

Your Back Is Sick Of Being Neglected...So Read This.
Man, if I could track down the Black woman’s back that I saw about a month ago on somebody’s social media platform, just so you could see what (partially) inspired me to pen this piece, I promise you that I would. Between how toned she was and her completely flawless skin, it reminded me of a conversation that some people and I semi-recently had about one of the most unsung sexiest parts of the male and female body: the back.
I’m not proud of it; “it” being the fact that it really wasn’t until I got into my 40s that I even started to care about my back and its needs — on any level, really. However, now that I am more aware and far more grateful for it, I have become more intentional. And that has, as a direct result, caused me to feel more comfortable and confident in wearing certain items that reveal more of my back than I used to back in the day.
You know, it really is kinda wild that, even though many of us take great measures to keep our butt looking great, it’s like we totally overlook the fact that it’s hard for folks to notice it without seeing our back in the process. So, for cosmetic and health-related reasons, if you know that you’ve been neglecting that part of you, here are 15 things that you can do to bring some (more) sexiness (and comfortability) to that particular area of your body.
Starting and ending with two Black sistahs who can serve as some firsthand inspiration and motivation. #SALUTE
@shygirlfit We not skipping back day 🦾💚 #fittok #blackgirlworkouts #backdayworkouts #fyp
1. Invest in a Back Washer and a Back Roller
Getty Images
If any of you are considering taking a yoga class (or staying in one), let back care be a huge motivator. Boy, no matter how often I am told that I don’t look my age, if there’s one thing that will confirm that I’ve earned each and every year, it’s my decline in flexibility — and yes, that makes giving my back the kind of thorough skincare that it needs pretty challenging.
Something that has helped immensely is investing in tools that are specifically designed to reach my back. One is an exfoliating back washer (like this one here), and the other is a back roller that’s designed to apply different skin products (like this one here). Both have made the previous stress and strain of trying to reach all areas of my back a total thing of the past. Both are also some of the best self-care decisions that I have ever made.
2. Apply Oil-Free Products
Getty Images
You’ve probably heard before that pimples are (typically) the result of an overproduction of sebum (an oily substance that your glands naturally produce in order to keep your skin moisturized) that will sometimes mix with bacteria and dead skin cells and clog up your pores. Since it can be somewhat easy to neglect your back, this is where the term “bacne” — back acne — comes from. If you naturally have oily skin or you don’t want to add to the sebum issue on your back, try and go with skincare products that are either oil-free or water-based. Byrdie has a list of oil-free washes here. Allure has a list of water-based moisturizers here.
3. Try Some Pimple Patches
Getty Images
I can’t believe at my age that I’m still dealing with period pimples (check out “7 Natural Remedies For Hormonal Acne”), yet…here we are. And although I will be the first one to say that I was skeptical about pimple patches, if you’ve got a whitehead or a bump that seems to be full of pus or water, those suckers really do work (Mighty Patch is the brand that I personally use). They really will suck the gunk out, and you really will see a cloudy circle on your patch where the hydrocolloid has turned it all into a gel-like substance so that you see less inflammation and you’re less tempted to pick.
I’m saying all of this to say that if you’ve got a hot date coming up and there’s a zit on your back that you need to dissolve ASAP, so long as it’s not a blind pimple, a pimple patch (if you leave it on for 6-8 hours or so) can do wonders! No joke.
4. And/Or Some Salicylic Acid Pads
Getty Images
While we’re on the topic, something else that can help with not only pimples but callouses, corns, dandruff, and even psoriasis is salicylic acid. It’s a type of acid that’s designed to exfoliate the skin pretty effectively. As a bonus, it contains anti-inflammatory properties, too. Something that I really like about salicylic acid is it not only works at clearing up breakouts faster, it can also help to keep them from forming in the first place.
So, you definitely should have some of these skin pads in your arsenal — for your back, your face, and that corn that may be on one of your pinky toes (just sayin’).
5. Consider a Chemical Peel for Any Post-Inflammatory Hyperpigmentation (PIH)
Getty Images
I’ve been doing at-home chemical peels for a hot minute now. I’ll be sharing my experience with them in another piece. For now, what I will say is learning that there is a significant difference between actual acne scars and what is known in the expert skincare world as post-inflammatory hyperpigmentation has been a real game-changer for me.
Long story short, while an acne scar tends to do long-term damage to your skin (sometimes to the point where only a dermatologist can help), post-inflammatory hyperpigmentation is the dark spots that are oftentimes left behind once a pimple goes away. Once I learned this, the approach to my skin has been a bit different — and yes, chemical peels have become a big part of that. That’s because, now that I know that I’m looking to even my skin tone and not actually alter the structure of my skin, chemical peels have helped to accomplish my actual goal, not just on my back but anywhere a dark spot (usually from a pimple) pops up.
I can’t speak for every company; however, I will tell you who I’ve been rolling with: it’s called Perfect Image. They’ve got peels at different concentration levels (start at 10 percent and build up; 30 and especially 50 percent are where the big kids play), their products are affordable, and I’ve seen some real changes in the appearance of my skin since I’ve been using them. Anyway, just something else to keep in mind if you want a clear-looking back…including when it comes to the evenness of its complexion.
6. Make Sure Your Bras Fit
Getty Images
Although it continues to be somewhat of a debatable topic, there is more and more data that is being released about the fact that, on some levels, it can actually be more beneficial to go without wearing a bra (and most certainly without wearing one all of the time). Still, if you’re someone who prefers the extra lift that they provide, please make sure that your bras fit well. It’s a fair thing to mention since it still appears to be that almost 80 percent of women are continuing to wear the wrong size (women are also keeping bras for too long; you should be getting 4-6 new ones on an ANNUAL basis).
Why does this matter when it comes to your back? Well, remember the zits that I need pimple patches for? Usually, they come from either my bra straps or the back parts of my bra — and the more that your bra is digging into your skin, the more likely those pores are going to clog up and wreak total havoc on your skin.
7. Get a “Back Facial” Once a Season
Getty Images
Even with all of the things that you can do at home to keep your back looking lovely, nothing beats the support of a professional aesthetician. My waxer happens to be a licensed one, and when I shared with her some of my personal back concerns, she recommended that I get a professional back facial once a season (four times a year) — and it has made all of the difference in the world. She exfoliates, removes blackheads, applies a chemical peel, massages, and deeply moisturizes it. I can always see and feel the difference, for weeks later, after getting a back facial. It’s always been a wise move.
8. Watch Your Hair
Getty Images
The sebum that comes from your scalp is designed to trickle down your hair shaft; that way, your hair is able to remain soft and moisturized. Due to the super curly texture that a lot of us have, oftentimes, we have to replenish the moisture that our strands do not receive by applying a variety of hair products. Well, when you wear your hair down (and it’s got some length to it), all of that stuff on your strands can get onto your back and start to clog up your pores.
Not only that, but if you wear long extensions (including braids or twists that require extensions), the friction from the hair can irritate the skin that’s on your back as well. That’s why you should try to wear your hair up as much as you do down and definitely give your back some extra TLC on the “wear it down” days — just to be on the safe side.
9. Get Some Dumbbells
Getty Images
Now that we’ve got a lot of cosmetic points about your back out of the way, let’s talk about why I started and ended this article off with a video of a Black woman whose back is truly sexy AF. Y’all, there is no way around the fact that a huge part of what makes their backs look the way that they do is that they partake in a regular and consistent exercise routine. And the reason why getting some dumbbells to work out with is a good idea is that they are a convenient form of exercise equipment that can help you to strengthen your heart, further develop your balance and coordination, gain muscle, and lose weight. So, if you want to tone your back, cop yourself two of ‘em.
As far as what size/weight to get, Women’s Health has an article that can guide you here. And when it comes to the kind of exercises that you should do with your dumbbells that will help you to target your back, even from the comfort and convenience of your own home, I found some helpful YouTube videos (that feature women) here, here, and here.
10. Focus on Your Core
Getty Images
People who have a six-pack don’t just look great in a bathing suit; they are also doing certain exercises that support their lower back. I know this because working on your abs means that you’re strengthening the core of your body — and that always helps your spine to remain nice and strong. I found a brotha on YouTube who has a beginner’s video for working on ab muscles; you can check it out here.
11. Master a Few Different Yoga Positions
Getty Images
You can read articles on our site like “The Unexpected Lessons Yoga Taught Me About Life,” “5 Best Yoga Poses For An Emotional Release,” “I Took A Yoga Class & Proved To Myself That Yoga Is For Plus-Sized Women Too,” “The 5 Yoga Poses That Will Improve Your Sex Life,” and “7 Yoga Stretches To Relieve Your Lower Back Tension” to get a feel for how much of a yoga fan that we are in this space.
Well, when it comes to your back, specifically, yoga reduces tension, increases flexibility, tones, improves breathing, and strengthens your core. Positions that will help to accomplish all of this? The Cobra. The Cat-Cow. The Bridge. The Half Lord of the Fishes. And the always popular Downward-Facing Dog.
12. Avoid Inflammatory Foods
Getty Images
I recently read an article that said, “All processed foods can cause inflammation.” And while all inflammation is not bad, when it’s at excessive levels, it can contribute to all sorts of health issues, including diabetes, obesity, and depression. Inflammation can also lead to back discomfort. That’s why it’s important to exercise, be super picky about what mattress you choose, and pay attention to your diet because there are certain foods that will trigger more inflammation in your system than you need.
Some of those include “white foods” like white rice, pasta, and bread, an excessive amount of red meat, sugary foods, soda, and (a certain amount of) dairy.
13. Take a Glucosamine Supplement
Getty Images
Something that tends to fade over time (meaning, as we age) is cartilage. Since it’s the type of elastic tissue that supports our joints and our spine, this is definitely something that we should proactively care about. A supplement that can assist in this area is glucosamine. If you’ve never heard of it before, it’s a substance that’s a natural building block for the cartilage that is already in your system.
Since it can also help with reducing inflammation, treating glaucoma, and even helping to relieve the symptoms that are directly associated with irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), you should discuss with your doctor if it’s something that you should add to your healthcare regimen. It could be just what your back has been looking/waiting for.
14. Keep Your Sheets Clean
Getty Images
You would think that this one would go without saying, yet after reading an article that said that people, on average, only change their bed sheets every three weeks or so (what in the world?!) — listen, you shed way too many dead skin cells and sweat (and possibly have sex) too much throughout the night to not be putting new bedding down on a weekly basis — not just for obvious hygienic reasons but to keep your skin great-looking too.
While we’re on the topic, make sure that you wash with the kind of detergent that is gentle on your skin. Some people are so busy looking for something that smells spring fresh all week long that they don’t realize it’s the direct cause of their itchy and irritated skin.
15. Sleep “Right”
Getty Images
Posture is always gonna be important. Full stop. Yet if a part of the reason why it’s hard for you to keep your back the way it’s supposed to be is that you’ve got lower back discomfort going on, it could be due to the fact that you’re not sleeping in a way that best supports that particular part of your body.
If you want to “align your spine,” many health experts say that it’s best to sleep on your back, sleep on your side with a pillow in between your knees, or get into the ever-so-comfortable fetal position. If you apply this gem (along with the other back-themed tips), you and your back will be walking more in agreement than ever. Pardon the pun but…straight up. #wink
@kerendesir sexyback no JT #backgainz #gymtiktok #gymgirlsoftiktok #blackgirlfitness #foryoupage #fyp #doritosduetroulette #upperbodyworkout #blackwomentiktok #girlswholift #musclemommy
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Peter Griffith/Getty Images
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
An author by the name of Alexandra Katehakis once said this about orgasms: “Great spiritual teachers throughout the ages have stated that orgasm is the closest some people come to a spiritual experience because of the momentary loss of self. Why is this true? Because with spiritual sex, you move beyond orgasm into a connection with yourself, your partner, and the divine — recognizing them all as one.”
If it’s counterintuitive to what you’ve ever thought about orgasms, believe it or not, there are even pastors who have said that climaxing is the closest comprehension of heaven on this side of it: it is an extreme kind of bliss that is indescribable and is best experienced between two people who share a sacrificial kind of love for one another.
Although this might seem like a heavy way to intro this particular topic, because the O Method is an orgasm-achieving technique that centers around housing energy, embracing the mental practice of manifestation, and the attempt to achieve the best climaxes ever — it all works together pretty well if you ask me. If you want to take your orgasms to the next level, it’s important that you get out of yourself (to a certain extent), that you see the spiritual role that manifestation plays, and that you are open to trying new things. No doubt about it.
So, let’s learn more about what the O Method is all about and how it very well could be just what you’ve been looking for…even if you didn’t know it.
What Is the “O Method” All About?
Question: When’s the last time you’ve had an orgasm? Not just any orgasm — I mean a really mind-blowing one (I’ll give you a second to think about it). Now, what if you could manifest that experience to the point where it wasn’t a rare occurrence but something that happened almost every time that you and your partner had sex with each other? How absolutely awesome would that be?
That is pretty much what the O Method is all about — helping you achieve the kind of orgasms (and sexual pleasure, in general) that you desire through the practice of manifestation. And since your biggest sex organ is your brain, it would make perfect sense that even with all of the tips and techniques that you might learn to do as far as your body is concerned, honing in on what you think about is super imperative to sexual fulfillment, too. And that’s just where manifestation comes in.
What If You’ve Never “Manifested” Anything Before?
Before we get into a quick lesson on manifestation, I think it’s important to mention two things. One, for the cynics, there is a lot of truth in the fact that it’s got some solid spiritual basis to it because even the Good Book says that as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he (Proverbs 23:7). At the same time, that same Good Book tells us that faith without works is dead (James 2:14-26). So, while it is always a good idea to focus on good, positive, and productive thoughts, just thinking about them isn’t enough — at some point, you’ve also gotta get out here and DO something (bookmark that).
Okay, with that mini-sermon out of the way, whether it’s in the bedroom or not, manifestation is basically about focusing on something tangible that you desire, harnessing your energy in such a way that your words and actions are directed towards that longing until what you want, well, manifests. For the record, aside from this having a spiritual backing to it, in many ways, science cosigns on manifesting, too. There is actually a scientific process known as neuroplasticity that consists of reframing your mind so that your actions ultimately end up aligning with your goals — and that is another way to look at manifestation.
So, what if you’re someone who has never set out to do a manifestation practice before? No worries. Something that’s awesome about it is there are several different approaches that you can take.
Some people manifest what they want in their lives via:
- Journaling
- Visualization/Creating vision boards
- Writing down their desires before going to bed (so that they can “download” them into their dream state)
- Creating mantras and affirmations
- Applying the 369 Manifestation Method (you can learn more about that here)
- Meditating
- Learning more about what you want to manifest (which brings forth clarity)
This is important to keep in mind because, when it comes to manifesting the types of orgasms that you want to have, as you can see, you can try different manifestation methods until you find one (or ones) that you are truly comfortable with. One that can ease you into the entire process rather smoothly is something known as sex journaling.
How Sex Journaling Can Actually Help You to Have an Orgasm
As a writer, I’m a big fan of journaling. Mostly because it’s a way to get out some of your deepest thoughts and feelings so that you’re able to really process what is happening inside of you in a private setting. And when it comes to sex journaling, specifically, it’s all about centering yourself on the things sexually that you want to “unpack,” get clarity on or come to some revelations about. For instance, if there’s only been one partner from your past who’s been able to help you achieve the type of orgasms that you wish to manifest, journaling about what makes him different from the other guys can provide you with some solid ah-ha moments.
Or if you need help getting as specific as possible about the sexual experiences that you’re after, journaling can help to make that happen for you — because one thing that manifesting reminds us all to do is be as specific as possible.
Yeah, simply saying, “I want to have better sex” isn’t detailed enough when you want to get your energy to match with your desires — instead, describe how all of your senses should feel in the experience, along with why, that can get you so much closer to achieving your goal. Once those things are documented, you can segue into creating mantras and/or meditation that are based on them. Yeah, sex journaling really is an underrated superpower on a lot of levels (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”).
5 Tips for Making the O Method Work for You
Now that you know more about what the O Method is and how manifestation plays a direct role in its process, let’s talk about five ways to make the O Method truly effective in your own (sex) life.
1. Focus, FULLY, on your feminine energy. What do rose quartz, amethyst, moonstone (which is a Gemini birthstone as well; yes, I’m a Gemini), selenite, and rhodonite all have in common? They’re crystals that help you to go deeper into your divine feminine energy. Traits that are associated with this include compassion, creativity, kindness, gentleness, and sensuality (feminine energy is also accepting and forgiving). If you were to study energy from a biological standpoint, it’s about producing change, responding to stimuli, and having the ability to do what needs to be done (work). So, when it comes to manifesting the kind of orgasms or sexual experiences that you want, using things like your creativity and gentleness in your thoughts and actions can play a role in bringing balance to your partner’s masculinity, which can create a profound sense of pleasure — after all, opposites do attract.
2. Don’t hold back on what it is that you desire. Whenever I interview sex therapists, something that they all say is, a huge mistake that people make as far as sexual satisfaction is concerned is, they have walls up — not just with their partners but even within themselves. Sometimes, there is intimidation, fear, or even shame around what they really want to happen during sex to the point where they aren’t able to channel their energy fully in those directions in order to manifest what they want. For the O Method to work, you can’t let those types of negative emotions hinder you; the more you are able to articulate what you want and how you want it, the better chance you have of making it happen. So yes, get graphic. As graphic as possible.
3. Make manifestation a daily practice. Repetition is important when it comes to manifestation. That’s because the more you declare what you desire (a mantra), get still and think on it (meditation), or look at the “art” that you’ve created surrounding it (visualization), the quicker it becomes a part of you. So yes, make manifestation a daily practice. For instance, if one of your mantras is, “I am going to have intensely passionate orgasms, one right after the other,” don’t just state that 15 minutes before sex is going to happen. Wake up and declare it. Then say it on your lunch break. And again before turning in. The more your thoughts are “streamlined” in this way, the easier it will be for your body to follow suit.
4. Share this practice with your partner. If you were to do even more research on the O Method, one thing that most of the articles will mention is it’s a practice that you can do alone or with your partner. Indeed. However, I just want to make sure that you get into your psyche that great sex is, in part, about good communication. And so, the more comfortable you are sharing with your partner what you are doing as far as the O Method is concerned and what you ultimately want to happen as a result of the practice, the easier it will be for him to “match your energy” — both in and out of the bedroom. And when your partner is on the same page as you? That definitely increases the chances of attaining your sexual desires — exponentially so.
5. Stay in the moment. While I was reading one article on manifestation, I really appreciated something that the author said: manifestation isn’t some supernatural power. In other words, while it can be beneficial, it’s not like you can just think of something, and it instantly appears out of nowhere. Manifesting is a discipline, and it must be accompanied by action, consistency, and patience — this means that you must also practice mindfulness. Meaning, now that you know better what you’re looking to achieve as far as sex is concerned, every time that it transpires, maintain a level of positive energy, remember what your end goal is, and then determine in your mind to enjoy the moments as they come. Remember, manifestation isn’t to add stress…it’s to cultivate clarity.
_____
At the end of the day, the O Method is simply a way of reminding you that your mind plays a huge role in your sexual pleasure, and when you channel it and your energy exactly where you want them both to go, you’ll be amazed what your body is capable of doing…and accomplishing.
So, what kind of orgasm are you wanting to achieve? You’ve got a tool to get you there. USE IT.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Giphy