Overcoming Negative Thoughts In An Overly Saturated World
We all have that pesky voice in our heads that's constantly shouting, "You're not good enough," or, "You're not trying hard enough."
At some point, this voice starts affecting your psyche and the way you perceive what's around you. It digs into your brain and places doubt in almost everything you dream, desire, or do.
Unfortunately, that voice doesn't ever really stop and even when you're doing seemingly well in life, a quick look to social media can put you right back to square one in a rut of a self-deprecating session. However, I learned that while the inner voice doesn't stop, it does get quieter. Especially when you learn how to change it.
Using this voice as a motivator instead of a depressant transformed the way I looked at life and those around me. Here are a few helpful ways to tackle negativity in your life.
Body Shaming Yourself
We are so ready to stop men and other women from body shaming each other, but what about what we say to ourselves? We all tend to compare, and sometimes it can be constructive, but never when you're referencing your body. Your body is yours, with its own timeline and process. To make yourself starve, run, or diet because you want the body of someone else is the same as body shaming yourself.
Love your curves, lumps, and moles. Embrace what you have and work to make that better.
Society is focused on outer beauty but that doesn't mean your inside voice has to be. We are so strict on society telling us what size we need to be, but half of us are not as nice to ourselves. If you want to change your body, do it for you. Don't do it for what you believe your husband wants, or what society deems 'sexy'. Transform yourself for you.
Stop Comparing
When you compare your finances, success, or life to others - you're automatically diminishing the life you have. You're shitting on the work you've done to get there and the obstacles you've overcome to succeed; you are punking yourself, essentially.
It's hard to not compare in a world saturated with images of people being happy and having everything, but it's imperative you do.
We all know that everyone only shows the happy parts of their lives. It can be argued that you are only shown the parts that people want you to see, or want you to envy. Few times do you get on Instagram and see a person's shitty day or a day they felt overwhelmed by the world and needed a hug. Your success and happiness in life should not be measured by someone's ruler. Start congratulating those that are succeeding around you and before you know it - you'll be applauding yourself! (Not to mention, all those people you supported will support you!)
Lose The "I Don't Fit In" Attitude
Nobody is leaving you out. It's time to ditch that notion. How can you be left out of your own life? Surround yourself with empowering, strong, and caring people who make you feel wanted and needed and who listen to your successes and failures. "Fitting in" isn't something to achieve, it's something to pity. Focus on doing the things that make you happy and don't pay attention to what others are doing. Your purpose is unique because it's your purpose, you're not supposed to be part of the norm (which is all relative anyway).
Your life is bigger than this moment, enjoy your struggle.
Ever think about when you were 13 and prayed every day to be older? If only you knew then what you know now, eh? This is now. This is then. Live in these moments. Being anxious about future endeavors that you can't control (ie: marriage, kids) is distracting you from enjoying what you have now. There will never be a time in your life like the one right now; make sure you are learning from it. If you're in a hard time, understand you will get out and have a lesson to learn. If you're in the highs of your life, be grateful and take it all in. We all have an ebb and flow to our life. Our mission is to enjoy and learn from it all.
Life is way too short as we are often reminded by the media. The trick is to enjoy what you have and be proud of what you're building for your future. Don't be caught up in the lives of others.
As far as I'm concerned, it's never paid any of my bills.
Featured image by Getty Images
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- 7 Ways to Deal With Negative Thoughts | Psychology Today ›
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- 5 Actionable Steps to Overcome Negative Thinking | Inc.com ›
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- 4 Keys To Overcoming Negative Thinking For Good - Melli O'Brien ›
Courtney is a contributing writer, based in Puerto Rico by way of Tennessee. Interested in the intersection of fashion and culture, she has an affinity for fashion, empowerment, and really good tacos. Keep up with her on Instagram (@hautecourtxo).
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Sheila Rashid's Androgynous Approach To Unisex Clothing Is A Lesson In Embracing Individuality
The ItGirl 100 List is a celebration of 100 Black women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table.
For Sheila Rashid, it all started with some free-hand drawings and a few strokes of paint.
The Chicago-based clothing designer and creative director of Sheila Rashid Brand recalls using her spare time in high school to hand paint designs on t-shirts and distressed hoodies, distributing them to classmates as walking billboards for her art.
Rashid sought to pursue fashion design at Columbia College in Chicago but eventually took the self-taught route to build upon her knack for crafting one-of-a-kind, androgynous pieces.
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Thanks to the mentorship of local designers taking her under their wings, Rashid was able to gain valuable experience in putting together collections and creating patterns; equipping her with them with the necessary skills to pursue her own collections.
After two years of living in New York, Rashid returned home to the Chi and uncovered the unique flair she could offer the city. “I moved to New York after that because I wanted to be in the fashion capital world,” she tells xoNecole. “That's when I really got a leg up. I found myself when I moved back to Chicago after moving to New York.”
For the Midwest native, inspiration comes from her time around creative peers and the city’s notorious winters — known to be a main character in many Chicagoans stories. “It's a different perspective and mindset when I'm making stuff because of the weather here,” she explains. “When we get summer, it’s ‘Summertime Chi’ — it's amazing. It's beautiful. Still, I find myself always making clothes that cater to the winter.”
"I moved to New York after that because I wanted to be in the fashion capital world. That's when I really got a leg up. I found myself when I moved back to Chicago after moving to New York.”
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Many designers have a signature aesthetic or theme in their creations. In Rashid’s design story, dancing between the lines of femininity and masculinity is how she’s been able to distinguish herself within the industry. Her androgynous clothing has garnered the eye of celebrities like Zendaya, Chance the Rapper, WNBA star Sydney Colson, and more — showing her range and approach to designs with inclusivity in mind.
“I think I do reflect my own style,” she says. “When I do make pieces, I'm very tomboyish, androgynous. My work is unisex because I feel like everybody can wear it. I cater to everybody and that's how I try to approach my clothes.” From denim to overalls, and color-drenched outerwear, Rashid has mastered the structure of statement pieces that tell a story.
“Each collection, I never know what's going to be the thing I'm going to focus on. I try to reflect my own style and have fun with the storytelling,” she shares. “I look at it more like it's my art in this small way of expressing myself, so it's not that calculated.”
"My work is unisex because I feel like everybody can wear it. I cater to everybody and that's how I try to approach my clothes."
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Still, if you were able to add up all the moments within Rashid’s 20-year career in design, one theme that has multiplied her into becoming an “ItGirl” is her confidence to take up space within the fashion industry as a queer, Black woman. “Being an ItGirl is about being yourself, loving what you do, finding your niche, and mastering that,” she says.
No matter where you are on your ItGirl journey, Rashid says to always remain persistent and never hesitate to share your art with the world. “Don’t give up. Even if it's something small, finish it and don't be afraid to put it out,” she says, “It's about tackling your own fear of feeling like you have to please everybody, but just please yourself, and that's good enough.”
To learn more about the ItGirl 100 List, view the full list here.
Featured image Courtesy