

The Anti-Aging Skincare Secrets I Wish I Knew Before 30
Let’s face it, growing older is inevitable, and there’s nothing we can do to stop it. With age comes maturity, strength, and wisdom, and it should be embraced, not seen as a hindrance or a part of our lives to be ashamed of. While we can’t stop the natural process of life, we can be proactive about the proper skincare products, tools, and lifestyle choices we can practice to promote healthy and natural aging that allows us to age gracefully with beautiful, healthy skin.
Prior to my 30s, I relied on my melanin-rich skin with minimal effort because, as the saying goes, “Black doesn’t crack.” However, I’ve learned that there’s more to maintaining glowing skin than relying on purely genetics. Preventative measures are crucial in combating the skin's aging process. Fine lines, wrinkles, loose dry skin, hyperpigmentation, and other noticeable forms of aging begin long before you see them, seemingly appearing out of nowhere. Recently, I noticed a change in my skin's texture around my neck that never went away. Slowly panicked once I realized what was happening, the first sign of aging had arrived, and I had no idea what to do or how to reverse it.
From product ingredients to lifestyle choices, there are many factors in how one’s complexion and skin health progresses over time. If you’re reading this, you more than likely have a facial routine or know to at least wash and moisturize your face daily, however, there are simple additions that we can incorporate into our everyday routines.
To provide tips, I’ve enlisted the help of skincare experts to provide the best and most effective products, ingredients, and even foods to achieve your best-looking skin yet.
Meet the Experts
Courtesy of Jordan Karim
Jordan Karim, Founder/Owner of Flora & Noor
Flora & Noor is the first and only halal-certified skincare brand in America with a mission to provide beyond-clean skincare that yields efficacious, fast-acting, and non-irritating results for underrepresented consumers with chronic skin conditions and melanin-rich skin. Inspired and formulated with botanicals and versatile fruits from African and Middle Eastern traditions, their products are clinically effective with clean ingredients that are backed by science and powered by botanicals.
Courtesy of Mona Bahraini
Mona Bahraini, Owner of PPBody
PPBody is skincare simplified with formulas that are true to nature, using the power of cacti to heal. Mona Bahraini, the founder, grew up in Arizona, where they used prickly pear, aka nopales, for everything from eating to topical benefits. As an adult, she discovered the power of the cactus fruit; not only is it a superfood, but the oil extracted from the seed is incredible for your skin. Prickly pear seed oil contains a plethora of vitamins, minerals, plant acids, and fatty acids that provide antioxidant and anti-inflammatory benefits.
1. Do less.
The common notion that less is more is true indeed for most of what we do in life, and skincare is no exception. When becoming more aware of proper ingredients that work well for your skin type, it could all be incredibly simple when achieving and maintaining tight yet supple, youthful-looking skin. “The skin industry has convinced the people that we need to have 4-5 daily products applied on the skin, and our skin is screaming at us 'do less,'” states Mona Bahraini. “You only need one or two powerful natural ingredients on your facial skin to make a significant difference."
2. Don't forget to exfoliate.
As mentioned, our skin naturally sheds and regenerates new skin cells; however, nonabrasive exfoliation is an amazing process that can instantly refresh our complexion by speeding up the natural process with noticeably instant results. “Exfoliating not only eliminates the buildup of dead skin cells but also helps encourage your skin to quicken its cell turnover rate to reveal the healthy skin cells below,” Jordan Karim explains.
However, Bahraini has a slightly different take. “Exfoliation is a tricky subject as the skin industry has convinced us that we need to disrupt and exfoliate constantly with scrubs, masks, cleansers, and the list goes on. Our skin also has a natural process of shedding cells and regeneration that we actually prevent and disrupt by doing everything that is trendy.”
"Our skin also has a natural process of shedding cells and regeneration that we actually prevent and disrupt by doing everything that is trendy.”
She continues, “Most exfoliants strip your skin of the natural oils it needs to help natural skin tissue regeneration and dries out your skin which then means you need to add more product to your face to lubricate it after you strip it, it does not make sense to the body at all, but it sure makes sense to the pockets of big box skin industry.” When it comes to exfoliation, Bahraini suggests going the natural route without stripping the skin of essential oils.
3. Maintain a healthy lifestyle.
Do you notice people who live well past their 80s and 90s typically have one thing in common? Healthy lifestyle habits go a long way, quite literally. Easier said than done, one way to ensure ageless skin is by practicing a lifestyle of self-care from the inside out. “Reduce the amount of alcohol intake and drink more water. Use sunscreen. Have a couple days a week where you do not make healthy food choices, but most days of the week, you should be incorporating walnuts, avocados, blueberries, honey, olive oil, lemon, red onions, fish, deep leafy greens like kale, spinach, and arugula,” Bahraini advises. Easier said than done for most, eliminating alcohol is a long-term solution for achieving ageless skin.
4. Don't forget your neck.
For most women, the first signs of aging begin to appear at both the hands and neck, caused by various environmental stressors. With noticeably dry, thin skin beginning to appear in both of these areas, I frantically began my search for anti-aging ingredients that would tighten and brighten my newfound problem areas. “Vitamin C and Gotu Kola are great ingredients to look for in anti-aging products," Karim shares. "Flora & Noor's Vitamin C Collection will give you tighter, brighter, and hydrated skin which includes a 4-step regimen to promote healthy collagen production using our Boost and Brighten Cleanser, Vitamin C Resurfacing Toner, Bright Side Serum, and the Super Glow Moisturizer."
Courtesy of Flora & Noor
Flora & Noor doesn't use retinol since it's not halal. However, the company created a plant-based alternative. Karim continues, "Gotu kola, a plant-based retinol alternative which, is another great ingredient for anti-aging. Gotu kola's benefits concerning skincare include decreasing aging signs, promoting tighter and firmer skin, and it is anti-inflammatory using nutritional elements, including beta carotene, amino and fatty acids, and phytochemicals to fight aging signs from setting into the skin."
5. Wash with a gentle cleanser.
Using cleansers with harsh and/or toxic ingredients can do more harm than good to our skin, especially as we age. Recently, I discovered an app called Yuka that helps consumers choose healthier products. Yuka scans a range of products from our favorite brands assessing the health benefits with a rating of harmfulness while recommending healthier alternatives. This is a great option for those who want to get a comprehensive breakdown of harmful ingredients that may be in our favorite cleansers.
Courtesy
In addition to Yuka, to avoid products that may do more damage to our delicate skin, Bahraini suggests going back to the basics. "At night, if you wore makeup, use a natural baby shampoo to lightly remove makeup. Most cleansers that remove makeup strip your skin of everything good, which makes your skin's job much harder."
She recommends washing your face with water only, especially if you do not wear makeup, and applying a morning and night oil with only a couple of drops to balance out natural oil production, even with oily skin.
6. Moisturize every day.
Dry skin can significantly advance the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles, which is why moisturizing every day is essential to slowing down premature aging. We’ve learned that cleansing can strip our skin of vital oils and nutrients, so following up with a moisturizer traps water in our skin, giving it a more luscious youthful appearance. This should become a routine habit within our skincare regime. However, Bahraini explains it takes more effort than using just any moisturizing product.
Bahraini suggests PPBody’s night and morning formulas reduce wrinkles formation, tighten existing wrinkles, lighten dark spots, minimize bags under the eyes, and provide deep hydration for an ultimate natural glow. “Cream-base moisturizers do not penetrate skin the way oil does as most are stuffed with fluff ingredients and water. Another key ingredient, prickly pear seed oil, is non-comedogenic, which means it does not block pores and fully penetrates all skin types with a plethora of vitamins, minerals, plant acids, and fatty acids that provide antioxidant and anti-inflammatory benefits.”
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From Monogamy To Polyamory: 'I'm In An Asexual Poly Marriage With My Husband Of 7 Years'
Have you ever wondered what it's like to be asexual and in an open marriage? Relationship Coach Mikki Bey shared her first-hand experience with us as well as answered some of our burning questions.
Like a lot of people, Mikki met her now husband, Raheem Ali, online. As soon as they met, they instantly fell in love and got engaged on their first date. Just 90 days after they met, the couple tied the knot and have now been married for seven years. Raheem and Mikki aren’t your typical married couple, and despite being married for almost a decade, their marriage is anything but traditional. Mikki and Raheem have what she calls an "asexual polyamorous marriage."
Defining Her Sexuality
It wasn't until last summer that Mikki found the language to define her sexuality. "I didn't have the language for it until last summer," she explained to xoNecole. "Looking back, I just thought sex wasn't my thing. It was never enjoyable for me, and I'd go years without even noticing.”
Mikki always thought she was broken because she had no interest in sex. Mikki noticed after her friends came to visit and started discussing their sexual fantasies that she realized something was different about her. “At that point, I knew something was definitely different about me since I do not have sexual fantasies at all. It was truly news to me that people are at work thinking about sex! That was not my experience.” This led to Mikki researching asexuality, which she soon realized fit her to a T. “It felt like breathing new air when I was able to call it by name," said Mikki.
"Looking back, I just thought sex wasn't my thing. It was never enjoyable for me, and I'd go years without even noticing it."
Asexuality refers to people who experience little or no sexual attraction, experience attraction without acting on it sexually, or experience sexual attraction differently based on other factors. Like most things, asexuality falls on a spectrum and encompasses many other identities. It's important to remember, however, that attraction and action are not always synonymous: some asexuals may reject the idea of sexual contact, but others may be sex-neutral and engage in sexual activity.
It's possible that some asexuals will have sex with someone else despite not having a libido or masturbating, but others will have sex with a partner because it brings a sense of connection.
From a Traditional Marriage to Kitchen Table Polyamory
Although Mikki never really had a high sex drive, it wasn’t until after the birth of her son, that she noticed her sex drive took a real nosedive. “I never had a high sex drive, but about a year after my son was born, I realized I had zero desire. My husband has a high sex drive, and I knew that it would not be sustainable to not have sex in our marriage at that time.”
She was determined to find an alternative to divorce and stumbled upon a polyamory conversation on Clubhouse. Upon doing her own research, she brought up the idea to their husband, who was receptive. “It’s so interesting to me that people weigh sex so heavily in relationships when even if you are having a ton of sex, it’s still a very small percentage of the relationship activity," Mikki shared.
They chose polyamory because Mikki still wanted to be married, but she also wanted to make sure that Raheem was getting his individual needs and desires met, even if that meant meeting them with someone else. “I think that we have been programmed to think that our spouses need to be our 'everything.' We do not operate like that. There is no one way that fits all when it comes to relationships, despite what society may try to tell you. Their path to doing this thing called life together may be different from yours, but they found what works for them. We have chosen to design a marriage that works for us,” Mikki explained.
"We have chosen to design a marriage that works for us. We both consent to each of us having everything from casual sex partners to lifetime partners if it should go there. We believe love is abundant and do not limit ourselves or each other on how we express it."
She continued, “We both consent to each of us having everything from casual sexual partners to lifetime partners if it should get there. We believe love is abundant and do not limit ourselves or each other on how we express it. Our dynamic is parallel with kitchen table poly aspirations.”
Kitchen table polyamory (KTP) is a polyamorous relationship in which all participants are on friendly terms enough to share a meal at the kitchen table. Basically, it means you have some form of relationship with your partner’s other partner, whether as a group or individually. A lot of times, KTP relationships are highly personal and rooted in mutual respect, communication, and friendship.
Intimacy in an Asexual Polyamorous Marriage
Mikki says she and her husband, Raheem, still share intimate moments despite being in a polyamorous marriage. “Our intimacy is emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and physical, although non-sexual. We are intentional about date nights weekly, surprising and delighting each other daily, and most of all, we communicate our needs regularly. In my opinion, our intimacy is top-tier! I give my husband full-body massages, mani-pedis and make sure I am giving him small physical touches/kisses throughout the day. He is also very intentional about showing me his love and affection.”
Raheem and Mikki now use their lives as examples for others. On their website, thepolycouplenextdoor.com, they coach people interested in learning how to be consensually non-monogamous. “We are both relationship coaches. I specialized in emotional regulation, and Raheem specializes in communication and conflict resolution. The same tools we use in our marriage help our clients succeed in polyamory."
Mikki advises people who may be asexual or seeking non-monogamy to communicate their needs openly and to consider seeking sex therapy or intimacy coaching. Building a strong relationship with a non-sexual partner requires both empathy and compassion.
For more of Mikki, follow her on Instagram @getmikkibey. Follow the couple's platform on Instagram @thepolycouplenextdoor.
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