While I was in the midst of an interview about 10 things that life has taught me in review, one thing that I said, off the bat, was balance is so important. And if there’s definitely an instance where this applies, on every level imaginable, it’s when it comes to alcohol consumption.
I’m hoping it goes without saying that it absolutely should be consumed in moderation (the CDC says that two or less a day for men and one or less a day for women should be the goal); at the same time, though, there are some health benefits that come with having a glass of your favorite “spirit”. For instance, did you know that alcohol can help to keep heart disease down? Not only that, but red wine can help to keep your brain cells healthy, vodka soda can help you reach your weight goals, and champagne is filled with antioxidants.
10 Cocktails and Mocktails That Support Vaginal Health
So since alcohol has been proven to “do a body good” on some levels since the weather is warming up, and I know that some of y’all are gonna get your drink on fa ‘sho, I thought I’d share some cocktails (and mocktails) that also contain ingredients that will benefit your va-jay-jay. Because if you’re gonna be turning it up a bit — my two cents would be to make it totally worth your (and her) while, chile.
Summer Drinks for Vaginal Health
1. Vodka Cranberry Cocktail
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Three ingredients that stand out in this recipe that are good for your vagina are cranberry juice, orange juice, and vodka.Cranberries are good for you because they have tannins in them that can help to prevent the bacteria that create UTIs (urinary tract infections) from forming.Orange juice is beneficial because citrus fruit, in general, helps tokeep your vagina’s pH balance where it needs to be; plus, it contains antioxidants that help to keep your immune system up which helps to keep yeast infections at bay. And sincesome studies reveal that vodka is great at reducing stress and stress can also be attributed to vaginal infections — you see why I had to lead with this particular cocktail…right? Just make sure that your juices have as little sugar in them as possible — if you want to get as many health benefits from them as you can, that is.
2. Lavender Blueberry Bees Knees
Before we get into the ingredients of this particular drink, let me just say that I’ve had lavender ice cream and popsicles before, and they both tasted pretty darn good. So, if you’re someone who thinks that this recipe sounds hella weird, my two cents would be to give it a shot (no pun intended) first.
For this cocktail, all of the ingredients are vagina-friendly, from the blueberry gin and lemon juice to the lavender and honey syrups. Like vodka, gin also helps to decrease stress. Blueberries contain antioxidants that help to reduce oxidative stress; this is good to know since that type of stress can do a number on both your sex drive as well as your fertility. We already touched on what citrus fruits can do. Lavender is considered to be a healing agent and muscle relaxant; it also helps to reduce inflammation (if your vagina is experiencing some of that). And honey? Honey has phytoestrogens in it that can strengthen your reproductive health. Honey also contains properties that can help to reduce vaginal dryness.
Get the Lavender Blueberry Bees Knees recipeHERE.3. Watermelon Strawberry Mocktail
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Let’s get into a couple ofmocktails, starting with one that has watermelon and strawberries in it. You know, aside from the fact that mocktails are an awesome alternative for the non-drinker, if you’re looking to keep the calories from alcohol out of your diet, that’s another cool reason to consume them.
When it comes to this recipe and how it helps your vagina out, the watermelons, strawberries, and limes (yep, there are only three ingredients here) all do it.Watermelon is a solid source of hydration and antioxidants that can help to keep your vagina healthy and well-moisturized. It’s also another fruit that reduces oxidative stress.Another cool thing about watermelon is it can help to increase blood flow, including to your genitalia — and that could ultimately meanmore intensified orgasms (yay!). The high amount ofVitamin C in strawberries can help to prevent vaginal infections, andsome studies say that lime juice helps to increase sexual excitement. Cheers!
Get the Watermelon Strawberry Mocktail recipeHERE.4. Avocado Mocktail
You might not have considered an avocado mocktail before; however, just like a lavender popsicle is pretty good, an avocado one (at least, in my opinion) is actually pretty bomb — so, why not give this alcohol-free drink a try? The avocados, kiwi, coconut water, mint, and lime juice will all do your vagina a lot of good, trust me.Avocados are awesome because they contain fats that will work to keep your vaginal walls strong and naturally lubricated.Word on the street is avocados also have properties in them that will help your system produce certain sex hormones.
Kiwi is in the next drink, so I’ll get to that in a sec.Coconut water is a good source of potassium; that’s good to know becausepotassium is a nutrient that keeps your cells healthy and it also helps to keep vaginal dryness from becoming too much of an issue. Coconut water is also loaded with antioxidants and can help to keep your blood sugar levels down (which could keep yeast infections from returning since yeast thrives on sugar).Mint has antibacterial properties in them that can help to keep your vagina smelling fresh. As life would have it, mint can also help to balance your vagina’s pH. And you already know what lime/citrus is able to do.
Get the Avocado Mocktail recipeHERE.
5. Fresh Kiwi Caipirinha
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If you’ve never heard of Caipirinha, it’s the national drink of Brazil, and it only contains three ingredients: lime, sugar, and cachaça (cachaça is a distilled liquor that is made from pure sugar cane juice). Clearly, since kiwi is brought into the mix here, this recipe is a variation of the traditional alcoholic beverage. And yes, I had to shout out kiwis because they are high in vitamins C and K, and K helps to significantly reduce the risk of contracting an HPV infection. Kiwi is also cool because it has plant compounds that could help to create an estrogen-like effect that could ultimately be beneficial for perimenopausal and menopausal women (since estrogen levels fluctuate and then drop during those seasons of a woman's life).
Get the Fresh Kiwi Caipirinha recipeHERE.
6. Designated Appletini Mocktail
If you really like apples, why not try an apple-based mocktail? This recipe is very simple to follow and has two ingredients that your vagina will be thrilled about: apples and lemon juice. You know about the citrus, so let’s focus on the apples. For starters,apples contain polyphenols that help to increase blood flow down to your vaginal region (and you know what that means, right?More orgasms!).Some studies even reveal that “an apple a day” can literally help to increase the pleasure of sex for young women. So, one of these appletinis? Yeah…get — well, make — you one.
Get the Designated Appletini Mocktail recipeHERE.
7. Pineapple Chili Margarita
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There’s nothing like a fresh margarita on a warm day and one that has pineapples, lime, and tequila in it while making your vagina very happy. Although it should go on record that it’s more ofa well-traveled and longstanding myth than anything that pineapples can drastically change the taste or scent of your vagina (check out “10 Ways To Have An 'Extra Sweet' Vagina”),what pineapples can do is fend off vaginal inflammation and keep your vaginal tissues in good shape.Some experts say that it can keep the healthy bacteria that’s inside of your vagina thriving as well. Lime has been covered, andtequila? It can help to reduce pain and inflammation, boost immunity and improve iron levels; that last one is a winner if you’re someone who hasthe kind of period that damn near takes you out (because the stronger your iron levels are, the easier your cycle will be on the fatigue tip)!
Get the Pineapple Chili Margarita recipeHERE.
8. Dark Chocolate Malted Martinis
If you want to treat yourself to an alcoholic drink that is truly decadent, this is the one. As far as your vagina goes, dark chocolate, vodka, and vanilla extract are the winners here.Dark chocolate is not only full of antioxidants, it also increases blood flow throughout your body and can help to prevent UV damage to your skin if you’ve got some vacation sex on the docket in the upcoming weeks or months. By the way, since dark chocolate can help to stimulate the production of“feel good” hormones like dopamine and serotonin, if you’ve heard that dark chocolate is an aphrodisiac, in many ways, that would be true.When it comes to vodka, something else that it can do is help to boost your sexual self-confidence (check out “10 Sensuous Ways To Boost Your Sexual Self-Esteem”) and,believe it or not, vanilla extract is full of antioxidants and anti-inflammatory agents. Yeah, your va-jay-jay definitely needs all-a-dat.
Get the Dark Chocolate Malted Martinis recipeHERE.
9. Citrus and Honey Mocktail
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Something that we already touched on earlier was citrus and honey, so when I saw a cocktail that combined them both, it definitely had to go on here. Since this recipe also contains fresh sage, let me drop two more things about citrus and honey and then that.Citrus is also good for your vagina because it contains fiber that helps to eliminate waste along with collagen that helps to keep your vagina looking (and feeling) youthful (check out “Keep Your Vagina Like A (Literal) Fountain Of Youth” and “Vaginas Age Just Like Everything Else. You Can Slow It Down, Though.”). Honey is also good for your vagina becausethe flavonoids and polyphenols in them can play a role inpreventing vaginal atrophy. Some people rely onthe properties of sage to help to kill the candida that causes yeast infections; plus, it can help tobring relief to perimenopausal and menopausal symptoms. Oh, I also saw agave syrup in the recipe; it can help your vagina out becauseit’s a good source of various vitamins and minerals.
Get the Citrus and Honey Mocktail recipeHERE.
10. Joaquín Simó's Pearls Before Swine (A Yogurt Cocktail)
Never heard of a yogurt cocktail before? Yep, they do indeed exist. I’m gonna close this out with this one because I thought the name was cool (Matthew 7:6). That said, gin, lemon juice, and Greek yogurt (which is yogurt that has the whey removed from it) are the vagina-friendly ingredients for this drink. You know about the first two, so let’s discuss the yogurt part.The probiotics and Vitamin B12 that’s in Greek yogurt make this such a wonderful drink for your vagina.
Probiotics help to keep “good bacteria” from being overtaken by the bad kind that’s in your vagina; more good means less risk for a yeast infection.Vitamin B12 helps toput you in a good mood, gives you more energy, and keeps your vaginal/cervical mucus in good condition (which is really good to know if you’re currently in the process of trying to conceive). So, if you’ve got a get-together with your girlfriends coming up, introduce them to a yogurt cocktail. It just might become their — and their vaginas’ — new favorite thing. Enjoy!
Get the Joaquín Simó's Pearls Before Swine recipeHERE.
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Thinking about them kinda-sorta inspired this piece because they caused me to reflect on the times when some of my clients have come to me, semi-freaking out, and it was because their thoughts about someone had gone beyond “Hey, she’s pretty” or “Hey, he looks good.” Instead, they were starting to fantasize about certain folks, and they weren’t sure what to do about it, especially when some of those fantasies were transpiring while they were engaging in sex with someone else.
You know, it’s been reported that somewhere around 50 percent of people do indeed have fantasies about other people while having sex with another person. And that is definitely a high enough number to tackle some things about the topic here.
If you’re someone who fantasizes about other individuals, especially sexually, here’s some intel into why that could be the case, along with when it gets to the point and place where you might want to consider actually doing something about it.
What’s a Fantasy and What Exactly Causes Them?
GiphyWhenever you think of the word “fantasy,” what immediately comes to your mind?
Personally, what I find to be interesting is the fact that the dictionary says that there are actually a lot of things that can be considered a fantasy: your imagination, hallucinations, visions, ingenious inventions, illusions — I mean, there is even a genre of fiction that falls into the fantasy category. However, when it comes to what we’re going to discuss today, a psychological term for fantasy is “an imagined or conjured up sequence fulfilling a psychological need; daydream.”
And yes, before we get to the end of all of this, that definition is going to answer quite a few questions as it pertains to the topic of this particular piece. But first, more about the origin story of fantasies.
Apparently famed neurologist, Sigmund Freud spent some time analyzing fantasies and came to the conclusion that, more than anything else, a fantasy represents something that is either a suppressed urge or desire and when you stop to think about what you imagine, what your visions are, what you may long to invent — that certainly tracks. However, something that you should also keep in mind about fantasies is that, oftentimes, they are rooted in few boundaries and can even go well beyond what is considered to be reality (which is something that is based on facts and truth).
Oh, something else that needs to be kept in mind about fantasies is that they are typically relied on as a mental form of escape from something or someone (bookmark that).
And now that fantasies are more clearly defined, if your immediate question is, “Is it wrong to fantasize?” — no, I certainly don’t think that. What I do believe, based on what a fantasy is, though, is if you are fantasizing a lot about a particular person, place, thing or idea, it would be a good idea to ponder why that is the case — why is that a suppressed desire for you, why are you using that as a mental escape and perhaps, the most important question of all, does your fantasy come with any limits?
Now let’s build on top of this…
Now What Causes Folks to Fantasize About Other People?
GiphyAs I was doing more research on the topic of fantasies, I came across an article entitled, “What Happens In Our Brains When We Fantasize About Someone.” The author of it started the piece out by talking about a cool connection that she made with someone on a plane, only for her to find herself fantasizing about him once they parted ways. As she went deeper into her story, she mentioned a word that definitely needs to be shared here: heuristics.
If you’re not familiar with it, heuristics is simply a mental shortcut. For instance, if you find yourself needing to make a quick decision (check out “Before You Make A Life-Altering Decision, Read This.”), you may rely on heuristics to do it (even if it’s subconsciously). The challenge with that is oftentimes heuristics will only provide you with a limited amount of data and information, and relying only on that could cause you to not make the best choice, if you’re not careful. And boy, when heuristics jump into your fantasy space — well, something that immediately comes to my mind is celebrity culture.
Ain’t it wild how people will be on social media, speaking so confidently, about someone—or someone’s relationship—as if they personally know them (when they absolutely don’t)? I mean, just because someone is attractive or you’ve seen them carry themselves well in an interview or two, that doesn’t automatically mean that they are the ideal person or that they are someone to set your own dating standards by. If you’re not careful, though, heuristics and fantasies may encourage you to think otherwise.
That’s because the combo will try and get your brain to jump to all sorts of conclusions and, if you don’t keep that in check, it could result in you making premature, counterproductive, or even straight-up reckless decisions — because remember, a fantasy tends to be about suppressing an urge or desire.
Honestly, whether you are in a relationship or not, if you are fantasizing about a particular individual, understanding why you are doing that should definitely be explored.
However, if you are with someone and you’re fantasizing about someone else, you really shouldn’t ignore what is transpiring because, although by definition, there’s a good chance that whatever and whomever you are fantasizing about will never come to pass, the fact that it’s taking up some of your mental and emotional space, that needs to be acknowledged. Because if there is something that you want or need, and you seem to believe that your fantasies are better at supplying that for you than the reality of your relationship, why is that?
Let’s keep going…
What Does (or Could) It Mean If You Fantasize About Someone Else During Sex?
GiphyIt’s pretty common that a random song will come to mind whenever I’m writing an article. Today? It was Guy’s “My Fantasy.” Then a sitcom did — King of Queens, and the episode when Doug and Carrie were talking about his sexual fantasies. The song is about images that the fellas randomly have about beautiful women. The episode was about Carrie wanting to dictate to Doug what and whom he could fantasize about because some of his sexual fantasies made her feel uncomfortable or intimidated.
And both of these are a pretty solid intro into whether there is something wrong with sexually fantasizing about someone, especially while having sex with someone else. Well, before getting into all of that, I think another article that I read on the topic brings up a pretty good point — that it’s important to think about where your fantasies are coming from: your imagination, things you see on social media, porn that you may have watched, people who you actually know…and if it’s the latter, is it someone from your past or someone from your present?
Yeah, knowing the source of your fantasies can definitely help you to understand how “deep” into your fantasies you might be.
What I mean by that is, seeing a beautiful man one time and randomly thinking about what it would be like to have sex with him on some beach vacation is quite different than constantly thinking about your ex, the sex you used to have with him and then fantasizing about it For one thing, the beautiful guy, you will probably never have access to. That ex, though? Well, at the very least, that is a bit more realistic, right?
Then there’s the fact that, again, a fantasy is a suppressed urge or desire. When it comes to the beautiful man, is it his looks that you long for, or is it something deeper? And that ex of yours? Lawd, now why, when you have your own man in your own bed, is your ex “scratching some sort of itch”? Because we all know what they say — “he’s your ex for a reason,” so why is he creeping up into your intimacy space now that the relationship is over? Is something unresolved?
Are there sexual needs that he met that your current partner isn’t (check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?”)? Is something currently transpiring in your current relationship that you are using fantasies about your ex to escape from?
You see, although when it comes to the topic of fantasizing about others when you’re having sex with someone else might seem like the a cut-and-dried, “Don’t do it, end of discussion” — as someone who works with couples for a living, I think the bigger concern isn’t if another guy comes into your mind during sex with your partner…it’s more about WHY is that happening to begin with. Because if you need to escape from where you are, if you can’t be present with your partner, something is definitely up.
When Should You Be Concerned About the Fantasies You Are Having?
GiphyDuring the last several months of breaking up (because we all know that sometimes breaking up is a process) with the last boyfriend whom I will have in this lifetime, I recall fantasizing about other people while having sex with him. It’s because I really wasn’t attracted to or interested in him, sexually, anymore — but I was a bit fearful of what it would mean to let the entire relationship go.
And boy, is that a huge red flag because I wasn’t fantasizing about some random famous person one time during sex — I was relying on images, my imagination, and previous experiences with other people to literally get me through the act. NOT. GOOD.
Y’all, one of the greatest and most profound forms of communication and connection between two people is sexual intimacy, and so, when it transpires, it really should only be about the two of them. That said, should you freak out over a thought about someone who creeps up into your mind every once in a while? Chile, more people have that happen than they will ever admit out loud.
On the other hand, should you worry if you’re like I was? I’ll put it this way — you should definitely be concerned because the last thing that you should be feeling during sex with someone is like you are suppressing what you need and/or that you want to escape from the moments that you are experiencing with them.
And yet, if that is indeed the case, though, what should you do?
Start with doing some sex journaling. Write down your fantasies, the sources of them, and why you are leaning on them in this season (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”). If they are tied to unrealistic situations, be real with yourself about that. If they are rooted in potential possibilities, do some journaling about how much you are “feeding into” that reality and what you think would be the wisest way to move forward, both for your sake as well as your relationship.
Talk to your partner. Each relationship is different, and so, while I’m not going to recommend that everyone just blurt out that they’ve been thinking about having sex with their co-worker or college sweetheart while having sex with their partner, I do think that the suppressed urges and desires (in general) should be mentioned. Sometimes, fantasies are birthed out of boredom (check out “If You're Not Having Great Sex, This Is (Probably) Why” and “Common Sex Problems Couples Have (& How To Fix 'Em)”) and doing something like creating a sex bucket list (check out “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List’”) can breathe new life into your bedroom.
Plus, sharing some of your deepest thoughts, feelings, and needs (in a kind, thoughtful, and mature way) can cultivate more emotional intimacy with your partner, and that can definitely be a good thing.
Consider seeing a sex therapist. If, after doing both of these things, the fantasies seem to be getting stronger and louder, you might need to make an appointment with a reputable sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). They may be able to help you to “connect some dots” about what’s going on that you wouldn’t have considered without their help, because sex therapists are trained in helping individuals sort out the mental and emotional sides of intimacy, not just the physical ones.
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Are fantasies bad? They aren’t. However, when it comes to sexual ones, a quote by Benjamin Franklin absolutely comes to mind: “If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.”
And that, right there, should be a guiding message for how you should process the fantasies that you do have.
Amen? Sho’ you right.
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