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How To Thrive When You're In Survival Mode
There are times we reap and times we sow. When we're in the process of sowing our seeds for success it can be hard to pop our heads up and provide a little self-care.
Especially when the grind has time and money tied up. Sometimes I'll come across a piece of life advice that's out of my price range or too time consuming to be possible. Like taking a weekend vacation when the work grind is too heavy or indulging in a day at the spa to release tension or investing in the services of a life coach. The way my savings account is set up, I'm not making any major withdrawals until the balance stops giving me anxiety.
But, just because you're in survival mode doesn't mean you don't also need to relax. In fact, taking some time to reboot can very often be the thing you need to push through. The conflict I often ran into was how to simplify this process so it doesn't take too much time - or money. After a few years of perfecting my own little survival guide, I've figured out how to sprinkle in much needed self-care without losing step.
Change Your Nightly Narrative
I don't know how many times I've woken up literally on my laptop. Studies have shown that not having a night time routine - even as an adult - can lead to heart failure and even memory loss. Instead of going to sleep by default, install a 30 minute nighttime routineand a bedtime. Take a shower, use lavender oil to relax, put your phone on do-not-disturb and listen to something soothing until sleep finds you. Removing one small element of chaos (i.e. a sporadic bedtime) will reshape your entire mental state the very next morning.
Wear Less Black
It's a go-to color for most of us busy ladies - it's hard to stain, it's slimming and it relays professionalism effortlessly. It's also an energy absorber. Every reiki practitioner or energy healer will tell you that the colors you wear (and even the fabrics) can have an impact on how you feel. Black attracts and absorbs the energy around you and can emotionally weigh you down. Opt out of this color as much as possible and instead wear lighter colors like white, beige and yellow to ...
Schedule Your Social Media Time
Sure you could check your social media threads whenever you have idle hands but did you really even miss anything? Probably not. Instead, allow yourself a social media check in at specific times. Like every 3 hours or 5 times per day. It might take a little while to get used to but in the end you'll notice you check in with social media less often and therefore are less exposed to all those millions of triggers that can add to an already stressful day.
Treat Yourself (On A Budget)
Even when time and money are limited, you can still do the smallest things to give you that pat on the back that you need. When you take on an extra job or an extra client or an extra class, you know in advance that you're about to be drowning in extra work. Be mindful of how stressed you'll be an section out a little time and a little money to treat yourself along the way. 30 minutes for a manicure every Friday, one girl's night out after reaching your first milestone goal. Rewarding yourself is the oldest advice in the book but it is key to remind yourself why you're grinding so hard in the first place.
Surround Yourself With Fellow Grinders
Who you spend time with can have a huge impact on how you feel. When you do take time to relax or enjoy life, do so with people who are in the same place as you. It's one thing to be genuinely happy for that friend who just got back from an excursion in Costa Rica but it still can make you come down hard on yourself. Instead, hit up someone you know can use a break too and invite them to take a moment to breathe with you, even if its just a pow-wow over the phone to unload the woes of work life.
Say "No" To Them And "Yes" To You
Even when I'm swamped, I tend to still find time to be there for other people. Whether it's a long phone call to serve tea or attending someone's birthday party - I would find a way to squeeze it in, tired or not. I learned a little trick though. Instead of saying yes to them, I just say no. If I don't have the energy to attend, with everything going on then that is exactly what I say. But, the trick is to take those three or four hours I would have spent at that event on myself - relaxing, vegging out in front of Netflix, reading a book, listening to a lecture, or just plain napping. If I can squeeze in time for others, I can certainly squeeze in time for myself when I need it most.
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Featured image by Getty Images
Ashley Simpo is a writer, mother and advocate for self-care and healthy relationships. She lives in Brooklyn, NY. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter @ashleysimpo. Check out her work and her musings on ashleysimpocreative.com.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Blair Underwood Initially Turned Down 'Sex And The City' Because 'It Was About How Samantha Was Fascinated By Dating A Black Man’
Actor and heartthrob Blair Underwood is opening up about why he turned down Sex and the City the first time he was offered a role. Many fans of the HBO series may recall Blair's time on the show in which his character was dating Miranda (Cynthia Nixon). However, he was previously offered another role where his character would date Samantha (Kim Cattrall).
During his interview with AV Club, the Set It Off star revealed that he was uncomfortable with the initial offer due to the character's fascination with him being a Black man.
“I actually did say ‘no’ the first time,” he said. “The first time they had offered the role, to be honest with you, it was about how Samantha was fascinated by dating a Black man and wanted to know if, uh, all of the rumors were true about our anatomy! And I said, ‘Listen, I’m honored, thank you, but I just don’t want to play a character based on race, on curiosity about a Black man.'”
But that didn't stop them from reaching out again. This time he was offered to play Dr. Robert Leeds, the love interest to Miranda and he decided to go for it. "So they were nice enough to call about a year later, and I said, 'Well, is it gonna be about race?' And they said, 'No, no, no, we’re not even gonna mention race!' And I think it really did only come up maybe once," he recalled.
"It did five episodes, and I think Samantha mentioned it once, saying something about 'a Black doctor' that Miranda was dating. And that’s really been a consistent thing in my career: not wanting to be boxed as 'the Black guy.'
"I’ve had that conversation with many producers along the way, and they were so great. They said, 'No, he’s just a doctor who Miranda meets in the elevator, and they have a nice little fling.' And it was amazing."
Blair has had a wide-ranging career playing everything from a lawyer on L.A. Law to playing Madame CJ Walker's husband on Self Made: Inspired by the Life of Madame CJ Walker. And during his interview, he revealed another role that he initially turned down, Set It Off. The movie, which is considered a classic in Black culture, stars Queen Latifah, Jada Pinkett Smith, Vivica A. Fox, and Kimberly Elise. Blair's character, Keith, played a banker and love interest to Jada's character, Stony.
He explained why he said no at first and eventually accepted the offer. "I had initially said “no” to that. Because I was playing this historic, iconic African-American historical figure in Jackie Robinson, and the time, y’know, there was Boyz N The Hood, and Menace II Society was out there, and I’d finished playing this noble Negro… [Laughs]," he said.
"And I’m reading the script, and there’s a scene where Jada Pinkett’s character—Jada Pinkett-Smith now—was going to sell her body so she could make some money to send her brother to college. And I remember, honestly, I threw the script across the room. I was, like, “I don’t want to do this. I want to do something uplifting for the Black culture and Black characters, and I don’t know if I want to see this.”
After a conversation with the movie's director F. Gary Gray and the actor's manager encouraging him to finish reading the script, Blair had a change of heart. What he first thought about the movie turned out to be totally different.
"So I finished the script, and I saw that the character they were asking me to play was really the love story in the midst of all of this turmoil of all of these characters, the four ladies: Queen Latifah, Vivica Fox, Kimberly Elise, and Jada," he explained.
"It was so well-written, it was such a great platform for them. And to be able to play the love story and the storyline that gave Jada’s character a leg up and a way out of this world, something to hope for, to wish for, someone to love her… I said, 'You know what? I’d like to be a part of that.'
"And I’m so glad I did, because that film resonates to this day. People all the time come up to me and say that they love that movie. So I’m glad that I did it."