now have a flare for picking out vintage pieces. What I like about this particular <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/home-decor-items-promote-wellness/" data-linked-post="2641216248" target="_blank">décor trend</a> is 1) you can find one-of-a-kind items that no one else will ever have in their own home and 2) oftentimes, they aren't expensive at all. If you make a day of it to go <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/you-must-get-in-on-these-thrift-store-shopping-hacks/" data-linked-post="2635294492" target="_blank">thrift store shopping</a>, you might be surprised by the mirrors, picture frames and trinkets that are super vintage and come at a really low cost.</p><div class="ad-tag">
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5. Plenty of Plants
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTY1NTIxNC9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY2ODgxNjI1OH0.Etpdi5sdawYm5_U7UYSJSuUAXQyBs5qQDgsiYXpLCck/img.jpg?width=980" id="4c836" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="fca0be2d25588110e3d068409fbd0b43" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="1000" data-height="667" /><p>Did you know that there are actual scientific reasons why it's a good idea to have <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/best-indoor-plants-no-sunlight/" data-linked-post="2624886117" target="_blank">houseplants</a>? They reduce stress. They increase empathy.<a href="https://www.researchgate.net/publication/252307449_Health_Benefits_of_Gardens_in_Hospitals" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"> They help you to recover from illnesses faster</a>. They increase productivity. They also can help to strengthen your immune system, thanks to the phytoncides and other airborne chemicals that they contain. While having plants in your home is something that never really goes out of style, what makes this trend stand out this year is the more you've got, the better off you'll be. I mean, plants in the kitchen, plants in your home office, plants even in your bathroom if you want. If you're down and you're wondering which ones you should add to your collection, Aralia Fabian, Burgundy <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/black-plant-moms-self-care-houseplants/" data-linked-post="2647006628" target="_blank">Rubber Tree</a>, Jade, Ficus Alii, Spider Plant, Ficus Bonsai Tree, Devil's Ivy, Areca Palm, Heartleaf Philodendron and Air Plants are some that can make you feel like you're in your own little oasis.</p>6. Canopies
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTY1NTI0Ny9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY2OTMwMTA4OX0.BcFlg5w4CsU4hM-z_PtuDGSFiUSucmR5m6NPlSh1gBI/img.jpg?width=980" id="1c625" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="f78098c6f035e18048d0391452d04f00" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="1000" data-height="667" /><p>Although I've never had one in my bedroom before, I've always liked canopies. To me, they look really romantic and can also give you an extra bit of privacy. The thing that I like about this particular picture is it shows that you could create a canopy with fabric or even with faux greenery. Anyway, if a canopy bed is something that you're open to and money is tight, this is something that you can take out a day on the weekend to do yourself. <em>BuzzFeed</em> published a DIY article on how to make several different kinds a few years back. You can check it out by clicking<a href="https://www.buzzfeed.com/ashleymcgetrick/slumber-party-for-one" target="_blank"> here</a>.</p><div class="ad-tag">
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7. Darker Hues
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTY1NTI3NC9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0NTE0MTU5OX0.9zstzGbyDUUY_q8zwvSX8mSgljEBlt82f6Tpie4TMQc/img.jpg?width=980" id="f2894" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="2b8f2acbe79985bf67745de5f02e8ac9" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="1000" data-height="667" /><p>If you're someone who leans towards darker colors, you're in luck because that is something else that's a hot trend right now. Navy, brown, aubergine (which is kinda sorta like an eggplant), sunset (which is a really dark orange) and hunter greens are all popular and would look great as an <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/painting-diy-accent-wall/" data-linked-post="2646920461" target="_blank">accent wall</a>, a sofa cover or the accent for the bathroom accessories that you've got in mind. Since they are all trending, they are currently in abundance. Have a ball.</p>8. Indoor Gardens
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTY1NTI3Ni9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY3NTk5MTc0NH0.fGndrNlL_RSPStW6-CNso9jcYolT4abbrAunaULO86A/img.jpg?width=980" id="dd4c6" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="17c92357de635c09b634592d1eeb533d" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="1000" data-height="667" /><h5>Have you been saying to yourself for years that you should <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/black-girl-gardener/" data-linked-post="2648947194" target="_blank">start a garden</a>, but either you live in a space where there isn't a backyard or the mere thought of doing all of the work to start and maintain one totally wears you out? In either case, an alternative is to cultivate a garden inside of your home. All you need are some seeds, some jars, some water and a little bit of TLC. </h5><p>Indoor gardens are actually really big this year, especially when it comes to growing your own herbs. So, if this is something that you're down for at least considering, <em>Home Hacks</em> pushed an article that features 40 different herbs, houseplants and veggies that you can grow inside. Click<a href="https://homehacks.co/40-herbs-houseplants-and-vegetables-grow-water/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"> here</a> for some inspiration.</p><div class="ad-tag">
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9. A Taste of Africa
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTY1NTI3OS9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1NDkyODMwNX0.SQ5abgPGb8lQGGM8NhMAXVwbQKJgWTUIFJXwKKPflhc/img.jpg?width=980" id="a2f4b" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="f297a29af81a5c11898a5c1332237e07" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="1000" data-height="667" /><p>Whether you've been to Africa before or it's currently on your bucket list, you can feel like you've got a little bit of it with you year-round if you add some African-inspired elements throughout your home. Afro-chic art, animal print throw rugs, wooden utensils, African-printed pillows and cushions can make your space feel more cultural and yet super modern at the same time. Etsy is one space that has many options to choose from. Just go to the site and put "African" along with whatever you're specifically looking for in the search field for some affordable items that you'll absolutely adore.</p>10. Ocean Blue
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTY1NTI4Mi9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzNDE5MDQ3NH0.hicJNnBwP1gGwqrjhwJ-hrTbOv1jGNiq7mv_nGgKGpU/img.jpg?width=980" id="cddc2" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="e349991dd9ca027c63101e6259b04e6b" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="1000" data-height="664" /><p>Let's touch on one more color that is a big décor trend this year. I don't know about you, but to me, blue is a very soothing hue. And ocean blue it definitely brings a calming effect like no other. It actually makes sense when you think about the fact that blue represents things like relaxation, tranquility and even dependability. Ocean blue bedding. Ocean blue dinner plates. Ocean blue towels in your bathroom. Ocean blue chairs for your deck. Ocean blue picture frames for your office. I can't think of anywhere this color wouldn't fit in beautifully. I really can't.</p><div class="ad-tag">
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11. Upgrades to Your Backyard
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTY1NTI4OS9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1OTY2OTYzNn0.qxOr7cUaC272R8TghYQl6jQLsxk2cFWHaPXEq5_MeDk/img.jpg?width=980" id="052c0" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="9712f5bb883c67589cbf2028f869cfaf" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="1000" data-height="667" /><p>If you're blessed to have a backyard, devote some time this year to sprucing it up a bit. An outdoor rug. Stringing some lights. Making your own stone path. Planting some flowers. Adding a comfy seat. Painting a mural on your wooden fence. Creating a space for outdoor dining. These are just a few things that you can do that will make it so much easier to spend hours out in your backyard this coming spring, summer and even autumn without you looking at your watch one time.</p>12. Drink Trolleys
<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTY1NTMwNi9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzNzEwMTAzOH0.2a98BExJHcCuyu56IxUNkv0sDqayDmeAhNrCHvejFz0/img.jpg?width=980" id="d0162" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="753bf83614135876d68246a620bd8a43" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="667" data-height="1000" /><h5>Drink trolleys. <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/home-decor-finds-elevate-your-crib/" data-linked-post="2646407069" target="_blank">Bar carts</a>. Whatever you wanna call them, they're going to round out this installment of 2021 décor trends. I like them because they offer up a classy way to store your alcohol, plus they're convenient if you're hosting a dinner party (you know, whenever we get out of this pandemic) because all you've gotta do is roll 'em out. </h5><p>As far as where to find one, home improvement stores have them. So does Target and Etsy. Just go to your favorite search engine, put "drink trolley" (or "bar cart") in the search field and you're all set to have one of the best décor trends this year has to offer. Enjoy!</p><h4><a href="https://members.xonecole.com/" target="_blank">Join our xoTribe</a>, an exclusive community dedicated to YOU and your stories and all things xoNecole. Be a part of a growing community of women from all over the world who come together to uplift, inspire, and inform each other on all things related to the glow up.</h4><div class="ad-tag">
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<p class=""><em>Featured image by Shutterstock</em></p>From Your Site Articles
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<p>So, you and your partner aren't on the same level sexually...what do you do? Well, it depends. There's isn't one answer to this, there's no one-size-fits-all solution. Ordinarily, when we talk about not being on the same level sexually, it is in reference to <a data-linked-post="2641043545" href="https://www.xonecole.com/what-to-do-not-in-the-mood/" target="_blank">sex drives not being in sync</a>. But <a data-linked-post="2629764110" href="https://www.xonecole.com/dealing-with-sexually-incomptaible-spouse/" target="_blank">sexual incompatibility</a> can go beyond sex drives. In fact, two people can be sexually incompatible for a variety of reasons. Things like experience, patience, communication, <a data-linked-post="2632933769" href="https://www.xonecole.com/whats-your-signs-love-language-a-how-to-guide-to-gain-the-key-to-their-heart/" target="_blank">love language</a>, and even who your partner is to you and how you define that can come into play. </p><p>While some people might be able to drop the situation like a bad habit, others might find themselves in more committed partnerships like a long-term relationship or a marriage. If that's your reality, what's the solution? To further shed light on the conversation around being sexually incompatible, I asked four people who have experienced being on different levels sexually than their partners, and it went like this.</p>
Angie, 25
<p>When it came to Angie's experience, she felt like she didn't have enough. She had been dealing with a sexual partner who treated sex like a chore and got straight to it — no <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/afterplay-is-as-important-as-foreplay/" data-linked-post="2645315450" target="_blank">foreplay</a>, kissing, or any physical build-up to sex. "He would call me, we would smoke and that was everything that gave me that feeling," she explained. "I wanted foreplay. I wanted everything and I didn't know how to come out and say I need more sexually."</p> <p>As a solution, she brought the issue to his attention. She explained that she needed more to <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/4-healthy-foods-that-increase-sexual-pleasure/" data-linked-post="2526434929" target="_blank">get her in the mood</a> so that she could fully enjoy the experience. Unfortunately, he never made any improvements or attempts to fulfill her needs and she felt like it was starting to <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/husband-has-a-lower-libido/" data-linked-post="2644508141" target="_blank">affect her sex drive</a>.</p> <h5>"You just need that energy to feed off of and if us just smoking is the only thing giving me that drive, I can't give you anything else. If he gave me that energy back, it could have been a really good experience. Why would I give you all of this and you're giving me the <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/bare-minimum-twitter-raise-your-standards/" data-linked-post="2518486134" target="_blank">bare minimum</a>?" </h5><img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTY3ODQwMy9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY2NTQ5NTM3N30.UKynROAiGPD0zzXy6H3YhuGirZVT-gcyJgJ4YNEDfCo/img.jpg?width=980" id="2c31a" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="de42ce0af32d7fb615dd942726b81d51" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" alt="black-couple-in-bed-upset" data-width="1000" data-height="646" />
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Donny, 30
<p>With Donny, he experienced this in two different situations. The first time it happened, he was dealing with someone who wasn't on his level sexually. He felt prior to leading up to sex it had been overhyped and when it finally happened he was disappointed because the talk didn't match the action. "Sometimes women talk their sh*t like, 'You're not ready for this' or 'I'm going to put it on you' and when the time comes you don't know what you're doing. She was off her game." </p><h5>"Maybe we weren't flowing, but the second time around you need to bring your A-game. It didn't happen and I just chalked it up to maybe <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/i-am-not-my-body-count-so-stop-asking-about-my-number/" data-linked-post="2500799867" target="_blank">she didn't have that many sexual partners</a>."</h5><p><span></span>As for a solution, he never found one. It goes back to what I mentioned earlier about the solution depending on who your partner is. For both, this was a casual thing, so he didn't care to tell her or try to resolve it. However, there were cases where he saw things could be better and sent suggestions. He explained, "I'll send some links and gifs that will spice it up. I'll say, 'This looks fire, you think we could try it?' or something like that before I tell you it's wack. We all have the internet and I've learned how to use it to my advantage."</p><p><span></span>On the other hand, when he was dealing with someone who was older and more experienced, he found it fun and it made him appreciate the experience even more. "It was exciting and exhilarating because shorty went into at least two or three positions that I wasn't really ready for. She kind of wrapped her legs around my waist and did like a handstand but was still <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/how-to-have-great-sex-as-a-bbw-5-tips-i-learned-from-trial-error/" data-linked-post="2609849887" target="_blank">throwing it back</a>. I was somewhere in between trying not to nut because it's so lit and figuring out what I can do to challenge this because I didn't really have any moves."</p><p><span></span>With this, there wasn't a solution either. He couldn't keep up with her and didn't pursue the sexual relationship any further.</p><h5>"She bodied me. She definitely told me about myself and had every right to. She was like, 'I don't know if I can give this to you again.' This is why I don't do the bragging and I keep it super humble."<br></h5><img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTY3ODQ0Mi9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzOTM4MDkwNH0.70vQiAtNtSsPdQJ3JD9Dr2Tn4qppvSQOaZUJrAwFv00/img.jpg?width=980" id="02460" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="de80d8574b3a24acfe991268dc50e620" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" alt="black-couple-in-bed-upset" data-width="1000" data-height="667" />
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Ron
<p>Ron also experienced not being on the same level as his previous partner. At the time, he was younger and less experienced than his partner. During their <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/sexual-compatibility-is-equally-as-important-as-spiritual-compatibility/" data-linked-post="2584335970" target="_blank">sexual relationship</a>, he wasn't quite comfortable with all of the things his partner wanted. She wanted things that he didn't know if he was ready for. "It became an uncomfortable situation because she wanted <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/things-to-do-during-oral-sex/" data-linked-post="2649720487" target="_blank">oral</a>, <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/anal-sex/" data-linked-post="2500386781" target="_blank">anal</a>, and all these different things, and I was just on the first step. So it can feel like the person is taking the lead or you're not pleasing them and it becomes more of a chore instead of an experience with one another. It was definitely uncomfortable. I think that that definitely ruined the relationship."</p> <p>Before things went south, he did make an effort to salvage the relationship while trying to find a solution that would please both of them. When Ron brought up the issue, his partner started to compare him to her other partners. Unfortunately, things continued to get even more uncomfortable and they ended up going their separate ways. Although they didn't find a solution, he learned a lot from the experience. Ron explained:</p> <h5>"If there was more patience, more of a gradual growth towards things, and open-mindedness about the situation in the first place before anything occurred, I think that I could have understood more of where she was and she would have understood where I was instead of having expectations for one another."</h5> <p>He also learned that when it comes to sex and dealing with people, there's so much that correlates with it and people's sex drives. If you really want to make things work, you may have to sacrifice some things, be understanding to your partner, and have a level of patience if finding a solution is important to everyone involved. </p><img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTY3ODQ1Ny9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYyOTM3NjU3M30.fXtrBs2zTmTsy0aod9zK6u6xdEIBNqoqeIYm5gTynuk/img.jpg?width=980" id="c4b83" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="c9240a42d33783ff236135450791e795" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" alt="black-couple-in-bed-upset" data-width="1000" data-height="667" />
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Monet, 33
<p>Last but not least, I was able to speak with Monet and she highlighted the importance of listening to your body. She emphasized that being <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/jayson-aaron-xoman-interview/" data-linked-post="2640710427" target="_blank">spiritually aware</a> and attuned with your body and vagina allows you to get a better sense of <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/vagina-wants/" data-linked-post="2649326008" target="_blank">what your vagina wants</a>. She continued, "I'm a very spiritual person and I do a lot of meditating with my vagina, so me and my vagina are on the same page. I can literally hear when she's not interested in something and so she will literally tell me, 'Yo, this is not where I want to be and this is not what I want to be doing'."</p> <p>In a time where she was sexually incompatible with her partner, she felt one of the reasons was because she rejected what her vagina was telling her. She explain the experience like this, "We were really cool, we had a great relationship as far as being able to communicate [and have] great energy. It was like a best friend relationship but there was <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/chemistry-in-love/" data-linked-post="2569979178" target="_blank">chemistry</a>. So we did decide to try to make it into a sexual relationship, but the energy when we started to get intimate was thrown off. There was no chemistry, it was awkward, and it became a forced situation."</p> <p>Monet ended up ending the sexual relationship and because she realized this is not what her vagina nor body wanted. She ignored what her body was telling her and learned that she need to be more disciplined with what her body was telling her and try not to force anything. </p><h5>"We can be spiritual our whole lives, have that intuition, and a voice within us but until you become spiritually aware with that voice, able to really listen to it, and be disciplined enough to listen to that voice, a lot of decisions that put you in situations you don't want to be in can be avoided if we just listen to our intuition and voice."</h5> <p>You may not have to end every relationship, but knowing when to say when is paramount. Additionally, with each interview, communication has proven to be key when overcoming a situation with sexual incompatibility. It's important to communicate what you're feeling (or not feeling) with your partner and determine if sexual incompatibility is something you both are willing to work through. </p>If so, here are a few things to consider:
<h4>Having patience</h4><p>You'll need to understand that finding a solution won't be easy and it will take some time. You have to have patience and move at a pace that both of you are comfortable with.</p> <h4>Exploring other forms of physical intimacy</h4><p>If getting in the mood is an issue, there are many ways to feel stimulated aside from penetrative sex. You can explore different types of physical intimacy like <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/before-you-lean-in-for-another-kiss-read-this/" data-linked-post="2637634236" target="_blank">kissing</a>, cuddling, <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/lingam-massage-tantric-orgasm/" data-linked-post="2641662116" target="_blank">massaging</a>, etc. to reinforce sexual activity. Start with this and add more once the time feels right.</p> <h4>Creating a sex menu</h4><p>You can also explore <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/new-sex-positions-to-try/" data-linked-post="2645076507" target="_blank">different sex postions</a> and activities. Whether this be solo or together, there are ways to improve sex and find a happy medium where both partners are satisfied.</p> <h4>Rethinking monogamy </h4><p>If none of these options seem to work, you may also want to consider <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/nonmonogamy-solution-cheating/" data-linked-post="2587663800" target="_blank">rethinking monogamy</a>. There are several options like polyamory, <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/types-of-relationships/" data-linked-post="2648918978" target="_blank">open relationships</a>, or even inviting others to the bedroom (<a href="https://www.xonecole.com/what-is-a-threesome-like/" data-linked-post="2649766488" target="_blank">threesomes</a>). Be open-minded when it comes to finding a solution that works best for you and your partner.</p><p><strong>Are you a member of our insiders squad? Join us in the <a href="https://members.xonecole.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">xoTribe Members Community</a> today!</strong></p><div class="ad-tag">
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<p><em> Featured image by Shutterstock</em></p>From Your Site Articles
- If Your Husband's The One With The Lower Libido, Do This ... ›
- Sexually Compatible Couples Strongly Desire to Please Their ... ›
- Sexual Compatibility Is As Important As Spiritual Compatibility ... ›
- Dealing With Sexually Incompatible Partner - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
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Celebrity News
DeVon Franklin Says Only A Woman Like Meagan Good Could Have Ended His Decade-Long Celibacy
26 February
<p><a data-linked-post="2643783694" href="https://www.xonecole.com/meagan-good-devon-franklin-the-one/" target="_blank">DeVon Franklin and Meagan Good</a>'s start of their relationship was interesting to say the least, and a story that they have told many times over. It was pretty standard for both of them: boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy thinks girl is out of his league. Girl meets boy, girls like boy, girl starts telling everyone that he was <a data-linked-post="2639074335" href="https://www.xonecole.com/meagan-good-pray/" target="_blank">her husband</a>. </p>
<div id="7ce6b" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="a063ba8db4d787583f5b2a23dd205367"><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CFqE_OeBijP/"
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</div></blockquote></div><p>But there was one factor to their relationship that wasn't as ordinary: <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/fantasia-shares-celibacy-fasting-ultimately-led-love-happiness/" data-linked-post="2500975950" target="_blank">celibacy</a>. More specifically, <em>his</em> celibacy, set to the tune of ten entire years. Ten. Decade. Diaz. Dix. </p><p>Fortunately for the happy couple, the stars aligned at the right time, and the two have stood by each other's side ever since. </p><p><span></span><span></span>In 2011, the two began dating after getting to know each other on the set of the film <em>Jumping the Broom,</em> and the two eventually got married in June 2012. According to the actress, their marriage was preordained by God.</p><blockquote>"The first thing that God told me was that it was time to get out of [a not-so-great] relationship. The second thing that God told me was that it was time to be celibate. The third thing that God told me was that Devon was my husband."</blockquote><p>But it was when the two joined Oprah on the OWN Network's <em>Super Soul Sunday </em>to discuss that we learned how their relationship is deeper than what they could ever express. </p>
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On why Franklin decided to be celibate:
<div id="7dacf" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="f44cd339b79fd5ea50890690bf74bb91"><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CGVZ1b0BTwS/" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="4" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"> <div style="padding:8px;"> <div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"> <div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAAGFBMVEUiIiI9PT0eHh4gIB4hIBkcHBwcHBwcHBydr+JQAAAACHRSTlMABA4YHyQsM5jtaMwAAADfSURBVDjL7ZVBEgMhCAQBAf//42xcNbpAqakcM0ftUmFAAIBE81IqBJdS3lS6zs3bIpB9WED3YYXFPmHRfT8sgyrCP1x8uEUxLMzNWElFOYCV6mHWWwMzdPEKHlhLw7NWJqkHc4uIZphavDzA2JPzUDsBZziNae2S6owH8xPmX8G7zzgKEOPUoYHvGz1TBCxMkd3kwNVbU0gKHkx+iZILf77IofhrY1nYFnB/lQPb79drWOyJVa/DAvg9B/rLB4cC+Nqgdz/TvBbBnr6GBReqn/nRmDgaQEej7WhonozjF+Y2I/fZou/qAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"> </div></div><p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CGVZ1b0BTwS/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_top"></a></p> </div></blockquote></div><blockquote>"I was raised in the church. So from a very early age, I was taught, you know, wait--you gotta wait 'til marriage. And I definitely subscribed to that. But when I got in high school, I didn't wait. But I was still telling people that I was waitng because I didn't have enough courage to let people know that I made a different choice in my life."</blockquote><p>He continued:</p><blockquote>"I started preaching when I was 15, so I was teaching people how to live. I felt like I was doing that publicly. But privately I was doing something different. And the public person and the private person were at war. I had no peace."</blockquote><div class="ad-tag">
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<p>He goes on to discuss being in a bad relationship as well, and him speaking to God about helping him. </p><blockquote>"I said, God, I don't have enough strength to get out of this, but if you get me out of this relationship, then I am going to practice 'the wait.' so I can align my public self with my private self so I can have peace."</blockquote><p>And since that day, he began practicing celibacy with an iron fist and didn't break his promise until his wife Meagan came along:</p><h5>"Because if I have no discipline in sex before marriage, then I have no discipline in sex after marriage. What you've practiced, and what habits you have, are still there." </h5>
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And what Meagan shared what she learned in waiting too:
<p>One of the most profound moments came when Meagan told it like it is on how we can determine <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/an-overlooked-yet-obvious-sign-that-a-man-is-truly-marriage-material/" data-linked-post="2622437324" target="_blank">who is husband material</a>. When Oprah asks, "Women usually say, 'I can wait.' But if I don't at some point, I am going to lose him. So your waiting doesn't work unless the other person is waiting too right?"</p><blockquote>"That was a big issue for me because if he does leave me because I am not worth him waiting in his eyes, then he's not my husband. If someone does not think I am worthy of wanting to be the best version of myself, and wanting to get healing, and wanting to set myself up for success, if they won't do that with me, then I don't want to spend the rest of my life with them." </blockquote><div class="ad-tag">
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Watch the full video below:
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<p>--</p><h4>Are you a member of our insiders squad? <a href="https://members.xonecole.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Join us in the xoTribe Members Community today</a>!<br/></h4><p><em>Featured image by Kathy Hutchins / Shutterstock.com</em></p>From Your Site Articles
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