Lizzo is a national treasure that icons like President Obama, Rihanna, Beyoncé, and even The Cookie Monster agree should be protected at all costs.
Sis has been killing the industry lately, giving every one of us the soundtrack to their lives, but little did we know, right after releasing the song responsible for helping women all over the world rediscover bad b*tch running all up in through their genetics, Lizzo almost quit the industry for good.
In the past, my anxiety has had the tendency to make me a poor businesswoman, lover, sister, and even Facebook friend, and according to Lizzo's recent interview withELLE, she can relate to the struggle. Last month, "Truth Hurts" hit No. 1 on the Billboard Top 100, an honor that serves as a momentous occasion for any artist, but for Lizzo, her newfound position among the stars is even more incredible because it is a reminder of the moment she almost gave it all up. In the interview, the 31-year-old singer said:
"I just felt like I was throwing music into the world and not even making a splash. A tree was falling in the forest and not making a sound, you know? I was crying in my room all day. I said, 'If I stop making music now, nobody would fucking care.'"
This cycle of self-doubt wasn't a unique experience for Lizzo, who says that she has been struggling with the insurmountable burden of insecurity since childhood. Before becoming a p*ssy poppin', flute-playing one-woman show, the singer sang with a number of indie girl groups and often questioned her place in the industry:
"I had an insecurity about what a star looks like, or what a front-person looks like. I felt like I was inadequate; I felt like I wasn't enough; I felt like people didn't want to look at me and listen to what I had to say. I felt like I had so much to say, so much on my chest."
Rich Fury/Getty Images
In a candid conversation about the power of emotional honesty, Lizzo let us know that we're not alone in the anxiety struggle and says that the secret to her healing was finding the courage to admit that she wasn't okay. While it's easy to use substances, isolation, and self-loathing fuel your anxiety-fueled pity party, it's much harder to ask for help, something Lizzo was able to find in her producer at the time who showed up with one helluva pep talk. She explained:
"You realize that people truly care about you and they'll help you, and they don't mind helping you. Being in those places is inevitable for me; I'm going to end up there again. But the fact that I'm prepared now to go to those places—and I have a toolbox, and I know I can pull myself out—is really helpful to me in my mental health journey."
The "Juice" singer says that just because she's got her mojo back now, it doesn't mean she's exempt from bad days. According to Lizzo, along with understanding that she doesn't have to do it alone, self-love has been an extremely important part of her mental health journey:
"I take self-love very seriously. And I take it seriously because when I was younger, I wanted to change everything about myself. I didn't love who I was. And the reason I didn't love who I was is because I was told I wasn't lovable by the media, by [people at] school, by not seeing myself in beauty ads, by not seeing myself in television...by lack of representation. My self-hatred got so bad that I was fantasizing about being other people. But you can't live your life trying to be somebody else. What's the point?"
Check out Lizzo's full interview with ELLE here!
Featured image by Rich Fury/Getty Images
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The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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