My name is Savannah. I'm 25 years old, and I have abandonment issues.
The time it took for me to be able to accept such a fact about myself is almost as long as my existence—although I must say that I discovered at a young age that abrupt separation, no matter who it involves or what the circumstances are, is an extremely painful emotional trigger for me.
It has never been clear as to why that's the case, though. I have yet to pinpoint the reason it always feels like a part of my soul gets ripped away from my body every time someone walks out of my life. Or, like I confessed in the past, why it's so difficult to peacefully let people go without ultimately questioning my worth and the importance of my own existence. This is partially why I felt compelled to grab my pen and write on the matter of abandonment issues. To me, rare are the issues that writing—and of course, researching—can't solve.
To help me get a grip on this fear, I interviewed Shanta Jackson, AKA The Homegirl Therapist, a Black licensed therapist and advocate for mental health awareness, therapy, and healing. "Abandonment issues can be complex," explains Shanta. "They can come from the loss of a loved one or the loss of a relationship or marriage. There is also emotional abandonment that a lot of my clients have experienced, which is where a parent or caregiver is not emotionally present or available to you."
Shanta's last words resonate in my mind because of how familiar they are. They brought back to mind what one of my girlfriends told me earlier this year. We were discussing the subject and she was trying to convince me that my father's behavior toward me as a child is at the heart of my abandonment issues. It sounded illogical to me. My father never did or say anything that made me feel unwanted, and I can't recall a time in my life where I had reasons to complain about his attitude toward me. Even if he wasn't as present as my mother was and I never really got to spend a lot of time with him because of his job, I never once doubted how much he loved or cared for me. Neither did I feel like he was missing in my life.
But my friend insisted and promised me that if I readHeal Your Wounds and Find Your True Self—a book that explores with depth the five wounds of the soul: rejection, abandonment, betrayal, injustice, and humiliation—I would have a better understanding of my emotions.
In the book, Lise Bourbeau writes that indeed, the wound of abandonment is awakened in a child between ages of one and three by the parent of the opposite sex as a result of lack of parental support and emotional attention. While as a writer, I know that facts written in books are not a synonym for truth and I could've chosen to trust only my memory, somehow Bourbeau's case study still incited me to dig a little deeper into my feelings of abandonment. And surprisingly, I think I may have found something. It took me a minute to see things in this way but after all, maybe my fatheris responsible for my abandonment issues.
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Perhaps my fear of being abandoned was sparked by my father's refusal to educate me on our ethnic background—our North African roots—simply because he didn't care.
I asked Shanta about my theory. "Absolutely!" she said. I could easily imagine our Homegirl Therapist nodding as I read her reaction to this thought. "It's possible that this is where your abandonment issues stem from. You feel abandoned in a sense that you don't know that side of you—because of his lack of interest in his own ethnicity and teaching you as well. So, you feel lost as it relates to you knowing who you are, which fuels the abandonment issues."
I went back to Bourbeau's book, scanning from one random page to another, and I came across a passage that led to another defining a-ha moment. It was a revelation that not only made sense immediately but also opened up the path for me to finally reach a place of peace regarding my fear of abandonment. It is said that our souls come on this earth carrying at least one of the five wounds mentioned earlier. Depending on which they suffer from, the right lives will be assigned to them.
By the right lives, I mean human experiences that will expose our souls to situations that will awaken and trigger the wounds with the intent to heal them. Where it gets tricky is that a soul may not have enough of one human experience to heal. Therefore, it carries its wounds to the next life, and the next life, and the next life until they are taken care of properly, with love and acceptance.
Now, you're probably wondering, what does it mean to take care of your abandonment issues with love and acceptance? How do I do that? Well, this is something I also discussed with our Homegirl Therapist. Here's what she said:
"Abandonment can't necessarily be worked out in a series of at-home exercises. To truly uproot the start of that abandonment, it is suggested that you attend counseling. Without discovering the root and working through that, it is difficult to manage the symptoms of abandonment issues, and that is where the problems happen for a lot of people. The latter as well as all of the symptoms can really be combined into…self-sabotage. We sabotage relationships because of our fear of being abandoned."
Shanta then broke down the process of coming to terms with your abandonment issues into three steps:
1. Identify Your Triggers
GiphyIdentifying your triggers is important in the process of healing your abandonment issues. Knowing what triggers your unhealthy behaviors allows you to identify the emotions that come, and intervene on these behaviors before falling victim to self-sabotage.
How can you identify your triggers?
- When you start to experience intense emotions, pause for a second, take a deep breath and take inventory of what just happened. Ask yourself why you feel the way you do at that moment.
Example: Your partner decides to go out and hang with a group of friends for the night. You begin to feel anxious and upset. What bothers you the most about your partner hanging with friends? Is it the friends they're hanging with? Do you not want to be alone tonight? Do you have a fear that they will be out late and won't answer your calls? When was the last time you felt this way?
2. Identify Self-Sabotaging Patterns
GiphyYou must identify what your self-sabotaging patterns are and the exact symptoms of your trauma. This will allow you to become more self-aware, and gain the ability to catch emotions at the onset. Note that it will require complete honesty on your part.
How can you identify your self-sabotaging patterns?
- When you find yourself triggered, what has been your "default setting"? What behaviors do you engage in the most? Do you find yourself feeling the need to withdraw or hold back, to attack, or become defensive? Do you turn into yourself and shame yourself for feeling upset? Do you blame yourself or external factors for the perceived issues?
- When you feel insecure, ask yourself, "How do I usually behave? How do I protect myself? If I evaluate my past and current relationships, have there been patterns in my exes' or entourage's complaints?" Examples can be never sharing your emotions, shutting down during conflict, seeking attention through conflict, or becoming clingy or needy.
3. Break The Cycle
GiphyWhile identifying triggers and self-sabotaging patterns are important steps, they can only take you so far if you don't heal yourself. When dealing with abandonment issues, it's likely that in our brokenness, we expect our partner or the person who awakened the fear to fix it. The truth is, they can't. The secret here is self-work.
How can you break self-sabotaging the cycle?
- Talk about it: Communication can truly aid in preventing some unnecessary anxiety or fears with those we maintain any kind of relationship with. Oftentimes, we create narratives in our minds that are likely untrue and then allow those thoughts to drive unhealthy behaviors. When triggered by certain situations, express calmly how you feel, using "I" statements, so that you can take ownership of those feelings and not display blame.
- Be present: One of the other things that we tend to do when we have fear of abandonment is that we focus so much on the past where the trauma happened and the future of what could happen versus being mindful and present in a relationship. Your relationship is happening right now, so put less focus on what might happen and more focus on what is happening.
- Seek therapy: I can't stress enough how important therapy will be to your overall healing, especially when it comes to abandonment issues. Abandonment is tricky and it is important that you seek the help of a mental health professional to process and work through the traumas.
Personally, this is a journey inward that I've taken on for nearly a year now. If you asked me what it looks like for me and what it has taught me, I would say that chasing emotionally unavailable men is how I self-sabotage.
I figured out that by mothering my inner child spiritually and physically by speaking life into her, respecting her boundaries, avoiding putting her in situations that could result in heartbreaks, patting her on the back when she needs a little support, holding her hand at night when she needs to feel loved, pampering her when she doesn't like the reflection she sees in the mirror—doing all of this instead of navigating life from a place of loss and void is how I engage in healthy behaviors. I'm still a work in progress, though.
Moreover, I'm learning that the end of a relationship doesn't have to feel like the world is ending. Some people aren't meant to stay in our lives forever—that's OK. If it's tempting to fight and beg for them to stay, sometimes the best we can do is just to cling to the good memories that we share and understand that those we love are free to continue walking their own path on their own terms.
Their decision to part ways with us doesn't mean that we aren't worthy of love. Quite the contrary, I like to think that it means that a better love is coming.
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The most Gemini woman you'll ever meet. Communications & community enthusiast, I run a media platform centered around spirituality, and I'm always looking to connect with fellow creatives. Follow me on Instagram & Twitter @savannahtaider
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
Manifestation is the act of making something real that was once an idea or thought. We are doing it constantly through the thoughts we are thinking the most, whether we are conscious about it or not, and it makes up our entire existence. Being intentional about your thoughts and what you are focusing on, and therefore what you are manifesting into your life, is critical when it comes to what you want to see in your world.
Manifesting tools and ways of enhancing your own personal magic in life will be different for everyone, and that’s where Astrology comes in.
Some people, like Mercury-ruled Virgo and Gemini, work best when they can write down their thoughts and manifest their dreams in that way. Others like Venus-ruled Taurus and Libra love a good visual and creating vision boards and aesthetics that match what they want to manifest for themselves tends to work best for them. Manifestation is a power we all have, but we all also have the ability to use it and enhance it in different ways.
Manifest Your Dream Life Through Astrology
In Astrology, there are a few key places you can look to discover your strengths in creating your dream life. Your 11th House, which rules your hopes, dreams, manifestations, and community. Your 10th House, which rules your achievements, goals, social stature, and successes. As well as your 1st House, which is the House that represents your sense of self, your personal goals and life path, and your self-identity.
All of these areas in Astrology align us with our dreams and inspire us to take action on them and to be more intentional about what we are creating in our world.
To manifest your dream life, you need to first ask yourself what you want. Get to the bottom of what it is you desire, know yourself, and discover what potential mental blocks may be limiting you from receiving it.
Are you an Aries who loves the idea and the initiative of manifesting something, but when it comes to needing more patience and trusting the divine timing of it all, do you self-sabotage and jump ship? Being Mars-ruled, Aries can create their dreams by balancing their proactive approach with self-trust and believing that what they are putting out will come back to them in positive ways.
How Each Zodiac Sign Should Manifest Their Dream Life
By identifying yourself, your traits, and your habits, you can find your strengths and where more of the magic is in your life and manifest the life you have always dreamed of.
Read below for your sun sign, and also look at your 11th, 10th, and 1st house signs as well to get the full picture:
ARIES
Aries would do well with studying the law of attraction. For Aries, the best way you are going to manifest for yourself is by getting out of your own way and letting things come to you. For some signs, they may need to be taking more action, taking more risks, and putting themselves out there more to manifest, but Aries doesn’t have that problem.
Aries is always taking action and taking initiative, and to manifest more, you need to take a step back and let things come to you. Trust and wholeheartedly believe that you are worthy and ready for what you are looking for; let it go and watch it manifest for you, Aries.
TAURUS
Taurus needs a good atmosphere to manifest. If you are not feeling comfortable, safe, and in tune with yourself, then it is hard for you to do anything, and you need to make sure the vibe is right first and foremost.
There is also a mystical side that not many people know or see right away, and you can create some real magic by lighting intentional candles, using flower therapy, and visualizing what you want to manifest for yourself in a luxurious bath or atmosphere.
You need to feel your manifestations, and going for a test drive in your dream car, touring your dream house, and doing the things that put you physically in the space of your manifestations works best for you, Taurus.
GEMINI
Gemini manifests best by creating and putting pen to paper. You have a lively mind and a curious spirit, and by moving around, exploring new places, and getting your energy excited, you create an opening in your life for magic. Geminis have a unique and open-minded vision and don’t need much to be in a good space to manifest.
Meditation will help you calm your mind so you can focus on one thing you want to manifest for yourself. However, you don’t want your active mind to make you feel scattered, which isn’t good for manifestation. It will also help you to communicate, talk about the things you want to happen for yourself, and put them out into the universe.
CANCER
Cancer’s gift of manifestation comes through from the heart. A lot of people associate manifestation with something your mind does, but it’s really all in the heart and feeling into where it takes you.
To create the perfect space for you to manifest your dreams, make sure you are in a place where you feel comfortable and at home and a space that makes you relax and focus on the joy and gratitude in your world.
Journaling, creating art, spending time on hobbies and passions, and doing things that put you in a space of creation and ease all serve you well. You shouldn’t try to manifest if you are not feeling emotionally well or up for it and should work on this magic when you internally feel called to, not out of fear or need of control.
LEO
Leo’s make great visualizers, and they can see and create things for themselves before they happen. Being inspired is very important when it comes to what you can manifest for yourself, and you’ll need to be in these inviting, exciting, and passionate places to do so. Getting out of your normal routine, getting a new scenery, and keeping an open mind serves you well here.
With your creative soul, you can better manifest by creating a physical vision board or making one with your favorite Pinterest pins. For you, the act of manifesting is the most important part, so get creative with it. Don’t judge your process or your way of doing things here; just create.
VIRGO
For Virgo, it’s all about being in the right headspace to manifest. Virgos can get in their head too much, which can block their blessings, so meditating, journaling, and relaxing can help you get to a good place to make your dreams come true.
Virgo is a sign that rarely gets enough rest as they are always doing and taking care of things. The challenge with this, however, is that your manifestations can’t reach you when you are always moving around, focused on the next thing you have to do.
Creating more time and space in your life to relax, rejuvenate, rest, and allow your blessings to meet you halfway is essential. Remember that taking action is just as important as making the intention, but so is letting it go and allowing it to come to you.
LIBRA
Libra is a visual manifester and manifests through positive intention, love, and creativity. Getting inspired, going to an art show, being physically around people similar to what you want to manifest for yourself, and being creative is good for your manifestation potential. Write down what you want for yourself, then look for ways to create more of it in your life right now.
Libra is a sign that mirrors others; use this gift to mirror the things you want for yourself. You can do this by dressing for the job you want, going to places you want to be in, and connecting with people there. Overall, it means acting as if it is already so for you. Your strong Venus energy makes you a magnet for your desires.
SCORPIO
Scorpio sees and feels everything in an in-depth way and does well when they can get out of their emotions and remain in the present moment. For you, Scorpio, manifesting gets easier the more you can own your power rather than fear away from it, and the more you can create from a space of divine intention rather than control.
Setting up affirmations and positive keywords for yourself serves you well. Knowing your trigger words and places can help you navigate and learn more about how you speak to yourself to make sure you are saying and doing things that will give you what you want, not what you don’t.
Write a positive affirmation that reflects what you want for yourself right now, put it on your mirror, and then read it every day before you brush your teeth.
SAGITTARIUS
Sagittarius is a master manifester. Your optimistic soul serves you well when it comes to manifesting your dreams, and you have an endless amount of them. It is not difficult for you to get inspired, but you do come across this energy more when you are traveling, learning, exploring the world, and connecting with people.
However, with your expansive mind, it can be hard to define exactly what you want for yourself and to stay focused, so journaling and writing down your intentions in an organized, concrete way will serve you well. You are ruled by Jupiter, which is the planet of good luck and manifestation; however, overall, just by being yourself, living your authentic life and truths, and being happy, you are easily able to manifest your dreams.
CAPRICORN
Capricorn is a practical soul, and this earth sign is more automatically geared to not trusting or believing in things they cannot see. You often see success as something that comes from hard work, and although this is true in a sense, it doesn’t always have to be difficult or a struggle.
For you, manifesting your dreams is going to come from realizing that it can really come to you that easily.
From thought to reality, it can all be that simple for you, Capricorn. Honoring your spirituality more, implementing a positive daily ritual or spiritual practice, and believing in the impossible will help you manifest your dreams. For you, Capricorn, it’s about trusting the universe more and believing in miracles.
AQUARIUS
Aquarius is an insightful and intuitive soul and is another sign that is naturally gifted in the art of manifestation. Aquarius is the ruler of the 11th House, which is literally the house of manifestation, so you come into this world with a gift here. For you, manifesting comes from visualization.
You are a very visual and in-tune soul, and you can create worlds from your mind alone. It’s all about defining your larger-than-life ideas and dreams and feeling how it would be to receive them. You have the mental aspect down, but implementing more heart and emotion into your manifestations and truly feeling how having your dreams come true would look like for you is essential.
PISCES
Pisces, you are ruled by Jupiter and Neptune, both planets that are key when it comes to manifestation. The Neptune side of you helps you imagine the impossible, be creative, and be inspired by your dreams. Your Jupiter side helps you have faith in it all and strengthens your connection with the universe. For you, manifesting comes from getting out of your head and into your heart.
You are often daydreaming and imagining scenarios you want to see happen, which can definitely help you manifest, but you’ll want to find a way to do so with a more grounded approach.
You can do so by creating space and preparing for something to enter your life that you have set your intentions for, and taking more action on the things that reflect your ideas and dreams.
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