As I age, my interest in clean and effective skincare products continues to grow as I'm becoming more aware of my health and appearance. A few years ago, I finally discovered super affordable and easy products that would solve my overly oily skin, changing my skincare routine forever. Now that I have the basics down, my quest for radiant skin continues as I'm determined to achieve the perfect summer glow. While I love my current cocktail, I'm interested in new products that can do more to enhance my natural complexion during warmer weather.
Due to the advancements of skincare, there are countless products and tools on the market specified to help certain skin types. Not only is it important to know which products are made for you but it's also important to know the products to wear during seasonal weather changes. With so many formulas promising to revitalize and rejuvenate our skin, it can be difficult navigating which are actually worth our time and money. On the hunt for inclusive products for melanated women of all skin types, I enlisted the help of skincare expert Simedar Jackson for advice on her favorite must-haves this summer.
Simedar Jackson, NYC Aesthetician/Founder of Skinfolks
Courtesy of Simedar
An NYC-based esthetician, Simedar is the founder of Skinfolks, a service to help people of color feel seen within the world of skincare by sharing new and award-winning products while dispelling common myths within the black community.
Check out Simedar's suggested products as well as a few that I stumbled upon on my own that are lightweight and perfect for women with darker skin tones this season.
1. Sunscreen
It's true the more melanin within our skin, the less likely we are to experience sunburn. But one of the biggests myths is that black people don't need sunscreen. The darker the skin, the more it protects us from sunburn, but our melanin shield doesn't protect against harmful UV rays. If enduring continuous long-term exposure to the harmful rays, then damaged skin will surely follow.
"We don't need a special sunscreen," Semidar explains, "What we need are sunscreens that cater to our skin. Bad sunscreens will leave you looking like a ghost, leaving a white cast. SPF products that include zinc oxide or titanium dioxide are for people with oily/sensitive skin by controlling oil."
Black Girl Sunscreen is gaining popularity because of its sheer application perfect for enhancing melanin. With a strong SPF 30, BGS was created for everyday use and filled with natural ingredients that will protect skin from the sun while doubling as a moisturizing lotion.
Shahirah Ahmed/xoNecole
Product Recommendations for Sunscreen:
For a dewy look, everyday application.
Unseen sunscreen, Super Goop for oily skin acts like a primer.
For a cheap yet effective quality sunscreen, found at any drugstore.
2. Self-Tanner
As a black woman, the thought of paying for a tan seemed counterproductive until recently. As the idea became less far-fetched, I began to speak with more Black women who don't shy away from the experience of tanning or using self-tanner.
"For black women, we think tanning is only white women. A sunless tan leaves us with no burn and irritation from the sun. Black people get sun burned too, so this product creates sunkissed skin without the sun which damages the skin," Simedar explains about the Dr. Dennis Grossman Alpha Beta Glow Pad. "The self-tanning glow pads build a natural looking tan over time blending perfectly into your natural complexion. Another one of my favorite benefits is the natural, makeup free foundation or concealer acting as a replacement. I'll use gradually once a week for a smoother, glowier look."
She continues, "For a hydrating moment with a no makeup/no filter effect apply pads to head and neck applying with full coverage like foundation just below the jaw." She advises this however is not a treatment for hyperpigmentation.
Shahirah Ahmed/xoNecole
Product Recommendation for Self-Tanner:
3. Pore Perfecting Cleansing Gel
The basis of every facial routine is the perfect cleanser. When it comes to removing excess oil, I prefer cleansers that are created to be soft and gentle on the skin, getting rid of dirt with ease. After applying the Dr. Dennis Gross Alpha Beta® Pore Perfecting Cleansing Gel for the first time, I instantly knew this product was a gem.
Soft and moisturizing, the gentle gel is like no other. Simedar seconds that thought as she adds, "Pore Perfecting Cleanser is one of my favorites for everyday use and is gentle enough for sensitive skin."
Shahirah Ahmed/xoNecole
Product Recommendations for Cleansers:
4. Alcohol-free Toner
This cool and calming alcohol-free toner by Revision Skincare is made with ingredients that hydrates and refreshes after cleansing. A blend of plant and algae extracts, this is a toner that won't leave your skin feeling dry or tight. Soft and gentle yet strong enough to remove excess makeup and dirt, this is one of the best toners I've tried for those with all skin types. I'll be ditching my old toner for this new favorite.
Shahirah Ahmed/xoNecole
Product Recommendation for Alcohol-free Toner:
5. Moisturizing Body Bar
A soft peachy souffle, this moisturizing bar by The Body Butters was more lustrous than expected. The handmade nature of the bar adds a specialized touch to the incredible moisturizing experience. Described as a spa at your fingertips, I can attest to the sweet yet relaxing aroma instantly boosting my mood in the process. Don't forget the exfoliant glove as it completes this magical skincare treatment.
Product Recommendation for Body Bar:
6. Body Exfoliator
Natural Radiant Life's Body Exfoliator is made of a captivatingly sweet aroma, taking body therapy to a whole new level. Activated when the combined ingredients are rubbed all over your body, dead skin and toxins are gently removed while adding moisture and much-needed oxygen to your skin helping the skin look bright and plump. I can tell with consistent use, I will have healthier, softer and more radiant skin.
Shahirah Ahmed/xoNecole
Product Recommendation for Body Exfoliator:
Featured image courtesy of Simedar Jackson
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Ding. Ding. DING.
A life coach by the name of Thomas Leonard once said that “Clarity affords focus” and, believe you me, when it comes to dealing with other human beings, if you don’t get clear on where you stand when it comes to your interactions with them, you can very easily find yourself “focusing too much” on those who don’t deserve it and too little on those who absolutely do. And y’all, this lil’ PSA couldn’t be more relevant than when it comes to what I call “casual friendships.”
Let’s dig — and for some of us, dig our way out of — what it means to have a casual friend, so that you can get clear on if you really need those in your life…and if so…why?
Article continues after the video.
It Can’t Be Said Enough: Always Remember What “Casual” Means
GiphyThere’s a reason why I decided to share two videos by mental health coach Isaiah Frizzle at the top and bottom of this article. It’s because a lot of what he shares in both of them complements a piece that I wrote for the platform last year entitled, “This Is Just What Purposeful Relationships Look Like.”
It’s the author M. Scott Peck who once said, “Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it” and please believe that the older (and hopefully more mature) you get, the more you tend to see just how valuable — and fleeting — time is; and that is what plays a huge role in motivating you want to only involve yourself with people, places, things and ideas that will honor your time — and when something is casual? In my opinion, it’s highly debatable that it’s worth much of your months, days, hours, or even too many of your minutes.
The main reason why is addressed in an article that I wrote back in the day entitled, “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex.'” The gist? When it comes to relationships, “casual” is certainly not a favorite word of mine because I know what it means. Have mercy — why would you want to invest your time, energy, and emotions into something that is, by definition, apathetic, indifferent, careless, lacking emotional intimacy, and/or is without purpose?
I don’t know about y’all but that sounds like a complete and total crap shoot to me — especially if you are going to go so far as to consider this type of dynamic a true friendship (check out “Ever Wonder If A Friend Is Just...Not That Into You?,” “6 Signs You're About To Make A Huge Mistake In Making Them A Close Friend,” “5 Signs Of A Toxic Friendship That Is Secretly Poisoning Your Life,” “12 Friend Facts That Might Cause You To Rethink (Some Of) Your Own,” and “Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?” ).
To me, when you decide to call someone “friend,” it means that they are loyal, reliable, consistent, trustworthy and willing to be there to support you to the very best of their ability — even if it’s inconvenient to do so sometimes (check out “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient'”). How in the world can you expect that from something that has the word “casual” in it?
And you know what? That actually segues into my next point about casual friendships pretty darn well.
Ponder the Purpose “Casual Friends” Serve in Your Life
GiphyA couple of years ago, Verywell Mind published an article entitled, “How the 4 Types of Friendship Fit Into Your Life.” The four that it listed were acquaintances (which I actually don’t consider to be friends; check out “6 Differences Between A Close Acquaintance And An Actual Friend”), casual friends, close friends, and lifelong friends. After reading the piece, I think they consider casual friends to be the “pleasure” friends that I mentioned in the article, “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends.”
And although I certainly get that, I think my “cause for pause” is calling those people “friends” when they probably should be called something like an associate or possibly even a buddy instead. Why do I feel this way? Well, I’ve shared in other articles that I think social media has jacked up vocabulary words and their true meaning on a billion different levels.
Take “friend,” for example. Facebook had us out here calling everyone we connected to on their platform “friends” when some of them, we’ve never even spoken to before — and I personally think that influenced, affected and perhaps even infected our psyche to the point where we will call folks, both online and off, “friend” even when they haven’t earned it and/or who possibly don’t deserve it.
That said, do I think that we all could use lighthearted interactions that don’t go very deep and are filled with not much more than fun? Sure. However, if we were to move this over into a sexual thing — those types of people would probably be called a sneaky link, and there is nothing significant or substantial about ‘em. In fact, if anything pretty much automatically comes with an expiration date, sneaky links would have to be it.
And that’s kind of the point that I’m trying to make about a casual friend — so long as you know that the word “casual” is being used to describe them, while you may enjoy the people who fit that bill, they aren’t really anything that you can or even should fully rely on. Instead, take them for what they are and don’t really expect much more than that. Otherwise, you could be in for some profound levels of disappointment. And who wants that?
Final point.
How a Casual Friend Can Become a Huge Red Flag
GiphyI’m telling you, y’all gonna quit clowning Tubi. LOL. To me, the best way to describe it is it’s the Cricket of current streaming apps. What I mean by that is, back when Cricket (the cell phone service) first came out, people, like me, who used it service got incessantly clowned because it was seen as a bootleg provider. Now it’s owned by AT&T, and as someone who has rocked with them since I was in my 20s, I don’t have one regret for doing so. Cricket has always been good to me, chile.
And Tubi? Well, when you get a chance, check out CNBC’s article, “CEO at 33, Tubi’s Anjali Sud on success hacks she learned at Amazon, IAC on way to top of Fox streaming” — take note of the moves the streaming app is making and the quality of programming that is transpiring in real time.
Anyway, I find myself bringing up Tubi more and more in my content because it helps to amplify some of the points that I like to make. This time, it’s a movie that’s (currently) on there calledRight Man, Wrong Woman. If you haven’t seen it before, I don’t want to give too much of the film away. What I will say is that the main female character, she had a casual friend and then she had a close friend.
That casual friend—the one who liked to kick it all of the time—was a lot of fun; however, dealing with her came with a ton of semi-unforeseen consequences. Meanwhile, the close friend? She’s what the Aristotle article (that I mentioned earlier) would call the “good friend” because she tried her best to hold her friend accountable.
And really, it shouldn’t be a shock that the casual friend turned out to be a plum trip because if someone is loads of entertainment and pleasure and yet they are indifferent towards you, they make careless decisions around you and/or they don’t really make known the purpose for you being in their life other than to pass some time — where really do you and that person have to go past drinks after work or dinner on a rooftop restaurant from time to time? And if that is all that the two of you are doing, again, why are they deserving of the word “friend”?
Hmph and don’t get me started on the lack of reciprocity that typically transpires when it comes to dealing with people like this because, while they won’t mind you spending your coins on them, taking their calls in the middle of the night or listening to all of their issues — when it comes time for them to show up for you, they very well may gaslight you into thinking that you are being dramatic, clingy or “doing the most.” Why? Well, it’s mostly because the two of you never really established what the hell the both of you are to one another.
And so, while you’re somewhere taking them seriously, they are out here seeing you casually, and as much as it might hurt to hear, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. You shouldn’t expect much where no clarity is involved. After all, casual is just that: CASUAL.
____
I’m hoping that you can now see why I entitled this piece in the way that I did. It’s because a red flag is pretty much a warning, and to me, a casual friend is about as big of an oxymoron (again, to me) as casual sex is. Friends and sex are both too intimate to be seen or treated casually. Oh, but if you step out and take that risk, you could find yourself getting far more involved than the other individual ever wanted to go, because casual is how things have always been. “Friend” was simply to get you more mentally and emotionally invested. SMDH.
American columnist Walter Winchell once said, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” A wise person once said, “One good friendship will outlive forty average loves." Former President Ulysses S. Grant once said, “The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity.” Does any of this sound casual to you? Yeah, me neither.
Again, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have people in your life who aren’t on deep levels. I’m just saying that you might want to consider putting them into another category than friend, because what friends do for people? There ain’t nothin’ even remotely casual about it, sis. Not even a lil’ bit.
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