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If Your Skin Stays Dry, No Matter What, Check This Out
There's not a single person on this planet who doesn't have bouts of dry skin from time to time. But if you're the type of person where it seems like, no matter what you do (or don't do), your skin can never retain moisture, this is an article that you'll want to check out.
As far as the main reasons why dry skin tends to be such an issue, it's usually due to there being a lack of moisture in the air, your skin's pH balance being off or the weather's temperature being extremely hot or cold. Some people also battle with dry skin due to a genetic condition where they are unable to create enough filaggrin; it's a protein that helps to keep your skin healthy and hydrated.
The Best Things To Do To Relieve Dry Skin
Keeping all of this in mind, along with reading some tips on how to keep moisture in your skin, may just be what gets you on the road to never having to spell d-r-y on your arm ever again. Are you ready for soft and supple skin, no matter what?
1. Use a Water-Based Moisturizer
If your skin is dry, something that it definitely needs is hydration. While I'm personally someone who prefers to "seal my skin" (which is basically applying a carrier oil like sweet almond or coconut oil to my skin, right after getting out of the shower and before toweling off), if you prefer to go with a moisturizer, make sure that it's one that is water-based (which means that water will be the first or second ingredient on the label). It will help to provide your skin with the moisture that it needs while also shielding it from dry-out-factors like pollution and UV rays.
2. Avoid Really Hot Showers
Whew. There really is nothing better than standing in a hot shower for, shoot, as long as you can possibly stand it. Problem is, hot water is one of the main things that can really dry your skin out because it breaks down your skin's natural oils; then, the cleanser that you apply actually washes the oil off. That's why it's actually better to wash yourself in water that is warm. Oh, and make sure to limit your showers to 10-15 minutes. It's also better for your skin and, as a bonus, your water bill will decrease a good 15 percent or so each month too.
3. Nix the Soap
Speaking of stripping away natural oils, something else that will definitely do that is soap—this includes deodorant soap or perfume soap. If you just read that and was like, "OK, but a sistah absolutely needs to use something", I hear you. Just make sure that you go with a product that is soap-free. What exactly is that? The Reader's Digest version answer is it's the kind of cleanser that contains a mixture of sodium hydroxide, natural fats, and oils that all work together to keep your skin soft and smooth. Some soap-free commercial brands that immediately come to mind include Cetaphil, Aveeno, and CeraVe.
4. Wash Your Clothes with Fragrance-Free Products
While my skin has never really been super dry, something that I did notice was, whenever I used a detergent that was fragrance-free, my skin seemed to itch less and the moisture in my skin seemed to last longer. That would actually make sense on the heels of what I just shared about soap, right? Listen, you've got clothes on for half the day and then you get into your bed for at least another 6-8 hours (if you're lucky). For your skin's sake, it's important that you make sure to wash your stuff in a product that has as little chemicals in it as possible. If you wanna check out a list of hypoallergenic laundry detergents that will work for your skin and not against it,The Spruce features a list of 13 that will totally have your back.
5. DIY a Rosewater Spritz
A really simple way to make your skin look like it's glowing, no matter what time of year it is, is to apply some rosewater to it. Rosewater helps your skin to maintain its pH balance level (a healthy level is 5.5, by the way. When it gets to be around 7, the top layer of your skin starts to experience damage). Rosewater contains anti-inflammatory and antioxidant properties that help to soothe and heal dry skin, as well as treat eczema and psoriasis. Rosewater also has astringent compounds that help it to serve as a wonderful skin toner. Plus, rosewater deeply hydrates your skin so that fine lines remain at bay and your skin feels soft to the touch, all day long. If you'd like to make your own spritz, so that you can carry it in your purse everywhere you go, click here for how to make homemade rosewater and here for how to add it to a DIY spritz.
6. Ease Up on the Alcohol
Alcohol is great; especially in a year like 2020 (lawd). At the same time, if keeping your skin hydrated is a goal of yours, you've gotta push the wine glass (or beer bottle or cocktail) back a little more. The reason why is because alcoholic drinks are actually pretty dehydrating. The backstory on why is because alcohol contains an anti-diuretic hormone called vasopressin which actually absorbs water from our organs. So, if you must, try and only have like a glass or two of alcohol a day and follow it up with two glasses of water.
7. Eat Some Omega-3 Foods
Last year, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, "These Foods Will Give Your Skin & Hair The Moisture They Crave". It featured a list of 10 different foods (and drinks) that can help to bring moisture to your skin (and your locks). Well, if you're someone whose skin seems to be extra dry, no matter what you do, it's definitely a good idea to amp up your omega-3 fatty acid intake. Aside from the fact that omega-3 can help to reduce depression and anxiety-related symptoms, improve your vision, decrease your chances of getting heart disease, fight inflammation and also make autoimmune diseases easier to handle, it's also really good at improving your skin cells' ability to contain water, so that your skin stays well-hydrated. Some foods that are high in omega-3 include salmon, walnuts, flaxseed oil, kidney beans and seaweed.
8. Drink More Water
I'm pretty sure you've heard somewhere before that your body is made up of around 60 percent water. What you might not know, though, is your blood consists of a whopping 90 percent of good ole' H2O. This is why it's so important to drink at least 6-8 glasses of water a day. Doing so will help to detox your system, give your body (more) oxygen, lubricate your joints, help you to produce more saliva (which reduces tooth decay), regulate your body temperature, help your body to better digest food (which contains nutrients) and, it hydrates your skin—and that's just the tip of the iceberg!
The reality is, no matter how much you do the rest of what I've already shared, it's not gonna matter much if all you drink is juice or soda. Pure water will do your body good, on so many levels and for so many reasons. Healthy and glowing skin is just one reason to drink it on a regular basis.
9. Buy a Humidifier
To tell you the truth, whether you've got uber-dry skin or not, it's well worth your time and resources to invest in a humidifier. It helps to provide extra moisture to your vocal cords. It helps to soothe your sinuses. It can help to stop the flu virus that may be lurking around in your home in its tracks (because the virus doesn't thrive as much in high humidity). It can reduce snoring (because it helps to keep your nose from getting congested). And, it definitely is great at moisturizing your skin and lips. So, if you want a way to help your skin out as you sleep, turning a humidifier on (at around 60 percent), is a really effective way to do it.
10. “Cream Up” Before Bedtime
If it seems like your hands and feet are the two areas that dry out the most, you can pamper them by covering them up with a potent moisturizer and then covering them up with some socks or "in-house gloves" (ones that are made out of a light fabric that you only wear indoors) at night. While some people do this by applying petroleum jelly, I'm a much bigger fan of shea butter. Not only does it contain powerful anti-inflammatory, anti-aging, and healing properties but shea butter has emollient compounds as well.
What that means is it soaks into your skin to provide a barrier to keep moisture for hours on end. If you've got a scar, skin discoloration or super dry skin, shea butter can be just what you need. It's one of my favorite ways to pamper my skin and keep it smooth as silk, no doubt about it.
Featured image by Shutterstock
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
RELATED
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
The Common Denominator Is You. So, Why Do You Keep Choosing The Wrong Men?
Everywhere you go, there you are. It’s one of those popular sayings (kind of like “It is what it is”) that I find myself using a lot, especially when I’m in sessions with my clients. Why? Well, it’s kind of likean article that I once read that pretty much said our culture likes to play the toxic game of blaming other people because it’s an easy way to deflect from personal accountability (check out “What It Actually Means To 'Hold Yourself Accountable'”). So true, so true,
Well, another way of saying “everywhere you go, there you are” is using the math term “common denominator” — and today, what we’re going to attempt to tackle is, why is it that some of us, if we stepped back a moment to take a very real and honest assessment of our dating life, do we always end up with the same kind of guy? One who really isn’t the best for us; sometimes, not even close.
Before getting into some questions that I think can help you get to the answer, let me just say that this is definitely one of the kinds of pieces that may step on at least your pinky toe before it’s all said and done. At the same time, although this might not be the most comfortable of reads, keep in mind what the late poet, singer, and publisher Tuli Kupferberg once said, “When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.”
And so, if when it comes to the caliber of men you’ve dated, what you’ve been doing is revealing that your pattern is not really working for your ultimate good, spend a bit of time trying to unpack just why that could be the case — why, at the end of the day, you truly are the common denominator in it all.
How Self-Aware Are You?
About five years ago, I penned an article for the site entitled “These Are The Things Self-Aware People Do Daily.” You know, of all of the things to be in this life, prioritizing self-awareness is king because self-aware people do things like hold themselves accountable, know their strengths and weaknesses, identify their triggers, have good boundaries, self-reflect, pay attention to their own “blind spots” — and they can — eh hem — take feedback and constructive criticism pretty well.
That last one? If you’re constantly in a hamster wheel or even a cul-de-sac when it comes to men, be honest with yourself: did your family, friends, hell, even your co-workers warn you about some of the guys you dated, and you found yourself either defending, deflecting or getting offended? Yeah, self-aware people don’t get down like that because they would rather have peace and be wrong than act like they are always right and remain in chaos.
So yeah, if you’re always in some foolishness or even in relationships that are simply a counterproductive waste of time, pondering how self-aware you actually are is a really good place to start. Self-reflect. Know your weaknesses. Listen to what others have to say about your tendencies. All of this can do you a whole lot of good.
How Humble Are You?
Society is a wild place, boy. The reason why I say that is because, while it’s out here acting like humility is a bad thing, Scripture says, “By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches and honor and life.” (Proverbs 22:4) And why is humility such a vital spiritual attribute? Because, when you’re humble — you’re grateful; you’re teachable; you’re open to seeing things outside of your own perspective; you’re compassionate and empathetic; you’re flexible; you’re forgiving, and you’re able to release your ego so that you can accept what you need over what you want.
What you need over what you want. Chile, if that doesn’t keep some people in cyclic stuff, I honestly don’t know what does. There’s a client that I have right now who only contacts me when she’s basically blown up her life because she constantly gets caught up in a man’s looks and bedroom performance. When I tell her that she needs to stop making that #1 and #2 of things to look for in a relationship, she “uh-huh's” me and then does what she wants to do anyway — only for it to end up wreaking all sorts of havoc…again.
It’s another message for another time about how some of us could stand to look within to see if wanting a fine man above all else is more about validating some deep-rooted insecurities that we have about our own looks (ouch). For now, I’ll just say that if your ego is out here telling you that looks and sexual performance should trump things like character and consistency, it is LYING to you. If you chose to heed the humble side of yourself, you would know that.
And this actually brings me to my next question.
How Stuck Are You in Your “Type”?
The reason why I wrote “According To Experts, We All Have A ‘Type’” back in the day is because it’s true — pretty much all of us have a type which is pretty much a preference; there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that either. At the same time, I’m advising, from very up close and personal experience, that it’s a good idea to spend some time pondering “the origin story” of where your type came from.
Me? I’m always gonna be down for a very tall, hella chocolate, basketball (or soccer) build Black man. However, I’m a sexual abuse survivor and my molester looked a lot like that, so during the healing process of what he did to me, I had to factor in his influence. Plus, my first love also fits the physical mold and he definitely had quite an impact on my life. So…see what I mean? My type didn’t just come out of nowhere. Yes, sometimes your type may have some trauma or drama attached to it. And yes, that might be really uncomfortable to think about; still, that doesn’t mean it’s not true.
Now my late fiancé? He was right at about 6’ and, complexion-wise, he was lighter than I am. He treated me better than most of the men of my past, though — and even though he definitely pursued me for a while to get me to consider us beyond being friends, because I took a risk outside of my type, I learned what it was like to be loved in a healthy way. And what that did for me was it taught me to remain open outside of my standard type. I still like a tall-ass Godiva man, chile (and don’t let him have a beard and be in a tailored suit!). I don’t limit myself to that package, though. To do so would be severely limiting — potentially tragic even.
How Healed Are You?
“Healed” is a word that comes up A LOT in the social media space. When it comes to relationships, specifically, it’s important to ask yourself if you are healed from your past because, if you aren’t, you very well could be reliving it over and over…and over again, whether you realize it (or choose to accept it) or not.
Just so that we’re all on the same page, the word “heal” means things like healthy, sound, and whole. Synonyms for the word include improve, restore, mend, soothe, and rehabilitate. Signs that you have healed from past hurts of a relationship (or a series of relationships) include you don’t think of them with anger or bitterness; you can see the silver linings from the experience; you’ve forgiven them for things that they did wrong (or that simply hurt you — and no, that’s not always one and the same), and you don’t pick (or avoid) other people to be in your life solely based on what someone else did to you.
What I mean by that last one is an unhealed woman may say something like, “I don’t want to do [such and such] for a first date. That’s what my ex liked to do.” The new guy isn’t him, so why does he have to be beholden to your past? Or, “I don’t trust men who won’t let me go through their phone. That’s how I found out my ex was cheating.” You know, for all of the women who like to play a non-animated form ofInspector Gadget (the real ones know), they sure don’t want their phones inspected as much as they like to do all of the inspecting. SMDH. Anyway, I don’t go through phones. For what? I don’t pay the bill and I’m not anyone’s parent. And so, your next guy not preferring it either? That doesn’t automatically mean that he’s up to no good — he may just want his boundaries respected. An unhealed person may not accept that. A healed one tends to, though.
And how can being unhealed play a direct role in you choosing the same guys over and over again? It’s weird because, sometimes you will go back to what’s familiar to you — because the new guy is such a risk, you’d prefer to “stick to the devil you know” than take a chance on someone who rolls very differently. It’s a cryptic way of remaining the common denominator in your dating dynamics. Oh, but it happens all of the time, chile.
What Makes a Man WRONG for You? Specifically?
Okay, with a lot of the inner work out of the way, how do you even come to the conclusion that someone (or several people) is wrong for you? Because you know what? Once you’ve done some real healing (and serious maturing), you can oftentimes find yourself accepting the fact that just because someone may not be right for you, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. No, not at all.
Although the word “wrong” can mean that something or someone isn’t morally right, wrong also means things like erroneous, not suitable or appropriate, not in accordance with certain requirements, or — and please catch it — out of order (which sometimes consists of the right thing happening at the wrong time). So, if it does seem like you keep choosing (because it is always a choice; that is also where accountability comes in) men who aren’t appropriate, aren’t in accordance with your needs or standards, or who aren’t what you need at the time — why is that? Is it rooted in fear? Impatience? Settling? What?
I have had enough clients go through this to know that it’s not good enough to be abstract about someone being “wrong” for you. You need to set aside one weekend, get some wine and a fresh journal, and really get into what wrong looks like. For instance, if you keep lowering your standards (which is the wrong thing to do, by definition), why is that? Because no matter how wrong the guy may ultimately turn out to be, what you have to be willing to accept is — again — you chose him. Why do you choose what’s wrong? Because, more times than not, some red (or at least orange) flags were waving long before the relationship came crashing down; oftentimes, they reveal themselves within the first couple of dates. You just chose to ignore them.
One more.
Do You Know a Good Man When You See One? You Sure?
As we close all of this out, when you get a chance, please check out “Question: Is The Man In Your Life Good 'TO' You? Good 'FOR' You? Or...Both?” Learning the difference between “to” and “for” took my own relational processing to an entirely new and freeing level. And you know what? Back to the healing point, another way to know that you’ve healed is you don’t generalize men. Meaning, that if you’re out here declaring that there aren’t any good ones, that’s not true; you’re just jaded (I mean, it’s the truth), and that head and energy space is affecting your judgment and perspective.
That said, if you’re constantly selecting the wrong men, ask yourself if you even know what a good man looks like (cue India.Arie’s “Good Man”). Again, by definition, good means things like morally excellent, right, kind, friendly, benevolent, educated, financially sound (not rich, stable and responsible…goodness), genuine, reliable, dependable, responsible, attractive, warm, intimate — satisfactory to the purpose (yes, that’s a literal definition).
For a man to be good for you, you need to know what purpose he is to serve at this particular point in your life because if, for example, all men seem to do, in your eyes, is use you for sex, why are you prioritizing sex over an emotional connection if the latter is the purpose that you seek right now? A lot of women can stop being the common denominator when it comes to choosing the wrong man if they 1) become the good that they seek and 2) do not betray the purpose behind why they even desire a relationship in the first place.
____
I know. When things aren’t going your way when it comes to matters of the heart, it can be easy to always say it’s the man’s fault. If there’s a pattern, though, please be a bit more self-reflective than that.
Once you do, you’d be amazed by how much about you shifts — to where the wrong guys can’t even get close to you, in the way that they used to, anymore.
Because you cease to be the “common denominator” you once were.
And how wonderful is that?
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