Women With Unique Skin Share How They Learned To Love Their Purpose-Built Beauty
Picture-perfect skin has become the new normal in the social media era. You can literally edit images to be whatever you want it to be with apps like Facetune, Airbrush, Retouch and so many more. With a swift cinch you can snatch your waist and with a simple swipe you can erase your acne. Why are we like this? Why do we desire perfection so passionately. And I say "we" because I am guilty of using Facetune to edit parts of my body and face. What's also mind-blowing is how body positivity is more prevalent than skin positivity. In this age of envy, society has become enthralled with living the picture perfect-life with picture-perfect skin and a picture-perfect body. It's not realistic and it creates illogical standards.
Our bodies and our skin were created to be unique; there is truly beauty in divergence.
Above all, beauty is being comfortable in your own skin and even OG Edgar Allen Poe once said, "There is no exquisite beauty… without some strangeness in the proportion." Truth is, people relate to you and love you more when you keep it all the way one hunnid. And if we are being real, we are way too self-critical.
Here, three bold and beautiful women share their stories on learning to believe in their purpose-built beauty and share advice for women struggling to accept themselves.
*Responses have been edited for length and clarity.
Berlange Presilus
Courtesy of Berlange Presilus
"I am fashion (role) model, teacher, entrepreneur, warrior and advocate. I was born with a rare condition called Klippel Trenaunay syndrome, KTS in short. KTS is a rare congenital vascular disorder in which the limb may be affected by port-wine-stain (red-purple birthmark involving blood vessels). 1 out of 100,000 people are affected by this condition. Growing up, something was noticeably different about me as an infant; my right leg was longer, bigger than my left leg, it was deformed; and I crawled [and] walked differently than a normal child. By the age of twelve, I began to suffer the most with Skin ulcers, migraines and blood clots.
"I have battled with depression along with a great measure of anxiety. I struggled with rejections, pain, self-insecurities and suicidal thoughts. I have fought with life and the feeling of not being good enough to do and be anything worthy. I wanted to belong…
"I have constantly battled with my emotions, doubts and questioned my abilities and aspirations. Most times I was just confused about my existence; aimless, helpless and bothered. I lived a worried life! I spent years seeing all kinds of doctors but I was not able to get any help. The doctors had thrown their hands up in defeat because they never encountered such a mysterious condition in all their years of experience. In the end, I was assured by one doctor that I would die by the age of 19 due to being chronically ill.
"For years, I lived vicariously through those that were brave enough to speak their truth, reveal their pain, air out their wounds and did it with such passion and pride. I, too, wanted to be that brave. However, I was never that brave. After two surgeries and countless hospitalizations, I developed another long-term condition called Lymphedema. Even then, I had to make a decision to either pity myself or embrace and be proud of every inch of affected region of my body.
"I chose to stop living with fears of being judged and being talked down to. I became determined to own my truth boldly, live life with a grateful heart and full dedication to inspire the masses. Growing up, I had no role model, no one to relate to. For that reason I grew up confused, lonely, hopeless and unfitting. Nevertheless, I never gave up. Somewhere in between my misery, I found strength and my purpose. I would like to call that period of time my 'AHA period'. I recognized my power, the power that lied deep inside of me. Now that I recognize my strength and power, I am being everything I needed when I was growing up. I represent possibilities!
"My mission is to show the world that despite being born with one of the rarest syndromes, beauty is an introspective perception and one's attitude towards themselves and others. Beauty is not about outward appearances, but rather, the make up of one's character.
"Your perception of beauty will be varied through time, but always remember that beauty is an attitude...a mindset. Beauty goes beyond skin because it comes from within. Beauty is simply happiness...BEAUTY IS YOU! Your story only means that you were created with a gift. Although you may have spent years confusing your gift as a curse, I hope you can look in the mirror and face the strong woman you are.
"Your story isn't yours alone. It is through every pain, hurt, rejection and disappointment you will become who you were meant to be: A force! YOU are your own magic! There is only one you in this world, one out there who looks like you and no one can do anything like you…that is your magic. Whether you know it or not, everything you need is already inside you."
Ashley Featherson
Courtesy of Ashley Featherson
"Living with psoriasis has been a challenging yet rewarding journey. Growing up, it was difficult because I wasn't 'normal' or looked like everyone else. I didn't like the stares or being asked so many questions or even [being] picked on at times. Over time, however, I had to really deal with it and stop allowing it to control my life. I would cover myself in makeup and wear clothes to cover every inch of my body, even during the summer.
"After several people, both loved ones and strangers, kept complimenting my beauty and encouraging me to step away from makeup, I finally did. It was the best thing I could've done. I still like to get dolled up here and there, but I don't wear it as a mask to hide what I once saw as flaws.
"Since this newfound confidence and self-love, I've become a part of a community that understands the highs and lows that comes with unique skin; I no longer call it a disorder or issue.
"I've also pursued modeling and enjoyed amazing opportunities with that. I started doing things out of my comfort zone to help boost my confidence. My advice to others is you have to love yourself and embrace all of you! How others treat you is a reflection of how you love and treat yourself. Take a leap into enjoying activities that you may not necessarily do. Spend more time reflecting on why you feel the way you do about something and really dig deep to heal from it. Live life to the fullest and stop worrying about the opinions of others.
"Now instead of feeling ashamed or annoyed when asked questions, I use it as a moment to teach or even help someone that's dealing with anything that keeps them down. It's such an amazing feeling when parents, children, and peers thank me for being an inspiration. I've finally learned the beauty in being different."
Iomikoe Woods
Courtesy of Iomikoe Woods
"I got vitiligo at the age of 25 years old. I noticed a tiny white spot under my arm while shaving and I immediately contacted my family doctor. He told me it could have appeared because I was allergic to razors, so he told me to stop using them. I did. But then a couple of months later, a tiny white spot appeared under my left eye. I panicked like, Why was another one popping up? I ended up moving and relocating to Arkansas because of a hurricane where I lived in Louisiana. It started to spread even more after we moved, so I told my ex-husband and he suggested I contact a dermatologist because my skin was only being affected. It took about a month to get my appointment and there were so many things running through my mind.
"I thought I had skin cancer. I didn't know what it could be. Was I being cursed for something I did? Why is my skin turning white? The dermatologist knew immediately what it was when he saw me; he told me I had vitiligo. I asked him if there was a cure or any medication that could treat this or if I had cancer. After saying 'no', he laughed, but I didn't think it was funny at all. The doctor told me of a few treatments that could or couldn't work and if I did want to use these treatments, they might cause skin cancer or even severely damage my skin. He showed me pictures of other people with vitiligo and my heart dropped to my feet. I was so devastated, I cried all the way home. I'll never forget that moment.
"I was so depressed, I covered my skin condition for over 12 years with makeup. I spent thousands of dollars on makeup to keep my secret hidden. I didn't want anyone knowing I had it.
"Then, it spread so much I couldn't hide it anymore. I tried long sleeved clothes, sweaters, gloves, whatever I could use to hide it. One sweet day, God sent me an incredible man who loved me no matter what. I even hid it from him when we first started dating and one day I got busted without my makeup and he said, 'Oh my God, have you been hiding this from me? Why didn't you tell me?' I told him I thought he would think I was a monster. He replied by saying, 'You are so freaking beautiful. I love you. I only see true beauty in you. My God, woman you're stunning. So what you're different. You should wanna be, you stand out from everyone.'
"One day we were laying in bed and I came across a photo on Facebook of a model who looked like me. Her name was Winnie Harlow and she was a beauty. He said, 'You see. I told you vitiligo is beautiful. She's a model. You can model too, honey.' I thought he was only saying that 'cause he loved me but he reassured me he was saying this because he wanted me to believe that for myself.
"When I looked in the mirror, I saw with my eyes and I didn't see myself through God's eyes.
"I used to write affirmations on my mirror and I believed it. When I did, my life changed. I've been on television, I've done magazine articles and appeared on blogs around the world. Through modeling, I've changed so many people's lives by just being myself. It was hard to be free from people's judgment and just be the woman God called me to be. I made it to my peace when I stop letting them stop hindering my destiny and followed the path and purpose God had for giving me vitiligo.
"I want women to know that you are beautiful no matter if you're different. Embrace what people call 'imperfections' because what are imperfections? It may be imperfect for them but it is perfect for you! I say embrace your difference because it makes you uniquely you, so follow your purpose. Yes, it's hard living in a society where social media controls people and a society that tells you what you should look like. Follow your own path, the path to your own purpose. Walk in your truth and be youthful. Own who you are, own your beauty and your difference. It's what makes you stand out from the rest."
Featured image via @spottietoohottie_/IG
Joce Blake is a womanist who loves fashion, Beyonce and Hot Cheetos. The sophistiratchet enthusiast is based in Brooklyn, NY but has southern belle roots as she was born and raised in Memphis, TN. Keep up with her on Instagram @joce_blake and on Twitter @SaraJessicaBee.
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
You Like Having Sex With Him. Your Vagina Doesn't. What Should You Do?
I already know. Some of y’all read the title of this and was like, “How does that even make sense?” Oh, believe you me, there can be someone who you are definitely attracted to, who you connect with on a billion levels, where the sexual chemistry is totally off the charts — and yet, when it comes to intercourse, your vagina is on some "Do we really have to?"
It can be for a few different reasons. His penis size might take some adjusting to. His sperm/semen may throw your pH balance off. You might end up with a yeast infection or UTI (urinary tract infection) on a semi-consistent basis. Uh-huh, now do you see how you can enjoy coitus and still experience — let’s call them “technical difficulties” as far as your vagina goes at the same time?
If this has been your plight and you’ve been scouring the internet in order to get some much-needed (literal) relief, here are 12 things that may be able to get you, your partner, and your vagina on the same page, as far as experiencing consistently pleasurable copulation is concerned.
1. Bring in Some Lubrication
GiphyLet’s begin with something that can kill two birds with one stone — umm, so to speak. Whether your issue is that your man’s size is a lot to handle or either the friction of the sex or the inability to get as wet as you would like is resulting in you ending up with a UTI, invest in some lubrication. The wetter you are, the better sex will feel, and the less irritated your vagina will be.
The real hack is to get the kind that is as close to the pH level of your vagina (which should be somewhere around 4.5) as possible. Word on the street is that silicone-based ones can help you out in this department. By the way, saliva can also throw your pH balance off, which is why some people use things like dental damns. Just something to keep in mind as far as oral activity goes.
2. Use Condoms
GiphyIf it’s been a minute since you’ve had sex (check out “What Actually Happens To Your Vagina During Seasons Of Abstinence?”) or you’re about to change (or add) sex partners, there are many reasons why you should use a condom — one of them being that bacteria or sperm/semen definitely has the potential to throw your vagina’s pH level off as well which can lead to a yeast infection.
Not to mention the fact that men can get yeast infections and sometimes they are asymptomatic. This means that if you don’t want to be passing one of those bad boys back and forth to each other, a rubber can serve as a barrier for that.
3. Consume More Probiotics. Eat Less Sugar.
GiphySpeaking of bacteria, another thing that you can do to decrease the chances of bad bacteria overtaking the good kind that’s in your va-jay-jay, be intentional about taking a probiotic and consuming foods that are filled with probiotics. Also, try to eat less sugar. Probiotic-enriched foods like yogurt, cottage cheese, cheddar cheese, fish sauce, and fermented veggies will give you more good bacteria. The reason why sugar is an enemy of your vagina is because that is what feeds bad bacteria and yeast.
4. Have Your Partner Give You a Perineal Massage (with a Twist)
GiphyAs a doula, I know quite a bit about perineal massages. Basically, it’s all about having your partner put some oil or lubricant on one or two of their fingers before using them to gently massage your perineum (the skin that is in between your vaginal opening and your anus) in order to decrease your chances of tearing while giving birth. Well, if you want to prepare yourself for sex after going without for a long period of time or before engaging with a larger partner, this type of massage could help you out, too.
The reason why I didn’t just call this good old-fashioned fingering is because if a part of what you want to partake in is anal sex, it can be wise to not just stretch your vagina but that piece of skin as well. Just make sure that if you plan on using a condom, you go with a water or silicone-based lubricant only. Oils will dissolve the potency of latex.
5. Invest in a Vaginal Dilator
GiphyI’m actually kind of surprised that vaginal dilators don’t come up more in sex-related articles. If you’ve never heard of them before, they are tube-like devices that are made out of plastic or medical-grade silicone that can help to stretch out your vagina, make it more flexible, and reduce discomfort during intercourse (especially if yours is related to having some sort of issues with your pelvic floor).
In fact, if you’re in the latter stages of perimenopause or you’re post-menopausal and sex has not been as pleasurable for you because of symptoms that are directly associated with that, a vaginal dilator might be able to offer up some relief.
For the record, you can typically purchase them at local drugstores (and online); however, you might want to run this decision by your doctor first, just so they can discuss any potential challenges/issues that you should know about (since they have your medical history).
6. Take Some Ibuprofen Before Sex
GiphyThis tip right here is a bit of a double-edged sword because whiletaking an over-the-counter pain reliever like ibuprofen an hour or so before having sex can help to reduce pain and inflammation to your vagina (if that has been an issue in the past),some studies say that men who take these same meds can potentially increase their chances of experiencing some level of erectile dysfunction.
That said, since the article today is focusing on our body parts, yes, this is somewhat of an effective hack, especially if you also soak in a warm bath prior to getting some.
7. Urinate Right After Sex
GiphyIf you’ve always wondered if you really should make it a point and practice to pee after having sex, the short answer is yes. Although nothing is going to blow up if you don’t, the reason why it’s a good idea is it can help to flush bacteria out of your urethra which can, in turn, lower your chances of experiencing a UTI.
8. Extend the Foreplay
GiphyI don’t think one woman on this planet is shocked thatmost ladies would prefer more foreplay before sex. As far as how long that should be, some studies state thatsomewhere around 20 minutes is good. That said, all of us are different, and, keeping in line with being wetter making sex better theme, if you need more time with “the appetizer” before the “main course” —tell your partner that. When it comes to less friction, more comfort, and ultimately more satisfying sex, longer foreplay might just be all that you need.
9. Stay on Top
GiphyYou probably already know this; still, I’m adding it in for safe measure. If you want to be able to better control the speed, motion, and depth of your partner when it comes to intercourse, opt for being on top. It will feel more comfortable to you, and I don’t know any man who doesn’t like to get a full view of what his partner has to offer when she’s on top of him. It’s a win for everyone involved.
10. Sign Up for Some Pelvic Floor Therapy
GiphyIf no matter what you do, you seem to experience some level of discomfort during sex, you might want to look into getting some pelvic floor therapy. It is a literal form of physical therapy that can help to strengthen the muscles in your pelvic region. If you’re interested in learning more about this, you can search for pelvic floor therapists who are in your area here.
11. Have Some Diflucan on Tap (Just in Case)
GiphyAlthough a lot of these tips are all about taking preventative measures, what should you do if you already have a yeast infection that’s tied to sex (and you know that for sure)? If you don’t want to go through the (sometimes) drama of scheduling a doctor’s appointment, there are sites now that will prescribe antifungal meds like Diflucan online.
Wisp is one that I definitely know does, along with medication for bacterial vaginosis (BV), UTIs, and genital herpes, too. Just fill out a form, and a doctor will follow up online. If they feel that you are a good candidate, they will send a prescription to a pharmacy in your area (of your choosing), and you can go pick up and pay there — sometimes all within the same day.
12. Get Tested for a Potential Sperm/Semen Allergy
GiphyAlthough actually being allergic to sperm/semen is not hella common (reportedly around 40,000 women in this country are), it is a real thing. So, if after having unprotected sex, you experience incessant burning and/or itching, hives, lip and/or tongue swelling, nausea, or diarrhea, it’s important that you see your physician. Although this kind of allergy is not particularly “dangerous,” it can be super uncomfortable.
Plus, it can make it harder for you to conceive a child (if that is something that you and your partner are trying to do). As far as treatment goes, to a certain extent, it varies. However, a prescription-strength antihistamine may be what your healthcare provider recommends for you.
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Gee, I certainly hope that these tips help. Because while having sex with someone who you dig is wonderful, it is so much better when your vagina “gets along” with him too. Feel me? Exactly.
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Featured image by Rachel Frank/Getty Images