I don’t know about you, but the natural scent of a man just does something to me. Ladies, you know what I mean too. But what if your natural scent can make a man more attracted to you or get the attention of that one person you’ve been secretly crushing on? And when I say your natural scent, I am talking about the natural scent of your vagina. According to the latest TikTok trend, there is some type of truth to this and it's called vabbing. A mix between the word "vagina" and "dabbing," influencer and fashion writer Mandy Lee’s (@oldloserinbrooklyn) video about vabbing has gone viral with over 1.5 million views. TikTok users are swearing that vabbing is working for their dating life too.
Let’s explore what exactly vabbing is and what it means for women, sex appeal, and feeling more confident.
What Is Vabbing?
So, the idea of vabbing is inserting clean fingers into your clean vagina and dabbing your vaginal fluids onto your pressure points (wrists, neck, and behind the ears), and using it as perfume. According to Healthline, our vag fluids contain pheromones and its smell is our “sexual scent of attraction.” Who knew? Now, vabbing isn’t as “new” as we think it is. In 2019, sexologist, intimacy expert, and author Shan Boodram shares that she has been vabbing for more than 15 years! She actually put the polarizing concept on the map in her 2019 book, The Game of Desire.
In a YouTube video, Boodram broke down the origin of the word pheromones and its meaning. She explained that by transferring your pheromones you’re transferring your excitement which makes people drawn to your raw human scent.
Does Vabbing Actually Work?
Unfortunately, biology and science say that vabbing doesn’t work. Here’s the thing, pheromones have a role in mating behavior as studies show with animals. According to medical experts, there isn’t enough research to support how pheromones affect human mating behavior. Gynecologists also say vabbing is safe and it does not pose a health risk. With that said, it's important to be aware of your sexual status when it comes to sharing your bodily fluids. Let’s not forget that STIs still exist.
However, there are others who believe vabbing is absolutely absurd. According to ABC network, Professor Mark Elgar says when it comes to attracting a significant other that, “It could be how you look, it could be how you speak, the frequency, your voice that seems to have the influence.” He also states, “If you’re going to look at it from a biological perspective. You don’t need to do any of this stuff. It’s the boys that should be dancing in front of you, telling you how great they are.”
It's Giving Confidence and Sex Appeal
If it’s one thing that women are doing more of in 2022, it’s becoming empowered, building their confidence, and having sex appeal. So, why wouldn’t we vab? It seems that vabbing is more of a state of mind than just a physical act to get a reaction or stimulate the desired response. Shan Boodram further explains that vabbing for her is like a secret weapon. It is her reminder that her vagina is intoxicating AF. In an article by The Cut, Boodram states when it comes to vabbing, “It's not necessary and the fun is when it's something you do because you believe it will make you feel confident.”
In a recent Reel posted to Instagram, Boodram shares, "For me, it's feeling like I have a secret weapon and also it's me claiming the truth that the smell of my vulva/vagina is intoxicating, NOT toxic, which I believe we get the reverse message in society. And whether it's placebo or something legitimate, there have been occasions where I've noticed very different reactions from people when I've 'vabbed' versus when I have not."
Personally speaking, I have yet to try vabbing. But for the ladies looking to feel empowered and explore more of their sexual side, I wouldn’t disagree that vabbing would be one easy way to start. I mean, not every woman is comfortable sticking their fingers in their lady parts, let alone masturbating. Science says one thing, but I would argue that psychology says another when it comes to vabbing. It’s internal. You know what they say, our thoughts become our reality. Confidence and sex appeal are all about what makes you feel comfortable, turns you on, turns your partner on, and makes you feel good.
So, ladies are we vabbing, or nah?
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by LaylaBird/Getty Images
With a YouTube channel that boasts millions of views from her hair and skincare tutorials, beauty influencer Candice Jones knows what it takes to look great on the outside. But when it came to her mental wellbeing, Jones started feeling a disconnect. “Because a lot of the things that I was seeing on social media like: take a bath, pour you some wine,” Jones tells xoNecole about her initial attempts at self-care. “I was doing all of those aesthetic things, but it wasn't making me feel better.”
Jones’ turn to wellness came during a time in her life when she was dealing with a series of compounding anxieties. “What I considered the lowest point in my life,” Jones says, “where I graduated, I was working in a job that I didn't feel passionate about and I had my parents kind of like pushing me in a certain direction.” She continues: “And I felt very guilty for not performing the best when I was in school and then not pursuing my doctor career that they really wanted me.”
Unable to afford traditional therapy, Jones turned to the internet to begin her self-love journey. But she would quickly run into another unexpected roadblock. Jones found that a lot of the websites and online guides she turned to didn’t resonate with her as a Black woman. “The information was not coming from people that looked like me and people that I felt like other people would trust with their journey,” she says.
This led to Jones creating her wellness website Everything She Is. She describes the site as being “a platform for self-love, self-development for young girls and young women, self-empowerment, all of those kinds of things,” Jones says. “And we create tools and resources to help women along their self-love journeys as they come into womanhood.”
When creating the website, she says the first thing she wanted to address was self-acceptance. “That was something I grappled heavily with: finding myself,” Jones says. “Once I kind of uncovered a lot of the stuff that was there, a lot of things that I didn’t feel proud about, how to move forward and how to heal through self-acceptance I feel like a lot of people go through that when they’re transitioning - especially through womanhood.”
Jones sells guided self-love journals on the site that have helped in her process. “I was my first customer,” Jones says, “and it is something that really helped me kind of get to the bottom of what was really weighing me down.”
Jones says that her readers have also shared how much these journals have helped them too.
“It helps them dig deeper, ask questions that they would have otherwise not asked,” Jones says. “[Customers say] that the work has been difficult, but rewarding that a weight has been lifted, that they feel much freer and it's really just a story of, releasing. And sometimes that's what people need. Sometimes people just are carrying so much.”
Jones says that she also hopes that her website can be a guide for Black women on how to set their boundaries. “A lot of people around me are very self-sacrificing,” she says. “That strong Black woman trope that a lot of people are touching on now and resisting against with the soft-life movement is what I saw and what I wanted to breakdown the idea of kind of having to put yourself to the side in order for other people you’re around to advance.”
She is mindful about saying that her website is not an alternative to therapy for people who are able to access that and more so a companion to it. “Therapy is very, very, very important and something that we encourage,” Jones says. As she considers adding a formal education to her informal wellness training, she says that creating the website has been a way for her to help people in the meantime, “Just from a human aspect," she says. "Not from a scientific aspect or accolade or certification, but just being a human being and seeing women and myself struggle and wanting to be there and offer some help.”
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
All the women of the land want to claim they have that ill na na, that WAP and as you can see by the timeless colloquialisms this is nothing new. The reality is that not every woman has it and I’m not saying that to shame, I’m actually saying that to normalize and minimize the shame that is seemingly around the subject matter because there are physical and mental reasons why vaginal dryness might occur. This is not me saying that you should settle for “it is what it is” but quite the opposite. Instead, know that you’re not alone and that in some cases there is work that can be done, physicians and sex therapists who might be able to help you learn ways to increase vaginal “wetness” or lubrication, or the cause of vaginal dystrophy or dryness as it can be several factors, from stress to menopause and SO *claps* MUCH *claps* MORE *claps*.
One thing that has piqued my cat-like curiosity is the girlies of TikTok saying that slippery elm bark, a plant that works as a demulcent, was the secret ingredient to getting macaroni-in-a-pot gushy. In fact, slippery elm bark has caused an increase in sales according to John Frigo, trainer, registered dietitian, and product specialist with Best Price Nutrition. He also adds that they can typically pinpoint TikTok as the culprit when these sorts of things begin to trend yet this time it happens to hold some truth. Frigo's exact words were, “Slippery elm bark seems to increase the mucilage tissues in our bodies which includes vaginal tissue. While no studies have been done on this anecdotally there seems to be a consensus that after about a week of use women begin to experience a noticeable difference.”
I spoke with two other experts who believe it is likely that slippery elm bark could work to increase wetness based on the product's mechanism. They also agree that it wouldn’t be their first line of defense when it comes to increasing your “sauce” as Rihanna once referred to it as. Making this the perfect segue because we want to know all the things anyways!
Before deferring to slippery elm as your vaginal wetness hack, the two experts have some suggestions to try in order to increase vaginal lubrication.
1. Balance Your Vaginal pH
Among other factors that can create vaginal dryness, your pH balance is one of them. Your pH balance plays an important role in the overall health of your vagina. For your vaginal pH to be considered balanced, it needs to fall between the 3.8 to 4.5 range. Having a pH balance that is too high (over 4.5) is the perfect breeding ground for unhealthy bacteria to flourish and increases your risk for infections like BV. In order to correct an unbalanced pH, you can implement habits like taking probiotics, staying hydrated, and improving your diet.
Dr. Erica Steele, board-certified naturopathic doctor and certified functional medicine practitioner explains, “The digestive system has a symbiotic relationship with the female reproductive system so cleaning up the digestive system is very important to create a healthy and balanced vaginal canal. Lowering fat in the diet, increasing protein as well as improving the microbiology of the digestive system, specifically, the liver is key to ensuring a healthy vaginal canal.”
2. Vaginal Moisturizers
Vaginal moisturizers can be a very effective way to treat vaginal dryness. The over-the-counter remedy can be found in both gel and suppository form and use hyaluronic acid to hydrate vaginal cells and therefore moisturize the vagina. This differs from lubricants because vaginal moisturizers can alter vaginal tissues whereas lubricants just add a lubricated barrier to reduce tears that may stem from the friction created by intercourse. Furthermore, vaginal moisturizers are most effective when used regularly as most products suggest twice-a-week application. And like most skin care products, the more consistently you use it, the better the results. If you are looking for vaginal moisturizers to try, Healthline provided a great list of the best vaginal moisturizers of 2022 and you can find that here.
3. Vaginal DHEA
Another non-hormonal option that can be used to treat vaginal atrophy is vaginal dehydroepiandrosterone (DHEA). This treatment is most often used by postmenopausal women to improve sexual function and increase vaginal wetness that naturally reduces as women get older. Kim Vopni, who is known as the Vagina Coach, says, "Vaginal DHEA is a non-hormonal cream that can help with the conversion of estrogen and testosterone. Estrogen is a big part of a healthy vagina and as we age and produce less estrogen, the walls of the vagina thin and become drier." Vopni recommends Julva Vulva Rejuvenating Cream as a personal favorite.
4. Do Pelvic Floor Exercises
In addition to the other options listed as ways to address dryness, consider working out! No, not in the gym. Vopni suggests doing pelvic floor exercises. She adds, "Kegels are a commonly known form of pelvic floor exercise that, when done correctly, can help increase blood flow and circulation to the vagina and can help with lubrication. An at-home device called the vFit by Joylux has also been shown to increase lubrication, among other benefits.”
While it is a relief to know that TikTokers weren’t pulling slippery elm out of their bag of tricks and deception (since it is hit or miss), it’s wonderful to know that there are other approaches than can be taken before purchasing slippery elm. And generally speaking, options!
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Getty Images
For years, well into adulthood, I was horrible at tracking menstruation. The signs would be there but I was not attuned and attentive to what was going on with my body. At some point during the pandemic, I started gardening and using menstrual blood to fertilize my plants. That was the catalyst for my interest in menstruation, but just a mild interest in the way that I tend to live. And during this brief period of piqued interest, I for some reason was prompted to look into tracking my period based on the lunar cycle.
This immediately made sense to me as the moon is often viewed as all things maternal, emotions included, and it works under a similar 28-day cycle (29.5 days to be exact) from the first phase to the last: New Moon, First Quarter, Full Moon, Last Quarter. Somewhere in between those phases, you also have what is known as Waxing and Waning Moons, which often signify transitional stages in life as you’ll see shortly.
While I’m no expert on this matter, I’m going to do my best to make this all as plain as possible in explaining. I encourage you to do your own research in addition to the information provided here today. Whether you learn to love it or not, I think you might be intrigued to find out if your cycle is white, purple, pink, or red. And the particulars of each.
The White Moon Cycle & Its Meaning
The white moon cycle is the most common type of cycle and it means that your menses flow on or around the New Moon, while ovulation occurs on or around the Full Moon. Since the Full Moon is said to be the most fertile time for planet Earth, this particular phase usually occurs when women are in the role of nurturer to their current children and family or themselves. The other possibility regarding children is that you may feel ready to conceive children and ready to become pregnant. These women tend to be highly favored and revered by the patriarchy as women who gladly step into what is said to be "their place in this world."
The Red Moon Cycle & Its Meaning
It has often been said that women who are on the red moon cycle are healers and witches, at least amongst our dear ancestors of many moons ago. Those who menstruate during this cycle, found less often than the white moon cycle, were said to be focusing creative energy inward. Their cycles begin on or around the Full Moon and conversely they ovulate during the New Moon. Arguably, in my opinion, these women are well-rounded – though they too may be mothers, they are mothers who prioritize self-development, ongoing growth, and community. They look for themselves outside of that one title, mother, and seek out more in life. This is not to say there is anything wrong with wholly fulfilling the role of caregiver, as both require the same amount of commitment and energy.
The Purple Moon Cycle & Its Meaning
Purple moon cycles tend to happen for those who menstruate when the moon is waning – this occurs when the Full Moon is transitioning to the New Moon. If you’re someone who gets your menses during this time of the lunar phase, it is said that you are also in a transitional stage of your life. However, the shift more specifically can mean you’re moving into a place of darkness or rest in the same way that the moon asks each of us to do when we go from a bright New Moon to the darker skies of the Full Moon. Use this time to reflect on what’s not working for you. Reflect, but don’t act quite yet.
The Pink Moon Cycle & Its Meaning
While having your period during the Waxing Moon, also known as a pink moon cycle, is similarly about transitions in your life, it oppositely means you’re leaving a period of rest and rejuvenation and walking into the light so to speak. Once you’ve come out of resting, the idea is that you will walk into strength and power, love and light.
Please note that your “moon day” can be consistent but should it switch to another phase don’t be alarmed, as it’s actually common that it changes based on where you are in life. Instead, use that as a compass to guide you and reveal what type of nurturing advice Mother Moon is attempting to offer you here.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Getty Images
Some Women Say They Would 'Turn Off' Their Periods If They Could, But Is It Safe?
Ironically enough—considering the way the word begins—the love-hate relationship that we have with menstruation is comparable to the way in which we navigate the world of men. It’s very much “can’t live with it, can’t live without it” vibes when it comes to women and their cycles. But the older I get, the more I learn to hate that time of the month a little less. A lot of my learning to embrace my period has come with learning the fun, interesting, and “witchy” stuff while discovering more natural, in-tune ways of minimizing the pain in my ass (those cramps know no bounds) amongst other places.
However, not everyone has this relationship with their periods. Not to mention, we’ve become so accustomed to Western medicine that we opt for or at least consider options such as birth control to cheat our periods—everything from stopping them completely to skipping them when it’s an inconvenience for us.
We all know someone like this, and if we don’t, it may be because we are that someone. In fact, according to a stat Pandia Health posted on Instagram 58% of women would "turn off" their period if they knew it could be done safely. Whenever I do think about “stopping” periods, I hear the age-old bit about your period being necessary to keep the rest of your reproductive system flowing like clockwork.
So, it begs the question: Is there a safe way to stop one’s menstruation?
According to Dr. Alex Robles, board-certified OB-GYN and fertility blogger, turning off your period is not only safe but the easiest and safest way is the tried-and-true birth control pill. “If the pills are taken for 21 consecutive days with a seven-day placebo week, you will get your period at the end of the seven-day stretch, he says. "However, you can do an extended or continuous regimen in which you take an active pill for three months straight without using a placebo week. In this situation, you will not get your period aside from occasional spotting here and there.”
He continues, “In general, it is considered safe to delay your period for three months at a time—many birth control pills come as a three-month continuous supply. Long-term use may delay the time that it takes for your cycle and your endogenous hormones to get back to a normal pattern.”
Robles notes other more invasive methods that can also help “stop” menstruation. These methods include:
- Hormonal: Progestin intrauterine device (IUD)
- Implant: a small rod placed in your arm that secretes progesterone every day
- Depo-Provera shot: a one-time progesterone shot that can last up to three months
But what about the "cleansing" or purifying effect that menstruation has on our bodies? To that, Roble says, “As far as purifying, the medications are purposefully keeping your endometrium thin, so there isn’t a lining growing thicker in the uterus. As such, there isn’t much to shed, which is what naturally happens in a normal menstrual cycle.”
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Getty Images
The Honey Pot founder Beatrice Dixon has found herself at the center of controversy on social media after someone tweeted a photo showing the products’ new ingredients. The Honey Pot is a feminine care brand that has prided itself on having natural and clean ingredients. However, the latest products had people questioning the authenticity of the brand. There were also rumors that Beatrice sold her feminine care brand and was no longer a part of it.
After seeing posts about the Honey Pot changing up the ingredients, I just went to check a new bottle & an old bottle and IM SICK😭 we can’t have anything🥲 pic.twitter.com/RAdzMWxJuM
— Lele💎 (@coilele) May 15, 2022
Beatrice caught wind of the backlash and addressed it in a video shared on her Instagram page. In the caption, she wrote, “I am a CEO, a Chief Innovation Officer and founder. But I'm also human. My team and I hear you and it's our priority to show up and create a space of trust and transparency. Let me set some things straight.
1. We have not sold.
2. The wash formulation has evolved for good reason.
3. We have and always will serve humans with vaginas best. Full stop.
Thank you for your grace and patience as I address this matter.”
In the video, Beatrice read from a letter she wrote about the matter. “I want to start off saying thank you to all of your love, devotion, and support,” she said. “I see it and I’m grateful for it.” She went on to address the rumors that she sold her company saying that it was simply not true. She then opened up about the change in ingredients, particularly the washes.
“We have evolved our washes,” she said. “What we have not done is comprise what matters, which is being plant-derived, being pH-balanced, and being backed by science.” She also admitted that she should have been more transparent with her customers about the changes made to the products, however, the global supply chain shortage sped up the process.
She then broke down the ingredients and shared why they were being used while also reassuring customers that they still use organic apple cider vinegar and purified water.
Towards the end of the video, Beatrice got emotional as she pleaded with her customers. “Please accept our apology for not communicating all of this better and I please ask that you please believe when I say, I would never make harmful products and support people using them. I would not be able to live with myself,” she said.
The Honey Pot was founded in 2014 by Beatrice and her brother Simon Gray.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Paras Griffin/Getty Images
