Quantcast
How Much Is Your Childhood Trauma Costing You?

How Much Is Your Childhood Trauma Costing You?

To get to the fruit, we have to address the root.

Finance

Why is it that you know "all the things" which can feel like information overload when it comes to your money; like spend less than you earn, save, and don't forget the "b" word: Budget. The one that makes you feel restricted in your pants after eating all the quarantine snacks with an aftertaste of guilt. What would it feel like to actually earn more, spend more, and save more?

April is Financial Literacy Month and, regardless of what is going on in the world, which may be bubbling up deep and painful insecurities around money, there's no better time to uncover the root of your money worries so you can own your money mindset and gain the clarity to create the life you imagine. As your resident Money Mindset Coach, I am here to guide you on your journey and raise your money consciousness so you can leave the shame, guilt, and avoidance around your dollars at the door.

To get to the fruit, we have to address the root. And that means going back to your foundation where you received your programming and conditioning that drives all of your behaviors. So many of you are running on autopilot, and that is why awareness is key.

After doing many case studies with my clients, whether they grew up in poverty, middle class, or wealthy, I have found similar patterns often accompanied by an excruciating pain around money that bleeds into other areas of their life like their personal and romantic relationships, work, and their own worthiness. Whether this shows up as memories of not having enough money for school lunch, being unable to buy things you wanted as a kid, or having your parents using money as a bandaid, measure of success, or as a way to control, the impact of childhood trauma is real.

Shutterstock

Talking about the limiting beliefs around money and shifting your thoughts is a good place to start, but it skims the surface. What did your parents or caretakers say about money? Rich people are greedy? Money is the root of all evil? Money doesn't grow on trees? There is power in words and these sink into your subconscious mind which develops during the ages 0-7 and then drives all of your behavior.

"The work" lies in reframing these beliefs and regaining your confidence around money.

But then we have to go a step deeper where the trauma lies. Did you have emotionally immature parents? Were your parents distant, inconsistent, or preoccupied with their own unresolved trauma? When we don't have safe and secure attachments, we seek our sense of worthiness externally and that's what comes at a great cost.

So what are the core childhood wounds that lead to unresolved issues with your money that could be costing you big time?

Feeling Unseen:

If your parents were playing out their own unresolved intergenerational trauma and felt unseen, maybe they found themselves in a pattern of "keeping up with the Joneses", focusing more on seeking external validation and sacrificing financial peace because they were taught money is a status symbol. You may find yourself using retail therapy as a way to manage difficult emotions.

Feeling Unlovable:

If your parents were self-absorbed (not in a blame-y way, just unconscious to their own pain), they may have felt like they weren't worthy of love. Instead, they chased money, fame, or social status to feel the void and to prove themselves worthy of love. For you, this may show up as overgiving, people-pleasing, and hustling for your worth in both your careers and relationships. And whew child, can it get expensive. The burden of success is real, and the guilt of feeling like you're the one that made it is heavy. The good news, it can be healed. Start asking yourself, "Am I doing this with love, or for love?", and watch your world change.

Fear of Abandonment: 

Did your parents have a parent that left them? Whether it be physically through divorce, separation, death, or absenteeism? If so, the fear of someone leaving could unconsciously have you proving your worth, overspending, and caretaking. It could also keep you in toxic work environments, afraid to leave and find a more conducive situation. It's time to heal this, sis.

Not Being Enough:

If you grew up with very critical and harsh parents, you may have this deep inner feeling of not being enough. Your parents may have overcompensated in various ways when it came to how they used money, making up for the things they never had. For you, this may show up as buying friends, overgiving, and then feeling resentment when it's never enough. Sound familiar?

Whenever we FEEL we are operating from a place of lack (and I say feel because we are born worthy by our divine birthright), we operate from a place of scarcity despite the economic status of the family we were born into. And when this happens, we are in survival mode. Your pain is not your fault, but your HEALING is your RESPONSIBILITY. Your parents did the best they could with what they knew.

I want you to do an exercise.

Hold your breath. OK, now release. Now hold your breath for 30 minutes. Impossible, right? That's what it means to operate from survival mode and a place of scarcity. All you can think about is taking your NEXT breath stuck in the same negative thoughts, pattern loops, and traumatic experiences. If you are ready to stop just surviving and stop thriving, make the investment into your greatest asset: You. It's easy to be told you're worth it, but do you ACTUALLY believe it?

It's time to stop just surviving and start thriving, are you ready to make the shift?

Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here to receive our latest articles and news straight to your inbox.

Featured image by Shutterstock

Your October 2022 Horoscopes Are All About Finding Flow & Alignment

October is a month of balance. With some energy moving direct and some energy moving retrograde, there is a middle ground to find this month between what is unfolding and what you are letting go. The month begins with Mercury officially moving out of retrograde and going direct in Virgo. Mercury this month is cleaning house and sprucing things up after the somewhat tyrant energy it’s brought over the past few weeks. Now that Mercury is direct, there is less interruption when it comes to daily flow and plans, and this is a good month to start setting things into motion.

Keep reading...Show less
The daily empowerment fix you need.
Make things inbox official.
The Myth Of The Sex Drive & How Libido Changes From Your 20s, 30s, 40s & 50s

No one prepared me for how horny I would be in my late 30s. All the elders in my life prepared me for random chin hairs, weight gain, and menopause but no one said a mumbling word about my sex drive. Something happens the closer you get to forty. I went from wanting sex here and there to wanting it all the damn time. Is there a support group for this? I can’t be the only one who has the sex drive of the Energizer Bunny. Upon my research to figure out why I felt like a cat in heat, I discovered several theories surrounding women and our sex drives–including one that says the concept of having a sex drive is a myth altogether.

Keep reading...Show less
Exclusive: Da’Vinchi On Protecting His Peace & Why He Prioritizes Mindset Over Looks In Dating

Da’Vinchi has appeared in many television series such as All American and Grown-ish but it was his role in BMF as Terry Flenory that helped propel his career forward. Since starring in BMF, he made his Broadway debut with Thoughts of a Colored Man and is currently shooting an undisclosed movie in Vancouver. The 26-year-old actor is beginning to see the fruits of his labor and so it’s hard to imagine that he almost went in a different direction. Da’Vinchi spoke with xoNecole’s Dana Blair for our xoMan series about acting, being a sapiosexual, and protecting his peace.

Keep reading...Show less
Black woman with an afro and tube top laughing

If you have been on social media for any significant amount of time this year you may have come across women saying that they are in their “villain era.” For these women, being a villain means embracing the negativity and judgment from others that comes when you say “no” to people, and living your life unapologetically. For them, being a villain means letting the chips fall where they may when you no longer allow other people’s ideas about you to restrict you from living the life that you want and deserve.

Keep reading...Show less
Niecy Nash Says Her Relationship With Jessica Betts Is The First Time She Has Felt 'Fully Seen'

When Niecy Nash-Betts announced she was married to musician Jessica Betts, many people were surprised. The Emmy-nominated actress has a history of dating only men and was even married twice prior to meeting her wife. However, Niecy has become an example of the saying “love is love” and she and Jessica have been open about their relationship ever since.

Keep reading...Show less
Exclusive Interviews
Latest Posts