Things have been a bit on the stressful and crazy side of the world lately. Between the storms, political turmoil, economic challenges, and usual everyday life life-ing, it can be really easy to slip into seasonal depression, especially when having to thrive at work this fall. And if you've had an amazing summer---traveling, brunching, and enjoying the outdoors--- the transition into a different work routine of enduring colder temperatures and being indoors more often can be tough.
Even if fall is your least favorite time of year, this is a great opportunity to shift your perspective and think about ways you can make the last quarter of the year count. Try these tips:
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1. Continue to get outside and travel during the fall season.
Who said you need to stay indoors just because the days are shorter and the nights are colder? Throw on those thermals, light that outdoor fire pit, and gather around with friends and family regardless. If you can, make your space more accommodating to enjoy the fall weather and outdoor activities, such as adding an electric fireplace in your home for cozy vibes, setting up a tea or coffee station on your kitchen island, or adding a few ambient string lights and some fall decor to your patio space (whether small or large). Many people also play sports, walk, or jog outdoors during the fall and into the winter, which can have health benefits.
I wouldn't dare hang out anywhere outdoors when it's less than 60 degrees, but I found that when I'm fashionably prepared (i.e., wearing my favorite faux fur, puffer vest, and/or boots) and I'm in good company, I can embrace what I thought was cheesy fall-themed cocktails or the cold breeze. I'd even venture out and go for walks in the fall. It actually became enjoyable and therapeutic.
And if you love taking trips, fall (especially in October and November) is an off-peak travel season, which means prices often drop. You can find great fares for a fall trip to your favorite international destinations that often have warm weather year-round, and you can even plan shorter trips to U.S. cities where the weather is a bit warmer.
2. Focus on a specific short-term goal and write a plan to accomplish by December.
Any time you can focus on something you want to do that will advance your career (or your overall life), it can offer a sense of purpose and accomplishment to get out of the mental rut that can come with a change in seasons.
Whether it's to close a deal, save up a certain amount of your paycheck to treat yourself or re-brand what you offer via social or a new website, find a project to focus on that will enhance your professional experience or quality of life.
If you want to commit to advanced education or courses to upgrade your skills, now's the time to do that. Get locked in, mentally, to a goal that you can feel proud of accomplishing and that will distract you from the dreariness that can be the fall season. Write down goals, create a vision board, or work with a mentor who can keep you accountable and focused.
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3. Change your environment or work remote a few days per week.
If possible, get out of the office and take more breaks. Enjoy fresh air, music, or a sweet treat during these times. It sounds corny and typical, but it's worked for me. As much as we take this for granted, being indoors in a cubicle or home office while it's cloudy, rainy, or cold out can become boring and draining. Talk to your manager to see if you can work outside your office a few days a week or a month. Take baby steps and consider their deliverables and obligations when pitching for this.
And, this might sound extreme to some (so if it doesn't apply, scroll on by), but relocate if you have to. Years ago, after a season of working in New York full-time, I went to work remote in southeastern Virginia. I didn't really want to be in warm weather all year, but I couldn't stomach the extreme weather conditions of the fall and into winter any longer.
If your job isn't accommodating and you have the flexibility, look for other jobs at companies where you can shift environments when the seasons change. You don't necessarily have to say, "Hey, in the fall, I want to be out of the office and work from home," but present your case in a way that's professional, considers the impact of your working elsewhere, and offers tangible benefits like better productivity, a focus on mental wellness, or continuing your track record of success.
4. Seek professional help via a counselor or licensed therapist and feel the feels.
I know, I know. We hear a lot about getting therapy, and sometimes it can seem like a headache within itself to actually find someone who's a good fit, is affordable, and won't waste your time. However, seasonal depression can be a seriously debilitating thing, and it's a good idea to talk to a professional to brainstorm ways to overcome or cope. It's also super-empowering to be seen and heard and not feel like you're overwhelmed with demotivation and sluggishness.
Through therapy, I learned how to spot seasonal depression at the onset when I felt demotivated or couldn't really get my creative juices flowing at work. We'd troubleshoot what I could do to pivot and how to know when to sit in the feels and go through the motions or when to do the total opposite, get out of my head, and take action for a solution. I only found healthy ways to cope through therapy because there were certain strategies my therapist knew about that I'd been unaware of.
I've never been a huge fan of fall or winter, but I've found that breathing techniques, visualization, exercise, and embracing doing new things in those seasons have truly been helpful. I've also given in to romanticizing fall by decorating my home and shopping the trends (even if it's just one very subtle touch of decor or incorporation of a fashion trend). I now enjoy all that season brings while getting my rest and unapologetically prepping for creative and mental hibernation in the winter.
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The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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