10 Simple & Effective Ways To Improve Your Quality Of Sleep
Most of us grew up hearing the number "8" when it came to our health. We needed to drink eight glasses of water every day and we also needed to get eight hours of sleep every night. Unfortunately, most of us are pretty hard-headed. Reportedly, 75 percent of us are not only dehydrated but chronically so while 40 percent of us aren't catching enough zzz's.
On the sleep tip, this is a problem because it's when we're sound asleep that our minds and bodies get time to refresh and recharge. As a result, our stress levels are reduced, our heart gets stronger, our memory levels improve, we lower our risk of anxiety and depression and even our cells produce more protein so that they can repair any damage that may have occurred to them throughout the day.
That's why, no matter what you've got happening on your to-do list, sleep has got to be treated as a top priority. Not just sleep…good sleep. If mentally you know all of this but, deep down, you have to admit that you're not getting the kind of quality rest that your body truly deserves, here are some tips that are sure to take your sleep experience to another level, just as soon as tonight (if you actually make the time to apply them!)
10 Simple Ways To Improve Your Sleep
Eat Breakfast Food at Night
If you've never had an omelet or a piece (or two) of French toast for dinner, you don't know what you're missing! Not only is breakfast food at nighttime absolutely delicious, but certain ones can also help you to get the much-needed rest that you're after too.
The key is to eat foods that are high in complex carbs, protein, calcium, and tryptophan (it's what turkey is full of and why you want to fall asleep right after you eat some of it). Some of the foods that contain this combo are traditional breakfast ones including scrambled eggs, whole grain cereal or toast, yogurt with granola, bagels with salmon and cream cheese or a banana, raspberry and almond milk smoothie.
Take a Magnesium, Calcium and Zinc Supplement
Virtually every part of our body needs magnesium, calcium, and zinc. For starters, it keeps our nerves, bones, muscles, brain and cellular health intact. When our systems are deficient in any of these, it can trigger restlessness, anxiety and even insomnia.
I can personally attest to the fact that if you take this three-combo supplement about an hour or two before bed for about a week, you will end up having some of the best sleep of your entire life! Whenever I take it, I feel a noticeable difference in a good way. When I don't, sleep just isn't as awesome.
Turn Your Thermostat Down
I don't know about you, but I personally think there is nothing worse than falling asleep when I'm hot. The thing that I couldn't figure out for the longest is how I could go to bed feeling totally comfortable and then, in the middle of the night, I would be burning up. What I discovered is our body temperature changes, a few times, throughout the night. The way to not allow that to disrupt your sleep is by turning your thermostat down.
How low? Between 60-67 degrees is good. If you crack open your bedroom window (so that carbon dioxide fumes die down), that's even better. You'll stay cool and your electricity bill will be less expensive in the process.
Use Cotton Sheets
First question—how often do you change your sheets? You should be doing it once a week or once every other week. Your skin is constantly shedding dead skin cells; for the sake of your long-term health, you need to remove the bacteria from your bedding.
Second question—what kind of bedding do you use? According to sleep experts, sheets that are made out of a Pima cotton or an Egyptian cotton that have a sateen finish are best. What's so great about sateen sheets? They're softer. Also, for quality's sake, make sure to get new sheets every 18-24 months.
Oh, and if you're entering into menopause and you want to reduce the feeling of hot flashes in the middle of the night, look for moisture-wicking sheets. If you've never heard of those before, don't worry too much about it. Just ask a sales associate in the store where you're planning to purchase them to point you in the right direction.
Apply Essential Oils to Your Feet
I'm pretty sure that you've heard somewhere that lavender is great for helping you to fall asleep. Whether you decide to light up a lavender candle, sprinkle some of the oil on your sheets or even dab a bit underneath your nose, it has a way of relieving anxiety, restlessness, and insomnia-related symptoms.
What you might not know is if you want the oil to be the most effective, try rubbing some onto the soles of your feet about 30 minutes or so before turning in. The reason why this is such a smart thing to do is because your soles have five skin layers and absolutely no hair follicles. The combo makes the pores down there super-absorbent so that the lavender is able to get into your bloodstream pretty fast (which is why you should wear flip-flops when you're mopping the floor, etc.).
How fast? It shouldn't take more than 20 minutes before you're feeling super calm and very relaxed.
Blow Some Bubbles
Unless you have kids, you probably haven't blown bubbles since you were one yourself. But, believe it or not, it's another way to help you to catch some zzz's. According to aNew York Post article, blowing bubbles is a fun form of deep breathing that helps to calm your nerves and relax your body.
It might sound crazy but hey, don't knock it until you try it!
Turn on Some White Noise
My last boyfriend was a music producer. A part of what that meant is, it was rare that he didn't want to go to sleep without some sort of music on. It drove me batty because while I'm a music lover as well, I personally like to sleep in silence. Or, at least until the past couple of months, I did.
What's changed? I really like the sound of rain when I sleep, so I've been playing white noise with rain sounds more often. When I read up on why I can sleep so well with those noises and not so well with music, I found that apparently when a noise wakes us up in the middle of the night, it's the change in frequencies that startle us more than anything. What white noise does is mask other frequencies so that it blocks out outside noise that has low, medium and high ever-changing frequencies that might disturb us.
White noise sounds that are really effective include rain, thunderstorms, the sound of a fan, ocean waves and pink noise. What in the world is "pink noise"? You can read more about here.
Put Some Beeswax on Your Hair, Skin and/or Lips
Here's a tip that I bet you didn't see coming. If you're someone who uses beeswax on your hair, whether you realize it or not, you're being pretty proactive when it comes to doing what is needed to fall asleep. That's because beeswax contains a compound called octacosanol. One thing that it does is lower the cholesterol levels in your body. The other thing it does is decrease your stress levels. The combo can make it easier for you to fall asleep.
If you don't want to put it into your hair, no problem. How about some DIY lotion or lip balm? If you want to give either a shot, click here and here for easy-to-make and also affordable recipes.
Drink Some Coconut Water with Honey
If you don't have any coconut water in your possession, you definitely should get some. Although it's made up of 94 percent water, coconut water also contains a good amount of calcium and magnesium, which we already discussed are must-have sleep nutrients. Something else that coconut water has plenty of is Vitamin B; there are studies to support that a lot of people who struggle with insomnia are typically Vitamin B deficient.
If you warm coconut water up and put a teaspoon of honey into it, even better! Long story short, our brains need energy even to stay asleep. When it runs out, sometimes that's what wakes us up. Honey is a food that will give your brain cells just the energy boost that it needs so that you can stay sound asleep all throughout the night.
As a bonus, honey also helps to stabilize your blood sugar levels as well as support the release of melatonin within your system. Melatonin is what helps to keep your sleep/wake cycles in their proper balance.
Have Sex
Yep. I saved the best for last. Think back to the last time you had sex that was followed by a night's sleep. Didn't you have some of the best rest EVER?! The reason is because sexual activity (especially orgasms) boosts the oxytocin and melatonin levels in your system. Whenever that happens, it makes you more relaxed, which makes it so much easier to fall asleep quicker; more soundly too.
So, if you've been having a really hard time falling or staying asleep, have some sex first. It might be all that you need to catch some much-needed zzz's (probably a few other things that you've been needing too!).
Featured image by Getty Images.
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- Sleep tips: 6 steps to better sleep - Mayo Clinic ›
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- How to Sleep Better - HelpGuide.org ›
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Navigating Dating When Emotionally Unavailable & Detached: My Journey Back To Feeling
The last time I came with a dating story, I told you I got my little feelings hurt in 2021. I called myself trying to be out in these streets entertaining a man in a different area code, city, and state — only for homeboy to play in my damn face. So, I went and gave y’all "8 Rules To Casual Dating Every Woman Should Know This Summer." You’re welcome. Fast forward to 2024, and I am now coming to you from a more mature and intentional place. We’re not in summer yet, but I truly believe what blooms in spring, thrives in summer.
2023 was my year, and it was my turn. I had just completed an 8-month holistic detox. The glow-up was real and well-deserved. The way I have poured into myself is unmatched. Let me tell you, self-love is a love you have never known. After a five-year healing journey, I finally felt like myself again, and I was ready to play. My heart was open, my mind was clear, and my body hella transformed. I had told all my friends that I was ready to explore dating again, and at the height of summer, I did exactly just that.
This time I decided I wanted to take my time. I wanted to date the “right way” or the “healthy way.” You know, keep your options open, ask the right questions, believe actions and not words, observe patterns and pay attention to red, yellow, and green flags. I was never the dating app type of girl. I sincerely miss everything about human connection and dating from 2000 to 2012. Can we please bring all of that back into 2024? I prefer to feel a man’s energy and presence in real-time. Nonetheless, I still chose to dabble with a few dating apps. I was all the way outside and dating for practice.
Unfortunately, with today’s dating culture, social climate, and how some of these men move and/or behave, these dates were a dead end. Not one guy made it to my roster. What these men were was benched this season – not one of them could be my first-round select draft pick. It didn't seem like anyone I met was interested in a serious relationship. And it’s completely fine. Miss me with the ghosting, lack of effort, inconsistency, and poor communication. I continued to just do me because what is for me will not miss me.
Kelvin Murray/ Getty Images
The universe must have heard me talking because I had specifically told my closest girlfriends that I wanted to meet someone who lived in the vicinity, no more than twenty minutes away, and no more long distance. And I did meet him (it’s crazy how I manifest exactly what I want). As we started to get to know each other, I liked his energy and effort. I liked the direction it seemed to be going to the point my girlfriends had to tell me not to run from him. Because every part of me wanted to run from something that seemed normal.
I liked what he was coming with until I became uncomfortable with my own feelings, and I didn’t know how to communicate them to him.
With that said, I knew if I truly wanted to experience the truest of loves, a reciprocal, requited love, and be in a healthy relationship this story had to come to a pause. What I didn’t know was that he was going to show me things I didn’t know I needed to work on. I didn’t know he inadvertently was going to help me continue to heal parts of me that were hidden.
As someone who has learned to self-heal, I am no longer the type that runs from herself. I am here for the growth.
The truth is I am emotionally detached from myself, and I am not actively dating at the moment. I am the one that has to work on herself. My reiki healer called it, too – she told me this year would not be a year for a relationship, but a year of continuous growth. And now I see why. After all the healing work I have done thus far – I am an unemotional mess. How?
At my big age of 39, I struggle to communicate my wants and needs.
I still struggle to communicate and process uncomfortable feelings. I would rather give myself anxiety, act nonchalantly, emotionally react, and choose non-communication when I am bothered with someone than address the issue (I will later explain why). I have been ignoring my feelings for so long it has become a habit, a defense mechanism, and more so a trauma response.
If you are someone like me who grew up in a household that didn’t discuss feelings, your emotional needs were unmet, and you don’t feel safe to share your feelings – emotional detachment is quite common.
Oftentimes, we always talk about men being emotionally unavailable, but what if it’s a woman who is emotionally unavailable or emotionally detached? How does she navigate herself, dating, or being in a relationship? As I navigate my emotions this season, let’s explore what it means to be emotionally detached, the signs of detachment, and how to reconnect with yourself emotionally.
Emotional Unavailability vs. Emotional Detachment
When we look at the terminology emotional unavailability and emotional detachment, one might argue that the two terms are interchangeable and have the same meaning. One could also argue that both terms mean that some people are not in tune with their emotions or lack the emotional capacity to be responsive to someone else’s emotions. Fair enough. However, there is a big difference. The definition of emotional unavailability is described as people who have difficulty with sharing their emotions and being receptive to the emotions of those around them.
According to Verywell Mind, signs of emotional unavailability can look like being distant or cold, lack of closeness, and emotional intimacy in relationships, inability to understand and relate to others’ feelings, defensiveness when asked to change or let others in, tendency to shut down or avoid topics that require emotional openness, or withdrawal from people or situations that provoke emotional reactions.
Whereas emotional detachment is defined as the inability to or willingness to connect with others on an emotional level. Furthermore, Psychology Today states emotional detachment can also mean that people do not engage with their feelings. Exhibit A – me. Emotional detachment has various causes – past neglect, childhood or adult trauma, PTSD, depression, personality disorder, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, or, in some cases, medication (i.e. antidepressants). It is important to note emotional detachment is a complex issue. For someone like me, it’s a coping mechanism.
It is easier for me to ignore uncomfortable feelings to protect myself from stress or getting hurt. Hence, my nonchalant demeanor. It is also true for some people it is a reaction to trauma, abuse, and unprocessed emotions. Exhibit B – me. As it is difficult for me to open up about my feelings at the moment. On the contrary – emotional detachment can be helpful in navigating some situations like listening to people’s opinions and gossip.
Unfortunately, emotional detachment is not a behavior that can be turned on and off at will. Please note that emotional detachment is NOT a mental health diagnosis but can be a symptom of a mental health condition such as an attachment disorder. And if you know anything about attachment theory, it is related to the relationship we develop in our childhood with our primary caregivers.
Signs You're Emotionally Detached
Mavocado/ Getty Images
According to Psychology Today and Verywell Mind, general signs of emotional detachment can look like difficulty showing empathy to others, sharing emotions, committing to a relationship, feeling numb, poor listening skills, lack of self-esteem, preferring to be alone, struggling to feel positive emotions, inability to identify emotions, lack of physical, verbal, or sexual contact and losing touch with people or maintaining connections.
In a romantic relationship, emotional detachment shows up as you or your partner not being available for connection, poor communication, or reduced affection.
For me, my experience with emotional detachment is collective. I am an empath to my core. I don’t have a problem relating to other’s feelings or circumstances. I don’t have commitment issues, nor do I have an issue connecting with others or maintaining those connections. I struggle with sharing emotions, at least the negative ones.
Due to the emotional abuse from my childhood and a toxic relationship, I learned sharing emotions just wasn't the safe thing to do. As a survivor of trauma, I learned to suppress feeling negative emotions in general as a form of protection.
How To Reconnect To Your Emotions When You're Emotionally Unavailable
Serious Kid Cudi GIF by Apple MusicGiphyExploring my emotional side in-depth started late last year simply by noticing my reaction to something that he did. I didn’t know how to properly communicate to him how I was feeling or what he did bothered me in the moment. So, I swallowed my feelings and said absolutely nothing. I intentionally chose to avoid the issue. I chose to rationalize the situation instead of acknowledging that my feelings at the time were valid. I chose to act like everything was all good because it was all good.
“It wasn’t that deep to begin with” is what I told myself. And this is where the problem lies.
The saying is true, “What happens in your childhood shows up in your adult relationships.” I came to realize that because I was not able to express my feelings as a child, I struggled to process them. I either hold back my feelings, take a long time to say how I feel, or don’t say anything at all. This is because I fear people will walk away from me like my mother did if I share what I truly feel. I fear my feelings won’t be validated, or they will be rejected.
With that said, I was completely unaware that I was emotionally detached from myself until recently. So, here we are with this article. It all started by reading Instagram’s @theholisticpsychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera’s newest book How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships, which was released on November 28, 2023. As I read through the first chapter, I became triggered.
How Dr. LePera describes her childhood with her parents and experiences with her romantic partners somewhat mirrored my experiences with my own parents and relationships. As Dr. LaPera stated in her book, I have no issue showing up for others or meeting their needs and wants. But when it comes to expressing my own needs and wants – I cannot or I don’t. This is mainly due to my hyper-independence.
At an early age, I learned to show up for myself because the people I trusted to show up for me failed. Given my home environment, I had internalized it is not safe to talk about feelings. I never knew my emotional responses and behavior were abnormal. But because I am willing to continue to do my inner work, I know that I can reconnect to my emotions, and undo four decades of repressed emotions.
If you are someone like me who struggles with emotional connection with yourself and others, here is how you go about it:
Lighthouse Films/ Getty Images
1. Know Your Attachment Style
For me, the first step was to understand my attachment style. I asked my therapist if she could help me identify my attachment style to understand my triggers. She recommended The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT. My therapist administered the associated online quiz – Attachment Quiz. If you haven’t figured out my attachment style yet by reading this article, I have an anxious attachment style.
This means I don’t do well with inconsistent behavior, especially from men (but I’m the type that holds men to standards too). People with an anxious attachment style have a need to feel close to their partner. It may come across as “clingy” or “needy.” However, this same need is often driven by fear of abandonment, mistrust, and low self-esteem. I would say knowing your attachment style is helpful because you can work towards having a secure attachment style (with practice) in your relationships – familial, business, work, platonic, or romantic.
2. Become Self-Aware
Most people who are not in the practice of self-care or self-healing are unaware of their triggers, patterns, and behaviors. We are so caught up in the daily minutiae of life that we forget to pay attention to the most important part of our days — ourselves. As Dr. LePera says, make it a conscious habit to pause throughout your day to check in with yourself. Ask yourself:
- How does my body feel?
- What am I doing right now?
- Am I present?
- Am I distracted and lost with other thoughts?
- What do I think or feel when I recall a specific experience with someone?
- What do I think or worry about?
- What would happen if I shared my authentic thoughts, perspective, feelings right now?”
This is what Dr. LePera refers to as exploring your embodied self or fulfilling your authentic needs in chapter two of her book. Consistent mindfulness and self-awareness are key to self-discovery and in any healing journey. Learning to focus on the present moment also includes paying attention to our emotional response to an event or how we think about emotions in general.
3. Practice Vulnerability
The idea of vulnerability is a tough one for me and so many other women for countless reasons. Whether it be toxic family, friendships, relationships, or trauma – trusting others with your thoughts and feelings is not easy. As much as I am open and transparent, I am not as vulnerable. And I believe there is so much power in the duality to be both. To trust someone, let alone a man with your authentic self is a delicate matter.
But it is emotional vulnerability that allows us humans to build authentic connections, create stronger relationships, and break down emotional walls. Emotional vulnerability is not something to be rushed – it takes time and practice from you and the people you choose to have in your life. Medical News Today suggests that we can learn to be vulnerable by opening up more to our closest friends, building our ability to become more trusting, and developing skills to regulate our emotions.
4. Seek Therapy
I have been in therapy for six years and counting. I would consider therapy one of my safe spaces. I am one of those individuals who recommend therapy to everyone as it has given me the tools and resources I need to navigate my life challenges. By choosing to get help, I was able to put my PTSD and depression in remission for four years now. I have also learned how to manage my anxiety.
I am fully aware that in this season of my life requires me to do the work to unlock new levels of self. And any time where I have consciously chosen growth – the universe or life has not failed me. I was able to heal my body, my heart, and my spirit. Now, it’s time to heal my inner child, this hurt little girl who lives in me.
I will say choosing a therapist is similar to dating; you might go through a few potentials until you find a therapist you connect with. Actually, one of my lifelong friends said to me the other day, “Your relationship with your therapist is one of the most important relationships in your life.” I needed her to say that, and I needed to hear it because it’s true. You are essentially trusting a licensed stranger to help you navigate your life on so many levels.
Be picky and ask the questions. Cut the cord at the first red flag given. Again, let me reiterate that emotional detachment is not a mental health diagnosis. It can be treated with the help of a therapist. Emotional detachment only becomes a problem when it starts to interfere with your daily life. Pay attention to changes in your daily behavior and make decisions to cope accordingly.
I am genuinely excited about reconnecting with my emotions. I want to feel all the feels – good, bad, and indifferent. I want to cry all the tears – especially the sad ones. I want to process and release negative emotions. I want to say how I feel in the moment with no fear.
If you are that girl who struggles with emotional connection or thinks you're emotionally detached, I hope that you become willing to face your inner child and show up for her. Don’t run – she has been waiting for you.
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Feature image by fizkes/ Getty Images