Overcoming Negative Thoughts In An Overly Saturated World
We all have that pesky voice in our heads that's constantly shouting, "You're not good enough," or, "You're not trying hard enough."
At some point, this voice starts affecting your psyche and the way you perceive what's around you. It digs into your brain and places doubt in almost everything you dream, desire, or do.
Unfortunately, that voice doesn't ever really stop and even when you're doing seemingly well in life, a quick look to social media can put you right back to square one in a rut of a self-deprecating session. However, I learned that while the inner voice doesn't stop, it does get quieter. Especially when you learn how to change it.
Using this voice as a motivator instead of a depressant transformed the way I looked at life and those around me. Here are a few helpful ways to tackle negativity in your life.
Body Shaming Yourself
We are so ready to stop men and other women from body shaming each other, but what about what we say to ourselves? We all tend to compare, and sometimes it can be constructive, but never when you're referencing your body. Your body is yours, with its own timeline and process. To make yourself starve, run, or diet because you want the body of someone else is the same as body shaming yourself.
Love your curves, lumps, and moles. Embrace what you have and work to make that better.
Society is focused on outer beauty but that doesn't mean your inside voice has to be. We are so strict on society telling us what size we need to be, but half of us are not as nice to ourselves. If you want to change your body, do it for you. Don't do it for what you believe your husband wants, or what society deems 'sexy'. Transform yourself for you.
Stop Comparing
When you compare your finances, success, or life to others - you're automatically diminishing the life you have. You're shitting on the work you've done to get there and the obstacles you've overcome to succeed; you are punking yourself, essentially.
It's hard to not compare in a world saturated with images of people being happy and having everything, but it's imperative you do.
We all know that everyone only shows the happy parts of their lives. It can be argued that you are only shown the parts that people want you to see, or want you to envy. Few times do you get on Instagram and see a person's shitty day or a day they felt overwhelmed by the world and needed a hug. Your success and happiness in life should not be measured by someone's ruler. Start congratulating those that are succeeding around you and before you know it - you'll be applauding yourself! (Not to mention, all those people you supported will support you!)
Lose The "I Don't Fit In" Attitude
Nobody is leaving you out. It's time to ditch that notion. How can you be left out of your own life? Surround yourself with empowering, strong, and caring people who make you feel wanted and needed and who listen to your successes and failures. "Fitting in" isn't something to achieve, it's something to pity. Focus on doing the things that make you happy and don't pay attention to what others are doing. Your purpose is unique because it's your purpose, you're not supposed to be part of the norm (which is all relative anyway).
Your life is bigger than this moment, enjoy your struggle.
Ever think about when you were 13 and prayed every day to be older? If only you knew then what you know now, eh? This is now. This is then. Live in these moments. Being anxious about future endeavors that you can't control (ie: marriage, kids) is distracting you from enjoying what you have now. There will never be a time in your life like the one right now; make sure you are learning from it. If you're in a hard time, understand you will get out and have a lesson to learn. If you're in the highs of your life, be grateful and take it all in. We all have an ebb and flow to our life. Our mission is to enjoy and learn from it all.
Life is way too short as we are often reminded by the media. The trick is to enjoy what you have and be proud of what you're building for your future. Don't be caught up in the lives of others.
As far as I'm concerned, it's never paid any of my bills.
Featured image by Getty Images
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Courtney is a contributing writer, based in Puerto Rico by way of Tennessee. Interested in the intersection of fashion and culture, she has an affinity for fashion, empowerment, and really good tacos. Keep up with her on Instagram (@hautecourtxo).
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Rihanna Talks Shedding Expectations And Finding Balance As A Mother
Since becoming a mother in 2022, Rihanna has defined parenthood by her terms and hopes to pass that sense of autonomy on to her children.
For Vogue China’s April cover story, Rihanna shared her perspective on raising her two sons with A$AP Rocky, and how she hopes to preserve her children’s uniqueness, devoid of societal expectations.
"The most beautiful thing...is that [children] come into the world with their own individuality and sincerity, without any logic or conformity,” she told the publication. “Which usually makes you feel that you must fit into a certain group."
The “Work” artist, known for her trendsetting style and captivating persona, expressed her desire to support children in fully embracing their individuality and encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. "It's really beautiful to see and I want to continue to help them navigate that and make sure that they know they can be whoever they want to be,” she says.
She continues, “They should embrace it completely, because it's beautiful, and it's unique. I love them just that way."
From shattering music charts to shaking up the beauty industry, Rihanna has forged a path that has since created the “dream” life we see today. One that she says has made her parents proud of.
“I’m living my dream,” she continued. “My parents were very proud of that because they just wanted me to be happy and successful. So, I think the key thing is to find some kind of balance. Yes, balance is important. Do this and you get the best of both worlds. You can write your own life the way you want, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to let go of everyone’s expectations and start living your own story.”
Rihanna, who shares sons, RZA, 23 months, and Riot, 8 months, with rapper A$AP Rocky, recently shared her vision for expanding her family in the future in Interview Magazine.
When stylist Mel Ottenberg asked about the number of additional children she hoped to have, Rihanna replied, "As many as God wants me to have.”
"I don't know what God wants, but I would go for more than two. I would try for my girl,” she adds. “But of course, if it's another boy, it's another boy."
Featured image by Neil MockfordWireImage