A Sensual Nighttime Routine Is Working Wonders For My Morning Anxiety, Here's Where To Start
I don’t know what it is about turning 30 that made me super interested in vitamins and routines, but I love it here. Gone (well, not completely) are the days I let the day turn into night with my makeup, lights, and TV on with my laptop by my head. I blamed burnout on an undesirable work culture, a busy schedule, etc., but growing wiser, I realize the responsibility to set aside time to restore my mind, body, and soul is entirely mine.
When it comes to anxiety, the way I look at the dilemma of the mind is as living in the past and being fearful of what is to come. To combat that, intentionally cultivating routines that involve tapping into my five senses as a grounding technique helps me to become more present and realize what a gift the current moment is. Not only am I able to let go of the feelings of frustration that I carry around stemming from what (or what did not) occur in the day, but I also get to regulate my nervous system to the point my mind can start imagining a better future.
I think of my aura as a glass mirror that picks up fingerprints during the day, and I get to find different ways to wipe it clean at night so that I can see myself clearly the next day. Creating a sensual nighttime routine for myself does exactly that. Here’s how I start:
With Prayer
In my younger days, I used to save this step for right before bed, but I find getting spiritually grounded for a few minutes better assists me in switching from productivity mode to giving myself permission to just be. These days instead of defining myself by external factors like what I do for a living, how much I can produce, and accolades, I take a few minutes to express my gratitude through prayer to my higher power, the universe, my ancestors, and my everyday angels I'm lucky enough to call my friends and family. I am reminded that I am part of something way bigger than I often realize.
This then makes it easier to take time to take care of myself.
Sound: Self-Care Playlist
I’m getting back to my teeny-bopper days when each of my moods has a custom playlist. But this seriously works wonders by listening to music that affirms and uplifts me while soothing me into a restful mood. Don’t get it twisted, I do include a little bit of upbeat music in my playlist to ignite some passion and endorphins needed to carry out this process while I'm exhausted. Hearing my favorite songs at this time just takes the monotonicity out of my routines and inspires creativity. Hey, even a little jig every once and a while never hurts.
Smell: Burning Incense, Candles, and Using Oil Diffusers
Aromatherapy is a part of my routine that I refuse to skip. It's really hard to think about all the annoyances that occurred during the day when I smell the fragrance of citrus or berries in my vicinity! Almost every step of my nighttime routine has scents that are either soothing or delicious to me, from my skincare to the essential oils that I use. This just brings to my attention that often the simplest pleasures in life are free or at least super affordable. Plus, certain essential oils like eucalyptus, lavender, and lemongrass are great for calming down one’s nervous system enough to fall asleep.
Touch: Taking the Day Off
Touch involves quite literally getting my day clothes off, getting in the shower, and changing into some comfortable night clothes. I take my playlist into the shower for some karaoke, inviting laughter and tears. My favorite shower products are great for my sensitive skin, but also layer different scents so that my perfume doesn't have to work so hard the next day. Exfoliating and applying body oils ensure that my skin feels soft.
My skincare routine ensures that when I look at my skin, it's bright and rejuvenated in the morning. I focus on glowing before bed because the nighttime is the only time my skin has to repair and regenerate hence the phrase “beauty sleep.” However, skincare does not stop at the face, so I am exploring new body care products to make sure the skin on the rest of my body has an even texture. The self-massage pays off because, by the time I lay down, I'm relaxed.
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Taste: Decaffeinated Sweets
Health is wealth, and healthy snacks are imperative to my overall happiness. I try to stay away from foods that are too sweet or caffeinated at night, so I reach for rich and creamy textures and my favorite liquids. Decaffeinated teas, sugar-free ice pops, fruity-tasting sparking water, and fruit and veggies with peanut butter or salad dressing are my favorites.
Sight: Journaling And Reading
Journaling allows me to truly release and reflect on what’s bothering me. Guided journals are a great way for me to stay consistent and motivated by answering prompts. It’s so funny that writing about what caused me the most stress in the day and then being asked what I need to release helps me realize I’m in the driver's seat of my joy, happiness, and destiny. All that I desire is often a decision away.
With my overthinking, I find it better to put my sight and mind to use to read and experience an alternate reality. I’m an audiobook lover during the day, but at night my bed is a no-phone zone. With dosing off and missing a few sentences, it's tempting to get up and grab my phone/tablet, and the next thing I know it's 3 a.m., and I’m on TikTok. Holding my favorite book, flipping through pages, and fighting to keep my eyes open in excitement to figure out what is on the next page somehow knocks me right out.
When I wake up in the morning, I feel well-rested and like I had a much better quality of sleep than if I would have skipped my routine. It’s easier for me to be way more resolute and productive because I’m running on a lot of positive energy instead of fumes. As I continue to practice my routine, I am starting to realize whatever it is that I thought I was gaining by working behind a computerized screen after 10 p.m., I am losing my quality of life the next day. I proudly put my Bedtime setting on my phone, confidently assured that whatever it is can wait until the next business day.
I know my energy budget, and these days, I’m hella bougie.
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New Jersey native creating a life that she loves while living in gratitude. She loves using beauty, and fashion to create a balanced lifestyle while prioritizing wellness. A devoted fur mom, and a full-time lover of laughter. She is out for revenge against the darkness by being light, taking her own advice, traveling the world, and letting you know that you are so lit! Connect with her via IG @iamzaniah and please visit Zaniahsworld.com
This Black Woman-Owned Creative Agency Shows Us The Art Of Rebranding
Rebranding is an intricate process and very important to the success of businesses that want to change. However, before a business owner makes this decision, they should determine whether it's a rebrand or an evolution.
That's where people like Lola Adewuya come in. Lola is the founder and CEO of The Brand Doula, a brand development studio with a multidisciplinary approach to branding, social media, marketing, and design.
While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
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The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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Couch-Surfing And Soul Searching: How I Found Myself In The Summer Of 2024
I didn’t think I understood the saying, “Life comes at you quickly,” until I experienced the summer of 2024.
What I thought would be a normal hot girl summer with the friendships I’ve cultivated in Atlanta since moving here in 2019 to pursue my dreams of becoming a journalist turned into a very humbling situation – the luxury one-bedroom apartment I’d been living in since 2021 was no more.
Do you know that one story where God literally strips everything away from Job? That is what the start of my summer of ‘24 felt like. While everyone was enjoying Juneteenth celebrations, I had to rally the troops to pack up and move all the items in my apartment and accept my new normal, sleeping on my friend’s couch while I looked to figure things out and get back on my feet.
Firstly, I don’t know what I would do without the community I’ve built here in Atlanta. Secondly, I had to learn to humble myself and ask for help, a sentiment foreign to me as the first-born daughter and the one that folks usually rely on for help, advice, or simply a listening ear.
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Maybe I should back up and tell you how I got here.
In second grade, I discovered my love for writing, and my second-grade teacher, Mrs. Joyce Simmons, planted the seed that a career in the field could be in my future. I’ve always loved the way writing makes me feel. It’s something about putting my thoughts down on paper that really gets me going. By the time my senior year in high school rolled around, that love for writing had developed into a love for storytelling. Before I knew it, I was headed to Virginia Commonwealth University to pursue a degree in broadcast journalism.
Fast-forward to 2019, after losing my maternal grandmother in November 2018, I didn’t want to sit around any longer, waiting for life to happen. After a spiritual fast at the top of the year, I gained clarity and set my sights on moving to Atlanta to become the journalist I have always felt I was destined to be.
A few more leaps of faith and betting on myself later, I fully immersed myself in the world of freelancing. While life as a creative entrepreneur (something that I never anticipated) looked promising, things took a turn for the worse as events like the Hollywood Strike took place, budgets at outlets began diminishing, and the bills never ceased amid it all.
When I had to choose either to continue to struggle to try to make rent at my luxury apartment in Atlanta’s Vinings neighborhood or accept my friend’s offer to sleep on her couch until I figured things out, I had no choice but to choose the latter.
While it didn’t seem like it at first, this turned out to be a life-altering decision in the absolute best way, leading me to my very own Eat, Pray, Love summer visiting friends back home in Richmond, Virginia, the DMV, and rounding out the last few weeks of the season with my childhood best friend of 20+ years in Columbus, Ohio.
Here’s what it taught me about community, faith in God, and learning to let go of material things.
You Cannot Do It Alone.
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While social media often promotes isolation and “me against the world” think pieces, one of the biggest lessons this summer taught me is the importance of sisterhood. Without my girls, I would not have made it through this rough patch, period. Whether it was catching up over cocktails or poolside deep dives, my friends gave me all of the TLC that I never knew I needed over the course of the nearly 100 days that make up the summer season.
God Will Speak To You Through Others If You Take The Time To Listen.
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I turned in the keys to my apartment on Friday, June 21, 2024, the very first day of summer. Feeling overwhelmed, burnt out, and downright sad, I drove away and completely forgot my meal at Chick-fil-A as I headed to my new temporary home with my friend, Damoneke.
What’s more, I scheduled an interview for a story that day, which is absolutely insane in hindsight, but as a freelancer, there is no such thing as PTO, and I needed the money. Late to the call, due to leaving my food at the drive-thru window and Atlanta traffic, I rushed onto the Zoom call, and what transpired moved me in a way that I still can’t fully understand.
The conversation went like any other interview, but at the end, the talent, The Voice season 12 winner Chris Blue, asked me to stop the recording because he “wanted to share something that God had put on his heart to tell me.”
Keep in mind that this was an audio-only Zoom call, so he could not see my face. Blue told me that God sent him a vision while we were on the call, and it was one of me lying on a couch with boulders on my shoulders.
“God is telling you to let it go,” he said. I was frozen in my chair because how would Chris Blue, whom I’d never met or spoken to, know that I had just transitioned from my apartment to my friend’s couch?
After I burst into tears because I didn’t have 24 hours to allow what had just happened to sink in fully, he continued to pour into me before ending with, “God also told me to tell you not to be afraid to dream again.”
It was then that I decided to live my life unapologetically for the rest of the summer, going where the love was and garnering inspiration to make my love for writing fun again.
Material Things Are Cool, But Lived Experiences Are Even Better
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From whirlwind (and short-lived) summer romances, including riding on a stranger’s motorcycle in a foreign city (sorry, mom), to becoming the middle-school-aged version of myself again during the weeks spent in Ohio with my bestie Courtney, having a night out with my siblings, followed by matching tattoos with my sister, attending a cowboy-themed party with my mommy and more, I quickly learned that life is much more than material things.
At the start of this journey, I was so sad and distraught, and if I’m being honest, embarrassed that I no longer had my own space. Now that summer has come to a close, I’m dreaming again. My writing is healing me. I’m reconciling my relationship with my father, and I feel more grounded (and still free) than ever before despite still navigating this nomadic journey.
My biggest lesson this season is that life’s circumstances do not have to define me. Yes, the economy still feels horrific. Yes, I still have a few overdue bills, but overall, I am slowly but surely learning that sometimes freedom isn’t something that you find. Sometimes, you’re forced into it, and that’s okay.
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