Listen, I love being a woman — especially a Black woman. That is a full-stop statement. However, I wish someone had given me a very clear and consistent heads-up that once my period started, I’d be dealing with it, on some level, for the rest of my entire life. And that’s no exaggeration.
Nevermind the fact that you’re basically only “off” of your cycle one week of the month because there’s ovulation, PMS, and then your actual period. Yet even before menopause (which tends to require some sort of hormone therapy or holistic treatments to keep some sort of hormonal balance in your system), there’s perimenopause.
Ah, perimenopause. That period of time in your life that can last anywhere from a few months to an entire freakin’ decade where your body starts to release fewer eggs, your estrogen and progesterone levels are on one hell of a roller coaster ride, and you start to experience things like hot flashes, sleeplessness, and erratic-as-all-get-out menstrual cycles. *le sigh*
And since the average age of menopause is 51, this means that you can easily be in the stages of perimenopause around the time you turn 40, earlier if you end up going into premature menopause (I know, right?). And with that being the case, that’s why I thought it would be a good idea to give you 12 tips regarding things that you can do if you happen to notice that your cycle ain’t as predictable as it used to be so that you can deal with perimenopause with some level of sanity and grace.
1. Reduce Your Stress Levels
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Ever since you’ve had your period, you’ve probably known that your stress levels can affect it when it comes to how consistent your cycle is and how light or heavy it might end up being. Well, when it comes to perimenopause, stress can create all kinds of unwanted issues, especially since your 40s and 50s can be the time in your life when you’re already putting yourself under more pressure than you probably should when it comes to achieving life goals, balancing your personal and professional life and trying to figure out what you want your future to look like.
Anyway, since your hormone levels are already gonna be pretty topsy-turvy, you’ve got to be on-10 about keeping what stresses you out down. Set clear boundaries. If you’re a workaholic, it’s time to shift outta that. Exercise. Consider meditation. Definitely ramp up your self-care rituals. Pamper yourself more than ever. The symptoms that come with perimenopause are already stress-filled enough. You’ve got to be hypervigilant in making sure that they, on top of life life-ing, don’t do a real number on your mental health and your cycle, too.
2. Get Your Thyroid Checked
Did you know that 1 in 8 women will end up with some type of thyroid issue in their lifetime? The reason why that is relevant to this particular article is that if your thyroid isn’t acting like it should, that can result in an inconsistent cycle or super light or heavy periods. Since those are also symptoms that are directly associated with perimenopause, if your cycle is currently all over the place and you’re not sure why, or you’re in your 20s and going through these types of issues, it’s a good idea to get your thyroid professionally checked out. Just to prevent you from thinking that you’re in perimenopause when that might not be the case at all.
3. Also, Get an At-Home Perimenopausal Test
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Even though I know that a lot of us think that Googling is basically like a doctor’s visit, if you spend too much time on that thing, you will start to think that everything in the world is cancer-related (no joke). So, not just to keep yourself from becoming confused and/or paranoid but to also make sure that you are receiving accurate information when it comes to perimenopause, it can never hurt to do some professional hormonal testing. This is something your healthcare provider should be able to do for you.
Also, there are at-home tests that you can now take that, with the help of a blood sample from you (via a finger prick), can reveal what your estrogen, follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH), and luteinizing hormone (also known as LH — the hormone that stimulates your ovaries) levels are.
Does this replace going to the doctor? Absolutely not. However, it can give you some indication of what’s going on with you if your cycles aren’t what they used to be. A test that has a reputation for being pretty reliable is Everlywell’s Perimenopause Test. You can read more about it here.
4. Use a Menstrual Cup
A part of the reason why I even decided to pitch this article is because the last six months or so of my period has been a plumb trip. For instance, not too long ago, I had a light cycle for a whopping five weeks. No pain. No real blood-related drama. Just light-to-mid spotting after a full cycle that wouldn’t go away. My health care provider was like, “You know how old you are. Unless you’re in some serious discomfort or passing a lot of clots, it sounds like perimenopause.” Thankfully, I’ve been into menstrual cups for a minute now. However, if you’ve never tried one and you’ve been having extended-stay cycles, you might want to give them a shot.
While no one wants a period that seems to go on FOR-E-VER, if you’ve got a cup in, I promise that it’ll help you forget that you’re going through all of that…drama. Menstrual cups can make you feel like your period isn’t even there.
5. Eat Phytoestrogens
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Like I said earlier, something that your estrogen, progesterone, and even testosterone levels are going to do during perimenopause is fluctuate — sometimes drastically. When it comes to your estrogen levels, specifically, it’s what “triggers” your FSH and LH hormones to work properly. That said, estrogen eventually declines so low that you don’t end up releasing an egg every month. When that happens, that can also lead to weight gain (did you know there is such a thing as a “menopause belly”?) hot flashes, vaginal dryness, a lower libido, headaches, dry skin, and yes, an inconsistent period.
One way to bring some sort of stability to your estrogen levels is to consume plant-based estrogen foods, which are also known as phytoestrogens. Some of those include cabbage, spinach, pears, grapes, garlic, onions, wine, herbal teas, beans, and apples.
6. Eat More Protein Too
As far as your diet goes, something else that you will need to ramp up is your protein intake. Because menopause can cause you to lose muscle mass, can tank your moods (which tend to be all over the place where your period is too), and can keep your hormones imbalanced, if a steak is something that you’ve been craving lately, treat yourself. Protein is a great way to bring relief to all of those things.
By the way, if you happen to be a vegetarian or vegan, you can still get more protein into your body. Check out “Vegetarian Or Vegan? Check Out These High Protein Foods.” to learn how.
7. Cut Back on Caffeine, Sugar and Alcohol
I already know that some of y’all are going to roll your eyes at this one, yet the reality is that caffeine, sugar, and alcohol are all stimulants — ones that can have your hormones all over the damn place. So, again, for the sake of a more stabilized cycle, green and black tea are good coffee alternatives, honey is a good sugar one, and alcohol? Well, let’s dial that down to a couple of glasses of red wine a week, okay?
8. Sip on Some Chasteberry Tea
Something that I’ve been taking in supplement form for a while now is chasteberry. For starters, it’s a semi-potent phytoestrogen, and we’ve already touched on what those are able to do. Since some studies suggest that it can also raise your progesterone levels as well, sipping on some chasteberry tea couldn’t hurt if your cycle is inconsistent or you’re experiencing lengthy bouts of PMS.
9. Take Magnesium, Calcium and Zinc for Sleep
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The hot flashes alone that oftentimes come with perimenopause and menopause are enough of a reason to end up with some sleepless nights. Plus, when your estrogen and progesterone levels aren’t as balanced as they once were, that can have you tossing and turning quite a bit, too.
In fact, some studies cite that as much as 46 percent of women will have a difficult time getting quality sleep during perimenopause, and since sleep deprivation can also result in a late period? You need to do all that you can to get 6-8 hours of sleep every night, as much as possible.
Something that I can personally vouch for in this department is a magnesium, calcium, and zinc supplement. The combo is a type of nerve relaxant that can help not only improve your quality of sleep. It will also boost your immune system, regulate your blood sugar levels, and keep you in a good mood as well.
10. Track Your Cycle
Even though period trackers are somewhat controversial (due to our country’s current stance on abortion), even if you would prefer to not track yours via an app, do be intentional about keeping up with it in some sort of way. For me personally, because I could set my cycle by almost the minute for most of my life, the way I was able to tell that something was shifting was by knowing exactly when my period was supposed to start vs. when it was and how long it was sticking around. Also, don’t just take note of its length but also how heavy or light it is, what the consistency is, if you’re having a lot of clotting, and what other symptoms are showing up.
Again, even though perimenopause tends to be all over the place (LAWD), the more intel you have, the more you can narrow down if perimenopause is indeed what you are dealing with or if there is some sort of other underlying health condition going on.
11. Use Condoms
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Not too long ago, I was talking to a postmenopausal woman (which is a woman who has officially gone 12 consecutive months without a menstrual cycle) about one of her favorite things about not having a period anymore. What she immediately said was she’s thrilled to not have to worry about birth control; in fact, she literally burned all of her condoms (she’s been in an exclusive relationship for a few years now). Listen, while perimenopause is showing “light at the end of the tunnel,” when it comes to you being able to have this same testimony until you’re done with menopause altogether, you need to use protection.
Why? Because an erratic period is not the same thing as not having one at all — and since you may not even be able to predict when your cycle is coming, that means it’s also challenging to know when you’re ovulating. So, unless you want to be a new mom in your 40s, 50s, or even 60s — having a stash of condoms somewhere in your house is definitely a smart decision. You’ve been warned, chile.
12. Know When to See Your Health Care Provider
To tell you the truth, if anything too extreme is happening with your period these days, it’s a good idea to see your physician. Although if you’re a bit leery because you think that they might take extreme measures to deal with your perimenopausal issues (like recommending a hysterectomy, for instance), here are some definite orange-to-red flags that confirm a doctor’s appointment is needed:
- Your cycle is so heavy that you’re bleeding through a pad an hour for more than a couple of days
- Your cycle lasts for longer than seven days (especially consecutively)
- Your cycle happens more than once a month
- You can’t seem to find relief for perimenopausal symptoms on your own
- Something simply doesn’t feel right
If any of this is going on, please don’t self-diagnose; your doctor exists for a reason. Rely on their expertise.
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As someone who is going through perimenopause myself, I won’t even try to lie to you and say that it’s a cakewalk. Even though I don’t have any type of discomfort whatsoever, and the symptoms are very few — this unpredictable period ish is enough to drive me low-key crazy (if I let it). And that’s why I wanted to offer up some tips to get you through — because although it may not be immediate, sis, you will get through it.
Hang in there.
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RELATED
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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Either way, we’re breaking down how to harness the alluring black cat energy to attract and cultivate your purrrfect match, or how to deepen your current relationship.
What is Black Cat Energy?
Black cat energy has made a splash all over TikTok since 2021 where users have popularized “the black cat/golden retriever” theory based on the notorious attributes of felines and pups.
Pet owners and those who have had the pleasure of engaging with furry friends know that cats tend to have personality traits of being more independent, cautious, and unbothered until they develop a relationship with you – then you’ll be graced with their loveable side – whereas dogs, much like golden retrievers, are often overly excited to see you, bursting with happy energy, and seeking your affection, even if they just met you.
Black cats especially possess an elusive, regal, and pompous vibe that makes them irresistible. You can’t simply win these mysterious creatures over with your mere presence. You’ll have to earn their affection.
And if by a stroke of luck, they open up to you, they’ll always keep you wanting more of them. That same je ne sais quoi is what TikTokers are raving about, claiming that if you channel black cat energy into your love life, you’ll summon the person of your dreams and make them fall in love with every part of you.
What’s more, according to The Spruce Pets, single women in Japan who own black cats are believed to attract more suitors. In parts of Great Britain, a black cat is the quintessential wedding gift because they’re believed to bring good luck and happiness to the bride.
Why the Black Cat/Golden Retriever Dynamic Works
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Anyone can be the black cat or the golden retriever in the relationship, but TikTokers and some relationship experts say the best way to ensure long-lasting compatibility is for the woman to be the black cat, while the man exudes golden retriever tendencies.
Dating coach Anwar White solidifies finding the yin to your yang, instructing women to find their complement. “Most people look to date their clone and you’re going to need to date looking for your compliment – that is what is going to bring you the most success.”
In the 14 years he’s been a dating coach, he shared the best complementary personalities that make for a good match. “If you’re a type A, boss babe, you’re going to be looking for the optimistic golden retriever guy. This is the guy that wants to get done whatever you want to get done. This is the engineer, the federal employee, or an architect. It’s very much black cat/golden retriever vibes.”
No matter what stage you’re at in your love life, it’s never too late to transition from subservient golden retriever to omnipotent black cat.
TikToker @jaclyn.dasilva explains that she used to be in her golden retriever energy in her marriage – catering to her husband, and what he needed and liked until she learned how to epitomize the black cat energy.
“We have this beautiful energy as women. When we learn to put all that beautiful, nurturing energy into ourselves that is when they want us. That is when they chase us. Now I think about what I want to eat. What do I want to drink? What book do I want to read? And I put my energy into myself.”
She continues, “And now he’s the one chasing me. He’s the one who can’t get enough of me. When we see ourselves as the prize, that is when he sees us as the prize. Stop chasing him. Let him chase you. Be about you, he’ll be about you.”
How To Embody The Black Cat Principles In Your Dating Life
Dating and maintaining a flourishing relationship in today’s technology-driven world is no easy feat. We have abundantly more access to swipe right or left on apps, or serendipitously meet a great catch in person than our parents and grandparent’s generations.
And yet, with all the potential options, somehow it seems more difficult to stumble across Mr. or Mrs. Right or to maintain a long-term symbiotic relationship. Fortunately navigating dating and relationships becomes easier when you know exactly who you are–your different quirks, flaws, and assets–and when you keenly understand the little things that titillate your world and accept the nuances and icks of a person that you know are not aligned with you.
A woman relishing in her black cat energy and femininity knows exactly what she wants and needs and doesn’t detour from who she is for anyone. These are the qualities of black cat women:
High Standards
Nothing says you’re the main character or HBIC like flaunting high standards and sticking to them.
TikToker Anna Kristina, the self-proclaimed creator of the "black cat theory" shared how to become the ultimate black cat and have men eating from the palm of your hand. “You have to be inconvenient. You have to be bitchy. You have to have standards and certain expectations. The higher the expectations, and the more unrealistic, the better.”
Elusiveness
Relationship TikToker Tomisin Atobatele offers women insights into the essence of being elusive. "I want you to stop being eager to tell men everything you’re thinking and feeling, and especially tell men exactly what you desire. If a guy asks you what you want out of a guy, or what you’re looking for, I want you to be vague…When you’re vague, and someone’s interested in you, it forces them to do work in order to get those answers.”
"And just that fast, you’ve created a scenario where he’s thinking about you," he added. "He’s thinking about your needs. He’s thinking about your wants and desires. And in the process of him thinking about your wants and desires, his focus is on you.”
Firm Boundary Setter
Self-preservation, respect, and overall happiness stem from healthy boundaries. A woman basking in black cat energy knows exactly when and how to implement boundaries. Black cats have boundaries. They will let you know when they are done getting petted," said TikToker Marian Bacol.
“They will let you know when they want to give you attention. They will stare you down if they are done with you. They are clear on their boundaries and they’re not afraid to enforce it. They don’t give love and affection to anyone and everyone the way that dogs do. Cats are more selective and that’s how you have to be with your energy.”
Unapologetically Authentic
A sure way to have a man perpetually falling for you is to be authentically you without changing who you are, solely for him.
“If you want him to chase you as opposed to you chasing him, you need to remember this one thing…whatever attributes you have: your style, your hair color, your whatever you’ve got going on – you don’t change for him," said life coach Margarita Nazarenko. "The black cat would never change for a man and that’s what’s going to make him chase you.”
She cements the rule with an analogy: “The rule is: if you make the best chocolate cake and he likes apple pie, make him the best chocolate cake, not a sub apple pie.”
Famous Couples That Successfully Personify Black Cat/Golden Retriever Energy
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These power couples prove why women who helm their black cat energy make their men swoon:
Rihanna & ASAP Rocky
"[The relationship] is going great. I don’t think there’s a more perfect person because when the schedules are hectic, she’s very understanding of that," A$AP Rocky told Billboard about his relationship with Rihanna. "And when the schedule’s freed up, that’s when you get to spend [the] most time together. It’s all understanding and compatibility.
Ashanti & Nelly
Lauren Speed Hamilton & Cameron Hamilton
Lauren Speed Hamilton and Cameron Hamilton are proof positive of the Love Is Blind concept. More recently, the married couple got real on their podcast about the struggles of expanding their family through fertility treatments. "When I saw what you were going through, terms of taking the medications, doing the daily shots, knowing that IVF and all this stuff wasn't really something that you naturally wanted to do but you did it for me," Cameron shared in episode 2 of The Love Seat podcast with Lauren, his voice beginning to crack.
"You showed me a new level of love that I'd never seen before."
Kristy Scott & Desmond Scott
Zendaya & Tom Holland
"You can’t really find anything against Zendaya, she’s kind of like the perfect person," Tom Holland shared about girlfriend Zendaya in a 2021 interview with Backstage. "It was so wonderful to have someone like her in my corner, to help me grow through that process … Having her as a friend has been so valuable to the success and happiness of my career and life."
Gabrielle Union & Dwyane Wade
Ciara & Russell Wilson
"For me, I knew that God had brought me in her life to bless her and for her to bless me," Russell Wilson told Access Hollywood about wife Ciara.
Serena Williams & Alexis Ohanian
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