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Why Black Women Aren't Allowed To Be Socially Anxious
A few years ago, I had dinner with my family, and some extended friends were invited. We had a great evening, and at the end of the night, someone at the table who has known me since I was a child said to me, "This is the most I've heard you speak since I met you." My response was, "When I'm with my family, I'm quite chatty." I think that was her way of saying I was much more social in this environment than she'd ever seen me at other events, and I understand why.
I've been a shy girl almost my entire life. Many people who know me intimately now as an adult would probably be shocked to hear this, but I was such a reserved kid growing up. I hated public speaking. I cried from nervousness after my first solo in church, and I was either extremely comfortable in settings or I’d shut down. As I got older, I realized that it wasn't just me being naturally shy or reserved; in some settings, my inability to feel comfortable was due to social anxiety.
@raquelmartinphd #anxiety #blackgirltiktok #tipsandtricks #drmartinhere
According to The National Institute of Mental Health, social anxiety disorder is a common type of anxiety disorder. A person with social anxiety disorder feels symptoms of anxiety or fear in situations where they may be scrutinized, evaluated, or judged by others, such as speaking in public, meeting new people, dating, being on a job interview, answering a question in class, or having to talk to a cashier in a store.
Doing everyday things, such as eating or drinking in front of others or using a public restroom, may also cause anxiety or fear due to concerns about being humiliated, judged, and rejected.
@itslerap Don’t feel alone in your struggles.. it’s more common than you think🥹 #fyp #foryou #socialanxiety #socialanxietytips #socialanxietyawareness #mentalhealth #blackgirlmentalhealth #allerapadgettandco #PostitAffirmations
How Social Anxiety Symptoms Can Show Up
- Blushing, sweating, or trembling;
- Having a rapid heart rate;
- Feeling their "mind going blank," or feeling sick to their stomach;
- Having a rigid body posture, or speaking with an overly soft voice;
- Finding it difficult to make eye contact, be around people they don't know, or talk to people in social situations, even when they want to;
- Feeling self-consciousness or fear that people will judge them negatively;
- Avoiding places where there are other people.
What Can Cause Social Anxiety Disorder
@ohmylawdthecableturnedff Like girl, leave me alone, I have social anxiety 😂
The risk for social anxiety disorder may run in families, but there isn't a specific reason to prove why some family members can experience symptoms of the disorder and others don't. Research has found that several parts of the brain are involved in fear and anxiety and that genetics influences how these areas function in tandem with stress and environment and how that plays a role in social anxiety.
As a kid, I often had many girls assume that I was stuck up, and it made me wonder for years if something was wrong with me. I found myself many times and even still now wondering how this woman who loves to be social in certain environments can, in others, clam up and not feel comfortable. Without having the language for my anxiety, I was labeled by many girls as "stuck up" or "the girl who thought I was better."
There are many layers to why that was the assumption, one being a suburban Black girl who was well dressed, so comments were quickly made if I wasn’t a social butterfly like “You think you better because you got on xyx, etc.”
It made it extremely difficult to be social in certain settings, and it wasn't until I got older and found community on social media with other girls who experienced social anxiety that I realized I wasn't stuck up or an introvert (as testing confirmed I was actually an ambivert), I was socially anxious. This realization made me feel comforted and helped me understand that as an entrepreneur and creative, I did have to network, but I could go about it in a way that made me feel comfortable.
I could research who would be in the room, practice my greetings, bring a friend to an event with me when I could, and overall remind myself that that shy little girl doesn't have to speak louder than the woman I am now. This realization and developing coping skills made me wonder why Black women aren't allowed to be socially anxious. Why do we always have to show up as the life of the party or ready to be the center of attention?
"There are many stereotypical biases that we have to go up against or manage, so we're taught that we don't have the room to be quiet or perceived as standoffish," licensed psychologist Dr. Shaakira Haywood Stewart explains. "There's this stigma and pressure to have to show up as a Black woman in the space. We don't have the right to be, sort of like the quiet, shy white girl in the back room. Like no, we have to go above and beyond. And there's a lot of pressure to have to do that in a lot of different spaces, and I can see how a lot of Black girls and women feel relieved when they find that they aren't alone in that feeling.
"There are many stereotypical biases that we have to go up against or manage, so we're taught that we don't have the room to be quiet or perceived as standoffish. There's this stigma and pressure to have to show up as a Black woman in the space."
"Even in our families and communities, there can often be a lot of pressure, even where you find a Black parent saying to a shy child, 'You better speak up,' and that creates a lot of anxiety. Parents are a bit more conscious now, not raising their children to believe they don't have room to be quiet or shy. Many of us weren't raised to have room to be shy; much of how we were socialized [were] with things such as speaking when spoken to, like when you were in the room, making eye contact as it pertains to socialization relationships."
How Social Anxiety Can Show Up in Black Women
The quiet Black woman who is socially anxious can easily get mistaken for being stuck up, "bougie," or even mean. "With my clients who are Black women that experience social anxiety, they're met with comments like 'Your face looks mean' or 'When I met you I thought you were mean but once I got to know you I realized you were nice,'" Dr. Shaakira Haywood Stewart says. "That sort of narrative happens a lot, especially in the workplace, which also contributes to how they're viewed in the workplace and where it can be assumed that they're not really a team player."
In addition to this perception having a negative impact on Black women in their work environment, this extends to how they are viewed in friendships and other forms of socialization. "You can receive comments like, 'Why are you so quiet? Why are you so standoffish? Why are you so bougie acting?'" she adds. "It really does create a barrier socially and even romantically.”
How Can Black Women and Girls Overcome Social Anxiety
In order to overcome social anxiety, Dr. Shaakira Haywood Stewart says that you must first understand what's happening to you in social settings. Understand that the anxiety you feel is a result of your nervous system becoming heightened when you're in large groups of people, at parties, etc. She also suggests therapy in order to find better coping skills to navigate certain situations as well as how to limit your social battery and situations with ease, although she notes that it might not be necessary in every case.
"If you're a Black woman dealing with anxiety, I see you, and I understand. Don't pick apart the anxiousness that you feel when you walk into rooms and instead focus on what you can control. How you look, your greeting, who you connect with, and how long you stay. Give yourself grace as you navigate social settings, and if you're someone who has passed judgment or assumed that someone was stuck up, ask yourself if they had an attitude or if it was anxiety. Extend kindness, and if you see a shy person, don't be afraid to speak first; it might just make their day and help them open up."
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Dubbed one of the "21 Black Women Wellness Influencers You Should Follow" by Black + Well, Yasmine Jameelah continues to leave her digital footprint across platforms ranging from Forever 21 Plus, Vaseline, and R29 Unbothered discussing all things healing and body positivity. As a journalist, her writing can be found on sites such as Blavity, Blacklove.com, and xoNecole. Jameelah is also known for her work shattering unconventional stigmas surrounding wellness through her various mediums, including her company Transparent Black Girl. Find Yasmine @YasmineJameelah across all platforms.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
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Mariee Revere On Her History-Making Million-Dollar Sales And The Future Of MoonXCosmetics
If the name Mariee Revere sounds familiar, it's probably because you heard of her beauty and skincare brand, MoonXCosmetics, or you may have heard about her history-making achievement of making $1.8 million in less than eight minutes. But before starting her million-dollar brand, Mariee was just a teenager trying to cure her acne.
While she grew up in the skincare capital of the world, South Korea, Mariee didn't really experience breakouts until her senior year of high school. Like many people who get their first breakout, she didn't know what to do, and there weren't many products out there at that time. So she decided to experiment. What she didn't know was that what she came up with would ultimately be her ticket to success.
"When I graduated high school, I moved back to America, Georgia, and I ended up making, like, the oil, the Rose Galore oil, which is like the staple product of my brand. I don't know what made me make it, but I did, and it literally cleared my face up," she tells xoNecole in an exclusive interview.
"I end up selling it as a body oil first because, obviously, I'm 17, [and] don't have any background as an esthetician or anything like that. I just made a product that worked for me, but people bought it and was using it, and I reformulated it, and then it just stuck like with me."
While MoonXCosmetics is known for its facial products, it wants to expand to body care and home. It just released its new product, Moon-Gel body wash, and it's only up from there. As Mariee continues to grow the brand, it's more than likely that she will see more history-making moments. And so far she has.
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When asked if she feels pressure to obtain more of those milestones, she says yes and no. "I did $1.8 [million] again, and then I did $2 million but I feel like now, currently, I don't look at that as one of my goals anymore because [of] the headache and just everything that came with it, but I was thankful and blessed to have that milestone, but now I'm looking for more," she says.
"I want to say more reach than more like fast-paced sales. I do want that. Obviously, every girl wants that, but I do want to have a better overall reach for my brand because I did take two years off so I was able to learn, [and] study a lot of different things. See how things have changed from 2020 to now."
"I did $1.8 [million] again, and then I did $2 million but I feel like now, currently, I don't look at that as one of my goals anymore because [of] the headache and just everything that came with it, but I was thankful and blessed to have that milestone, but now I'm looking for more."
Another part of expanding for any company is hiring people. Finding the right person to help you can be a hassle, especially for business owners who are used to doing all the work themselves. Mariee can relate to this, and she touched on this topic in her documentaryThe Million Dollar Story. She recommends having someone be your "right-hand man" who you trust to handle the ins and outs of the company.
"I could say, definitely get, like a right-hand man to help you within the process because that really was what helped me. I never had a job. I literally was 18 now, being like, you know, the boss of over 30+ employees at one point in time, and I didn't know anything. I didn't know anything about no W-2s, no taxes, no clock in, clock out because all I [have] ever known was my brand," she explains.
"So I definitely partner with people who are very skewed and versed in those areas, and they helped me get through it. Even to this day, I still have my same person helping me with hiring, firing, [and] doing everything that I can right now because I'm still learning. But obviously people get jobs young, so they have way more experience than me, but still learning."
And though she is still learning, one thing she makes sure to stay on top of is being consistent. Consistency is what trips many people up when it comes to achieving goals, but Mariee says it's all about scheduling. Whether it's when to post on social media or email marketing, scheduling it out can make a world of difference. That same practice also works when planning out her future goals for the company.
"Right now, future goals would be to drop at least five more products before the end of the year. We always do outreach, where we do drives and all that, but definitely do way more this year, she says. "Then really dive into body [care], and then hopefully open up MoonXBody underneath MoonXCosmetics to let that branch out and be open and definitely get back consistent."
For more information, visit moonxco.com.
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