
Perimenopause Has Your Period Being All Over The Place? Here's What To Do.

Listen, I love being a woman — especially a Black woman. That is a full-stop statement. However, I wish someone had given me a very clear and consistent heads-up that once my period started, I’d be dealing with it, on some level, for the rest of my entire life. And that’s no exaggeration.
Nevermind the fact that you’re basically only “off” of your cycle one week of the month because there’s ovulation, PMS, and then your actual period. Yet even before menopause (which tends to require some sort of hormone therapy or holistic treatments to keep some sort of hormonal balance in your system), there’s perimenopause.
Ah, perimenopause. That period of time in your life that can last anywhere from a few months to an entire freakin’ decade where your body starts to release fewer eggs, your estrogen and progesterone levels are on one hell of a roller coaster ride, and you start to experience things like hot flashes, sleeplessness, and erratic-as-all-get-out menstrual cycles. *le sigh*
And since the average age of menopause is 51, this means that you can easily be in the stages of perimenopause around the time you turn 40, earlier if you end up going into premature menopause (I know, right?). And with that being the case, that’s why I thought it would be a good idea to give you 12 tips regarding things that you can do if you happen to notice that your cycle ain’t as predictable as it used to be so that you can deal with perimenopause with some level of sanity and grace.
1. Reduce Your Stress Levels
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Ever since you’ve had your period, you’ve probably known that your stress levels can affect it when it comes to how consistent your cycle is and how light or heavy it might end up being. Well, when it comes to perimenopause, stress can create all kinds of unwanted issues, especially since your 40s and 50s can be the time in your life when you’re already putting yourself under more pressure than you probably should when it comes to achieving life goals, balancing your personal and professional life and trying to figure out what you want your future to look like.
Anyway, since your hormone levels are already gonna be pretty topsy-turvy, you’ve got to be on-10 about keeping what stresses you out down. Set clear boundaries. If you’re a workaholic, it’s time to shift outta that. Exercise. Consider meditation. Definitely ramp up your self-care rituals. Pamper yourself more than ever. The symptoms that come with perimenopause are already stress-filled enough. You’ve got to be hypervigilant in making sure that they, on top of life life-ing, don’t do a real number on your mental health and your cycle, too.
2. Get Your Thyroid Checked
Did you know that 1 in 8 women will end up with some type of thyroid issue in their lifetime? The reason why that is relevant to this particular article is that if your thyroid isn’t acting like it should, that can result in an inconsistent cycle or super light or heavy periods. Since those are also symptoms that are directly associated with perimenopause, if your cycle is currently all over the place and you’re not sure why, or you’re in your 20s and going through these types of issues, it’s a good idea to get your thyroid professionally checked out. Just to prevent you from thinking that you’re in perimenopause when that might not be the case at all.
3. Also, Get an At-Home Perimenopausal Test
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Even though I know that a lot of us think that Googling is basically like a doctor’s visit, if you spend too much time on that thing, you will start to think that everything in the world is cancer-related (no joke). So, not just to keep yourself from becoming confused and/or paranoid but to also make sure that you are receiving accurate information when it comes to perimenopause, it can never hurt to do some professional hormonal testing. This is something your healthcare provider should be able to do for you.
Also, there are at-home tests that you can now take that, with the help of a blood sample from you (via a finger prick), can reveal what your estrogen, follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH), and luteinizing hormone (also known as LH — the hormone that stimulates your ovaries) levels are.
Does this replace going to the doctor? Absolutely not. However, it can give you some indication of what’s going on with you if your cycles aren’t what they used to be. A test that has a reputation for being pretty reliable is Everlywell’s Perimenopause Test. You can read more about it here.
4. Use a Menstrual Cup
A part of the reason why I even decided to pitch this article is because the last six months or so of my period has been a plumb trip. For instance, not too long ago, I had a light cycle for a whopping five weeks. No pain. No real blood-related drama. Just light-to-mid spotting after a full cycle that wouldn’t go away. My health care provider was like, “You know how old you are. Unless you’re in some serious discomfort or passing a lot of clots, it sounds like perimenopause.” Thankfully, I’ve been into menstrual cups for a minute now. However, if you’ve never tried one and you’ve been having extended-stay cycles, you might want to give them a shot.
While no one wants a period that seems to go on FOR-E-VER, if you’ve got a cup in, I promise that it’ll help you forget that you’re going through all of that…drama. Menstrual cups can make you feel like your period isn’t even there.
5. Eat Phytoestrogens
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Like I said earlier, something that your estrogen, progesterone, and even testosterone levels are going to do during perimenopause is fluctuate — sometimes drastically. When it comes to your estrogen levels, specifically, it’s what “triggers” your FSH and LH hormones to work properly. That said, estrogen eventually declines so low that you don’t end up releasing an egg every month. When that happens, that can also lead to weight gain (did you know there is such a thing as a “menopause belly”?) hot flashes, vaginal dryness, a lower libido, headaches, dry skin, and yes, an inconsistent period.
One way to bring some sort of stability to your estrogen levels is to consume plant-based estrogen foods, which are also known as phytoestrogens. Some of those include cabbage, spinach, pears, grapes, garlic, onions, wine, herbal teas, beans, and apples.
6. Eat More Protein Too
As far as your diet goes, something else that you will need to ramp up is your protein intake. Because menopause can cause you to lose muscle mass, can tank your moods (which tend to be all over the place where your period is too), and can keep your hormones imbalanced, if a steak is something that you’ve been craving lately, treat yourself. Protein is a great way to bring relief to all of those things.
By the way, if you happen to be a vegetarian or vegan, you can still get more protein into your body. Check out “Vegetarian Or Vegan? Check Out These High Protein Foods.” to learn how.
7. Cut Back on Caffeine, Sugar and Alcohol
I already know that some of y’all are going to roll your eyes at this one, yet the reality is that caffeine, sugar, and alcohol are all stimulants — ones that can have your hormones all over the damn place. So, again, for the sake of a more stabilized cycle, green and black tea are good coffee alternatives, honey is a good sugar one, and alcohol? Well, let’s dial that down to a couple of glasses of red wine a week, okay?
8. Sip on Some Chasteberry Tea
Something that I’ve been taking in supplement form for a while now is chasteberry. For starters, it’s a semi-potent phytoestrogen, and we’ve already touched on what those are able to do. Since some studies suggest that it can also raise your progesterone levels as well, sipping on some chasteberry tea couldn’t hurt if your cycle is inconsistent or you’re experiencing lengthy bouts of PMS.
9. Take Magnesium, Calcium and Zinc for Sleep
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The hot flashes alone that oftentimes come with perimenopause and menopause are enough of a reason to end up with some sleepless nights. Plus, when your estrogen and progesterone levels aren’t as balanced as they once were, that can have you tossing and turning quite a bit, too.
In fact, some studies cite that as much as 46 percent of women will have a difficult time getting quality sleep during perimenopause, and since sleep deprivation can also result in a late period? You need to do all that you can to get 6-8 hours of sleep every night, as much as possible.
Something that I can personally vouch for in this department is a magnesium, calcium, and zinc supplement. The combo is a type of nerve relaxant that can help not only improve your quality of sleep. It will also boost your immune system, regulate your blood sugar levels, and keep you in a good mood as well.
10. Track Your Cycle
Even though period trackers are somewhat controversial (due to our country’s current stance on abortion), even if you would prefer to not track yours via an app, do be intentional about keeping up with it in some sort of way. For me personally, because I could set my cycle by almost the minute for most of my life, the way I was able to tell that something was shifting was by knowing exactly when my period was supposed to start vs. when it was and how long it was sticking around. Also, don’t just take note of its length but also how heavy or light it is, what the consistency is, if you’re having a lot of clotting, and what other symptoms are showing up.
Again, even though perimenopause tends to be all over the place (LAWD), the more intel you have, the more you can narrow down if perimenopause is indeed what you are dealing with or if there is some sort of other underlying health condition going on.
11. Use Condoms
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Not too long ago, I was talking to a postmenopausal woman (which is a woman who has officially gone 12 consecutive months without a menstrual cycle) about one of her favorite things about not having a period anymore. What she immediately said was she’s thrilled to not have to worry about birth control; in fact, she literally burned all of her condoms (she’s been in an exclusive relationship for a few years now). Listen, while perimenopause is showing “light at the end of the tunnel,” when it comes to you being able to have this same testimony until you’re done with menopause altogether, you need to use protection.
Why? Because an erratic period is not the same thing as not having one at all — and since you may not even be able to predict when your cycle is coming, that means it’s also challenging to know when you’re ovulating. So, unless you want to be a new mom in your 40s, 50s, or even 60s — having a stash of condoms somewhere in your house is definitely a smart decision. You’ve been warned, chile.
12. Know When to See Your Health Care Provider
To tell you the truth, if anything too extreme is happening with your period these days, it’s a good idea to see your physician. Although if you’re a bit leery because you think that they might take extreme measures to deal with your perimenopausal issues (like recommending a hysterectomy, for instance), here are some definite orange-to-red flags that confirm a doctor’s appointment is needed:
- Your cycle is so heavy that you’re bleeding through a pad an hour for more than a couple of days
- Your cycle lasts for longer than seven days (especially consecutively)
- Your cycle happens more than once a month
- You can’t seem to find relief for perimenopausal symptoms on your own
- Something simply doesn’t feel right
If any of this is going on, please don’t self-diagnose; your doctor exists for a reason. Rely on their expertise.
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As someone who is going through perimenopause myself, I won’t even try to lie to you and say that it’s a cakewalk. Even though I don’t have any type of discomfort whatsoever, and the symptoms are very few — this unpredictable period ish is enough to drive me low-key crazy (if I let it). And that’s why I wanted to offer up some tips to get you through — because although it may not be immediate, sis, you will get through it.
Hang in there.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Your May 2025 Monthly Horoscopes Are All About Blooming Softly & Trusting Divine Timing
May is about being patient, nurturing your dreams, and creating beauty in your world. This is a more stable and generous month than the chaos that April brought, and we get an opportunity for closure, healing, and rejuvenation this month. We are still amid some important retrograde transits, but these are ones we can navigate better by grounding our energy in the present moment, and not allowing ourselves to stress over the what-ifs.
With the Sun in Taurus for most of the month, May reminds us that there is beauty in finding your peace and not allowing anyone to disrupt that.
Pluto goes retrograde in Aquarius from May 4 until October 13, and this will be a time of remembering your power when it comes to your purpose, innovations, and the ability to attract support into your life. Mercury moves into Taurus on May 10, making this a good time for negotiations, creating new plans financially, and sticking to your word on something that holds value to you. The Full Moon of the month occurs in Scorpio on May 12, and this is the Flower Moon of the year, signifying growth and seeing the beauty in your life.
This Full Moon is all about letting go of what doesn’t feel authentic or resonate with you emotionally, and about experiencing more closure and healing within relationship matters.
Your May 2025: A Monthly Overview
Gemini Season officially begins on May 20, and we enter air sign energy, which is good for communication, business, and coming up with inspiring and new ideas. On May 24, Saturn enters Aries, beginning its new transit where it will remain for the next few years. Saturn in Aries is bold, direct, and straightforward, but so are its lessons. There is a gift in resilience and finding your strength during this time, and this transit will show you where your power is, but it may challenge you to confront self-limiting behavior in the process.
Mercury enters Gemini on May 25, and Mercury loves being here. Mercury in Gemini is the creative genius, and this is a month of aligning yourself with this energy. On May 26, we have a New Moon in Gemini, and it’s time to set your intentions for where you want a communication breakthrough in your life, and what new ideas you want to start planting the seeds for. This is a good New Moon for networking, exchanging ideas, having more fun, and getting inspired.
Article continues after the jump.
May 2025 Horoscopes for Every Zodiac Sign
Keep reading for your sun, moon, and rising sign below to see what May has in store for you.
ARIES
The impact from April is finally behind you, and you get to move forward this month, Aries. After a month of retrogrades and Eclipses, you are starting to see the progress of what you have been working towards financially this year. The Sun is in your 2nd house of abundance, self-confidence, and values this month, and you are putting your dreams here first.
With Venus also in Aries for the entire month of May, you are feeling the support within and without this month, and this is a beautiful month unfolding.
On May 24, Saturn enters your sign, beginning its transit in Aries, which will last for the next few years. Saturn is the master of tough love, and you are going to be learning a lot about yourself during his time and going through a growth spurt. The New Moon of May is at the end of the month on May 26 and will be giving you the answers and clarity you have been looking for, highlighting open communication in your life. Overall, this is your month of fewer obstacles and more progress.
TAURUS
Taurus Season is officially underway, and you are the main character right now, Taurus. Remember that. This month is about trusting your intuition and the timing of things, and knowing that things are working in your favor. With Venus, your ruling planet, in your 12th house for the month, you are seeking a lot of closure and culmination right now and are healing what was. Mercury enters your sign from May 10 until May 25, and it’s all about the perspectives you are gaining right now.
Don’t be afraid to ask the important questions and get down to the bottom of things that have been worrying you. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in your 7th house of partnership, and you are closing the door on what has not been working for you in love. You are seeing the clarity of what you need within your emotional world and how you want to navigate the changes you have been through here now.
GEMINI
May is a new beginning for you, Gemini. You have a lot of energy and vitality with you this month, and you are ready to accomplish some personal goals and intentions of yours. For most of the month, the Sun is in your house of closure and healing, and you are finding yourself rejuvenated from the transformations you have been through. Gemini Season officially begins on May 20, and with the Sun in your sign, nothing is holding you back from shining and living in your truth right now.
On May 25, Mercury enters Gemini until June 8, and Mercury loves being in your sign, as this is your planetary ruler.
Mercury in Gemini is forward-thinking, quick, and intelligent. You are coming up with solutions to previous challenges or obstacles, and overcoming something that has felt restrictive mentally. Before the month ends, there is a New Moon in Gemini on May 26, and this New Moon is one of the best times of the year for you to set your intentions and manifest your dreams. Remember you are worthy of what you are setting out to accomplish this month, Gemini.
CANCER
Cancer, this month requires you to slow down, take care of your health, and allow things to come to fruition the way they are meant to. There is a chance you could be overthinking more than usual this month, and you are being reminded that there is only so much that is in your control, and to give yourself some more grace. The Full Moon in Scorpio on May 12 will help you gain a little more clarity of the heart and is going to be a time of feeling the love and appreciation in your life.
Saturn enters your 10th house of career on May 24, remaining here over the next few years, and you are getting an opportunity to grow and discover where you may have been limiting yourself professionally, socially, or within your aspirations in life. This time is all about reminding yourself that you deserve recognition for the work you do, but that you must also be the one believing in yourself as well. On May 12, there is a New Moon in your house of emotional healing, and you are seeing the gifts of alone time, safe spaces, and tending to your creative inklings at the end of the month.
LEO
This month is an opportunity for a new beginning in love and progress within your emotional world, Leo. You are learning to trust your intuition more, and you are putting more of your energy into your heart’s desires. With the Sun in your 10th house for most of the month, you are shining in your truth and remaining confident in your goals in life.
Venus is in your house of adventure for the entire month, and this is a good time for experiencing romance while traveling or getting out of your comfort zone a little.
Saturn makes a significant move from Pisces into Aries at the end of the month and enters your 9th house. With Saturn here, you will be learning more about what mental growth and clarity mean to you, and this is a good time to dedicate yourself to higher education, traveling, gaining a new perspective, and honoring your integrity and values. The New Moon of the month is on May 26, creating magic within your friendships and community.
You are leaving this month with hope in your heart and new plans for the future.
VIRGO
May is a month of abundance and fruition for you, Virgo. Your dreams and intentions are coming to fruition, and you are owning that which you have created for yourself. With Venus in Aries, this is a good time for seeing support in your life financially, dedicating yourself to your commitments and responsibilities, and seeing the gifts in that. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication, and this is an intuitive time for you, giving you the strength needed to close the chapter on what you don’t resonate with anymore.
On May 24, Saturn enters your house of shared finances, rebirth, intimacy, and resources, and over the next few years, you will be learning the importance of connecting with people who truly have your best interest at heart, and not committing to what feels unstable. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini in your house of career, and this is a good time to manifest and set your intentions for where you want to see professional growth in your life.
Overall, May is about embracing your freedom while honoring the people and connections that help you grow and make you feel more secure in life.
LIBRA
This is a month of feeling empowered and ready to take on anything that comes your way, Libra. You are inspired by the progress you are making in your life right now, and with Venus in your 7th house of love, you are being well-received. This is a month of finding your balance between your path and the growth of your relationships, and there is a sense of support, harmony, and love in your life in May.
You are owning your authenticity and living in your truth fully, and this energy is magnetic.
However, Saturn also enters your 7th house of love this month, where it will remain for the next few years. Saturn empowers and helps you grow, but you can also feel a little more challenged within your relationships during this time. The more you can own your wants and needs, the more you can find vulnerability and support within your relationships. On May 26, a New Moon in a fellow air sign occurs and happens in your 9th house, creating a chance at a new adventure and an opportunity to discover some new inspiration.
SCORPIO
May is about believing in the impossible, Scorpio. It’s time to take a leap of faith in yourself and to remember your power. You are seeking a new beginning in your life, and with the Sun in your 7th house of love for most of the month, you are being supported and encouraged in the process. Pluto, one of your ruling planets, goes retrograde in your house of home and family from May 4 until October, and you are gaining clarity on the people and support systems you can rely on more.
The Full Moon of the month is in your sign on May 12, and this is the Flower Moon of the year. You are in full bloom and ready for whatever is next for you, and this is beautiful. Previous intentions and goals come to fruition for you overall in mid-May, and there is a lot to look forward to right now as you are getting excited about it all. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini in your 8th house, creating a sense of empowerment through what you are looking to change and transform in your life right now.
This month is about not being afraid to take more risks and doing things your own way.
SAGITTARIUS
May is a beautiful month of magic, success, and good fortune, Sagittarius. You are feeling lucky this month and are attracting success to you in many different areas of your life. Venus, the planet of love, is in your 5th house of romance for most of the month, and you are enjoying your life, feeling the love within your heart, and expressing yourself freely in May. You are a magnet for your manifestations, and dreams are coming true for you this month, Sag.
On May 12, we have a Full Moon happening in your house of endings and closure, and you are closing out a big chapter in your life this month.
You are letting go of old pain or emotional experiences and choosing not to repeat a pattern that left you feeling hopeless before. On May 26, we have a New Moon in your sister sign, Gemini, enhancing your need for love, connection, and relationship development this month. This is a great New Moon to set your intentions for what partnerships you want to see grow, heal, and come to fruition for you. Overall, May is your month of fruition, balance, and believing in the magic in your life.
CAPRICORN
May is about slowing down and allowing yourself to find the answers you have been looking for, Capricorn. This isn’t the time to rush your progress or doubt where you are in life. The Sun is in your 5th house, and this is good for finding more time for fun, pleasure, self-care, and asking your heart what it needs. With Pluto going retrograde in your 2nd house of values and income, you are being reminded to hold yourself with integrity and to know that you are worthy of the things you are asking for.
The Full Moon on May 12 is a beautiful time to connect with loved ones or those who inspire you. The universe wants to show you that you are not alone this month and that you deserve to live a life where you can enjoy yourself more and manifest your dreams, rather than believing everything needs to be a challenge to be worthy. Saturn, your ruling planet, then enters your 4th house of home and family, and over the next few years, you are going to be rediscovering what home means to you.
AQUARIUS
Your guidance for May is to trust that what is falling from your life or changing for you is doing so for your benefit, Aquarius. Trust that what is happening is happening for you and not to you, and don’t doubt that you will rebuild from this. With Pluto going retrograde in your sign from May 4 until October 13, you need a break from some of the confusion you have been feeling in your personal life, and you are getting a chance to gain a new perspective this month.
Use this time to get inspired by change rather than let it bring you down, and ground yourself in the present moment more.
Saturn enters Aries in May, where it will remain for the next few years, helping you grow in the areas of your life that have to do with communication, networking, transportation, siblings, and education. You will be learning a lot during this time and will be finding new outlets for self-expression and communication. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini occurring in your 5th house of romance, pleasure, hobbies, and entertainment, and after a month of navigating endings, changes, and closures, you are ready for a fresh start and are receiving one in love now.
PISCES
Allow what is to be, be, Pisces. May is a month of allowing yourself to trust the timing of the universe and not giving up hope that things are going to turn out beautifully for you. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in fellow water sign, Scorpio, and this is a time to get inspired and see the benefits of closure. This Full Moon is about gaining a new perspective and not doubting what is clearer to you now, that you are worthy of a new beginning.
On May 24, Saturn moves into your 2nd house of income, and you are going to be moving through a journey of developing financially, and working on maintaining stability while building new foundations in your life. The New Moon in Gemini at the end of the month is about setting your intentions for your home and family life and creating some new energy here. Overall, May is your month of breaking ground on the things you want to create for yourself and trusting the timing of how things are unfolding.
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Is It Time To Go Back To A Relaxer? These Questions Might Help You Decide.
During my 25 years of being a full-time writer, I’ve definitely penned for a few hair magazines and websites before. One time, I remember being asked to cover what might appear to be a really random question — and yet, if you stop to really ponder it, it’s one that has crossed many Black women’s minds: “If I’m going to wear my natural hair, when’s the best time of year to do that and if I’m going to relax it, when should I do that?”
My response? Well, I’ll speak for myself personally and say I think that, although there is absolutely nothing wrong with shrinkage (it actually speaks to how healthy your curls and coils are), if you want to wear all-natural styles with as little of it as possible, cooler months are best. On the other hand, since the warmer seasons tend to have a lot more humidity in them, if you want to rock a straight(er) style, relaxing your locks makes more sense during the spring and summertime.
And, as life (and timing) would have it, the latter is where we are right now. So, if you are seriously thinking about chemically straightening your hair, although I totally get it, before you take the leap, please make sure to ask yourself the following five questions, just so you won’t have any regrets if you actually do.
1. Why Am I Doing It?
One of my girlfriends? She has an incredible head of hair. I wanna say that her texture is probably hovering somewhere between 3b-4a, and it only takes her about six months to go from a bob to well past her bra strap. Anyway, although when I first met her, she rocked a relaxer, for about a decade, she then went completely natural. Then, one day, she announced to me that she was going back to the white stuff. When I asked her why, she said that although she loved natural hair, all of the time that went into the care and maintenance of it was starting to get on her nerves.
I ain’t got no lies to tell you: When she said it, I was devastated like it was my own hair, mostly because I had grown so accustomed to seeing her thick curly locks. Plus, I’m aware of some of the risks that come with relaxers (more on that in a sec). Still, it ain’t my head, and also, since she would flat iron her hair quite a bit without properly prepping it in order to avoid heat damage, it’s not like I didn’t see where she was coming from. I wanna say that she’s been relaxing her hair, this time, for about 4-5 years now. I’ve asked her if she has any regrets. She has been emphatic that her answer is “no.”
Me? I’ve been pretty natural for most of my adult life. I frame it that way because back when my hair was ultra short, I would sometimes put a texturizer in it (which is basically a mild relaxer, if we’re gonna be real about it). However, there have only been two times when I’ve taken the very clear relaxer route, and both were to achieve a particular hairstyle — once a straight short bob and another time a modified mohawk. The bob I kind of regretted because once I was “over it,” I had to cut my hair to get back to my natural texture.
The mohawk? Eh, not so much because the sides were super low anyway. Still, just like going from relaxed to natural is a transition (makes me think about the book and then filmNappily Ever After), so is going from relaxed to natural — which is why the first thing you should ask yourself is your reason(s) for relaxing your hair, so that you can also ponder the costs that come with making the choice.
2. Am I Aware of the Risks?
A few years ago, Glamour published an article entitled, “It’s My Hair and I’ll Relax It—Or Not—If I Want To.” Back in 2023, Essence published an article entitled, “Why Some Black Women Are Relaxing Their Hair Again.” Last year, Vice published an article entitled, “Black Women on Their Complicated Relationship with Relaxer.” As I checked them all out, that is actually what caused India.Arie’s song, “I Am Not My Hair” to come to my mind. At the end of the day, one of the most bomb things about our hair is how damn versatile it can be — how many options that we really do have.
Still, I would be pretty irresponsible if I didn’t mention in a relaxer-themed article that there is quite a bit of research that says that relaxers really aren’t the best for our overall health and well-being. For instance, last year, NPR published the article, “Thousands of Black women are suing chemical relaxer makers over cancer risks” which was probably, at least partially inspired by, “First Large Study of Hair Relaxers Among Black Women Finds Increased Risk of Uterine Cancer” (NPR also just recently published an article about shampoos, lotions and eyelash glues that are harmful to our health as well).
In 2023, NBC News featured a piece entitled, “What Black women should know about hair relaxers and their health;” one of the things it said was “postmenopausal Black women who have used chemical hair relaxers more than twice a year or for more than five years have an increased risk of developing uterine cancer.” Know what else? It should also go on record that, beyond cancer, relaxers pose the threat of uterine fibroids, premature births, and even infertility.
Should that “scare” you into not relaxing your hair? Eh, it should make you more aware of the risks. That said, I would also be amiss if I didn’t say that there are some relaxer options that are certainly safer than others (you can read more about those here). Still, if you knew that there were other ways to straighten your locks without “chancing it” when it comes to chemical relaxers at all, wouldn’t you want to at least…consider them?
This brings me to the next question that you should ask yourself.
3. Have I Researched Other Straightening Alternatives?
A few weeks ago, Who What Wear published an article entitled, “TikTok Says Becoming a ‘Straight Natural’ Is a Hairstyling Hack—I Asked an Expert for the Facts.” It naturally piqued my interest because that’s pretty much what I am: on wash day, I will blow-out my hair and then I will braid it up to keep it stretched, basically until it’s time to wash it again. Personally, it has served me well because it reduces tangling and chances for fairy knots to pop up, plus, it helps me to handle my hair more gently (because I’m not exactly the best at doing that).
This means that no, I don’t need or use a relaxer, even though I do prefer to wear my hair stretched out. Instead, I use a blow dryer. That’s one alternative to achieving straight(er) hair.
Some others?
- You can flat-iron your hair
- You can apply keratin treatments
- You can do a silk press
- You can put your hair in rollers
- There are quite a few straightening sprays and creams that can get the job done too (although you oftentimes need to use them with heat, and many contain silicones if those aren’t your thing)
BONUS: If you want to simply stretch your natural hair without heat, some options for that arehere.
Now, I won’t lie, a perk to going the relaxer route is your hair remains permanently straight, even in the roughest of weather conditions while these alternatives are temporary solutions (some lasting longer than others). However, if you want to go in between curly and straight without any potentially harmful chemicals putting your health at risk, now you know some other proven things that you can do.
4. Have I Fully Processed the Upkeep That Is Involved?
The time it takes to sit up in a beauty salon. Chile, back when I was in college, that inspired me to teach myself how to cut my own hair (fades ‘n all) — that’s why, it’s been only a handful of times that I’ve been in a beauty shop since. And don’t get me started on the prices! In fact, I just recently checked out the current average prices for certain hair treatments in the US:
- Women’s haircut: $10-90
- Hair Color: $75-200
- Highlights: $20-200
- Styling: $10-65
- Permanent Hair Straightening: $40-425 ($425?!)
Now, to be fair, when it comes to seeing a professional for certain natural styles, here are some of the costs for that:
- Braids: $40-200
- Locs: $50-150
- Retightening Sisterlocks: $100-250 (and it’s recommended to do this at least six times a year)
However, natural hairstyles oftentimes tend to last longer, and you can do certain ones on your own. Meanwhile, getting a retouch? While some prefer to do it every six weeks, every eight weeks is typically the norm. Plus, it’s not just you’re getting a relaxer, right? Oftentimes, a cut and possibly a retouch of color is thrown up in there, too, and that can really add up.
Not to say that, even if you do your natural hair at home, some of the hair products are not the cheapest on the planet. Understood. All I’m saying, though, is — I’ve been doing my own hair for years, and the products that I use last for many months on end. Back when I was getting a relaxer, though? In the grand scheme of things, I was definitely spending more money overall.
And with this current administration that we have, chile…CHILE.
5. Have You Taken a Month to Make Sure It’s Not a Knee-Jerk Response?
Relaxers are a lot like tattoos in the sense that, once you get them, there’s no turning back. So, if you’re a naturalista who is thinking about putting the “cream crack” in, simply because you’ve had a few bad hair days — before you book a hair appointment or even go to a beauty supply store to get a ready-made relaxer to apply yourself, pause…to really think about what you’re doing.
And by “pause,” I recommend taking a good month, just to make sure that you’re making a logical decision and not just having an emotional reaction. Because again, once it’s straight, it’s straight until/unless you decide to grow your natural hair back out — and boy, is that a process (check out “The Truth About Transitioning From Relaxed To Natural”)…sometimes more of one than we considered before taking the cream crack leap.
____
Listen, you’re all the way grown, and when it comes to your hair, you certainly can do whatever the hell you want to do. That said, I did decide to end this with a feature from Only One Jess’s channel because…just look at our natural hair and all that it is capable of. Beautiful.
As I close this out, as with pretty much all things in this life, relaxed hair certainly comes with its own benefits. Of course, it does because, if there were none, who would have relaxed locks at all? All I’m saying is it does come with some “count the costs” to really consider, too, and I want to make sure that you always keep those in mind as well.
I’m hoping this article brought this main point home, so that if you do decide to go permanently straight (perhaps again), you can feel 100 percent good about your decision.
With — like the friend whom I mentioned earlier — not one single regret. From root to tip.
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Featured image by L Julia/Shutterstock