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Pampered Pores: 10 Ways To Get The Skin You've Always Wanted
When it comes to pretty much any topic, it’s gonna be hella rare when most people are on the exact same page. If there is an immediate exception that comes to mind, personally, I can’t think of anyone who doesn’t want skin that is as flawless as possible. And if we want to achieve that, for most of us, it’s not just gonna happen out of nowhere; we’ve got to be intentional…there has to be a plan.
A part of that plan should consist of doing what we can to get our pores —the small openings that house our hair follicles, sebum, and sweat — to be as healthy and minimized as possible. Once you’ve got that on lock, branch out from there.
This article is going to set out to help you do both: nurture your pores and then give your skin, overall, what it needs. If you’re consistent, you should end up with the kind of skin that you get complimented on, consistently so, no matter what you have on or what season of the year that it is.
1. Get Professional Facials (Twice a Year)
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Even though I have a pretty good skincare routine happening at home, I do make sure to go the extra mile and get aprofessional facial on my face and on my back (at least) twice a year. Professional (professional is key) ones are great because aestheticians are professionally trained in treating your skin. And so, if you’re looking to detox your pores (or make them appear smaller), reduce sebum, tighten your skin, fade dark spots, and/or even out your skin tone or get your skin’s pH levels to where they need to be, a professional facial can help to make that happen.
Since I’ve been treating my back to them, it’s done wonders for keeping the few breakouts that I would get under control. I don’t have one regret about investing in my skin this way. Not. One.
2. Keep Your Skin’s pH Levels Balanced
I’m pretty sure that, as it relates to your body, you’ve heard of “pH” before; however, do you know what the letters stand for? It’s “potential of hydrogen.” The reason it matters so much when it comes to your skin, and especially your pores, is because it speaks to how acidic your skin may or may not be. This is relevant because while the areas of your body that are more exposed, like your face and hands, are usually more alkaline, parts like your genital region are more acidic.
The range for pH is 1-14 (under 7 being acidic and above 7 being alkaline), and if you want your skin to be in its “happy place,” around 5.5 is good because it will help to keep your skin’s natural oils balanced. There areat-home strips that you can take to test your skin’s pH levels in order to keep your pH where it needs to be. Also, using gentle cleansers on your skin, applying a toner after doing so, and then moisturizing twice a day are wise moves as well.
3. Eat Foods That Are Full of Antioxidants
If you want your skin to have as little cell damage as possible, you need to take in some antioxidants on a consistent basis. At the end of the day, they are substances that help reduce signs of aging, protect your skin from damaging UV rays, reduce inflammation, stimulate the production of collagen and elastin, and help your skin feel soft and moisturized.
Although a lot of skin products contain antioxidants, if you want your skin to have a truly natural glow, it’s important to consume foods that are high in antioxidants, too. Some of those include cherries, pears, artichokes, black beans, pecans, dark leafy greens, and berries.
4. Try a Baking Soda Scrub
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If you’re someone who considers themselves to be a minimalist or you are on-10 about caring for the environment, a site that you might want to bookmark is Treehugger. Recently, I wasreading an article on its platform about all of the ways that baking soda benefits skin and hair, and it reminded me to give baking soda a shout-out here. As far as your skin, specifically, is concerned, baking soda helps to tighten your pores and reduce inflammation (it’s one of the best overnight remedies for pimples on the planet!). It also helps to soothe your skin after you shave, lighten the appearance of your armpits and it can also help to brighten up your complexion.
Another major perk about baking soda is that its properties are pretty good at killing the kind of bacteria that can lead to yeast infections and fungal infections overall. So, if you don’t have a box of good old-fashioned baking soda in your house, now you’ve got some really solid reasons to.
5. Do Chemical Peels
The main reason why I wrote “I've Been Doing At-Home Chemical Peels. Here Are The Pros And Cons.” for the platform last fall is because, when I was in the process of looking for a product that would help to soften the texture of my skin, I experimented with a company calledPerfect Image that provides at-home chemical peel solutions in different concentrations of potency and I was really pleased with the results.
Whether you’re looking to get rid of the sebum that’s clogging and/or stretching your pores, reduce skin inflammation, soften the appearance of wrinkles and fine lines, help to even out hyperpigmentation, and/or simply keep your skin from appearing dull, a chemical peel can handle all-a-dat.
You can get a professional one; however, like I said, there are companies that sell the kind that you can use at home with different strengths that you can “build up” over time. Either way, chemical peels (when you use them as directed or advised) are great at helping to cultivate radiant-looking skin.
6. Exfoliate. Don’t Overdo It, Though.
Probably, one of the quickest ways to give your skin a healthy glow is toexfoliate it, which is all about removing the surface layer of dead skin cells (and whatever other “stuff” is lying on top of your skin) and cleansing out your pores. For instance, if you’re someone who struggles with sebum plugs (like on your nose or chin), exfoliating your skin can help to remove them. Or, if you deal with body acne, a dry brush can help with that, too.
The key to getting the most out of exfoliating is to not overdo it (1-2 times a week is good), and to use a gentle exfoliant (a DIY brown sugar scrub, a facial scrub, or a pair of exfoliating gloves for your body are ideal) and to follow it up with a (preferably) water-based moisturizer so that your skin is both soothed as well as protected once you’re done.
7. Use Plant Oils Daily
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Oftentimes, whenever, the topic of plant-based oils comes up, it’s in the context of using ones like olive, peanut, and sunflower for cooking purposes. However, plant-based oils are also good for your skin. For instance, grapeseed oil is filled with vitamins C and E; C can help to boost collagen production in your skin, while E can help to heal any blemishes or scars that you might have.
Avocado oil helps to reduce aging signs and soothe inflammation that is caused by acne, eczema, and psoriasis, and it deeply nourishes your skin. Rosehip oil is a natural exfoliant that also helps to protect your skin from damaging UV rays as it reduces hyperpigmentation and softens the appearance of fine lines and aging.
Personally, I’ve been using plant-based oils for several years now, and I definitely can cosign on the fact that they have done wonders for my skin from scalp to foot (especially plum oil; check out “Plum Oil Is The Oil You Should Ease Into The Fall Season With”).
8. Treat Yourself to an Ice Roller
Something that I actually haven’t tried before is an ice roller. I know a few folks who are huge fans of it, though. When you stop and think about the fact that even cold water helps to close your pores and tighten your skin, it would make sense since rubbing ice on your face would take those benefits to an even higher level. In fact, if you’re looking for a relatively simple way to reduce puffiness and detox your skin,applying an ice roller can help to make that happen. Harper's BAZAAR has a list of some of the best ones on the market righthere.
9. Apply a Combination of Geranium and Rosemary Oil (at Night)
I will say thatsome skincare experts advise that if you have acne-prone skin, face serums instead of face oils are probably better for you. That said, if you want to deeply nourish your skin while you sleep, so that it’s able to thoroughly rejuvenate itself, applying a face oil can make that happen. A combination that you might want to try consists of geranium essential oil and rosemary oil.
Geranium is bomb because it’s loaded with anti-inflammatory properties that can help to treat breakouts overnight; plus, it offers some all-natural estrogen-boosting benefits from an aromatherapy standpoint if you notice that your skin is shifting a bit due to perimenopause or menopause.
Rosemary oil and I are always gonna be tight because it contains properties that increase blood circulation,fight off acne-causing bacteria, and soften the skin while evening out its tone.
10. Never Underestimate Pimple Patches
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Something that I used to think was a complete fluke is pimple patches — that is, until I tried them for myself. When it comes to blind pimples, I’ll be honest and say that even the pimple patch brands that say they will help with them…they don’t seem to do much (blind pimples are a mutha!). And when it comes to blackheads, that’s not really what they’re made for.
However, if you’ve got a whitehead (or almost whitehead) or a zit that seems to be full of pus and you want to drain that bad boy while avoiding as much skin damage as possible, pimple patches are gonna change ya life! I have applied them countless times (Hero. is the brand that I use, by the way) on period pimples before turning in and have awakened to flattened zits and a patch that is white (thanks tothe hydrocolloid that the patches are made of; not the gunk that is in my pimples).
Clearing a pore quickly can happen with a pimple patch — and a cleared pore puts you on the path to the skin that you’ve always wanted, y’all!
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
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The Common Denominator Is You. So, Why Do You Keep Choosing The Wrong Men?
Everywhere you go, there you are. It’s one of those popular sayings (kind of like “It is what it is”) that I find myself using a lot, especially when I’m in sessions with my clients. Why? Well, it’s kind of likean article that I once read that pretty much said our culture likes to play the toxic game of blaming other people because it’s an easy way to deflect from personal accountability (check out “What It Actually Means To 'Hold Yourself Accountable'”). So true, so true,
Well, another way of saying “everywhere you go, there you are” is using the math term “common denominator” — and today, what we’re going to attempt to tackle is, why is it that some of us, if we stepped back a moment to take a very real and honest assessment of our dating life, do we always end up with the same kind of guy? One who really isn’t the best for us; sometimes, not even close.
Before getting into some questions that I think can help you get to the answer, let me just say that this is definitely one of the kinds of pieces that may step on at least your pinky toe before it’s all said and done. At the same time, although this might not be the most comfortable of reads, keep in mind what the late poet, singer, and publisher Tuli Kupferberg once said, “When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.”
And so, if when it comes to the caliber of men you’ve dated, what you’ve been doing is revealing that your pattern is not really working for your ultimate good, spend a bit of time trying to unpack just why that could be the case — why, at the end of the day, you truly are the common denominator in it all.
How Self-Aware Are You?
About five years ago, I penned an article for the site entitled “These Are The Things Self-Aware People Do Daily.” You know, of all of the things to be in this life, prioritizing self-awareness is king because self-aware people do things like hold themselves accountable, know their strengths and weaknesses, identify their triggers, have good boundaries, self-reflect, pay attention to their own “blind spots” — and they can — eh hem — take feedback and constructive criticism pretty well.
That last one? If you’re constantly in a hamster wheel or even a cul-de-sac when it comes to men, be honest with yourself: did your family, friends, hell, even your co-workers warn you about some of the guys you dated, and you found yourself either defending, deflecting or getting offended? Yeah, self-aware people don’t get down like that because they would rather have peace and be wrong than act like they are always right and remain in chaos.
So yeah, if you’re always in some foolishness or even in relationships that are simply a counterproductive waste of time, pondering how self-aware you actually are is a really good place to start. Self-reflect. Know your weaknesses. Listen to what others have to say about your tendencies. All of this can do you a whole lot of good.
How Humble Are You?
Society is a wild place, boy. The reason why I say that is because, while it’s out here acting like humility is a bad thing, Scripture says, “By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches and honor and life.” (Proverbs 22:4) And why is humility such a vital spiritual attribute? Because, when you’re humble — you’re grateful; you’re teachable; you’re open to seeing things outside of your own perspective; you’re compassionate and empathetic; you’re flexible; you’re forgiving, and you’re able to release your ego so that you can accept what you need over what you want.
What you need over what you want. Chile, if that doesn’t keep some people in cyclic stuff, I honestly don’t know what does. There’s a client that I have right now who only contacts me when she’s basically blown up her life because she constantly gets caught up in a man’s looks and bedroom performance. When I tell her that she needs to stop making that #1 and #2 of things to look for in a relationship, she “uh-huh's” me and then does what she wants to do anyway — only for it to end up wreaking all sorts of havoc…again.
It’s another message for another time about how some of us could stand to look within to see if wanting a fine man above all else is more about validating some deep-rooted insecurities that we have about our own looks (ouch). For now, I’ll just say that if your ego is out here telling you that looks and sexual performance should trump things like character and consistency, it is LYING to you. If you chose to heed the humble side of yourself, you would know that.
And this actually brings me to my next question.
How Stuck Are You in Your “Type”?
The reason why I wrote “According To Experts, We All Have A ‘Type’” back in the day is because it’s true — pretty much all of us have a type which is pretty much a preference; there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that either. At the same time, I’m advising, from very up close and personal experience, that it’s a good idea to spend some time pondering “the origin story” of where your type came from.
Me? I’m always gonna be down for a very tall, hella chocolate, basketball (or soccer) build Black man. However, I’m a sexual abuse survivor and my molester looked a lot like that, so during the healing process of what he did to me, I had to factor in his influence. Plus, my first love also fits the physical mold and he definitely had quite an impact on my life. So…see what I mean? My type didn’t just come out of nowhere. Yes, sometimes your type may have some trauma or drama attached to it. And yes, that might be really uncomfortable to think about; still, that doesn’t mean it’s not true.
Now my late fiancé? He was right at about 6’ and, complexion-wise, he was lighter than I am. He treated me better than most of the men of my past, though — and even though he definitely pursued me for a while to get me to consider us beyond being friends, because I took a risk outside of my type, I learned what it was like to be loved in a healthy way. And what that did for me was it taught me to remain open outside of my standard type. I still like a tall-ass Godiva man, chile (and don’t let him have a beard and be in a tailored suit!). I don’t limit myself to that package, though. To do so would be severely limiting — potentially tragic even.
How Healed Are You?
“Healed” is a word that comes up A LOT in the social media space. When it comes to relationships, specifically, it’s important to ask yourself if you are healed from your past because, if you aren’t, you very well could be reliving it over and over…and over again, whether you realize it (or choose to accept it) or not.
Just so that we’re all on the same page, the word “heal” means things like healthy, sound, and whole. Synonyms for the word include improve, restore, mend, soothe, and rehabilitate. Signs that you have healed from past hurts of a relationship (or a series of relationships) include you don’t think of them with anger or bitterness; you can see the silver linings from the experience; you’ve forgiven them for things that they did wrong (or that simply hurt you — and no, that’s not always one and the same), and you don’t pick (or avoid) other people to be in your life solely based on what someone else did to you.
What I mean by that last one is an unhealed woman may say something like, “I don’t want to do [such and such] for a first date. That’s what my ex liked to do.” The new guy isn’t him, so why does he have to be beholden to your past? Or, “I don’t trust men who won’t let me go through their phone. That’s how I found out my ex was cheating.” You know, for all of the women who like to play a non-animated form ofInspector Gadget (the real ones know), they sure don’t want their phones inspected as much as they like to do all of the inspecting. SMDH. Anyway, I don’t go through phones. For what? I don’t pay the bill and I’m not anyone’s parent. And so, your next guy not preferring it either? That doesn’t automatically mean that he’s up to no good — he may just want his boundaries respected. An unhealed person may not accept that. A healed one tends to, though.
And how can being unhealed play a direct role in you choosing the same guys over and over again? It’s weird because, sometimes you will go back to what’s familiar to you — because the new guy is such a risk, you’d prefer to “stick to the devil you know” than take a chance on someone who rolls very differently. It’s a cryptic way of remaining the common denominator in your dating dynamics. Oh, but it happens all of the time, chile.
What Makes a Man WRONG for You? Specifically?
Okay, with a lot of the inner work out of the way, how do you even come to the conclusion that someone (or several people) is wrong for you? Because you know what? Once you’ve done some real healing (and serious maturing), you can oftentimes find yourself accepting the fact that just because someone may not be right for you, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. No, not at all.
Although the word “wrong” can mean that something or someone isn’t morally right, wrong also means things like erroneous, not suitable or appropriate, not in accordance with certain requirements, or — and please catch it — out of order (which sometimes consists of the right thing happening at the wrong time). So, if it does seem like you keep choosing (because it is always a choice; that is also where accountability comes in) men who aren’t appropriate, aren’t in accordance with your needs or standards, or who aren’t what you need at the time — why is that? Is it rooted in fear? Impatience? Settling? What?
I have had enough clients go through this to know that it’s not good enough to be abstract about someone being “wrong” for you. You need to set aside one weekend, get some wine and a fresh journal, and really get into what wrong looks like. For instance, if you keep lowering your standards (which is the wrong thing to do, by definition), why is that? Because no matter how wrong the guy may ultimately turn out to be, what you have to be willing to accept is — again — you chose him. Why do you choose what’s wrong? Because, more times than not, some red (or at least orange) flags were waving long before the relationship came crashing down; oftentimes, they reveal themselves within the first couple of dates. You just chose to ignore them.
One more.
Do You Know a Good Man When You See One? You Sure?
As we close all of this out, when you get a chance, please check out “Question: Is The Man In Your Life Good 'TO' You? Good 'FOR' You? Or...Both?” Learning the difference between “to” and “for” took my own relational processing to an entirely new and freeing level. And you know what? Back to the healing point, another way to know that you’ve healed is you don’t generalize men. Meaning, that if you’re out here declaring that there aren’t any good ones, that’s not true; you’re just jaded (I mean, it’s the truth), and that head and energy space is affecting your judgment and perspective.
That said, if you’re constantly selecting the wrong men, ask yourself if you even know what a good man looks like (cue India.Arie’s “Good Man”). Again, by definition, good means things like morally excellent, right, kind, friendly, benevolent, educated, financially sound (not rich, stable and responsible…goodness), genuine, reliable, dependable, responsible, attractive, warm, intimate — satisfactory to the purpose (yes, that’s a literal definition).
For a man to be good for you, you need to know what purpose he is to serve at this particular point in your life because if, for example, all men seem to do, in your eyes, is use you for sex, why are you prioritizing sex over an emotional connection if the latter is the purpose that you seek right now? A lot of women can stop being the common denominator when it comes to choosing the wrong man if they 1) become the good that they seek and 2) do not betray the purpose behind why they even desire a relationship in the first place.
____
I know. When things aren’t going your way when it comes to matters of the heart, it can be easy to always say it’s the man’s fault. If there’s a pattern, though, please be a bit more self-reflective than that.
Once you do, you’d be amazed by how much about you shifts — to where the wrong guys can’t even get close to you, in the way that they used to, anymore.
Because you cease to be the “common denominator” you once were.
And how wonderful is that?
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