© 2017 - xonecole.com
Related Articles From Your Site
Related Articles Around the Web
- Developing an Entrepreneurial Mindset - University of Pittsburgh ... ›
- How To Develop An Entrepreneurial Mindset ›
- How to develop an entrepreneurial mindset ›
- Developing an entrepreneurial mindset ›
- How to develop an entrepreneur mindset - Quora ›
- Developing an Entrepreneurial Mindset ›
- How to Cultivate an Entrepreneurial Mindset ›
- How to Cultivate an Entrepreneurial Mindset » Succeed As Your ... ›
- Developing An Entrepreneurial Mindset: First Step Towards Success ... ›
- How To Develop An Entrepreneur Mindset – The Mission – Medium ›
Like xoNecole on Facebook
Teyonna Lanez
Teyonna Lanez is a brand strategist and producer with a love for doing the inner and outer work -- mindset shifting and marketing. The Atlanta native is passionate about social media storytelling and sharing positive affirmations to help people maintain inner peace despite external chaos. Connect with on Instagram @TeyonnaLanez or on her site TeyonnaLanez.com.
Sign up today and be the first to get notified on new updates, exclusive events, retreats and giveaways!
More Posts
<p>Becoming a millionaire is often the ultimate bag in life but when Netflix offered award-winning executive producer, writer and actress <a href="https://www.standard.co.uk/insider/celebrity/michaela-coel-1m-netflix-deal-i-may-destroy-you-a4491181.html" target="_blank">Michaela Coel a cool $1M</a> for the rights to <em>I May Destroy You</em>, she said, "Yeah, no." <a data-linked-post="2648453471" href="https://www.xonecole.com/why-shonda-rhimes-left-abc/" target="_blank">Sis knew her worth</a>. With her massive success of her debut comedy, <em>Chewing Gum</em>, and work on three other Netflix projects under her belt, a million wasn't it.</p><p>Now I get that a mil isn't exactly normal payment for a script. We could go to Netflix today with a story idea and would be lucky to receive an offer of $10K. Sis was handed a Birkin in that aspect. But as Black women, we should never accept a company's initial offer without <a data-linked-post="2627357014" href="https://www.xonecole.com/7-successful-women-share-tips-on-how-to-negotiate-a-pay-raise/" target="_blank">negotiating</a> first, and that goes for a 9-5. We should produce our professional receipts and add in our experience beyond the minimum job requirements, major accomplishments, any press and our awards. There's usually more money on the table. Or if not, we should ask for perks. And when it comes to our art, we should definitely retain some ownership, if not all, at least to maintain integrity of our work and claim those residuals.</p>
<div id="8b89d" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="2b3e1423df15f37ecb80cf9f77d57ec2"><blockquote class="instagram-media"
data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="4" style=" background:#FFF; border:0;
border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15);
margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px);
width:calc(100% - 2px);">
<div style="padding:8px;">
<div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50% 0; text-align:center;
width:100%;">
<div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAAGFBMVEUiIiI9PT0eHh4gIB4hIBkcHBwcHBwcHBydr+JQAAAACHRSTlMABA4YHyQsM5jtaMwAAADfSURBVDjL7ZVBEgMhCAQBAf//42xcNbpAqakcM0ftUmFAAIBE81IqBJdS3lS6zs3bIpB9WED3YYXFPmHRfT8sgyrCP1x8uEUxLMzNWElFOYCV6mHWWwMzdPEKHlhLw7NWJqkHc4uIZphavDzA2JPzUDsBZziNae2S6owH8xPmX8G7zzgKEOPUoYHvGz1TBCxMkd3kwNVbU0gKHkx+iZILf77IofhrY1nYFnB/lQPb79drWOyJVa/DAvg9B/rLB4cC+Nqgdz/TvBbBnr6GBReqn/nRmDgaQEej7WhonozjF+Y2I/fZou/qAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC);
display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;">
</div></div><p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;">
<a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CFaUTj9Hl88/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif;
font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none;
word-wrap:break-word;" target="_top"></a></p>
</div></blockquote></div><p>Besides <em>I May Destroy You</em> wasn't just <em>any </em>script. It's the 33-year-old's real-life story, based on her own <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/i-chose-not-to-forgive/" data-linked-post="2641009083" target="_blank">sexual assault</a>. It's also a form of her therapy, a way for her to process what happened and try to heal from it. We really can't put a price on her experience.</p>
<p>Michaela only asked for 5% ownership of the series. When Netflix refused, she attempted to negotiate down to 2%, eventually to 0.5%. <em>A half of a percent</em>. She was actually going to sign, too, but the woman on the other end of the telephone, who needed to run the deal past the higher-ups, expressed pride that Michaela was doing the right thing. The remark didn't sit right in Michaela's spirit. </p>
<p><a href="https://www.wmagazine.com/story/michaela-coel-i-may-destroy-you-cast-interview-2020/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">She told <em>W</em> magazine</a>:</p>
<blockquote>"My thing is, I don't trust people. I just don't trust. I don't trust businesspeople, especially when they're parading as friends. I don't like it. I think that's all probably because of learning from my previous deals where I didn't say no, where I accepted, and so now it's made me very suspicious."</blockquote>
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDgyODU5MS9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYyODE4NzM3Mn0.VzSOc8LOuAcBQionz7sXV40hbWfl4NS2UP5GGHQ12eY/img.gif?width=980" id="e733e" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="4e04cf8562437cc6264777622f12d2a0" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />
<p>A few months later, Michaela pitched <em>I May Destroy You</em> to BBC, which immediately gave her everything she asked for and teamed up with HBO later to produce. A seat at the production table? Check. Full creative control? Of course. Rights to her own work? Yassss!</p><p><span></span>It's angering how women are often addressed and treated in business, though, especially in an industry dominated by white men. They assume we're not as smart and savvy as them, or we don't belong, so there's already that strike against us. But let a <em>Black </em>woman enter their space and have the audacity to ask her worth. Tuh! In a recent interview with <em>The Wall Street Journal</em>, <a href="https://www.wsj.com/articles/how-michaela-coel-turned-trauma-into-hope-with-i-may-destroy-you-11605706328" target="_blank">Michaela said</a>:</p><blockquote><span></span>"Life is tricky enough navigating being a woman, being a Black woman, being a dark-skinned woman in England on television. It's <em>so </em>hard."</blockquote>
<div id="68f56" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="cfee3181de540f8215d5f2f163fb0ef9"><blockquote class="instagram-media"
data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="4" style=" background:#FFF; border:0;
border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15);
margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px);
width:calc(100% - 2px);">
<div style="padding:8px;">
<div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50% 0; text-align:center;
width:100%;">
<div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAAGFBMVEUiIiI9PT0eHh4gIB4hIBkcHBwcHBwcHBydr+JQAAAACHRSTlMABA4YHyQsM5jtaMwAAADfSURBVDjL7ZVBEgMhCAQBAf//42xcNbpAqakcM0ftUmFAAIBE81IqBJdS3lS6zs3bIpB9WED3YYXFPmHRfT8sgyrCP1x8uEUxLMzNWElFOYCV6mHWWwMzdPEKHlhLw7NWJqkHc4uIZphavDzA2JPzUDsBZziNae2S6owH8xPmX8G7zzgKEOPUoYHvGz1TBCxMkd3kwNVbU0gKHkx+iZILf77IofhrY1nYFnB/lQPb79drWOyJVa/DAvg9B/rLB4cC+Nqgdz/TvBbBnr6GBReqn/nRmDgaQEej7WhonozjF+Y2I/fZou/qAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC);
display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;">
</div></div><p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;">
<a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CESx64hgbuD/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif;
font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none;
word-wrap:break-word;" target="_top"></a></p>
</div></blockquote></div><h5>Entire conversations are shut down before any fair negotiations begin. And to add insult to this injury, it was another woman, who probably didn't look like us, who was complicit in allowing Michaela to undervalue herself. We must do better.</h5>
<p>Not only should we ask for what we want and deserve, we should also dismiss the outdated idea that <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/talk-about-money-with-friends/" data-linked-post="2580909435" target="_blank">discussing money</a> is taboo. We need trusted folks in our fields to bounce figures off of. And we need to be willing to share when there's no blueprint or standard. When it comes to transparency on money and one-sided deals, here's what Michaela said:</p>
<blockquote>"That's so cool to me because it means that people might not make the same mistakes I made. I think if you have someone that you can privately say, 'Hey, I'm in the middle of a deal with these guys and you're in a deal with them...I just wanted to know, what does your deal look like?' I think it's empowering and the way the structures are set up, we're not very empowered. I love the fact that there is a little bit more discussion, that people are having talks at the side, creative to creative."</blockquote>
<p>This isn't the only major win for Michaela, who recently earned a spot as <em>Wall Street Journal</em>'s 2020 Television Innovator earlier this month. In 2018, she also became the first Black woman in the entire 42-year history of the Edinburgh International Television Festival to deliver their keynote address, a spot usually designated for white men. If we can learn anything from this smart and stunning queen, it's how to smash some norms. But infiltrating circles controlled by another race and gender only to reject their coins like pennies because we know we can absolutely get more will always be the ultimate flex.</p>
<p><em>To read Michaela's full WSJ and W interviews, click <a href="https://www.wsj.com/articles/how-michaela-coel-turned-trauma-into-hope-with-i-may-destroy-you-11605706328" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" style="">here</a> and click <a href="https://www.wmagazine.com/story/michaela-coel-i-may-destroy-you-cast-interview-2020/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" style="">here</a>. To listen to her James MacTaggart Keynote Speech at the Edinburgh International Television Festival, click <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odusP8gmqsg" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" style="">here</a>.</em></p><h4><a href="https://members.xonecole.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Join our xoTribe</a>, an exclusive community dedicated to YOU and your stories and all things xoNecole. Be a part of a growing community of women from all over the world who come together to uplift, inspire, and inform each other on all things related to the glow up.</h4>
<p><span></span><em>Featured image by Featureflash Photo Agency / Shutterstock.com</em></p>Related Articles Around the Web
- Michaela Coel on Turning Down Netflix: 'I Was Empowered and ... ›
- Michaela Coel says it felt "empowering" turning down $1 million ... ›
- I May Destroy You's Michaela Coel Rejected Netflix's $1 Million Offer ... ›
- Michaela Coel on Turning Down a Million Dollar Deal with Netflix ... ›
- Why Michaela Coel Turned Down a $1 Million Netflix Deal ›
- Michaela Coel Turned Down Netflix's Million Dollar 'Destroy You' Offer ›
Keep reading...
Show less
<p class="">I'm pretty much assuming that we all can agree on the fact that this isn't the most pleasant topic on the planet. But when I factor in the fact that I know what it's like to choose to <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/why-you-should-be-unapologetic-about-setting-boundaries-with-toxic-family-members/" target="_blank">remove myself from toxic family members</a> and then I add to that,<a href="https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/family-estrangement-why-families-cut-ties-and-how-to-mend-them/#:~:text=A%20large%20survey%20of%20young,from%20a%20child%20or%20children." rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank"> an article</a> I read that said between 12-17 percent of folks are estranged from at least one family member (personally, based on a lot of stories I've been told, that stat seems really low to be honest with you), I knew that it would be necessary to get this done; especially during a year when a lot of us have spent more time away from loved ones, just with the pandemic alone.</p><p>If you're like me and <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/how-to-get-through-the-holidays-if-you-dont-observe-them/" target="_blank">holidays aren't really your thing</a> anyway, figuring out how to make it through the next several weeks may not be that big of a deal. But if Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's Eve are typically the time when you see your family the most and yet, for whatever the reason, this year, you're not speaking to some or all of your folks, take a deep breath, get yourself a <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/healthy-hot-drinks-cold-weather/" target="_blank">warm cup of tea or cocoa</a> and let's figure out how you can get to January 1, 2021 with your heart as intact as possible, OK?</p>
Remember Why the Boundaries Exist in the First Place
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDc4ODYwMi9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY2MzMwMDYxOX0.Bxjf_xcBUTjSgsqWQBx1fDuXpB8svIuLwKWOsKIy5S8/img.jpg?width=980" id="00a02" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="9ac6d5b89af020ce0142787f2336f5ac" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /><p>I say it often because it's the truth—boundaries are limits and yes, limits oftentimes have to be applied to family members, just like anyone else; shoot, sometimes even more. When you factor in articles I've written for the site like "<a href="https://www.xonecole.com/what-if-its-your-parents-who-happen-to-be-the-narcissists-for-review/" target="_blank">What If It's Your Parents Who Happen To Be The Narcissists?</a>" and "<a href="https://www.xonecole.com/recover-raise-your-parents-as-a-child/" target="_blank">How To Recover If You Had To 'Raise Your Parents' As A Child</a>", and you also take into account how a lot of you respond to them, it's clear that many of us either weren't taught what boundaries are as well as we should've been or we had people in our lives who constantly violated our boundaries, whether that's physically, emotionally, mentally or even spiritually (you know, people who use religious to justify all of their foolish, destructive and erratic behavior). And so, sometimes, a season of estrangement is so we can get away from the people who clearly have a lot to learn in <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/these-are-the-type-of-relationships-that-definitely-need-boundaries/" target="_blank">the area of boundaries</a>, so that we can establish the ones that are best for us and the kind of life that we choose to live.</p><p>While it's perfectly normal (and understandable) to miss your family around this time of year, it's important to make sure that you do your best to separate your nostalgia and sentimentality from the truth, facts and reality of why you are maintaining a distance from them to begin with. Make no mistake about it—if you're currently estranged because say, you've got family members who are controlling or manipulative, they will definitely try and use that to their advantage between Thanksgiving and New Year's Day. That said, if you choose to engage, let it be because <em>you're</em> ready, not simply because it's the holiday season because, at the end of the day, a holiday is just a day and you'll still have to pick up the pieces of whatever "extra else" your family brought into your life, once the festivities are over.</p><h5>Boundaries are designed to protect us. The violation of boundaries is abusive. Set boundaries first. Honor them. Then make whatever other decisions are best for you, based on that.</h5>Be Honest with Yourself About What You’re Currently Feeling
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDc4ODYxMS9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1NDk1OTIzMH0.xMtgVnNfw3TLPjPqUcwwF-qLlqqHrFzeNMpNrId-9Yo/img.jpg?width=980" id="d7277" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="190cd3dc5635778557238db872f78546" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /><p>As I've done a lot of my own healing as it relates to toxic family members, if I had to put together a top five list of things that made me be like, "Yeah, we need some distance", something that would probably go into the third or fourth slot, is the fact that I was never really given the space to feel what I wanted and needed to feel when it came to the abuse that I endured or the abusers who caused it. I was always cut off or emotionally manipulated and told that whatever thoughts or emotions I had weren't "pleasing to God" or valid to them. THAT. IS. POISON. And when you're constantly around people like that, it can cause you to have a bit of an identity crisis as you try and figure out who the heck you are and what your real feelings are vs. what they tried to guilt you into feeling—or not feeling.</p><p>While estrangement can be hard, if there is a bona fide benefit to it, it's that you now have the space to figure out how <em>you</em> feel when it comes to why <em>you</em> pulled yourself away, what <em>you </em>would need in order to reconcile and how <em>you</em> feel in this very moment. It's important to factor all of this in because between Hallmark movies, holiday music and your friends constantly bringing their own families up, it can be easy to question if you should totally forget your boundaries and at least act like you and your family are close; healthy even.</p><p>Please try and avoid doing that. I know a lot of media says that the holidays are a time for burying the hatchet 'n all, yet the reality is, if you didn't feel great about connecting back in June, December 25 shouldn't automatically change anything. Honor your feelings and make decisions from there because, remember—if your family had done the same, there would be no need to read this article…right?</p><div class="ad-tag">
<span class="ad-tag__inner" data-pos="in_content"></span>
</div>
Watch Your Triggers
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDc4ODYyNi9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYxNTQ5NTQ4N30.ATXhFqZlNH04xw0-qJNTjxdWT9ywttyu2D5xkeMenbM/img.jpg?width=980" id="8ac30" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="377b7e4a67590b7e1414051d9ab6f514" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /><p>On the heels of what I just said, there's a really good chance that someone from your family is gonna hit you up, saying that it's in the spirit of the holiday season. No one can really fault them for that; however, if you do choose to answer their DM, email, text or phone call, just make sure that you know <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/how-to-handle-folks-who-trigger-you/" target="_blank">what your triggers are</a> beforehand. For instance, something that I've learned is a sho 'nuf trigger for me are people who claim that they are reaching out to apologize, only to really call to justify foul behavior, hoping that by the time they are done, I will excuse what they've done—perhaps even feel sorry for them for hurting me in the first place (a true narcissism trait, by the way). For years, I would fall for that BS, only to hang up and feel like they opened up my wound all over again. </p><h5>Why? Because when you've been harmed by someone, it's important for them to validate that pain; they can do that by taking <em>full ownership</em> for their actions. That said, whenever folks find a way to skirt around this fact, all they're doing is injuring you more. And when you keep getting hurt, either it makes you angry or turns you numb. So yeah, I had to stop dealing with the ones who did that to me because they've been like that since, shoot...for as long as I can remember. This means that they've been wounding me and causing me grief for as long as I can remember as well. I had to get some space so that the wounds could heal. Fully.</h5><p>I don't know what sets you off and by no means am I saying that it's a given that once you get to the root of your triggers that you also shouldn't speak or deal with whoever triggers you. What I am saying is unsafe/toxic people seem to live to push triggers, so the way to deal with them is to know yours and then set up safeguards. If your controlling mama makes you a basket case with her religious deflecting, accept that. If your sister drives you up the wall with her constantly asking for things without ever offering something in return, own that. If you've got some other family member who puts you in the foulest of moods, just 10 minutes into a conversation, admit that too. Then make two decisions. First, decide if there is a way to deactivate that trigger within yourself (because expecting them to not trigger you is, 8 times out of 10, gonna disappoint you every time). Second, if you can't deactivate it, be real with yourself about whether total avoidance is still the best route to take. After the holidays, you've still got a life to live. It would be a shame to spend months into next year trying to heal from a few short weeks of the holiday season and that family of yours, simply because you let them trigger you in a way that you know you're not fully prepared to handle. Yet.</p>Create Your Own Traditions
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDc4ODY0Ni9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0MDY1NTg0Mn0.-TrPp9-EQ5Iy86qCNEXJWSlc6gD51UoERIiV9wlbWJY/img.jpg?width=980" id="b698e" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="ae0f7b83f9e5ae3bed14e800891fd88b" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /><p>While I was growing up, my mother was pretty big on Christmas. I remember getting a fresh evergreen Christmas tree, stringing popcorn, watching <em>The Grinch Who Stole Christmas</em> and listening to gospel Christmas music while she baked. It was also pretty common for folks to come over as she made us—yes, made us—go caroling in the neighborhood. Christmas was cool. As Christmas goes, I guess. However, as an adult, I don't observe Christmas or really any holiday. No, I'm not a Jehovah's Witness; I'm just the kind of person who, once I know the backstory on something and decide I don't want to be a part of it, I tend to dip out. Anyway, that's so not the point. Once I started fading out of Christmas, for years, I would get pushback. And if there's a truth about adulthood, it's that you now have the complete freedom to live your life as you see fit, without the need for anyone's permission or approval.</p><p>While being estranged means that you won't be a part of your family's holiday-themed customs, never forget that the flip to that is you can happily create some of your own. So yeah, take this time and ask yourself what you do and don't like about the holiday season. Then make plans for observing them—or not observing them—just as <em>you</em> see fit. Finally.</p><div class="ad-tag">
<span class="ad-tag__inner" data-pos="in_content"></span>
</div>
Spend Time with Some of Your “Love Family”
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDc4ODY1OS9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYwOTg0NjAzOH0.CHRS-aucE9gpEnOG1AkC6ej5nsezUmB1J-hPyknzm_w/img.jpg?width=980" id="8594b" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="a2c2229d82cabde4de1315fa5f6f48b2" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /><p>Friendships have layers and<a href="https://www.xonecole.com/friendships-have-levels-to-them/" target="_self"> levels</a>. I will be the very first person to agree with that resolve. I liken it to Christ and his 12 disciples. One was a devil (it's Scriptural—John 6:70). Eight were his homies. And then there was Peter, James and John—the three he asked to pray with him as he was preparing to make the ultimate sacrifice (Matthew 26, John 3:16); those were his top-tier, inner circle friends—the ones he probably saw as being like brothers to him. I've got people like that in my life. Individuals who are emotionally safe, who love me like we're blood and who have my back no matter what. While the family I was born into is my "blood family", I choose to call my dearest friends my "love family".</p><p>Even if you aren't close to and/or engaging your blood family this year, if you've got people in your world who you consider to be your own love family, I am willing to be my next paycheck that they will be more than willing to embrace you with open arms and a seat at their dinner table (so long as you show no signs of sickness and bring your mask). And because you are so at peace with them, you can easily avoid all of the discomfort and drama that might arise if you try and force yourself to be in an environment where you don't really want to be…just because it's "the holidays". Trust me, love family can be a wonderful alternative to blood family, if you want to be around people yet you want to not risk conflict and issues in the process.</p>Understand What True Reconciliation Requires
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDc5MDY5Mi9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY2MzUzMDk5N30.MYMv6BVaNWQst5Cu1cqDe_LJ3e3s67BzaVTWp0Th1tU/img.jpg?width=980" id="90f9d" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="63683b5d20de98e9396d70cdbe130095" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /><p>I can't tell you, just how many Christmas movies I've seen over the course of my lifetime, where the overall message is it's this time of year when all faults need to be wiped clean, so that we can start the year anew. There's A LOT I could say to that, yet I'll leave it where I typically do when I just wanna give the <em>Reader's Digest</em> version of my thoughts on the matter. If you feel like you want to connect back with the family who you're not currently interacting with, do that. Just make sure that you know who and what you're dealing with and that you are clear on what reconciliation is all about.</p><h5>What reconciliation <em>is not</em> is what a lot of republicans are trying to shove down democrats' throats right through here; it's not about enduring constant abuse and then having the burden be placed on you, the one who had to endure it all, to set things right. While yes, restoring a broken relationship does require <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/are-you-a-bad-forgiver-read-this-and-see/" target="_blank">some forgiving</a> on the "victim's" part, don't let <em>anyone</em> make you feel bad for expecting some full-on repenting on the "victimizer's" part as well. Repenting requires taking responsibility. Repentance requires wanting to make an amends. Repentance requires seeking what you need in order for the estrangement to cease. Repentance also requires humility.</h5><p>So, if a family member chooses to reach out, stating that reconciliation is what they truly desire, keep in mind that it looks like. Don't let anyone make you feel like being flippant or dismissive is good enough. It's not. Not by a long shot.</p><p>Again, I know this wasn't the warm-and-cozy-wrapped-up-in-a-big-red-bow kind of message. Still, I hope it offered up a little bit of clarity and confirmation for those who may not be with their family this year. Being estranged doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you someone who simply wants better for yourself. Feel good about that. Even if that means experiencing a different kind of holiday season this year. One that brings peace and goodwill your way—just differently.</p><h4><a href="https://members.xonecole.com/" target="_blank">Join our xoTribe</a>, an exclusive community dedicated to YOU and your stories and all things xoNecole. Be a part of a growing community of women from all over the world who come together to uplift, inspire, and inform each other on all things related to the glow up.</h4><div class="ad-tag">
<span class="ad-tag__inner" data-pos="in_content"></span>
</div>
<p class=""><em>Featured image by Unsplash</em></p>From Your Site Articles
Related Articles Around the Web
Keep reading...
Show less
<p style="text-align: left;">The <a data-linked-post="2646170511" href="https://www.xonecole.com/buy-black-survival-black-owned-businesses/" target="_blank">black dollar</a> is mighty, and something we've seen a heavy emphasis on in the last eight or so months. <a data-linked-post="2639537115" href="https://www.xonecole.com/black-owned-businesses-support-in-harlem/" target="_blank">Black-owned businesses</a>, especially black-owned clothing brands, seemed to boom in the summer with thousands of online media platforms publishing one listicle after the other. While the listicles have stopped and fewer brands are standing behind <a href="https://www.wmagazine.com/story/blackout-tuesday-instagram-post-why-you-should-think-twice/" target="_blank">the black squares posted on Instagram</a>, black-owned clothing brands are still of the utmost importance.</p><p>Historically, the global fashion industry is one of the most underrepresented industries, and that stands true today. For a centuries-old industry, the amount of 'firsts' we've experienced in the past decade is unfathomable. With initiatives like the <a data-linked-post="2647740127" href="https://www.xonecole.com/aurora-james-investing-black-owned-businesses/" target="_blank">15% Pledge</a>, the <a href="https://www.blackinfashioncouncil.com/" target="_blank">Black in Fashion Council</a>, and <a data-linked-post="2646163107" href="https://www.xonecole.com/pull-up-or-shut-up-is-a-movement-not-a-trend/" target="_blank">Pull-Up or Shut Up</a>, the dialogue has heightened but actions are still lacking. It will be up to us as a community to show the importance of black-owned clothing by using the black dollar. </p><p>With the holidays being one of the busiest seasons of the year, it's important to continue the conversations about <a data-linked-post="2639091232" href="https://www.xonecole.com/black-woman-owned-apparel-brands/" target="_blank">shopping black</a>. Below is a list of some black-owned clothing brands to add to your shopping list, no matter the recipient! </p>
<p class=""><em>Featured image by Shutterstock</em></p>
Pyer Moss
<div id="89261" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="faeebaf23162fbaece1e4a5da900108f"><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="4" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"> <div style="padding:8px;"> <div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"> <div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAAGFBMVEUiIiI9PT0eHh4gIB4hIBkcHBwcHBwcHBydr+JQAAAACHRSTlMABA4YHyQsM5jtaMwAAADfSURBVDjL7ZVBEgMhCAQBAf//42xcNbpAqakcM0ftUmFAAIBE81IqBJdS3lS6zs3bIpB9WED3YYXFPmHRfT8sgyrCP1x8uEUxLMzNWElFOYCV6mHWWwMzdPEKHlhLw7NWJqkHc4uIZphavDzA2JPzUDsBZziNae2S6owH8xPmX8G7zzgKEOPUoYHvGz1TBCxMkd3kwNVbU0gKHkx+iZILf77IofhrY1nYFnB/lQPb79drWOyJVa/DAvg9B/rLB4cC+Nqgdz/TvBbBnr6GBReqn/nRmDgaQEej7WhonozjF+Y2I/fZou/qAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"> </div></div><p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CGlVq2tjRlC/)" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_top"></a></p> </div></blockquote></div><p>Founded by Kerby Jean-Raymond and one of the leaders in the black fashion movement, <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/watch-out-for-these-five-black-designers-in-2019/" data-linked-post="2623694059" target="_blank">Pyer Moss</a> is a men's and womenswear fashion label concerned with building a narrative that speaks about heritage and activism. The stunning silhouettes and exquisite use of color are only one part of why this brand is so groundbreaking. Raymond uses his platform to highlight the narratives of the black community, giving a voice to the people behind the inspiration. </p>Jovana Louis
<div id="3df4f" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="2cef8434ab9e3fc9f9871fa409ae61e6"><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="4" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"> <div style="padding:8px;"> <div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"> <div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAAGFBMVEUiIiI9PT0eHh4gIB4hIBkcHBwcHBwcHBydr+JQAAAACHRSTlMABA4YHyQsM5jtaMwAAADfSURBVDjL7ZVBEgMhCAQBAf//42xcNbpAqakcM0ftUmFAAIBE81IqBJdS3lS6zs3bIpB9WED3YYXFPmHRfT8sgyrCP1x8uEUxLMzNWElFOYCV6mHWWwMzdPEKHlhLw7NWJqkHc4uIZphavDzA2JPzUDsBZziNae2S6owH8xPmX8G7zzgKEOPUoYHvGz1TBCxMkd3kwNVbU0gKHkx+iZILf77IofhrY1nYFnB/lQPb79drWOyJVa/DAvg9B/rLB4cC+Nqgdz/TvBbBnr6GBReqn/nRmDgaQEej7WhonozjF+Y2I/fZou/qAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"> </div></div><p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CDAPqG0jMsQ/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_top"></a></p> </div></blockquote></div><p>If your style borders on professional and sophisticated, Jovana Louis is the label for you. Influenced by French and Caribbean cultures, Jovana Louis was co-founded by Jovana and her husband to create exceptional couture pieces that hug a woman's body perfectly. From the red carpet to reality TV to magazine covers, Jovana Louis is the chosen designer for dynamic and dramatic looks. </p>Christopher John Rogers
<div id="3a4e4" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="3354de09722c1784f70e8a3537a332b8"><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="4" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"> <div style="padding:8px;"> <div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"> <div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAAGFBMVEUiIiI9PT0eHh4gIB4hIBkcHBwcHBwcHBydr+JQAAAACHRSTlMABA4YHyQsM5jtaMwAAADfSURBVDjL7ZVBEgMhCAQBAf//42xcNbpAqakcM0ftUmFAAIBE81IqBJdS3lS6zs3bIpB9WED3YYXFPmHRfT8sgyrCP1x8uEUxLMzNWElFOYCV6mHWWwMzdPEKHlhLw7NWJqkHc4uIZphavDzA2JPzUDsBZziNae2S6owH8xPmX8G7zzgKEOPUoYHvGz1TBCxMkd3kwNVbU0gKHkx+iZILf77IofhrY1nYFnB/lQPb79drWOyJVa/DAvg9B/rLB4cC+Nqgdz/TvBbBnr6GBReqn/nRmDgaQEej7WhonozjF+Y2I/fZou/qAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"> </div></div><p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CGi_gQYsN0Q/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_top"></a></p> </div></blockquote></div><p>Few designers are <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/beyonce-british-vogue-joy/" data-linked-post="2648608872" target="_blank">Beyonce-approved</a>, and Christopher John Rogers is one of them. The NYC-based designer started a label that served to create emotional and sensitive clothing with a focus on effortful dressing. Aside from draping Beyonce for <em>British Vogue</em>, the brand dabbles in ready-to-wear and streetwear, as well as custom-made pieces. </p><div class="ad-tag">
<span class="ad-tag__inner" data-pos="in_content"></span>
</div>
A.Au
<div id="ca0ef" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="f89160b363869afc9dd3b57c6d7ddadd"><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="4" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"> <div style="padding:8px;"> <div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"> <div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAAGFBMVEUiIiI9PT0eHh4gIB4hIBkcHBwcHBwcHBydr+JQAAAACHRSTlMABA4YHyQsM5jtaMwAAADfSURBVDjL7ZVBEgMhCAQBAf//42xcNbpAqakcM0ftUmFAAIBE81IqBJdS3lS6zs3bIpB9WED3YYXFPmHRfT8sgyrCP1x8uEUxLMzNWElFOYCV6mHWWwMzdPEKHlhLw7NWJqkHc4uIZphavDzA2JPzUDsBZziNae2S6owH8xPmX8G7zzgKEOPUoYHvGz1TBCxMkd3kwNVbU0gKHkx+iZILf77IofhrY1nYFnB/lQPb79drWOyJVa/DAvg9B/rLB4cC+Nqgdz/TvBbBnr6GBReqn/nRmDgaQEej7WhonozjF+Y2I/fZou/qAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"> </div></div><p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CDuX64GpgAL/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_top"></a></p> </div></blockquote></div><p>A brand that is equal parts philanthropic and fashionable, A.Au is a lifestyle brand that directly caters to worldly, multidimensional women of today. Each piece is sourced and made in Nigeria by the hand of advanced ateliers, resulting in the most sophisticated and unique clothing. Additionally, 10 percent of every sale goes to building an education bursary in Abua that will fund the next generation through university. </p>Kai Collective
<div id="6ca47" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="7a2978fc4070ced707bbed29d38f7585"><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="4" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"> <div style="padding:8px;"> <div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"> <div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAAGFBMVEUiIiI9PT0eHh4gIB4hIBkcHBwcHBwcHBydr+JQAAAACHRSTlMABA4YHyQsM5jtaMwAAADfSURBVDjL7ZVBEgMhCAQBAf//42xcNbpAqakcM0ftUmFAAIBE81IqBJdS3lS6zs3bIpB9WED3YYXFPmHRfT8sgyrCP1x8uEUxLMzNWElFOYCV6mHWWwMzdPEKHlhLw7NWJqkHc4uIZphavDzA2JPzUDsBZziNae2S6owH8xPmX8G7zzgKEOPUoYHvGz1TBCxMkd3kwNVbU0gKHkx+iZILf77IofhrY1nYFnB/lQPb79drWOyJVa/DAvg9B/rLB4cC+Nqgdz/TvBbBnr6GBReqn/nRmDgaQEej7WhonozjF+Y2I/fZou/qAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"> </div></div><p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CHaF76VFmwp/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_top"></a></p> </div></blockquote></div><p>An attainable clothing brand with a luxury aesthetic, Kai Collective is famous for the original GAIA Dress. Started by London-based Fisayo Longe, KAI seeks to create clothing for multi-dimensional women who embrace their femininity in all its various forms. An exquisite combination of <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/summer-statement-tops-outfits/" data-linked-post="2646834427" target="_blank">statement pieces</a> and <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/transitioning-affordable-basics-into-fall-looks/" data-linked-post="2648197549" target="_blank">luxury staples</a>, Kai Collective has a mission to inspire women with that extra dose of confidence. </p>Hanifa
<div id="e5f90" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="ddab30f6e1ba9df51a03586c5d193c46"><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="4" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"> <div style="padding:8px;"> <div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"> <div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAAGFBMVEUiIiI9PT0eHh4gIB4hIBkcHBwcHBwcHBydr+JQAAAACHRSTlMABA4YHyQsM5jtaMwAAADfSURBVDjL7ZVBEgMhCAQBAf//42xcNbpAqakcM0ftUmFAAIBE81IqBJdS3lS6zs3bIpB9WED3YYXFPmHRfT8sgyrCP1x8uEUxLMzNWElFOYCV6mHWWwMzdPEKHlhLw7NWJqkHc4uIZphavDzA2JPzUDsBZziNae2S6owH8xPmX8G7zzgKEOPUoYHvGz1TBCxMkd3kwNVbU0gKHkx+iZILf77IofhrY1nYFnB/lQPb79drWOyJVa/DAvg9B/rLB4cC+Nqgdz/TvBbBnr6GBReqn/nRmDgaQEej7WhonozjF+Y2I/fZou/qAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"> </div></div><p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CHGrG3HnpCz/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_top"></a></p> </div></blockquote></div><p>A self-taught Congolese designer that brought her designs from IG to NYFW runways, <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/hanifa-clothing-brand-designer/" data-linked-post="2640288330" target="_blank">Anifa designed Hanifa</a> with one thing in mind: black women. No stranger to mainstream media, Anifa made headlines <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/hanifa-3d-runway-digital-show/" data-linked-post="2646079071" target="_blank">when she debuted her Pink Label Congo collection on a virtual model</a> during the height of quarantine. The clientele list is A-list and the designs are for women at every turn of her lifestyle. </p><div class="ad-tag">
<span class="ad-tag__inner" data-pos="in_content"></span>
</div>
Brother Vellies
<div id="09c87" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="36e2541ecaa62cae0b1a2a9963fc8bf5"><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="4" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"> <div style="padding:8px;"> <div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"> <div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAAGFBMVEUiIiI9PT0eHh4gIB4hIBkcHBwcHBwcHBydr+JQAAAACHRSTlMABA4YHyQsM5jtaMwAAADfSURBVDjL7ZVBEgMhCAQBAf//42xcNbpAqakcM0ftUmFAAIBE81IqBJdS3lS6zs3bIpB9WED3YYXFPmHRfT8sgyrCP1x8uEUxLMzNWElFOYCV6mHWWwMzdPEKHlhLw7NWJqkHc4uIZphavDzA2JPzUDsBZziNae2S6owH8xPmX8G7zzgKEOPUoYHvGz1TBCxMkd3kwNVbU0gKHkx+iZILf77IofhrY1nYFnB/lQPb79drWOyJVa/DAvg9B/rLB4cC+Nqgdz/TvBbBnr6GBReqn/nRmDgaQEej7WhonozjF+Y2I/fZou/qAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"> </div></div><p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B81ORYXDfD7/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_top"></a></p> </div></blockquote></div><p>If <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/15-little-things-you-can-do-about-climate-change/" data-linked-post="2638805277" target="_blank">sustainability</a> is important to you, Brother Vellies is the brand for you. Brother Vellies was founded with the goal of keeping traditional African design practices while creating and sustaining artisanal jobs. Since its inception, Brother Vellies has been featured in major publications like <em>VOGUE</em>, received several CFDA awards, and has dressed celebrities like Elaine Welteroth, Solange, and <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/laura-harrier-skincare-routine/" data-linked-post="2648130737" target="_blank">Laura Harrier</a>. The founder, <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/aurora-james-investing-black-owned-businesses/" data-linked-post="2647740127" target="_blank">Aurora James</a>, is a huge community activist and started 15% Pledge, which asks major retailers to dedicate 15 percent of shelf space to black-owned businesses, especially black-owned clothing brands. </p>Aliette
<div id="6f3e0" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="9d1929ede7148799f60e855bae652f6f"><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="4" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"> <div style="padding:8px;"> <div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"> <div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAAGFBMVEUiIiI9PT0eHh4gIB4hIBkcHBwcHBwcHBydr+JQAAAACHRSTlMABA4YHyQsM5jtaMwAAADfSURBVDjL7ZVBEgMhCAQBAf//42xcNbpAqakcM0ftUmFAAIBE81IqBJdS3lS6zs3bIpB9WED3YYXFPmHRfT8sgyrCP1x8uEUxLMzNWElFOYCV6mHWWwMzdPEKHlhLw7NWJqkHc4uIZphavDzA2JPzUDsBZziNae2S6owH8xPmX8G7zzgKEOPUoYHvGz1TBCxMkd3kwNVbU0gKHkx+iZILf77IofhrY1nYFnB/lQPb79drWOyJVa/DAvg9B/rLB4cC+Nqgdz/TvBbBnr6GBReqn/nRmDgaQEej7WhonozjF+Y2I/fZou/qAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"> </div></div><p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CDULyfQgK1X/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_top"></a></p> </div></blockquote></div><p>Named for his daughter and late mother, James Rembert created ALIETTE with the idea that strength, beauty, and grace could coexist in one powerful conception. This modern luxury brand expertly blends traditional design and innovative fantasy, creating exceptional pieces that are as unique as the woman who wears it. </p>Stella Jean
<div id="63abf" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="812fc7cd93157bc96242ae4259bb5f45"><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="4" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"> <div style="padding:8px;"> <div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"> <div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAAGFBMVEUiIiI9PT0eHh4gIB4hIBkcHBwcHBwcHBydr+JQAAAACHRSTlMABA4YHyQsM5jtaMwAAADfSURBVDjL7ZVBEgMhCAQBAf//42xcNbpAqakcM0ftUmFAAIBE81IqBJdS3lS6zs3bIpB9WED3YYXFPmHRfT8sgyrCP1x8uEUxLMzNWElFOYCV6mHWWwMzdPEKHlhLw7NWJqkHc4uIZphavDzA2JPzUDsBZziNae2S6owH8xPmX8G7zzgKEOPUoYHvGz1TBCxMkd3kwNVbU0gKHkx+iZILf77IofhrY1nYFnB/lQPb79drWOyJVa/DAvg9B/rLB4cC+Nqgdz/TvBbBnr6GBReqn/nRmDgaQEej7WhonozjF+Y2I/fZou/qAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"> </div></div><p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CGNlQ4UBC06/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_top"></a></p> </div></blockquote></div><p>A ready-to-wear brand with a bigger mission in mind, Stella Jean has been a force in fashion since showcasing her 2014 collection at Giorgio Armani's Teatro. The designer, for who the brand is named, uses her collections to articulate a beauty that is rarely seen and transcends borders. Recently, Jean made headlines as one of five black Italian designers handpicked to show at the first digital Milan Fashion Week. </p><div class="ad-tag">
<span class="ad-tag__inner" data-pos="in_content"></span>
</div>
Fe Noel
<div id="96fc8" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="75c25d64c9a30015f2013a9373d6c9d4"><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="4" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"> <div style="padding:8px;"> <div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"> <div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAAGFBMVEUiIiI9PT0eHh4gIB4hIBkcHBwcHBwcHBydr+JQAAAACHRSTlMABA4YHyQsM5jtaMwAAADfSURBVDjL7ZVBEgMhCAQBAf//42xcNbpAqakcM0ftUmFAAIBE81IqBJdS3lS6zs3bIpB9WED3YYXFPmHRfT8sgyrCP1x8uEUxLMzNWElFOYCV6mHWWwMzdPEKHlhLw7NWJqkHc4uIZphavDzA2JPzUDsBZziNae2S6owH8xPmX8G7zzgKEOPUoYHvGz1TBCxMkd3kwNVbU0gKHkx+iZILf77IofhrY1nYFnB/lQPb79drWOyJVa/DAvg9B/rLB4cC+Nqgdz/TvBbBnr6GBReqn/nRmDgaQEej7WhonozjF+Y2I/fZou/qAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"> </div></div><p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CF2LnD3lXnx/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_top"></a></p> </div></blockquote></div><p>This Brooklyn-based womenswear collection is comprised of the most luxurious staples while evoking sensuality and sensibility. The influence derives directly from the designer, whose penchant for vibrant colors, travel, and her Caribbean heritage are all reflected in every aspect of this label. Aside from designing beautiful silhouettes for women, she also founded the Fe Noel foundation, a program for young girls who are passionate about entrepreneurship. </p>Undra Celeste New York
<div id="db4ba" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="fa22a3f64126e93e0fdb9c57be186d25"><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="4" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"> <div style="padding:8px;"> <div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"> <div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAAGFBMVEUiIiI9PT0eHh4gIB4hIBkcHBwcHBwcHBydr+JQAAAACHRSTlMABA4YHyQsM5jtaMwAAADfSURBVDjL7ZVBEgMhCAQBAf//42xcNbpAqakcM0ftUmFAAIBE81IqBJdS3lS6zs3bIpB9WED3YYXFPmHRfT8sgyrCP1x8uEUxLMzNWElFOYCV6mHWWwMzdPEKHlhLw7NWJqkHc4uIZphavDzA2JPzUDsBZziNae2S6owH8xPmX8G7zzgKEOPUoYHvGz1TBCxMkd3kwNVbU0gKHkx+iZILf77IofhrY1nYFnB/lQPb79drWOyJVa/DAvg9B/rLB4cC+Nqgdz/TvBbBnr6GBReqn/nRmDgaQEej7WhonozjF+Y2I/fZou/qAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"> </div></div><p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CEFPb4tH8ps/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_top"></a></p> </div></blockquote></div><p>Undra Duncan, founder and creative director for Undrea Celeste, isn't new to the fashion world, even if her brand is considered emerging. A 12+ year veteran in fashion, Undra founded her namesake label to provide quality modern workwear to multicultural women. The pieces transition perfectly from day to night and the perfect balance of statement and staples. </p>Eclectic Bella
<div id="5e5fe" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="f9844b08f912ba8e1dc73135ebff5b8b"><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="4" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"> <div style="padding:8px;"> <div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"> <div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAAGFBMVEUiIiI9PT0eHh4gIB4hIBkcHBwcHBwcHBydr+JQAAAACHRSTlMABA4YHyQsM5jtaMwAAADfSURBVDjL7ZVBEgMhCAQBAf//42xcNbpAqakcM0ftUmFAAIBE81IqBJdS3lS6zs3bIpB9WED3YYXFPmHRfT8sgyrCP1x8uEUxLMzNWElFOYCV6mHWWwMzdPEKHlhLw7NWJqkHc4uIZphavDzA2JPzUDsBZziNae2S6owH8xPmX8G7zzgKEOPUoYHvGz1TBCxMkd3kwNVbU0gKHkx+iZILf77IofhrY1nYFnB/lQPb79drWOyJVa/DAvg9B/rLB4cC+Nqgdz/TvBbBnr6GBReqn/nRmDgaQEej7WhonozjF+Y2I/fZou/qAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"> </div></div><p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CCUXE09JadH/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_top"></a></p> </div></blockquote></div><p>This West-Coast brand has the most effortless yet stylish pieces for your everyday wardrobe. Inspired by the ease of LA, each collection by <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/vibrant-black-owned-summer-looks/" data-linked-post="2646800542" target="_blank">Eclectic Bella</a> is the catalyst where quality and affordability meet. The handpicked pieces range from relaxed athleisure to late-night staples, and at an affordable price point without sacrificing style. </p><div class="ad-tag">
<span class="ad-tag__inner" data-pos="in_content"></span>
</div>
Andrea Iyamah
<div id="77a7c" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="5dbcbb980ef36ba9d31564c51369886e"><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="4" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"> <div style="padding:8px;"> <div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"> <div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAAGFBMVEUiIiI9PT0eHh4gIB4hIBkcHBwcHBwcHBydr+JQAAAACHRSTlMABA4YHyQsM5jtaMwAAADfSURBVDjL7ZVBEgMhCAQBAf//42xcNbpAqakcM0ftUmFAAIBE81IqBJdS3lS6zs3bIpB9WED3YYXFPmHRfT8sgyrCP1x8uEUxLMzNWElFOYCV6mHWWwMzdPEKHlhLw7NWJqkHc4uIZphavDzA2JPzUDsBZziNae2S6owH8xPmX8G7zzgKEOPUoYHvGz1TBCxMkd3kwNVbU0gKHkx+iZILf77IofhrY1nYFnB/lQPb79drWOyJVa/DAvg9B/rLB4cC+Nqgdz/TvBbBnr6GBReqn/nRmDgaQEej7WhonozjF+Y2I/fZou/qAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"> </div></div><p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CHJJCyFA4HM/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_top"></a></p> </div></blockquote></div><p>Inspired by color, ethnic cultures, and nature, <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/black-owned-swimwear/" data-linked-post="2553308706" target="_blank">Andrea Iyamah</a> is a ready-to-wear label that dabbles in custom-made special event dresses. Started by a Nigerian designer who shares the name, Andrea Iyamah caters to fearless females who exude confidence and adventure. Through incredible perseverance and determination, the brand has dressed celebrities like Ciara, Gabrielle Union, and Issa Rae.</p>Citrus Husk
<div id="50f15" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="dace9861e5e95cbbe23df38b3114e687"><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="4" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"> <div style="padding:8px;"> <div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"> <div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAAGFBMVEUiIiI9PT0eHh4gIB4hIBkcHBwcHBwcHBydr+JQAAAACHRSTlMABA4YHyQsM5jtaMwAAADfSURBVDjL7ZVBEgMhCAQBAf//42xcNbpAqakcM0ftUmFAAIBE81IqBJdS3lS6zs3bIpB9WED3YYXFPmHRfT8sgyrCP1x8uEUxLMzNWElFOYCV6mHWWwMzdPEKHlhLw7NWJqkHc4uIZphavDzA2JPzUDsBZziNae2S6owH8xPmX8G7zzgKEOPUoYHvGz1TBCxMkd3kwNVbU0gKHkx+iZILf77IofhrY1nYFnB/lQPb79drWOyJVa/DAvg9B/rLB4cC+Nqgdz/TvBbBnr6GBReqn/nRmDgaQEej7WhonozjF+Y2I/fZou/qAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"> </div></div><p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CGQv6vSF7dW/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_top"></a></p> </div></blockquote></div><p>Based out of Atlanta, Citrus Husk is a ready-to-wear brand that beautifully blends classic pieces with West African roots. From work-from-home must-haves to date-night staples, there's something for everyone. You can also shop the 'West African Shop', that honors the strength and style of Ghanaian women with authentic prints and handmade pieces. All items in the West African Shop are created in Ghana, and all clothing is made with genuine Ankara cotton.</p>Nomads Swimwear
<div id="b9d7e" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="7f89b1772ba3c615e1eaa83cfe3e7810"><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="4" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"> <div style="padding:8px;"> <div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"> <div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAAGFBMVEUiIiI9PT0eHh4gIB4hIBkcHBwcHBwcHBydr+JQAAAACHRSTlMABA4YHyQsM5jtaMwAAADfSURBVDjL7ZVBEgMhCAQBAf//42xcNbpAqakcM0ftUmFAAIBE81IqBJdS3lS6zs3bIpB9WED3YYXFPmHRfT8sgyrCP1x8uEUxLMzNWElFOYCV6mHWWwMzdPEKHlhLw7NWJqkHc4uIZphavDzA2JPzUDsBZziNae2S6owH8xPmX8G7zzgKEOPUoYHvGz1TBCxMkd3kwNVbU0gKHkx+iZILf77IofhrY1nYFnB/lQPb79drWOyJVa/DAvg9B/rLB4cC+Nqgdz/TvBbBnr6GBReqn/nRmDgaQEej7WhonozjF+Y2I/fZou/qAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"> </div></div><p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CGkj_SynLAf/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_top"></a></p> </div></blockquote></div><p>We all know how stressful swimsuit shopping can be, but Nomads Swimwear makes it effortless. Founded on bridging the gap of size inclusivity, Nomads focus on bold swim styles and highlights that real size inclusion is possible. The sizes range from small-4x and adorned with unique prints and patterns inspired by travel and beauty. </p><div class="ad-tag">
<span class="ad-tag__inner" data-pos="in_content"></span>
</div>
Imad Eduso
<div id="bbb40" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="5d020ccc1ac9264f645016f4caee3ef9"><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="4" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"> <div style="padding:8px;"> <div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"> <div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAAGFBMVEUiIiI9PT0eHh4gIB4hIBkcHBwcHBwcHBydr+JQAAAACHRSTlMABA4YHyQsM5jtaMwAAADfSURBVDjL7ZVBEgMhCAQBAf//42xcNbpAqakcM0ftUmFAAIBE81IqBJdS3lS6zs3bIpB9WED3YYXFPmHRfT8sgyrCP1x8uEUxLMzNWElFOYCV6mHWWwMzdPEKHlhLw7NWJqkHc4uIZphavDzA2JPzUDsBZziNae2S6owH8xPmX8G7zzgKEOPUoYHvGz1TBCxMkd3kwNVbU0gKHkx+iZILf77IofhrY1nYFnB/lQPb79drWOyJVa/DAvg9B/rLB4cC+Nqgdz/TvBbBnr6GBReqn/nRmDgaQEej7WhonozjF+Y2I/fZou/qAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"> </div></div><p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CD0ga1JFfjf/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_top"></a></p> </div></blockquote></div><p>One of the more playful brands on our list, Imad Eduso corners the market in sophisticated and functional pieces for the modern woman. A line dripped in vibrant colors, youthful silhouettes, and overstated drama, the brand is focused on creating versatile pieces that are contemporary and timeless.</p><h4>Are you a member of our insiders squad? Join us in the <a href="http://members.xonecole.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">xoTribe Members Community </a>today!</h4>From Your Site Articles
- 7 Black-Owned Lingerie Brands That Will Revitalize Your Sexy ... ›
- Four Black Women-Owned Apparel Brands Share Why They Do It ... ›
- Black-Owned Wellness Self-Care Brands - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- 9 Bomb AF Black-Owned Swimwear Brands - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- 10 Black Owned Brands to Support in 2018 - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
Related Articles Around the Web
Keep reading...
Show less
<p>Let me just say before getting into this piece that, if there was any year that really tried us on every level, hands down, it was 2020. That's why, whenever I've noticed an article or even a tweet that said something along the lines of, "Hey, give yourself a little grace if you're not feeling all that hot or performing at the level that you're used to this year", I found myself immediately nodding in agreement. From <a data-linked-post="2648688002" href="https://www.xonecole.com/kamala-harris-is-flexing-her-complexion-all-the-way-to-the-white-house/" target="_blank">politics</a> to the pandemic, from professional shifting to <a data-linked-post="2645572364" href="https://www.xonecole.com/turn-fears-into-financial-favor/" target="_blank">financial stress</a>, from relational challenges to internal struggles, when it comes to finding something to be grateful for, during a month that is basically devoted entirely to that, it's understandable if you're having a bit of a hard time doing it.</p><p>That's actually the motivation behind all of what I'm about to say. While it's certainly not meant to make light of or even be dismissive about anything that may be pushing you to your limit right now, I just wanted to make sure that you remember that seasons are just that (they do change) and there are some things to always been appreciative of, even in super trying times. Off the top of my head, here are eight things to be grateful for.</p>
1. Being Black
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDc2OTI2OS9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYyNTUyNTg4OH0.5H9Qp3Lq6vxAA4W9EqjkZt40ypGW68gCFKMRTDA_OKo/img.jpg?width=980" id="d98a3" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="fd67ebf0f054f520b892bfe18e0deabf" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /><p><strong></strong><em><strong>"Merely by describing yourself as black you have started on a road towards emancipation, you have committed yourself to fight against all forces that seek to use your blackness as a stamp that marks you out as a subservient being."—Steven Biko</strong></em></p><p>C'mon. You and I both know that there is not enough bandwidth on this website or time in the day to address all of the reasons why being Black is beyond dope. For now, I'll just say that an entire holy book known as the Bible features only Africa and the Middle East in it. If you use the Bible as a guideline for your life, you are a part of the very beginning. <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/angela-bassett-icon-award-acceptance-purpose/" data-linked-post="2640278046" target="_blank">Black excellence</a>. Also, whenever you stop at a traffic light, go to your mailbox, walk through an elevator door, use a <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/black-owned-hair-products/" data-linked-post="2648127989" target="_blank">Black haircare product</a>, turn on your home security system, donate blood, use VoIP (voice-over Internet protocol), add an animated GIF to a post, snack on a potato chip or watch something on Hulu—you've got a Black person to thank and that's just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to what we've invented (sources are<a href="https://www.fox2detroit.com/news/8-everyday-items-that-you-probably-didnt-know-were-invented-by-black-people" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"> here</a>,<a href="https://thinkgrowth.org/14-black-inventors-you-probably-didnt-know-about-3c0702cc63d2" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"> here</a> and<a href="https://www.oprahmag.com/life/work-money/g30877473/african-american-inventors/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"> here</a>)! And y'all, don't even get me started on the 2020 election cycle. It goes without saying how amazing it is to have a Black and South Asian American female Vice President-elect for the first time in history (big shout-out to <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/kamala-harris-is-flexing-her-complexion-all-the-way-to-the-white-house/" data-linked-post="2648688002" target="_blank">Senator Kamala Harris</a>). However, if you voted, definitely pat yourself on the back for being a Black person who helped to get her and President-Elect Joe Biden in office.<a href="https://www.nbcnews.com/news/nbcblk/how-black-voters-key-cities-helped-deliver-election-joe-biden-n1246980" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"> <em>That</em> is irrefutable</a>. We are powerful beyond measure.</p><h5>From our vast history and rich culture to the various tones of our skin, beautiful features and textures of our hair, I'll speak for all of us and say that there is nothing better and in many ways, more sacred, than being a Black person. There really isn't.</h5>2. Being a Woman
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDc2OTI2Ni9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYxNTY4ODE3N30.cPwqBiICU3OtEfXiikL7Em3UrnW6Ot4M3mlQgWXxBsQ/img.jpg?width=980" id="ee232" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="89630c41c78fcf1dca236f9b613a43b7" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /><p><em><strong>"You educate a man; you educate a man. You educate a woman; you educate a generation."—Brigham Young</strong></em></p><p>Whenever I get into Bible mode and I speak on the story of Adam and Eve (Genesis 2-3), I make sure to discuss how, before they both ate of the fruit, "her" name was "Woman"; after it became "Eve". As Woman, Adam had a helper (Genesis 2:18); one who was an ezer kenegdo (which Hebrew for lifesaver; I reference it in this article <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/5-signs-something-simply-isnt-meant-to-be/?rebelltitem=2" target="_blank">here</a>). As Eve, her name means "mother of all living" (Genesis 3:20). A lifesaver. Beings who have wombs that help to keep humanity populated. Whew. <em>How mind-blowing is it to be a woman?</em></p><p>And here's the thing. Even if you choose to not (or are unable to) birth a child, it's important to keep in mind that a womb isn't just "the uterus of the human female and certain higher mammals"; a womb is also "the place in which anything is formed or produced". When God made you, He chose for you to be a literal epicenter for people, places, things and ideas to be formed and produced. Your femininity is a specific gift that makes you capable of achieving things in ways that men cannot—because they weren't designed to. And then, if you add on to this that you are a BLACK WOMAN? Girl, how can you <em>not</em> feel extremely grateful that God loved you so much to create you to be just as you are?</p><div class="ad-tag">
<span class="ad-tag__inner" data-pos="in_content"></span>
</div>
3. Your Uniqueness
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDc2OTI3Mi9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0NzQ2NDk3MX0.ZXQ9Gkt7ooI8A3HU-YXpTpjUKbkFCR0tInilwzrup9E/img.jpg?width=980" id="05768" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="b9a363d360eed6ebb4880734fc8cc9fe" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /><p><strong></strong><em><strong>"It was when I realized I needed to stop trying to be somebody else and be myself, I actually started to own, accept and love what I had."—Tracee Ellis Ross</strong></em></p><p>I've written about <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/these-are-the-type-of-relationships-that-definitely-need-boundaries/" target="_blank">boundaries</a> quite a bit on this platform. One of the reasons why I am so passionate about setting limits (and also respecting the limits of others; it took me a while to master not just one but both) is because <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/why-you-should-be-unapologetic-about-setting-boundaries-with-toxic-family-members/" target="_blank">I grew up having my boundaries dishonored a lot</a>. At the end of the day, that's what abuse is—someone disrespecting your boundaries. Anyway, when I got to a point and place of being super intentional about <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/why-i-dont-cut-people-off-anymore-i-release-them-instead/" target="_blank">releasing people</a> who were not just unhealthy but toxic in my life, I realized that another side effect of having those kinds of folks around is they tend to be an enemy of our uniqueness. In other words, abusers and oppressors are oftentimes <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/5-signs-your-closest-friends-are-the-most-envious-of-you/" target="_blank">jealous of</a> and/or threatened by and/or clueless about how to handle someone's individuality. And so, they spend a lot of time, effort and energy trying to get you to be who they want you to be rather than (as parents) nurturing who you are or (as friends) celebrating who you are.</p><p>While I've always been a different kind of chick, before removing those kinds of people out of my life, I wasn't able to fully bloom into my uniqueness because there was so much pushback when it came to my calling, my personality, even my style. Now? I absolutely love my individuality in a way that I wish I had the space to back in my 20s because it would have spared me so much pain, heartache and counterproductive relationships. I get why a lot of opposition comes to prevent us from enjoying our uniqueness, though. When you fully grasp that there never has been nor will there ever be another you—EVER, that empowers you in a way that nothing else can.</p><h5>From the way you look to the way you see the world to the what the Master Creator has placed within you to offer everyone you come into contact with on some level, appreciate how unique you are. You're amazing just by being incomparable. Never EVER forget that.</h5>4. The Gifts and Talents You’ve Got
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDc3MTA0My9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1NzY2OTY0OX0.yr1jvY1sWGwcVHRDZrpKht7tln_xiP_4f5kj8Y89Wio/img.jpg?width=980" id="c7f41" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="cd7f5365d431d0564653915820ab9c65" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /><p><strong></strong><em><strong>"You are unique. You have different talents and abilities. You don't have to always follow in the footsteps of others. And most important, you should always remind yourself that you don't have to do what everyone else is doing and have a responsibility to develop the talents you have been given."—Roy T. Bennett</strong></em></p><p>Let's go back to the Bible for just a second, shall we? Psalm 33:15(NKJV) says, "<em>He fashions their hearts individually; He considers all their works.</em>" Romans 11:29(AMPC) says, "<em>For God's gifts and His call are irrevocable. [He never withdraws them when once they are given, and He does not change His mind about those to whom He gives His grace or to whom He sends His call.]</em>" When God put you on this planet, he made sure that you had certain gifts and talents—ones that would complement<a href="https://www.xonecole.com/5-signs-you-are-living-out-your-purpose-3-signs-youre-not/" target="_self"> your purpose</a> so that you can fulfill your destiny. I've shared in a few other articles that 2020 is my 20th anniversary of deciding to leave corporate America (at least in the traditional sense), so that I could work from home as a writer. When I first made the call, I didn't have a job, car or computer. What I knew I did have was a profound writing gift (my mom even said that my favorite toy as a toddler was shaking newspaper). And it was the confidence in the gift that got me through some really, "What the hell am I doing? I need to get a freakin' job!" moments.</p><p>This year pushed us to the ultimate limits. I know, trust me, I do. Yet no matter what your job or financial state is looking like right now, make sure that you are clear about what your gifts and talents are and that put effort into utilizing them. I have seen so many people—especially Black people—thrive this year and it's because they threw caution to the wind and put their gifts and talents to great use.</p><h5>What has been placed into you, if you combine it with your uniqueness, it might blow your mind what you can accomplish. Your individual gifts and talents aren't there for your amusement alone. USE THEM. Watch what happens when you do.</h5><p>Oh, if you need some inspiration, check out KevOnStage's doc<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJBLttCt0BQ&t=4s&ab_channel=KevOnStageStudios" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"> <em>A Calculated Risk</em></a>. Also, if you want a little motivation on how to transition out of a profession so that you can do more of what you like, I really enjoy the videos on<a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_a_lMvQaHyltSWfkB3ymmQ" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"> Wine n' Chill's YouTube page</a>.</p><div class="ad-tag">
<span class="ad-tag__inner" data-pos="in_content"></span>
</div>
5. Having Resources
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDc2OTI3Ny9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0MjYwOTQzNX0.75I8bvPc8QIACdRuANjyUhoNyaILxMtG9I3YuKn3MYw/img.jpg?width=980" id="e8ae6" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="9fd7c9a4b51bcaa1f2ba00bb3918dd12" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /><p><strong></strong><em><strong>"It is much easier to put existing resources to better use, than to develop resources where they do not exist."—George Soros</strong></em></p><p>Water. Food. Shelter. Those are very basic resources yet, after a year like this one, I think we've already learned to not take any of 'em, even a little bit, for granted. Yet beyond that, if you've got a network, a computer (with internet access), a smartphone, <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/finding-developing-relationship-with-mentor/" target="_blank">a mentor</a>, reading material—you've already got a wealth of things that many people didn't have, even in the 80s (<a href="https://home.cern/science/computing/birth-web#:~:text=Tim%20Berners%2DLee%2C%20a%20British,1989%2C%20while%20working%20at%20CERN." target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">the world wide web was invented</a>, just in 1989, y'all).</p><p>A huge trap that transpires in trying times is focusing more on what you don't have than you do. Yet if you can get online, you're already in a really good spot to make things happen. Stop spending hours on Black Twitter and switch over to LinkedIn or check out articles like <em>Bplan's</em> "<a href="https://articles.bplans.com/14-business-resources-every-entrepreneur-should-know-about/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">14 Business Resources Every Entrepreneur Should Know About</a>" instead. There's a wealth of resources that are just waiting to change your entire life.</p>6. Impeccable Survival Skills
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDc2OTI3OC9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0OTI3NzgwMn0.1Y-OsshqiVMO9aYIYteFC_zO1xZZSZJENKun42JUdAY/img.jpg?width=980" id="3e550" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="e3bf0e4434596da8ed2b9b626e75ab79" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /><p><strong></strong><em><strong>"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style."—Maya Angelou</strong></em></p><p>This past election day was the 25th anniversary of the passing of my fiancé. Whenever I share the story about our relationship and/or how he died and someone says, "Girl, I would just die if that ever happened to me," I immediately respond with some variation of, "Be careful what you say. You might not want the Universe to test you like that." Proverbs 18:21(NKJV) does tell us that, "<em>Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit</em>", after all. This is why I'm not big on folks spending hours on end doom-scrolling on the internet or hanging around a lot of negativity. All that does is encourage you to magnify what's currently not so awesome and minimize what is.</p><p>That said, I'm pretty sure that a lot of you can agree with me that when Kobe and Gianna Bryant passed on January 26 of this year (y'all, that was<em> this</em> year), we thought that it wasn't gonna get too much worse than that. Chile, and look at all that's happened. The pandemic and countless deaths from it. This totally cray-cray Trump administration. Job losses and pandemics. Kids not being able to go to school. Folks not being unable to physically touch their loved ones. The list goes on and on. And yet, if you're reading this, you have survived. And to have survived a year like 2020 is no small feat.</p><h5>If you've got nothing else that you feel like you can be grateful for right now, if you are able to read what I'm saying, in a halfway right mind, you are mighty blessed. Abundantly so. <em>Real talk.</em></h5><div class="ad-tag">
<span class="ad-tag__inner" data-pos="in_content"></span>
</div>
7. Support
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDc2OTI3OS9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1NTUzNjM4OX0.2xSQNCkaCLqKgtf0YpAJDT8qdPtT-sF6-INa_eQ9YHU/img.jpg?width=980" id="10647" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="68f632c1306d8313658d76cbe0d519ec" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /><p><strong></strong><em><strong>"We don't heal in isolation, but in community."—S. Kelley Harrell</strong></em></p><p>As far as <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/silver-linings-of-break-up/" data-linked-post="2646311325" target="_blank">silver linings</a> go in a year like this one, I've got one for you. It's when there is a lot of stress, struggle and adversity that we're able to see who our "peeps" really and truly are. That's because it's easy to be someone's friend when everything is all good. Oh, but find yourself in a position where you need some help with a bill, for someone to sit up with you all night as you cry over a loss or for you to need someone to do something that is <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/life-taught-me-that-true-friendships-are-inconvenient/" target="_blank">super inconvenient</a> for them (for whatever the reason)—<em>that</em> is when you see who's truly got your back.</p><p>While there used to be a time when I was doing most of the work to keep my relationships afloat, 2020 has reminded me that being codependent and having <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/10-signs-youve-got-a-close-toxic-friend/" target="_blank">toxic relationships</a> are such a thing of the past. There have been several times, in both directions, where someone has been in a bind and it has been nothing for the need to be met. While the older you get, you typically realize that a <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/according-to-experts-our-adult-friendships-are-few-and-just-like-us/?rebelltitem=1" target="_blank">few genuine friends are all that you really need</a>, if you've got even one person who held you down (as you did the same thing for them) this year, you've got something to be a billion times over thankful for. Because, unfortunately, not everyone can say the same.</p>8. A New Day
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDc2OTI4MS9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0MjQwMjc2Nn0.6urRtfp1CAC4OI_ejKVNTM9TLkDxKtaflo-IvkgJFXs/img.jpg?width=980" id="2e1a3" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="01f498c424cd605e30bb67626c1d8908" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /><p><em><strong>"Today is not just a new day. It's another opportunity."—Unknown</strong></em></p><p>I'll keep this one short(er) and simple. Just like you have a special individuality to you, so does each day. The only thing that keeps us from realizing it is the choices that we make during each 24-hour period because, the reality is, we each have the power to make today entirely different than yesterday, just by switching up and doing things differently.</p><p>Again, I know 2020 pushed us all to the ultimate limit when it comes to figuring out what to be thankful, appreciative, GRATEFUL for. Yet the fact that you woke up this morning, take that as a sign that you've (still) got a purpose to fulfill and today doesn't have to be like the ones that came before it. If that ain't something to be super pleased about…I sincerely don't know what is.</p><h4><a href="https://members.xonecole.com/" target="_blank">Join our xoTribe</a>, an exclusive community dedicated to YOU and your stories and all things xoNecole. Be a part of a growing community of women from all over the world who come together to uplift, inspire, and inform each other on all things related to the glow up.</h4><div class="ad-tag">
<span class="ad-tag__inner" data-pos="in_content"></span>
</div>
<p class=""><em>Featured image by Shutterstock</em></p>From Your Site Articles
- 5 Powerful Ways Being Grateful Can Change Your Life - xoNecole ... ›
- 7 Reasons To Love Where You Are—Right At This Very Moment ... ›
- Creative Ways To Express Gratitude In Relationships - xoNecole ... ›
- 24-Hour Fasting For Self-Discipline & Gratitude - xoNecole ... ›
- What Happened When I Challenged Myself To Journal More For ... ›
Related Articles Around the Web
Keep reading...
Show less
<p>I remember the first time I started to notice I was <a data-linked-post="2645576269" href="https://www.xonecole.com/mental-illness-struggling-mental-health/" target="_blank">struggling with my mental health</a>. It was three years ago and I was completely <a data-linked-post="2622013130" href="https://www.xonecole.com/what-self-care-looks-like-to-grapevine-tv-creator-ashley-akunna/" target="_blank">burnt out</a>. I was getting anxious and worried about every sudden change that happened, and I was irritable about everything. It affected my work, my relationship with my family, and my love life.</p><p>We always hear about <a data-linked-post="2646944223" href="https://www.xonecole.com/lets-talk-black-women-suicide/" target="_blank">how "strong" black women</a> are. We are women who get up every day to run our own businesses, <a data-linked-post="2648138840" href="https://www.xonecole.com/watchen-nyanue-i-choose-the-ladder/" target="_blank">climb up the corporate ladder</a>, take care of the children, support our friends/partner, and uplift the next woman all at the same damn time. Doesn't that sound exhausting—to be expected to carry all of these things on your shoulders and to still show up with a smile on your face? This can take a toll on anyone—mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. </p><h5>In the same way that black women are not given enough space to really talk about our struggles, it's the same, if not worse, for our black men. Black men have their own weight of the world to carry and have been conditioned to avoid addressing how their mental health has impacted their lives, especially in relationships.</h5><p>I know we have all experienced relationships or friendships when things just feel "off". We can either assume the guy is "trippin'" or we can accuse the guy of acting immature. But what if it's deeper than that? Just like we black women have our days working with our own issues, it could be applied for the men, too. What if the guy you are dating is dealing with a <a data-linked-post="2500792110" href="https://www.xonecole.com/the-truth-is-we-all-have-mental-health-issues-but-we-can-all-treat-it-heres-how/" target="_blank">mental health issue</a> and hasn't figured out how to really balance it, in the name of love? </p><p>I am all for providing safe space for both my black men and women to really understand where each of us are coming from. These four black men were able to be completely honest with me with the deets on what goes on in their minds for matters of the heart:</p><p><em>*Some responses have been edited for length and clarity.</em></p>
Khas, 30
<div id="06f8d" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="fefb6be683b5f2635505f690f32f61da"><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="4" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"> <div style="padding:8px;"> <div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"> <div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAAGFBMVEUiIiI9PT0eHh4gIB4hIBkcHBwcHBwcHBydr+JQAAAACHRSTlMABA4YHyQsM5jtaMwAAADfSURBVDjL7ZVBEgMhCAQBAf//42xcNbpAqakcM0ftUmFAAIBE81IqBJdS3lS6zs3bIpB9WED3YYXFPmHRfT8sgyrCP1x8uEUxLMzNWElFOYCV6mHWWwMzdPEKHlhLw7NWJqkHc4uIZphavDzA2JPzUDsBZziNae2S6owH8xPmX8G7zzgKEOPUoYHvGz1TBCxMkd3kwNVbU0gKHkx+iZILf77IofhrY1nYFnB/lQPb79drWOyJVa/DAvg9B/rLB4cC+Nqgdz/TvBbBnr6GBReqn/nRmDgaQEej7WhonozjF+Y2I/fZou/qAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"> </div></div><p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CF-FpgqsVbO/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_top"></a></p> </div></blockquote></div><p>"When I was younger I was placed into foster care at around six years old. I had a lot of behavioral challenges and was labeled as an 'at-risk youth'. They had me going to therapy, group counseling, and taking medication, all to control me. Now that I am an adult and I am more aware of my story, I am able to identify my mental health challenges that stem back to my childhood. Part of my <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/self-care-black-men-masculinity/" target="_self">self-care</a> has been practicing <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/these-are-the-things-self-aware-people-do-daily/" data-linked-post="2637101930" target="_blank">self-awareness</a> and giving myself permission to explore resources that teach me how to cope with feelings I may have never experienced before or I have and just don't know why.</p><p>"In past relationships, it was as if I was six years old again, feeling things that I couldn't explain, but in adult form. So every time I would feel things I couldn't explain, I would sometimes react in unhealthy ways, not because I was a bad person but because I grew up in environments that didn't teach me how to handle my emotions. I didn't learn <a href="https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/conflict-resolution-skills.htm" target="_blank">conflict resolution</a> growing up. I'm only really learning it now. </p><h5>"Every failed relationship taught me that we have to remember that we are meeting people in the middle of their stories. I was showing up in relationships with baggage that I didn't even know I was carrying, and so were they. We all want love and healthy relationships. But at the time, I wasn't aware I wasn't ready for any of it. We are both showing up as the sum total of everything that we have been through and sometimes we haven't healed yet."</h5><p>"I think <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/black-men-mental-health-advocates-emotional-space/?rebelltitem=1#rebelltitem1" target="_blank">mental health and black men</a> get a bad rap. Black men who are serious about their mental health or who advocate for it are often met with criticism instead of open arms or even open-mindedness. And I think that speaks to how the black community at large, especially men, are still fighting to change the narrative around mental health. A lot of us come from families where mental health wasn't a thing. A lot of it is ignorance and a misconception that if you go to get help that there is something wrong with you and then you're labeled. </p><p>"There is also a lack of resources if we're to be honest. We don't talk enough about how <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/guide-self-love-love-language/?rebelltitem=3#rebelltitem3" target="_self">self-care is a luxury</a>. Everyone can't afford or have access to it. But despite the stigma, I think we have a responsibility to check-in with ourselves and do whatever we can to be the best that we can. Once you get a handle on your mental health, you can handle relationships and businesses well, your career thrives, and everything attached to you starts to prosper. It is truly liberating."</p><div class="ad-tag">
<span class="ad-tag__inner" data-pos="in_content"></span>
</div>
Devin, 29
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDc3OTc4NS9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1NDI0ODAxM30.lPD4HprdK0xkuN_762h7c58zU3pnIpTfG9F_tICL6Vg/img.jpg?width=980" id="a0cff" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="993ca4c5271698ec6d171752123660cc" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" alt="black-man-glasses" />Courtesy of Devin
<p>"I think the biggest moment I realized I was struggling with <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B9RqCrrB_wNNrld82_7Zjb8LZWOJGtvg5z_JFI0/?igshid=nkzh4qxz9v0c" target="_blank">my mental health</a> was when I moved to a new city by myself in 2017. I recognized that a lot goes into not just being an adult, but having a work-life balance and paying attention to how outside factors impact me. I noticed how <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/tips-for-anxious-attachment-styles/?rebelltitem=1#rebelltitem1" target="_blank">I would cling to past romantic relationships</a> and string them out longer than they needed to be. I have decided to seek help since then, but I haven't done so just yet. The main reason is that I have prioritized other things above this and honestly one of the things I factor into it is money. Working in education, I'm not making shit. I do know that I have some assistance in my healthcare package with my job, but I just haven't acted on it yet.</p><p>"With trying to balance work and my romantic relationships, people felt like they couldn't read me. When I would be feeling <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/five-ways-to-combat-seasonal-depression/" data-linked-post="2611663711" target="_blank">depressed</a>, I would shut down and not be as open. Sometimes I felt that I could articulate what I was going through at the time, the best way I could, but it was either not being received or I wasn't being understood. I have learned from those moments that I need to refine my communication on my emotional state in the future."</p><div class="ad-tag">
<span class="ad-tag__inner" data-pos="in_content"></span>
</div>
Chris, 30
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNDc3OTc4NC9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1MjY0NzQ1OH0.fA4i146cATx6olEGfiayRMmrlkM2RwnhedJl7XIqldc/img.jpg?width=980" id="13b2d" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="eccabf81637dc1a216677bc11932b83b" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" alt="black-man-blue-shirt" />Courtesy of Chris
<p>"I really got a grasp on my mental health when I was in college. I was diagnosed with <a href="https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/bipolar-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20355955" target="_blank">bipolar depression</a>, and I have tried therapy and prescription drugs. With therapy, I compared it to going to the gym. You go in and once you're done you feel great. But once you leave, you eventually start going back to those old ways—like it was only effective when I was there, not afterwards. With the medication, I have tried five to six prescriptions, but things were not working. Since <a href="https://instagram.com/daartist0490?igshid=1pq3sks3j5klq" target="_blank">I'm an Illustrator</a>, I've been able to put a lot of emphasis on keeping myself busy with my passion and using it when times get rough.</p><h5>"With my girlfriend and I, I have always had a hard time expressing myself and getting my point across. It would take me weeks to express something so small that could have been handled sooner if I would've just said something in that moment. I also isolate myself a lot. I don't want to be a burden and bring any bad vibes to anyone when I am feeling down." </h5><p>"Now that we have a son, I want to say that I have improved a bit. Before, if I would get upset, I would sit in that mood for weeks and sometimes months. Now, I have managed to be upset for a couple of days and sometimes not even that long. <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/stressed-out-here-are-10-steps-towards-immediate-calm-tranquility/" target="_blank">When I get stressed out</a>, I want to step away, but you can't do that with a four-year-old, especially during these times. So I try the breathing exercises and stick it out for my son. I want my family to work, so I am putting in the work by communicating and making sure my girl knows that I am still the man she fell in love with, despite my diagnosis. It's an everyday process, but it's important to seek out any positivity and hold on to it."</p><div class="ad-tag">
<span class="ad-tag__inner" data-pos="in_content"></span>
</div>
Avrey, 31
<div id="9eec8" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="7acc76c1ffc7e7b36c40519fd7b1900a"><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="4" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"> <div style="padding:8px;"> <div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"> <div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAAGFBMVEUiIiI9PT0eHh4gIB4hIBkcHBwcHBwcHBydr+JQAAAACHRSTlMABA4YHyQsM5jtaMwAAADfSURBVDjL7ZVBEgMhCAQBAf//42xcNbpAqakcM0ftUmFAAIBE81IqBJdS3lS6zs3bIpB9WED3YYXFPmHRfT8sgyrCP1x8uEUxLMzNWElFOYCV6mHWWwMzdPEKHlhLw7NWJqkHc4uIZphavDzA2JPzUDsBZziNae2S6owH8xPmX8G7zzgKEOPUoYHvGz1TBCxMkd3kwNVbU0gKHkx+iZILf77IofhrY1nYFnB/lQPb79drWOyJVa/DAvg9B/rLB4cC+Nqgdz/TvBbBnr6GBReqn/nRmDgaQEej7WhonozjF+Y2I/fZou/qAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"> </div></div><p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CGqIGEogSD-/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_top"></a></p> </div></blockquote></div><p>"When I noticed I was <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/signs-time-to-see-therapist/" target="_self">struggling with my mental health</a>, it [was] toward the middle of 2019. I put a lot of pressure on myself as a husband and a father of two, because I didn't grow up in a two-parent household. Technically, I'm adopted and not having that relationship with either of my parents is what I have realized really impacted me. My wife and I just started <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/how-to-listen-to-partner-better/" target="_self">marriage counseling</a>. </p><p>"Granted, my wife and I have an immaculate friendship and are wonderful parents to our kids together, but when it comes down to our relationship, we operate differently in what makes us tick. During counseling, one of the hardest parts for me is that I am very vocal and articulate how I feel. But I didn't know I wasn't articulating everything. Whenever there is conflict or a confrontation, I have a template where I handle every situation the same way and that's not going to work. So for both of us, it has been this peeling of the banana and peeling back these layers so we can get over the hump. </p><p>"I commend my wife for <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/three-c-s-of-healthy-relationships/?rebelltitem=3#rebelltitem3" target="_self">being there for me</a> naturally and admittedly I know I pushed her away being guarded and defensive. I grew up in an environment where it's either 'Get them or get got' and I needed to learn how to not be figuratively armed all the time. So now I am working on undoing some of the damage I have caused. I applaud her for being patient with me and it makes me love her that much more.</p><h5>"For my men who are struggling, it's OK to be vulnerable. It's OK to understand that you may have been susceptible to certain experiences you wish have never happened. Do not allow it to hold you back from who you are meant to be. Us men, we try to shoulder the world of everything that we were told that we ain't and everything we haven't been given. We can't do it all alone. We also have to understand <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/what-it-means-hold-space-community/" target="_blank">the importance of the black woman</a> and how she contributes to our lives." </h5><p>"Black women have been doing the same thing for years and years and that is protecting black men. So it is up to us to protect black women by healing ourselves and stopping this vicious cycle of toxic masculinity. We have to take ownership of that."</p><div class="ad-tag">
<span class="ad-tag__inner" data-pos="in_content"></span>
</div>
<p><em>Featured image by Shutterstock</em></p>From Your Site Articles
- Loving My Partner Through His Mental Illness - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- Mental Health Tips Given By A Black Woman Surviving PTSD ... ›
- 6 Things to Know About Dating While Dealing With Depression ... ›
- How To Maintain Your Mental Health & Sustain Healthy Friendships ... ›
Related Articles Around the Web
Keep reading...
Show less
Exclusive Interviews
Actor Vaughn Hebron Loves A Woman With Depth & Intelligence
"If I can't have a real conversation with you and talk to you about some deep stuff, then it's just not going anywhere."
November 23, 2020
Latest Posts