When it comes to pretty much any topic, it’s gonna be hella rare when most people are on the exact same page. If there is an immediate exception that comes to mind, personally, I can’t think of anyone who doesn’t want skin that is as flawless as possible. And if we want to achieve that, for most of us, it’s not just gonna happen out of nowhere; we’ve got to be intentional…there has to be a plan.
A part of that plan should consist of doing what we can to get our pores —the small openings that house our hair follicles, sebum, and sweat — to be as healthy and minimized as possible. Once you’ve got that on lock, branch out from there.
This article is going to set out to help you do both: nurture your pores and then give your skin, overall, what it needs. If you’re consistent, you should end up with the kind of skin that you get complimented on, consistently so, no matter what you have on or what season of the year that it is.
1. Get Professional Facials (Twice a Year)
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Even though I have a pretty good skincare routine happening at home, I do make sure to go the extra mile and get aprofessional facial on my face and on my back (at least) twice a year. Professional (professional is key) ones are great because aestheticians are professionally trained in treating your skin. And so, if you’re looking to detox your pores (or make them appear smaller), reduce sebum, tighten your skin, fade dark spots, and/or even out your skin tone or get your skin’s pH levels to where they need to be, a professional facial can help to make that happen.
Since I’ve been treating my back to them, it’s done wonders for keeping the few breakouts that I would get under control. I don’t have one regret about investing in my skin this way. Not. One.
2. Keep Your Skin’s pH Levels Balanced
I’m pretty sure that, as it relates to your body, you’ve heard of “pH” before; however, do you know what the letters stand for? It’s “potential of hydrogen.” The reason it matters so much when it comes to your skin, and especially your pores, is because it speaks to how acidic your skin may or may not be. This is relevant because while the areas of your body that are more exposed, like your face and hands, are usually more alkaline, parts like your genital region are more acidic.
The range for pH is 1-14 (under 7 being acidic and above 7 being alkaline), and if you want your skin to be in its “happy place,” around 5.5 is good because it will help to keep your skin’s natural oils balanced. There areat-home strips that you can take to test your skin’s pH levels in order to keep your pH where it needs to be. Also, using gentle cleansers on your skin, applying a toner after doing so, and then moisturizing twice a day are wise moves as well.
3. Eat Foods That Are Full of Antioxidants
If you want your skin to have as little cell damage as possible, you need to take in some antioxidants on a consistent basis. At the end of the day, they are substances that help reduce signs of aging, protect your skin from damaging UV rays, reduce inflammation, stimulate the production of collagen and elastin, and help your skin feel soft and moisturized.
Although a lot of skin products contain antioxidants, if you want your skin to have a truly natural glow, it’s important to consume foods that are high in antioxidants, too. Some of those include cherries, pears, artichokes, black beans, pecans, dark leafy greens, and berries.
4. Try a Baking Soda Scrub
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If you’re someone who considers themselves to be a minimalist or you are on-10 about caring for the environment, a site that you might want to bookmark is Treehugger. Recently, I wasreading an article on its platform about all of the ways that baking soda benefits skin and hair, and it reminded me to give baking soda a shout-out here. As far as your skin, specifically, is concerned, baking soda helps to tighten your pores and reduce inflammation (it’s one of the best overnight remedies for pimples on the planet!). It also helps to soothe your skin after you shave, lighten the appearance of your armpits and it can also help to brighten up your complexion.
Another major perk about baking soda is that its properties are pretty good at killing the kind of bacteria that can lead to yeast infections and fungal infections overall. So, if you don’t have a box of good old-fashioned baking soda in your house, now you’ve got some really solid reasons to.
5. Do Chemical Peels
The main reason why I wrote “I've Been Doing At-Home Chemical Peels. Here Are The Pros And Cons.” for the platform last fall is because, when I was in the process of looking for a product that would help to soften the texture of my skin, I experimented with a company calledPerfect Image that provides at-home chemical peel solutions in different concentrations of potency and I was really pleased with the results.
Whether you’re looking to get rid of the sebum that’s clogging and/or stretching your pores, reduce skin inflammation, soften the appearance of wrinkles and fine lines, help to even out hyperpigmentation, and/or simply keep your skin from appearing dull, a chemical peel can handle all-a-dat.
You can get a professional one; however, like I said, there are companies that sell the kind that you can use at home with different strengths that you can “build up” over time. Either way, chemical peels (when you use them as directed or advised) are great at helping to cultivate radiant-looking skin.
6. Exfoliate. Don’t Overdo It, Though.
Probably, one of the quickest ways to give your skin a healthy glow is toexfoliate it, which is all about removing the surface layer of dead skin cells (and whatever other “stuff” is lying on top of your skin) and cleansing out your pores. For instance, if you’re someone who struggles with sebum plugs (like on your nose or chin), exfoliating your skin can help to remove them. Or, if you deal with body acne, a dry brush can help with that, too.
The key to getting the most out of exfoliating is to not overdo it (1-2 times a week is good), and to use a gentle exfoliant (a DIY brown sugar scrub, a facial scrub, or a pair of exfoliating gloves for your body are ideal) and to follow it up with a (preferably) water-based moisturizer so that your skin is both soothed as well as protected once you’re done.
7. Use Plant Oils Daily
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Oftentimes, whenever, the topic of plant-based oils comes up, it’s in the context of using ones like olive, peanut, and sunflower for cooking purposes. However, plant-based oils are also good for your skin. For instance, grapeseed oil is filled with vitamins C and E; C can help to boost collagen production in your skin, while E can help to heal any blemishes or scars that you might have.
Avocado oil helps to reduce aging signs and soothe inflammation that is caused by acne, eczema, and psoriasis, and it deeply nourishes your skin. Rosehip oil is a natural exfoliant that also helps to protect your skin from damaging UV rays as it reduces hyperpigmentation and softens the appearance of fine lines and aging.
Personally, I’ve been using plant-based oils for several years now, and I definitely can cosign on the fact that they have done wonders for my skin from scalp to foot (especially plum oil; check out “Plum Oil Is The Oil You Should Ease Into The Fall Season With”).
8. Treat Yourself to an Ice Roller
Something that I actually haven’t tried before is an ice roller. I know a few folks who are huge fans of it, though. When you stop and think about the fact that even cold water helps to close your pores and tighten your skin, it would make sense since rubbing ice on your face would take those benefits to an even higher level. In fact, if you’re looking for a relatively simple way to reduce puffiness and detox your skin,applying an ice roller can help to make that happen. Harper's BAZAAR has a list of some of the best ones on the market righthere.
9. Apply a Combination of Geranium and Rosemary Oil (at Night)
I will say thatsome skincare experts advise that if you have acne-prone skin, face serums instead of face oils are probably better for you. That said, if you want to deeply nourish your skin while you sleep, so that it’s able to thoroughly rejuvenate itself, applying a face oil can make that happen. A combination that you might want to try consists of geranium essential oil and rosemary oil.
Geranium is bomb because it’s loaded with anti-inflammatory properties that can help to treat breakouts overnight; plus, it offers some all-natural estrogen-boosting benefits from an aromatherapy standpoint if you notice that your skin is shifting a bit due to perimenopause or menopause.
Rosemary oil and I are always gonna be tight because it contains properties that increase blood circulation,fight off acne-causing bacteria, and soften the skin while evening out its tone.
10. Never Underestimate Pimple Patches
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Something that I used to think was a complete fluke is pimple patches — that is, until I tried them for myself. When it comes to blind pimples, I’ll be honest and say that even the pimple patch brands that say they will help with them…they don’t seem to do much (blind pimples are a mutha!). And when it comes to blackheads, that’s not really what they’re made for.
However, if you’ve got a whitehead (or almost whitehead) or a zit that seems to be full of pus and you want to drain that bad boy while avoiding as much skin damage as possible, pimple patches are gonna change ya life! I have applied them countless times (Hero. is the brand that I use, by the way) on period pimples before turning in and have awakened to flattened zits and a patch that is white (thanks tothe hydrocolloid that the patches are made of; not the gunk that is in my pimples).
Clearing a pore quickly can happen with a pimple patch — and a cleared pore puts you on the path to the skin that you’ve always wanted, y’all!
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
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Sex & The New Year: Single Women Get Candid About Their 2025 Intimacy Goals
Fail to plan, plan to fail. It is certainly a saying that all of us have heard at one point or another; however, when it comes to sex, specifically, and definitely when it comes to women who aren’t married or in a serious relationship, I’m not so sure that plans are encouraged as much as they probably should be. I don’t just mean planning to get tested with partners or planning to use birth control — hopefully, those things are a given (right?).
What I mean is, if you are someone who likes to sit down and come up with resolutions for the new year, when it comes to your sex life, what exactly are you resolving to do? What sex-related goals do you actually have? Because if you don’t know and you kind of just let life “happen to you,” the way you end 2025 may not be the way you planned…because there never was a plan in place.
All of this is why I decided to ask 10 single women to pause, ponder, and then produce a semi-formal sex plan that they would be willing to share with y’all. Although a few of them were taken aback by my request at first, by the time they gave me their answer, each woman found it to be something that they would be doing annually moving forward — because, like everything else in life, knowing what you want out of sex, for yourself, is essential. And you certainly increase your chances of getting what you desire…when there is a plan in place.
*Middle names are always used in these types of interview pieces so that individuals can speak freely*
1. Hannah. 28.
Giphy“Girl, my sex plan is to stop having sex with my ex-fiancé. When we broke off our engagement 16 months ago, I’m not sure if either of us thought that we’d keep having sex like we were still together. But who wants to keep racking up bodies or risking getting an STD? Plus, the sex with him? I have never had it so good and so consistent. But when you asked me about putting a ‘sex plan’ together, and I really thought about how our relationship has no future — I accept that I need to let that last part of us go. Otherwise, I could date someone and still be having sex with my ex. I’m not going to tell him [her ex] about my plan until after our date on New Year’s Eve. Don’t judge me. I’m a work in progress!”
Shellie here: Check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?”
2. Alexie. 34.
Giphy“I’m gonna have me some multiple orgasms, dammit! I am so tired of reading about them and not being able to relate. I think women have been conditioned to think that even getting one is something that we should be grateful for — you know, kind of like that Salt-N-Pepa brag about getting knocked out for the night after one ‘shot.’ No ma’am. I wanna know what it’s like to cum, pause, cum again, pause, and cum again. I’m going to make that my mission for the entire year. I’ll let you know how it goes.”
Shellie here: Check out “How To Have Mind-Blowing Multiple Orgasms. Tonight, Chile.”
3. Thalia. 27.
Giphy“I want to learn how to enjoy oral sex more — not giving, receiving. I’ve always liked the power that comes from giving a man head, but I haven’t met a guy who makes receiving it feel as good as my girlfriends talk about. Whenever it happens to me, I feel annoyed; it’s almost like a dog is licking on me or something. Everything just feels wet, sloppy, and aimless. I’ve got a guy friend who says that he can get me what I’m after. I’m considering him because I’ll be damned if I’m out here giving out all this good head, and I end up dying not knowing what everyone else is even talking about!”
Shellie here: Check out “Sooo...What If You HATE Oral?” and “Okay. So, This Is Why Oral Sex Is Probably Not Satisfying You (Fully).” and (just in case) “How To Preserve Your Friendship After BAD Casual Sex”
4. Icelynne. 30.
Giphy“‘Get over a man by getting under a different man’ is some bullsh-t. All you do is up your body count. The guy I’ve been seeing, the kissing is good but the sex isn’t that great, but I really like him. In the past, I would just move on, but now that you ask me to come up with a plan — I think the plan is to try and make sex better. You get older, and you realize that sometimes you ‘click’ immediately with someone, and sometimes, you need to be more patient. It’s not that the sex is bad, it’s just that I’m used to good sex being easier. Learning to talk about my needs and working with someone to meet them — that’s the plan for next year.”
Shellie here: Check out “Do You Lie About Your Body Count? Here's Why You Shouldn't.,” “6 Things About The Whole 'Body Count' Debate That Should Be Discussed” and “Is There REALLY Such A Thing As 'Bad Sex'?”
5. Gabriella. 45.
Giphy“I’m sick of reading about all of the different kinds of orgasms that you can have and barely knowing what a [clitoral] one feels like. If I can have a nipple orgasm, then I’m going to have one. And I can have one by myself? In my sleep? [Shellie here: Yes, sleep orgasms are an actual thing] And what’s this, you can come just from someone kissing you, right? What the f-ck?! I’m on mission to be able to say that I’ve had every type of orgasm there is. The interviewing process for this mission is about to be so funny, too. I already know.”
Shellie here: Check out “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight”
6. Terrika. 33.
Giphy“I’m leaving faking orgasms in my rearview mirror. It doesn’t help anything. All it does is make men think that they’ve accomplished something that they haven’t and make me resent them for doing it. I hate to say it, but I’ve been acting like I’ve cum for so long that I can’t even remember the last time that I’ve had a real orgasm — oh, yes, I can, and it was two damn years ago! I think because I like sex, even if I don’t cum, is why I’ve put up with it for so long. I’m not getting any younger, and I need to make sure I end up with a man where I don’t have to do any pretending. 2025 is going to be my year. I am speaking it into existence!”
Shellie here: Check out “Why You Should Stop Faking Orgasms ASAP” and “So, 10 Women Sat Down And Told Me Why They Fake Orgasms...More Times Than Not”
7. Persephone. 38.
Giphy“I want to experience sexcations all over the world. I find it fascinating how much sex gets better for me whenever I’m in a new environment. If that can happen just with a different hotel or an Airbnb, I can only imagine what it would be like to make love in London, Cape Town, or Barcelona. It’s also sexy to get to know someone better in a different space. I met a guy [last year], and our connection is strong. We’ve been talking about stamping our passports together. We haven’t had sex yet. I think an international sexcation being our first time, would be perfect for the new year.”
Shellie here: Check out “Married Couples, It's Time For A Sexcation!” and “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List’”
8. Evelyn. 29.
Giphy“I want to know what ‘making love’ feels like. Is that weird to say? Coming into sex, I was what my friends say is a ‘late bloomer’ because I didn’t have sex until my junior year [of college]. It wasn’t random, but it wasn’t with a guy who I loved — well, I loved him as a friend and still do, but it wasn’t a romantic type of thing. I was curious and trusted him to try it out. I don’t regret that, but since, there have only been a few others, and the pattern has been the same: sex with friends and nothing mind-blowing. [In 2025], I want to wait until I’m in a serious relationship and then have sex. I keep hearing that love-making is the best. I have no clue. Would like to know.”
Shellie here: “Unforgettable: 10 Men Open Up About That 'One Experience' They'll Never Forget”
9. Tamiko. 41.
“I want to take a break [from sex]. During my marriage, we had so many sex problems that once we divorced, I definitely made up for lost time. It was mostly because I felt like I was being ‘sexually gaslit’ by my husband — like I couldn’t get the sex that I was after, and it was my fault. Now that I know that it wasn’t a ‘me problem,’ it was an ‘us issue,’ and I’ve gotten all of my ‘itches scratched,’ I’m ready to learn some other things that make me tick outside of the bedroom. I’m not necessarily declaring abstinence for a year, but I am done with my nothing-more-than-sex quest. Next time, it will be someone who gets me excited in more than just the bed.”
Shellie here: Check out “I've Been Abstinent For 12 Years. Here's How.” and “6 Genuine Signs You're Making An Emotional Connection With Your Sex Partner”
10. Lana. 51.
Giphy“My plan is to be more open-minded — not so much when it comes to my standards for a partner but the things that I’m willing to do sexually. I’m not the most conservative person on the planet, but when it’s always in the back of your mind that you can get pregnant, that can make you more cautious. I’m on the tail end of menopause now, so I suddenly feel more adventurous. With a steady sex partner, I’m ready to try whatever and do whatever. Sex that exceeds anything I’ve done before…that is my 2025 plan, girl. Let’s go!”
Shellie here: Check out “What Having Sex After Menopause Is Like, According To 10 Women”
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