OK. Before we get all deep into this, let me just put a disclaimer up. It's been proven that, on average, a man can have an orgasm in a little under five minutes (no shocker there) while us ladies, we need a good 20-25 minutes or so (although one study said the average time is 13.5 minutes). I am a huge advocate of the female species gettin' theirs—and enjoying every moment of the process—as often as possible so, by no means, is this article about how to rush the overall process. Quickies are cool (and sometimes very necessary), but I don't know any woman who always or only wants sex to last as long as the commercial break between her favorite television show.
With all of that out of the way, what I'm about to share is how to make the peak of sex happen quicker—just in case you want to have several back-to-back, you want to have simultaneous ones with your partner more often or you simply want to teach your body how to not take 20 minutes if you don't want to wait that long.
As a heads up, there's a far greater chance that you can shave somewhere around 10 minutes off of your time if you do at least five of these things during each of your sessions. The good news about that is, as you're about to see in just a sec, I can't see one good reason why you wouldn't want to check all of these off of your sex-sessions-to-do list at least every other time you have sex with anyone. You'll see why I say that in just a minute.
Become a “Sextpert”
Thankfully, I've never been with a man who wasn't a fan of foreplay. Not only did they all enjoy partaking in it, they liked to mentally "set the stage" hours, days even, before anything went down; only my experience of pre-play was a bit different. Back when I was sexually active, I don't remember people being as text-consumed as they are now. I don't know about you but I know women in their late 70s who prefer doing it to talking on the phone!
Since that's the way it is in these streets, you might as well get good at sexting. From what I hear, it's one of the best kinds of foreplay when you and your partner are not in the same room with one another. If you're not already a pro at doing it, some sexting apps you might want to try are Kaboom (it functions like a sexy form of Snapchat), Confide (it makes screenshotting virtually impossible) and Dust (it not only encrypts your messages but no personal data is required; all you need is a name and password). Another thing that you can do is become fluent in sex emoji language. The Cut is a site that features a pretty extensive sex emoji list. Other than that, just remember to use your imagination and have lots of fun!
Now that you know how to protect your goodies—in word and in deed—from everyone but your partner, you can dirty text and nudie shot to your heart's content. I'd venture to say that just about anyone is ready to climax after sexting their partner all day long.
Extend the Foreplay
Speaking of foreplay, does it really need to go on record that the longer it lasts, the easier orgasms will be? Kissing. Fondling. Massages. Strip teases. Sexy board games. Making out (indoors or out). Impromptu lingerie (or nude) modeling. Shaving your man's face. Letting him shave you elsewhere. Bathing together. Enjoying a meal of nothing but aphrodisiacs. Discussing each other's fantasies. Something all of these things have in common is they qualify as being foreplay. The more build-up there is leading to the sex, the better the sex will be once it happens. So get off of the foreplay clock, take your time and enjoy each other.
Light Some Jasmine-Scented Candles
One of my favorite medical-related websites is Dr. Axe and he just happens to be a fan of one of my favorite scents—jasmine. According to him, jasmine essential oil reduces anxiety and stress, fights depression, relieves chronic fatigue syndrome, is a reliable PMS remedy and is also a tried-and-true aphrodisiac. The reason why it works on the arousal tip is because jasmine is able to increase your blood circulation, body temperature and overall breathing rate.
Placing jasmine directly onto your body is definitely one way to get you and your partner revved up. Taking a shower together with jasmine oil in your diffuser and then lighting some jasmine-scented soy candles (soy ones last longer and burn cleaner) in your bedroom is a great idea too; being that it will heighten your sense of smell, and women with strong smelling abilities are able to have more orgasms. It's proven.
Tell Him “More Neck Time, Please”
A few years back, TIME published an article about what science considers to be women's most intense erogenous zones. Guess what won out? It wasn't just the standard breasts and clitoris; it was also a woman's neck, forearm and abdomen. The neck is what intrigued me the most, so I went to look up why.
Apparently, our necks are extremely sensitive to light touch; especially the nape and back of the neck. As far as a man's favorite foreplay go-to spot, our breasts, they respond well to pressure and vibration; however, because they are so sensitive, there needs to be a switch-up in focus. After too long, it can be less sexy and more annoying. That's why men should explore more than just…the obvious.
Anyway, sex experts say that the more our neck is played with, the quicker an orgasm will come.
Bring Some Coconut and Cinnamon Oil into the Mix
If you want to speed up your climax, more lubrication is most definitely gonna help you to get the job done. A lot of doctors sing the praises of coconut oil because it's a natural option that contains antibacterial properties. I will give you a heads up that although coconut oil is dope, it can sometimes be a little too harsh. If after using it, you feel itchy, it could be because the properties in it have disrupted your pH balance. In this case, an alternative is sweet almond oil or an organic lubricant brand like Sliquid Organics Natural Lubricating Gel (it's pretty affordable on Amazon).
Once you've got the right oil, add a little cinnamon essential oil to it. Not only is it naturally sweet to the taste buds, but it provides a tingly sensation that will set off more than a couple of fireworks!
Get Your Belly Button Some (More) Attention
Here's the phrase for today—"naval fetishization". It's all centered around the fact that some of us are able to have orgasms when our belly buttons are given the much-needed attention that they deserve. What makes it all happen? Legend has it that when our belly button is stimulated, it arouses the vagus nerve which is a nerve that connects our brain to our cervix. When that happens, an orgasm is just around the corner.
Sounds to me like that's one more place that men shouldn't underestimate. Point your partner into that direction and let me know if that triggers anything for you.
Be a Queen Who’s “Queening”
You are a queen, so why wouldn't you be out here queening? What is that exactly? It's the slang term for face-sitting. As far as the cunnilingus portion of why this will give you an orgasm faster, I'm thinking that's obvious—it's all about positioning oneself. When you're on your back, your partner is more in control. When you've over his head, you are. And when you can control his mouth, all kinds of amazingness ensues!
Get into the “Cat” Position
I remember once seeing two cats have sex. It was super fascinating. The female cat was on her stomach while the male cat was on her back, seemingly biting her neck (if you think I'm making it up, you can watch it all go down on YouTube here). Not to get too graphic or personal but when I saw that, I thought to myself, "maybe cats are my spirit animal" because I am a big fan of that position myself.
The reason why we humans like it is because a man can better control how deeply he penetrates as we women are able to stimulate our clitoris simultaneously. As a direct result, quicker and much more intense orgasms. It's the blended variety too.
Become More of a Missionary
The missionary position is a classic one; that's because it's been able to give women orgasms since the beginning of time. From the on and offline research I've done, sex experts and women alike agree that the combination of the eye contact, kissing and comfort of their partner's body enveloping them all play a direct role into why this is the kind of sex position that can give you a faster orgasm.
Even if you think it's a little on the boring side, give it some points for being mad reliable. Because it is.
Breathe Deeply
Television and the movies tend to depict a lot of things incorrectly. For me, the first two that come to mind is labor and sex (not necessarily in that order). Back when I was getting my birthing certification in order to become a doula, I took a series of Hypnobabies courses (the same birthing class that Meghan Markle took). One of the things that it taught was the importance of deep, slow and focused breathing.
As life would have it, the way to have a lot of fun while making a baby is to deep breathe when you feel like you're about to climax as well. When you deep breathe during sex, it increases blood circulation. The more that happens, the more likely you'll be able to have one in record time; a really powerful one too!
So, if you've been he-he-hee'in during sex or labor, that's been working against not for you. You're much better off breathing in, holding for a count of 3-5 and fully exhaling. Next time you bring a baby into this world, the contractions—or pressure waves as we call them in hypnobabies world—will be easier to handle. And, as far as your bedroom action goes, your orgasms will come so much quicker. (Someone put Hollywood actors on game about that. Thank you.)
Featured image by Getty Images
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So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Apparently, there was a Thanksgiving episode that featured all of the friends having dinner together. And y’all, there was simply no way that I was going to mention the latter without shouting out the original (amen?).
Okay, so with that out of the way — Friendsgiving. Something that I appreciate about twists to holidays like this is that it’s a reminder that there is no one way to celebrate special occasions. And so, if, for whatever the reason, you will not or cannot be with family during the holiday season, there are certainly other alternatives at your disposal.
That being said, if the thought of spending time with friends this Thanksgiving is something that you’d like to do, yet you’re not sure how to host it in a way that will make Friendsgiving a fan favorite for your entire circle — I’ve got 10 suggestions that can make the planning process easy as pumpkin (or sweet potato) pie.
1. Position Chrysanthemums or Orchids for Your Table Décor
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Let’s start with décor first. Listen, aside from cleaning up your place, you don’t have to be over the top. If you put together a really nice centerpiece or put a flower at each table setting, honestly, you’re all good. And if you’re someone who is big on details and symbolism, my recommendation would be to go with some chrysanthemums and/or orchids.
When it comes to chrysanthemums, not only are they a peak fall flower, they represent things like friendship and happiness. And orchids? They tend to bloom during the fall and spring seasons and, not only are they about luxury, certain orchid colors also symbolize friendship (for the record, yellow roses symbolize friendship too). Perfect.
2. Incorporate Scents That Cultivate Gratitude
Speaking of cultivating a warm and inviting space, you can never go wrong with scented soy candles — or at least having an essential oil diffuser in a few spots. Some scents that actually help to bring in the spirit of gratitude include vanilla, jasmine, ginger, cedarwood and frankincense.
3. Use Upscale Paper Products to Dine With
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Let’s be real — a lot more of us would probably host events in our home if it wasn’t for the mess that is left behind in our kitchen once the festivities are over. Wanna avoid that? Use paper plates. No, I don’t mean the cheap Styrofoam ones. SMDH. These days, there are paper (and plastic) plate brands that will low-key blow your mind when it comes to how bougie they look. Some that are worth considering are located here, here and here.
4. Handwrite Thank-You Notes (Use Them As Place Settings)
If you’re like Tiffany (from the HBO series Insecure — what a time) was at that memorable dinner party when all hell broke loose between Lawrence and Issa and you’re pretty anal — I mean, particular — LOL — about place settings, it’s a nice touch to pick up some blank thank-you cards that you can write a personalized “I’m thankful for you because…” message in. Place each one where you’d like each friend to sit. They won’t see it coming and it’s a really nice touch.
5. Have Everyone Bring Their Favorite Homemade Dish
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Okay, and what if what has you on the fence about hosting is you don’t feel like doing a ton of cooking? Chile, this is where the concept of having a potluck comes in. Get everyone to bring the dish that they claim they cook the best and make sure to let them know how many individuals you plan on coming (so that they will make enough). You can even make a game out of it by having everyone anonymously vote for the first, second and third best dishes out of the bunch. Take it up a notch by having a prize for each winner.
6. Take a Warm Drink and Dessert Poll Beforehand
You know what isn’t discussed enough about dinner parties? Folks bringing desserts that other people don’t even like. SMDH. You can avoid this from becoming an issue at your Friendsgiving by sending an email (most people prefer that to group chats; let’s be real — and make sure to BCC everyone as well) asking everyone to share what their top three favorite desserts and warm drinks are. Then pick the top 2-3 out of the bunch. That way, you won’t have a ton of (for instance) coffee cake or apple cider lying around that no one even wanted in the first place.
7. Create a Signature Friendsgiving Mocktail and Cocktail
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Speaking of drinks, another way to make your Friendsgiving memorable is to come up with a signature mocktail (for those who don’t consume alcohol) and cocktail. For the mocktail, you can also poll your friends about their favorite mocktail or fruits and come up with a mixture of your own. For the cocktail — although National Friendship Day is actually in August, I did peep that there are certain drinks that have been created in its honor. Some of them are located here for you to do a bit of tweaking on (if you’d like).
8. Ask Everyone to Share Their “Favorite Friend Quality” of Another
You know how it’s customary for everyone to go around and share what they are truly thankful for before having dinner? Well, to continue along with the Friendsgiving theme, have each person share what their favorite friend quality is about the person to their right. If folks are just meeting each other for the first time, instead they can share what they value the most in friendship overall, along with a story of how it was displayed to them personally over the past 12 months.
9. Send Each of Your Guests Home with a Fresh Gratitude Journal
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Wanna send folks home with a nice parting gift? It would be so on-trend to give each of them a gratitude journal. Listen, we are in some crazy times right through here (at least in the States) and so, encouraging your friends to set some time aside, regularly, to think about and then outwardly express what they are grateful for? That helps to keep stress down, keep things in perspective and it reminds us all to maintain a positive mindset as much as possible.
10. Watch a Nostalgic Movie
While everyone is enjoying dessert and drinks, how about watching a movie that brings back fond memories? A list of some of the most popular movies to come out previous Thanksgiving weekends is located here and a list of some favorite Black holiday-themed films can be found here. It’s a way to wind down and share some laughs before everyone heads home.
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Friendsgiving. What a wonderful way to celebrate your friends while also observing Thanksgiving in a way that is totally on your terms. And now that you know how to put it together, what are you waiting for? Hit your friends up and let them know that, whether it’s on actual Thanksgiving Day or a few days before or after, you’ve got a special dinner in mind.
One that has a good time with amazing friends written ALL over it.
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Featured image by PeopleImages/Shutterstock