Why Being High Maintenance Isn't A Bad Thing
Twitter can be known as a volatile and politically-driven machine but in 2020, it has become a replacement for social conversation while so many are stuck at home during the pandemic. One topic that's circulated the interwebs for some time is the idea of women, specifically black women, being too high maintenance for men today. It's unclear what source sparked this conversation, but we've seen this narrative play out in pop culture with Birkin bags and in the ongoing conversations surrounding the lack of black women represented in luxurious spaces.
You don't hate high maintenance women. You hate the perceived inconvenience and cost. You hate having to move beyond copy and paste messages, treating all women as if lived up to the negative stereotypes that women-hating men have perpetuated.
— vivawoodlife (@vivawoodlife) October 22, 2020
According to Merriam-Webster, one definition of high maintenance, referring to a thing rather than a person, is "requiring a large amount of care or maintenance." The second definition, referring to a person rather than a thing, is "tending to cause problems or demand attention: extremely sensitive, demanding, or temperamental." In our society though, high maintenance has been interchangeable with materialistic or financial desires.
But it goes a bit further than that.
High Maintenance Women & The Men Who Hate Them- A Thread
— vivawoodlife (@vivawoodlife) October 22, 2020
You don’t hate high maintenance women. You hate the fact that you lack the resources and tools to perform the maintenance. You hate the fact that you lack the discernment and discipline to choose women who fit your budget
It's a matter of rhetoric. When men are referred to as high maintenance, it's because they have high standards for their life or they require a lot of emotional attention. They are often met with some judgment but overall, it doesn't impact the characterization of him.
When it's used to refer to a woman, it's almost always based on a need for money or materialistic things. It is an attack on her character because women who are deemed 'high maintenance' carry around this scarlet letter of being superficial and weak-minded.
If you let Twitter user @vivawoodlife say it, it is a direct reflection of the insecurities of men and their inability to level up to that caliber of woman. In a thread called "High Maintenance Women & The Men Who Hate Them", he goes on to say that men feel inferior at the title of high maintenance primarily due to their ineptitude to perform at that higher level.
Stop confusing a high maintenance woman with an undeserving, underperforming, and unqualified woman and you won’t have that issue anymore. Stop trying to do the bare minimum and you’ll position yourself to attract and collect the maximum. Being less doesn't equal you getting more
— vivawoodlife (@vivawoodlife) October 22, 2020
He goes on to differentiate between being materialistic and being high maintenance, a point that needs to be highlighted more.
A woman who values her own standards and has an expectation to be treated a certain way is often treated as a bad thing. This user points to the flaws in the male ego, rather than the flaws within this woman, that lead to the bad reputation of being high maintenance.
For me, being high maintenance is a state of being. It's about accepting exactly what you feel you deserve, and not an iota less. It's about knowing you like a certain lifestyle, whether that's attainable to someone else is not your problem. Women are constantly being berated for simply wanting to be treated with decency and respect, for wanting someone to want them unabashedly and out loud.
In closing, a great and high-quality woman is always affordable to a great man but never cheap. If you think that affordability is simply a money thing, stay for my next lecture.
— vivawoodlife (@vivawoodlife) October 22, 2020
Step your game up
Thanks for coming to my Zaddy Talk#woodlife #woodlaw #woodtaughtyou #zaddytalk
For black women, we're constantly told that's not for us; that we don't deserve. As @vivawoodlife stated, "a great and high-quality woman is always affordable to a great man but never cheap. If you think that affordability is simply a money thing, stay for my next lecture."
When someone says high maintenance, what do you think of?
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Featured image by Shutterstock
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Courtney is a contributing writer, based in Puerto Rico by way of Tennessee. Interested in the intersection of fashion and culture, she has an affinity for fashion, empowerment, and really good tacos. Keep up with her on Instagram (@hautecourtxo).
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VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
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THE ITGIRL MEMO
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IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
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VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Featured image by Gregg DeGuire/WireImage
