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Want To Have Hotter Oral Sex? STOP Doing These 8 Things.
I must admit that I kinda chuckled to myself as I sat down to write this. You know how a lot of guys say that there is no such thing as bad coochie? That some is simply better than others? Well, while I do know a few women who are able to share some semi-horrific tales of being on the receiving end of oral sex (a few guys can too), for the most part, I'd say that we all can agree that oral sex is bomb. For us ladies, especially, since the direct clitoral stimulation is what significantly increases our chances of having an orgasm whenever we have sex. And with that being the case, oral sex is pretty hot without figuring out ways to make it…hotter.
Indeed. Indeed. But if you're already damn near climbing the walls as it is, aren't you, just the least bit curious, about what you can do to take things to an entirely different level? If so, this is for you. It's not deep. It's not difficult. It's just a list of a few tweaks that you can make here and there so that both you and your partner can enjoy cunnilingus and fellatio in ways that you possibly never have before. Let's dig in with, not what you should start doing but actually what you should STOP doing in order to make that possible, shall we?
1. STOP Thinking It’s Weird to Ask Your Partner About Their “Pube Preferences”
Yes, y'all. I know. It is our body and we can do whatever the "f" we want with it. That is so true. But unless you're the ultimate contortionist (with a next-level kind of freaky side), you probably won't be as up-close-and-personal to your vagina as your partner will (same goes for him). That's why, it can never hurt for the two of you to discuss if either of you have pube preferences—not because you have to concede to each other's requests. More like it's because, when both of you are more comfortable with what's going on down below, that can result in a lot more pleasure. Ultimately, for the both of you.
Example. I know a woman who absolutely hates her own pubic hair, so she's been bare down there for years. When she got married, though, she found out that her husband is the total opposite; he likes pubic hair. A LOT. So, she decided to let a little of her soul grow out. What's a trip is, while he's always been down to "bless her" with some oral action, she said that he was absolutely ravenous once her pubic hair started to show. So now, she's got a fade (LOL) down there and they're both happy. Actually, she's ecstatic.
Listen, you can do all of the pushback that you want on this particular point. But if you are in a long-term relationship, it can never hurt to ask your partner, "So, how do you like it down there?" (and for him to do the same). It could open up a whole new world of possibilities, if you do.
2. STOP Always Taking All of Your Clothes Off
Is it TMI? I don't know any other way to be, so my apologies in advance. Anyway, back when I was sexually active (which included engaging in oral sex), something that was really hot to me was having sex while some of my clothes were still on. You know, breasts out of the bra, panties pushed to the side—you get it. To me, it translated that my partner was so excited to have me, that there was no time to wait for me to get naked. Plus, having sex when you're not totally in the nude makes it easier to get a quickie in when you're out—out in your car, out in the backyard…out wherever you want to take the risk. Maybe it's the exhibitionist in me coming out on this one, but you know what they say—don't knock it until you've tried it, chile.
3. STOP Always Doing It in the Dark
You know what's a trip about this particular point? I don't know one man who prefers to have sex in the dark. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean that they aren't turned on when they do. What I mean is, every guy I've talked to about this topic (and it's been a lot of 'em), they've said that they wish their partner would be down to have sex more with the lights on. And the ones who consider themselves to be oral sex connoisseurs, what makes them enjoy "partaking" even more is, to not just taste the fruit but to be able to look at it as they are doing it.
If, for whatever the reason, you are shy about having sex with the lights on, no one said that you had to flip the switch up in your bedroom or open up all of the blinds during the daytime. A blue or red light bulb can provide just enough light for him to enjoy you in all of your beauty and you to feel like you're not standing directly in a spotlight.
4. STOP Sticking to the Same Sex Positions
Believe it or not, even something as phenomenal as oral sex can lean towards the boring side if you're always doing it the same way all of the time. Avoid that by intentionally getting into other positions than simply sitting up or laying on your back. If you need a little inspiration to get your creative juices flowing, check out "6 Oral Sex Positions That'll Elevate You Even When You're On Your Knees". Come to think of it, try and incorporate a few "accessories" too. Some flavored lube. Some whipped cream. A couple of ice cubes—you know, things that will help to take cunnilingus and fellatio to an entirely higher level (than it already is)!
5. STOP Being Silent
There are a few people I know who say that they are pretty close to silent during sex. No moaning. No sweet whisperings. And, definitely not any dirty talk. For shame, for shame because science backs up the fact that when a person is already physically aroused and then they hear dirty talking coming from their partner, that further stimulates them, making orgasms much more intense and pleasurable. On this particular point, Kelly Rowland's "Motivation" comes to mind (actually, "Kisses Down Low" does too #wink). If you're shy, I get it. Look at dirty talking as a way to encourage your partner to keep doing what they already are or to switch up to what will please you more. Just saying his name in a low voice can be enough to, yes, motivate him to give you more of what you want and need, so try and get out of your silence zone. Watch how much it does for your (oral) sex life!
6. STOP Ignoring the Perineum
Ah. The perineum. I must admit that, it wasn't until I became a doula, that I knew the technical word for this little sweet spot on the body. Basically, it's the area that is right in between the vaginal opening and anus for women and the scrotum and anus for men. When a pregnant woman is a few weeks out from giving birth, it's a good idea for her perineum to be massaged and stretched with oil because it can significantly reduce her chances of experiencing any vaginal tearing. Well, when it comes to oral sex, kissing and licking the perineum can intensify you and your partner's orgasms because, for us, it's a very sensitive area of our body, and for men, it's considered to be right where their "male G-spot" is.
7. STOP Limiting Oral Sex to Foreplay—Only
I know a few women who, although they like penetrative sex, if they had to choose between it or oral sex for the rest of their lives, oral sex would win by a landslide. I get this too since several studies indicate that half of women climax from cunnilingus while 70-75 percent don't from sexual intercourse. But in my world, I want it all and I don't separate oral from intercourse. Oral might be foreplay. Oral might be the main event. Oral might be afterplay. If things are going the way I'd like for them too, oral is involved in all three categories.
The point here is to not see oral sex as just an appetizer or just the main dish. Treat it more like kissing. Let it flow in and out of your time with your partner, however and whenever. It's been my personal experience that, when you do, it will only make the act itself more satisfying and your connection with your partner, that much stronger too.
8. STOP Settling for Just One Orgasm
Not too long ago, Salt-N-Pepa's video for "Whatta Man" came on. I smiled because I've always liked it. Shoot, I've heard it so much at this point, that I pretty much know all of the lyrics. That said, there have always been two lines that have made me be like "huh?". One is "spends quality time with his kids when he can" (when he can?!). The other is "knocks me out with one shot for the rest of the night". Listen, while it's cool to have such earth-shattering orgasms that one is all that you need, I personally think that is a low bar.
Make it a goal for you and your partner to have as many as you can in one sitting (one day, one night…you get it). Even though we all have different refractory periods, something that is great about oral sex is, he can make you cum, and you can "hook him up" while you get your bounce back and then, he can "return the favor" after he cums. If y'all do this right, you can get at least 3-4 orgasms in before calling it a night. Which is definitely something that makes cunnilingus an absolute fave in my book. What about you?
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Summer Travel Guide: 9 Safest Vacation Spots For Black Women
When it comes to planning and choosing our international travels, there’s one question that is bound to come up: “Is it safe for Black women?”
At times, our travel plans can be halted by whether or not our desired destination is safe not only for solo travel but for overall protection as women of color. We want to have fun, go on excursions, taste the food, and let our hair down, so the last thing we need on our minds is navigating microaggressions and worrying about our safety.
According to a report by The Mandala Research Firm, 17% of Black Americans take one or more international trips and travel locally more than six times per year. Even more exciting, 42% of Black Americans said they would spend more in 2020 on travel than in 2019 (pre-Covid), and 50% of Black adults (16% more than the general population) are more likely to travel to locations associated with their ethnic or cultural heritage. All of this goes to show that we’re not afraid to pack our bags and book flights to our heart's desire.
Our passion for travel and exploration highlights a growing desire to connect with a wide range of cultures while discovering new fresh locales. By choosing destinations with positive reputations for safety and belonging, you can enjoy your next adventure with peace of mind. And to help, we’ve provided a list of the best vacation spots to add to our travel bucket list.
1.Havana, Cuba
Known for its vibrant culture and welcoming locals, Havana offers a unique travel experience for you and your girlfriends. Stroll through the historic streets of Old Havana and immerse yourself in the lively music and dance scenes that make this city unforgettable.
2.Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Famous for its Carnival, stunning beaches, and warm hospitality, Rio de Janeiro is a lively and safe city to explore all year long. Don't miss a visit to the iconic Christ the Redeemer statue and the bustling Copacabana Beach for a true taste of Rio's energetic spirit.
3.Belize
With its beautiful beaches, diverse wildlife, and laid-back Caribbean vibe, Belize is a safe and adventurous destination for travelers. Discover the underwater wonders of the Belize Barrier Reef and explore ancient Lamanai Maya Ruins.
4.Paris, France
Who doesn’t have Paris, the city of lights, on their travel list? Renowned for its art, fashion, and iconic landmarks like the Eiffel Tower, Paris offers a blend of romance and safety for travelers. Wander through the charming neighborhoods of Montmartre and Le Marais, explore the Louvre, and indulge in the city's exquisite culinary delights.
5.Lisbon, Portugal
Portugal's capital city, Lisbon, charms visitors with its historic architecture, delicious cuisine, and welcoming atmosphere. Enjoy breathtaking views from São Jorge Castle and savor traditional pastries at the famous Pastéis de Belém bakery.
6.Bali, Indonesia
We’ve all seen the viral photos off the Bali coast and Gates of Heaven, so why not make it a reality? Famous for its lush landscapes, vibrant culture, and serene temples, Bali offers a safe and enriching travel experience in Southeast Asia.
7.Tokyo, Japan
Recently, the value of the Japanese Yen has seen a significant drop, making it the lowest it has been against the dollar since 1986, which also means that there’s no better time than now to make your travel plans to the renowned cultural hub.
8.Accra, Ghana
There’s no FOMO like the kind felt from seeing all the beautiful faces enjoying their holiday at Ghana’s Afrochella Festival, so let this be your sign to start planning the trip now. Often referred to as a welcoming home for the African diaspora, Ghana offers rich cultural experiences and a sense of belonging. Explore the vibrant markets of Accra and visit the historic Cape Coast Castle to connect with the nation's poignant past.
9.Seoul, South Korea
You may be surprised to find this city on the list, but for Black travelers, Seoul is said to be one of the safest and most exciting cities to travel to. There will be plenty to eat, buy, and experience from this city’s rich history and culture.
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