

What Will Smith Taught Me About Setting Expectations
"Becoming Mr. & Mrs. Smith" was the title of Red Table Talk's most recent episode. I immediately pressed play on a video that I knew would lend insight that I long anticipated from one of my favorite celebrity couples: Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith. The pair sat alongside co-hosts, Adrienne Banfield-Jones and Willow Smith, to dissect how Will and Jada met, the growth of their relationship, and how they've successfully sustained their 20-year marriage.
Gems were shared and feelings were felt — and as I jotted down key takeaways, there was one idea I just couldn't shake: setting expectations.
About midway through the interview, Will recounts a moment that was pivotal in how the pair learned to address each other and approach conflict in their relationship. Will recalls the moment when Jada cussed at him publicly at a party they hosted. Will's then two-year-old son, Trey, was present for the altercation. Will immediately asked to speak with Jada separately to make his expectation known.
"I said Jada, this is the deal. I grew up in a household where I watched my father punch my mother in the face and I will not create a house, a space, an interaction with a person where there is profanity and violence. If you have to talk to me like that, we won't be together. We're not gonna use any profanity in our interactions, we're not gonna raise our voice, we're not going to be violent. Because I can't do it."
In that moment, Will set the standard. He was clear about his expectation and was committed to upholding it.
Will refused to entertain any conversation with Jada that involved profanity or yelling. He was clear in setting that stage and told Jada to "get out" when she scoffed at the idea. He was serious, and if she didn't know before that conversation, it was clear that she knew after.
Watching the pair agree on how serious Will was about the expectation he set triggered me in a way I didn't expect. It made me recall moments where I should have done the same; moments where clear expectations either should have been set and weren't, or where my expectations were not met and I convinced myself to be okay with it.
I reflected on my personal relationships and how many of them were built on low expectations and failed accountability. I had a list in my head of what I wanted my relationships to be like, and the behaviors I desired (and expected) from my partner, but I never upheld those expectations. Instead, I diminished the severity of the offense and let it slide until the things I let slide became habits I didn't like. And inevitably, those habits turned to bad arguments and ugly breakups.
Watching this episode of Red Table Talk — admittedly one of my favorite episodes of the series thus far — helped shift not just my thinking about sustaining relationships, but also how I choose to start them. It encouraged me to begin setting clear expectations and standing firmly by them. It taught me to be willing to show someone the door if they're not willing to meet me where I stand. And it reminded me that the relationship I'm meant to have will include honesty, partnership, and standards (emphasis on standards).
Some of us shy away from being direct and stern in our expectations and boundaries, but there should be no confusion in how we, as adults, approach our relationships. Much like Will and Jada, we should set a standard and come to a mutual understanding of what our expectations are, and whether we will walk away or stick it through.
"It was 20 years before we used profanity in any conversation we had. We didn't use profanity in any argument we had, we didn't raise our voices, we took communication courses," they collectively shared, reflecting on how critical this expectation was for the success of their relationship-turned-marriage.
So what's the bottom line?
Stand firm in what you require. Make your needs, desires, and expectations clear from the beginning. Work on finding a partner who will collaborate with you to ensure these important needs are met (and vice versa). And if you two can't commit to doing so, perhaps you shouldn't commit to each other.
Related Stories:
The Reason Jada Pinkett-Smith Never Saw Herself Being Married To Will - Read More
What I Learned From Oprah's Advice About Attracting Your Best Partner - Read More
Changing The Narrative For Women When It Comes To Love And Dating - Read More
Zoe Hunter is the writer, speaker, and creator behind the women empowerment brand DEAR QUEENS. She uses vulnerability, storytelling, and spiritual development to empower women toward healthy decision-making. Stay connected to Zoe's work by visiting DEARQUEENS.com or following her on Twitter @zDEARQUEENS.
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
This Minimal Nail Design Is One Of The Fall's Biggest Mani Trends
What's a classic manicure look getting a fall 2023 aesthetic update? Look no further than the micro-French nails that are trending this fall. Minimal nail art ideas are in, and the super thin lines within the micro-French nail trend scream minimal chic when it comes to nail design choice.
If you're wondering exactly what to request from your nail tech, according to Cosmopolitan, there's been "a rise in micro-French manis on square nail shapes." And if you are in need of a little nail inspo to bookmark for your next appointment, we have you covered on that front, too.
Keep scrolling for design ideas for your future set of micro-French nails.
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