10 Ways To Have An "Extra Sweet" Vagina
Okay, let me put something right on out here first. The "extra sweet" that is in this title is more like a play on words when it comes to the next holiday that's on the horizon. We all know that it's Valentine's Day. The reason why I think it's important to get that out into the open is because I am so over all of these articles that try to imply that there is something that we can do to make our vagina taste like a pineapple smoothie or chocolate ice cream. Anyone who has told you that lied. BIG TIME.
How To Make Your Vagina Taste Sweeter
However, there are definitely things that you can add to your daily routine that will cause your vagina (and vulva) to be fresher, less acidic and can provide a hint of sweetness. That's what we're gonna get into on this fine day.
So, if your plans for V-Day are to be your partner's sweet thang, here are some easy hacks that will make your partner enjoy you, on a whole 'nother level. Ready?
1. Avoid the Following Foods
Who hasn't heard that pineapple juice can make your vagina taste sweeter? Yes and no. Again, the reality is that our hot pocket wasn't created to taste like a fruit salad, no matter what we do—so it won't. With that said, it is true that our discharge/natural lubrication can somewhat shift in how acidic or salty it is, based on our diet. That's because what we eat does affect our mucosal secretions.
That's why it's a good idea to avoid foods with sulfur in them like onions and garlic (for self-explanatory reasons, I'm sure); sugary foods (because it can throw off your pH balance); dairy (it can suppress your immunity and also throw off your vagina's pH); asparagus (it makes urine and sometimes discharge smell) and red meat (it tends to be high in saturated fat which can lead to bacterial infections). Avoid them for how long? Eh, if you're planning on a lot of oral action for Valentine's Day, going without these, starting the Tuesday prior, is a safe bet.
2. Drink More Water
We're made up of 60-65 percent water which is why we need to drink it on a daily basis. Water is good for us because it flushes out toxins; regulates our body temperature; helps to keep us regular; strengthens our immunity; helps to keep us in a good mood; keeps us hydrated; reduces breakouts and helps us to produce more saliva and lubrication—both are important when it comes to fellatio and cunnilingus.
Also, since water helps to remove bacteria, this is another way to keep your vagina extra fresh from the inside out. It can only get better if that water has a few mint sprigs in it or if you decide to consume some infused water from time to time.
3. Try Some Kefir
I think I've shared before that I've got a fungal sensitivity. As a result, I have had a few more yeast infections (not just my vagina either; one time I had one underneath my breasts that was hellacious) than the average person, along with a couple of bouts of tinea versicolor. Anyway, the last time that I had a yeast infection and got prescribed an antibiotic, I knew that I needed to take some sort of probiotic because drugs tend to wipe out good and bad bacteria; probiotics restore the good that was lost (so that you don't end up with a yeast infection all over again).
Something that can help you with this is kefir which is basically a low-fat fermented milk. Before you turn up your nose, at the end of the day, it's pretty much drinkable yogurt. What makes kefir so good for you is it can help to control your blood sugar levels, lower your cholesterol, improve digestion, control your weight and, it's got antibacterial and antifungal properties that will keep your vagina in great health. Since adding kefir to my regular diet, I've noticed that my vagina smells even more pleasant. Some other consumers have told me that their partners can taste the difference, in the best way possible, too.
4. Lay Off of the Coffee and Alcohol
No matter how much you like java or wine, about 48 hours going into Valentine's Day, you should probably lay up off of both of them. As far as coffee goes, the caffeine in it can actually deplete vagina of the vitamins and minerals that it needs to remain healthy. Not only that but it has a way of altering the odor of your genitalia—and not in a good way. Alcohol? While on one hand, it can increase your libido, it also has a way of dehydrating your system as well. No one wants a dry va-jay-jay. So, try and chill on the liquor in the days leading up to V-Day. Have it on the actual day instead.
5. Snack on Some Celery
Celery doesn't taste like much of anything. I think we all can agree on that. Still, it's a really good idea to have some in your fridge so that you can chomp on a few stalks, at least a couple of times a week. On the health tip, it's 95 percent water (which means it can help to keep you hydrated while flushing out toxins). Plus, celery contains a good amount of vitamins A, C and K. Also, the magnesium, iron and calcium in it can neutralize acids within your system. Plus, celery has a good amount of antioxidants and anti-inflammatory compounds. As far as your vagina goes, because celery does contain Vitamin C, it's able to keep the bad bacteria at bay. Also, the chlorophyll in celery will make your va-jay-jay smell more pleasant too.
6. Take Some Cran-Cherry-Apple Shots
Nothing can make your vagina taste just like it. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. That said, there are some fruits that contain nutrients that can make our vagina a little more delightful and appealing. Cranberries are loaded with potent antioxidants that will keep your pH levels balanced. Bing cherries also have antioxidants as well as anti-inflammatory compounds. Apples are awesome because the phytoestrogen phloridzin and its antioxidants help to increase blood flow to your vaginal region while also increasing lubrication. Just imagine what a combination of this is (go with 100 percent juice; the extra sugary kind will work against you rather than for you).
7. Play with Some Frozen Grapes
Something that is super stimulating when it comes to sex is playing around with temperatures in the sense of going from warm to cold. On the cool tip, how about bringing some frozen grapes into the mix? Because grapes have a thin skin on them and they are made up of 82 percent water, your partner can tease you with them, all over your vaginal area, without worrying about whether they will irritate you days later.
I'm telling you, a frozen grape on your clitoral hood will feel amazing for you. Then you both sharing the grape will taste unbelievable to you both.
8. Don’t Forget About Coconut and Cinnamon Oil
Back when I was gettin' it in, you couldn't get me to not have a mixture of coconut oil and cinnamon oil on a bed stand somewhere. Coconut oil is dope because it contains properties to keep your vagina drama-feeling-free and it's able to safely dilute the potency of the cinnamon oil. Cinnamon oil is awesome because it provides a warming effect and the oil itself is cinnamon-y and sweet. For the skeptics, no it doesn't burn. Just make sure to keep the "less is more" approach in mind. Anyway, if you want a gift that keeps on giving, this is a combo that is pretty unmatched.
9. Cop Some Flavored Lube
If you're not ready to take the step of basically DIY-ing your own tasty lubricant, there are plenty of flavored ones on the market that are safe to use whether you're planning on using it for oral sex or…all things sex. If you want a lil' help choosing a brand that best suits your personal needs and desires, Let's Talk Sex reviewed 12 different ones. You can check 'em all out here.
10. Add Some Rosewater…to Your Bath Water
Did you know that rosewater has the ability to enhance the flavor of things? This is why it's sometimes an ingredient in different kinds of sauces and desserts. Since the properties in rosewater are also really good for you when it comes to things like treating infections, soothing your skin, and improving your mood, I bet you can see why I added it to this list of ways to make your vagina sweeter.
Adding some rosewater to your bath water allows you to gently cleanse your vagina. Then, if you add a little bit of it to your outer labia before slipping into something sexy, your vagina will smell feminine and inviting—the perfect combination for a pretty sweet 'n sexy Valentine's Day evening, if you ask me. Enjoy. Both of you. #wink
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Navigating Dating When Emotionally Unavailable & Detached: My Journey Back To Feeling
The last time I came with a dating story, I told you I got my little feelings hurt in 2021. I called myself trying to be out in these streets entertaining a man in a different area code, city, and state — only for homeboy to play in my damn face. So, I went and gave y’all "8 Rules To Casual Dating Every Woman Should Know This Summer." You’re welcome. Fast forward to 2024, and I am now coming to you from a more mature and intentional place. We’re not in summer yet, but I truly believe what blooms in spring, thrives in summer.
2023 was my year, and it was my turn. I had just completed an 8-month holistic detox. The glow-up was real and well-deserved. The way I have poured into myself is unmatched. Let me tell you, self-love is a love you have never known. After a five-year healing journey, I finally felt like myself again, and I was ready to play. My heart was open, my mind was clear, and my body hella transformed. I had told all my friends that I was ready to explore dating again, and at the height of summer, I did exactly just that.
This time I decided I wanted to take my time. I wanted to date the “right way” or the “healthy way.” You know, keep your options open, ask the right questions, believe actions and not words, observe patterns and pay attention to red, yellow, and green flags. I was never the dating app type of girl. I sincerely miss everything about human connection and dating from 2000 to 2012. Can we please bring all of that back into 2024? I prefer to feel a man’s energy and presence in real-time. Nonetheless, I still chose to dabble with a few dating apps. I was all the way outside and dating for practice.
Unfortunately, with today’s dating culture, social climate, and how some of these men move and/or behave, these dates were a dead end. Not one guy made it to my roster. What these men were was benched this season – not one of them could be my first-round select draft pick. It didn't seem like anyone I met was interested in a serious relationship. And it’s completely fine. Miss me with the ghosting, lack of effort, inconsistency, and poor communication. I continued to just do me because what is for me will not miss me.
Kelvin Murray/ Getty Images
The universe must have heard me talking because I had specifically told my closest girlfriends that I wanted to meet someone who lived in the vicinity, no more than twenty minutes away, and no more long distance. And I did meet him (it’s crazy how I manifest exactly what I want). As we started to get to know each other, I liked his energy and effort. I liked the direction it seemed to be going to the point my girlfriends had to tell me not to run from him. Because every part of me wanted to run from something that seemed normal.
I liked what he was coming with until I became uncomfortable with my own feelings, and I didn’t know how to communicate them to him.
With that said, I knew if I truly wanted to experience the truest of loves, a reciprocal, requited love, and be in a healthy relationship this story had to come to a pause. What I didn’t know was that he was going to show me things I didn’t know I needed to work on. I didn’t know he inadvertently was going to help me continue to heal parts of me that were hidden.
As someone who has learned to self-heal, I am no longer the type that runs from herself. I am here for the growth.
The truth is I am emotionally detached from myself, and I am not actively dating at the moment. I am the one that has to work on herself. My reiki healer called it, too – she told me this year would not be a year for a relationship, but a year of continuous growth. And now I see why. After all the healing work I have done thus far – I am an unemotional mess. How?
At my big age of 39, I struggle to communicate my wants and needs.
I still struggle to communicate and process uncomfortable feelings. I would rather give myself anxiety, act nonchalantly, emotionally react, and choose non-communication when I am bothered with someone than address the issue (I will later explain why). I have been ignoring my feelings for so long it has become a habit, a defense mechanism, and more so a trauma response.
If you are someone like me who grew up in a household that didn’t discuss feelings, your emotional needs were unmet, and you don’t feel safe to share your feelings – emotional detachment is quite common.
Oftentimes, we always talk about men being emotionally unavailable, but what if it’s a woman who is emotionally unavailable or emotionally detached? How does she navigate herself, dating, or being in a relationship? As I navigate my emotions this season, let’s explore what it means to be emotionally detached, the signs of detachment, and how to reconnect with yourself emotionally.
Emotional Unavailability vs. Emotional Detachment
When we look at the terminology emotional unavailability and emotional detachment, one might argue that the two terms are interchangeable and have the same meaning. One could also argue that both terms mean that some people are not in tune with their emotions or lack the emotional capacity to be responsive to someone else’s emotions. Fair enough. However, there is a big difference. The definition of emotional unavailability is described as people who have difficulty with sharing their emotions and being receptive to the emotions of those around them.
According to Verywell Mind, signs of emotional unavailability can look like being distant or cold, lack of closeness, and emotional intimacy in relationships, inability to understand and relate to others’ feelings, defensiveness when asked to change or let others in, tendency to shut down or avoid topics that require emotional openness, or withdrawal from people or situations that provoke emotional reactions.
Whereas emotional detachment is defined as the inability to or willingness to connect with others on an emotional level. Furthermore, Psychology Today states emotional detachment can also mean that people do not engage with their feelings. Exhibit A – me. Emotional detachment has various causes – past neglect, childhood or adult trauma, PTSD, depression, personality disorder, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, or, in some cases, medication (i.e. antidepressants). It is important to note emotional detachment is a complex issue. For someone like me, it’s a coping mechanism.
It is easier for me to ignore uncomfortable feelings to protect myself from stress or getting hurt. Hence, my nonchalant demeanor. It is also true for some people it is a reaction to trauma, abuse, and unprocessed emotions. Exhibit B – me. As it is difficult for me to open up about my feelings at the moment. On the contrary – emotional detachment can be helpful in navigating some situations like listening to people’s opinions and gossip.
Unfortunately, emotional detachment is not a behavior that can be turned on and off at will. Please note that emotional detachment is NOT a mental health diagnosis but can be a symptom of a mental health condition such as an attachment disorder. And if you know anything about attachment theory, it is related to the relationship we develop in our childhood with our primary caregivers.
Signs You're Emotionally Detached
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According to Psychology Today and Verywell Mind, general signs of emotional detachment can look like difficulty showing empathy to others, sharing emotions, committing to a relationship, feeling numb, poor listening skills, lack of self-esteem, preferring to be alone, struggling to feel positive emotions, inability to identify emotions, lack of physical, verbal, or sexual contact and losing touch with people or maintaining connections.
In a romantic relationship, emotional detachment shows up as you or your partner not being available for connection, poor communication, or reduced affection.
For me, my experience with emotional detachment is collective. I am an empath to my core. I don’t have a problem relating to other’s feelings or circumstances. I don’t have commitment issues, nor do I have an issue connecting with others or maintaining those connections. I struggle with sharing emotions, at least the negative ones.
Due to the emotional abuse from my childhood and a toxic relationship, I learned sharing emotions just wasn't the safe thing to do. As a survivor of trauma, I learned to suppress feeling negative emotions in general as a form of protection.
How To Reconnect To Your Emotions When You're Emotionally Unavailable
Serious Kid Cudi GIF by Apple MusicGiphyExploring my emotional side in-depth started late last year simply by noticing my reaction to something that he did. I didn’t know how to properly communicate to him how I was feeling or what he did bothered me in the moment. So, I swallowed my feelings and said absolutely nothing. I intentionally chose to avoid the issue. I chose to rationalize the situation instead of acknowledging that my feelings at the time were valid. I chose to act like everything was all good because it was all good.
“It wasn’t that deep to begin with” is what I told myself. And this is where the problem lies.
The saying is true, “What happens in your childhood shows up in your adult relationships.” I came to realize that because I was not able to express my feelings as a child, I struggled to process them. I either hold back my feelings, take a long time to say how I feel, or don’t say anything at all. This is because I fear people will walk away from me like my mother did if I share what I truly feel. I fear my feelings won’t be validated, or they will be rejected.
With that said, I was completely unaware that I was emotionally detached from myself until recently. So, here we are with this article. It all started by reading Instagram’s @theholisticpsychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera’s newest book How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships, which was released on November 28, 2023. As I read through the first chapter, I became triggered.
How Dr. LePera describes her childhood with her parents and experiences with her romantic partners somewhat mirrored my experiences with my own parents and relationships. As Dr. LaPera stated in her book, I have no issue showing up for others or meeting their needs and wants. But when it comes to expressing my own needs and wants – I cannot or I don’t. This is mainly due to my hyper-independence.
At an early age, I learned to show up for myself because the people I trusted to show up for me failed. Given my home environment, I had internalized it is not safe to talk about feelings. I never knew my emotional responses and behavior were abnormal. But because I am willing to continue to do my inner work, I know that I can reconnect to my emotions, and undo four decades of repressed emotions.
If you are someone like me who struggles with emotional connection with yourself and others, here is how you go about it:
Lighthouse Films/ Getty Images
1. Know Your Attachment Style
For me, the first step was to understand my attachment style. I asked my therapist if she could help me identify my attachment style to understand my triggers. She recommended The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT. My therapist administered the associated online quiz – Attachment Quiz. If you haven’t figured out my attachment style yet by reading this article, I have an anxious attachment style.
This means I don’t do well with inconsistent behavior, especially from men (but I’m the type that holds men to standards too). People with an anxious attachment style have a need to feel close to their partner. It may come across as “clingy” or “needy.” However, this same need is often driven by fear of abandonment, mistrust, and low self-esteem. I would say knowing your attachment style is helpful because you can work towards having a secure attachment style (with practice) in your relationships – familial, business, work, platonic, or romantic.
2. Become Self-Aware
Most people who are not in the practice of self-care or self-healing are unaware of their triggers, patterns, and behaviors. We are so caught up in the daily minutiae of life that we forget to pay attention to the most important part of our days — ourselves. As Dr. LePera says, make it a conscious habit to pause throughout your day to check in with yourself. Ask yourself:
- How does my body feel?
- What am I doing right now?
- Am I present?
- Am I distracted and lost with other thoughts?
- What do I think or feel when I recall a specific experience with someone?
- What do I think or worry about?
- What would happen if I shared my authentic thoughts, perspective, feelings right now?”
This is what Dr. LePera refers to as exploring your embodied self or fulfilling your authentic needs in chapter two of her book. Consistent mindfulness and self-awareness are key to self-discovery and in any healing journey. Learning to focus on the present moment also includes paying attention to our emotional response to an event or how we think about emotions in general.
3. Practice Vulnerability
The idea of vulnerability is a tough one for me and so many other women for countless reasons. Whether it be toxic family, friendships, relationships, or trauma – trusting others with your thoughts and feelings is not easy. As much as I am open and transparent, I am not as vulnerable. And I believe there is so much power in the duality to be both. To trust someone, let alone a man with your authentic self is a delicate matter.
But it is emotional vulnerability that allows us humans to build authentic connections, create stronger relationships, and break down emotional walls. Emotional vulnerability is not something to be rushed – it takes time and practice from you and the people you choose to have in your life. Medical News Today suggests that we can learn to be vulnerable by opening up more to our closest friends, building our ability to become more trusting, and developing skills to regulate our emotions.
4. Seek Therapy
I have been in therapy for six years and counting. I would consider therapy one of my safe spaces. I am one of those individuals who recommend therapy to everyone as it has given me the tools and resources I need to navigate my life challenges. By choosing to get help, I was able to put my PTSD and depression in remission for four years now. I have also learned how to manage my anxiety.
I am fully aware that in this season of my life requires me to do the work to unlock new levels of self. And any time where I have consciously chosen growth – the universe or life has not failed me. I was able to heal my body, my heart, and my spirit. Now, it’s time to heal my inner child, this hurt little girl who lives in me.
I will say choosing a therapist is similar to dating; you might go through a few potentials until you find a therapist you connect with. Actually, one of my lifelong friends said to me the other day, “Your relationship with your therapist is one of the most important relationships in your life.” I needed her to say that, and I needed to hear it because it’s true. You are essentially trusting a licensed stranger to help you navigate your life on so many levels.
Be picky and ask the questions. Cut the cord at the first red flag given. Again, let me reiterate that emotional detachment is not a mental health diagnosis. It can be treated with the help of a therapist. Emotional detachment only becomes a problem when it starts to interfere with your daily life. Pay attention to changes in your daily behavior and make decisions to cope accordingly.
I am genuinely excited about reconnecting with my emotions. I want to feel all the feels – good, bad, and indifferent. I want to cry all the tears – especially the sad ones. I want to process and release negative emotions. I want to say how I feel in the moment with no fear.
If you are that girl who struggles with emotional connection or thinks you're emotionally detached, I hope that you become willing to face your inner child and show up for her. Don’t run – she has been waiting for you.
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