

"Damn. That was it?"
A familiar phrase and a stark reminder of why I only have one rule in the bedroom: I come first.
I've grown weary of the reminder that I have good p*ssy, because this is something that I know. Guys normally lean in right before their big "O" to inform me of how tight and wet I am, which is usually their excuse as to why they couldn't offer me more than five minutes of action.
My first sexual experiences were totally male-focused and I began to believe that was how it was supposed to be. I hadn't been told or seen any different. Even most porn is male-centric, the focus is rarely on the woman's climax. My sexual inhibitions were always stifled by my partner's urgency to orgasm, leaving me to feel repressed and unsatisfied.
Related: My First Orgasm Changed Everything I Thought I Knew About Sex
It wasn't until I was 24 that I first confronted a man for not having the desire to make me orgasm. He came over, humped me for a total of three minutes, and fell alongside of me. In my bed. In my apartment. In which he did not pay bills. And then, he went to sleep like a baby. The first time that he failed to make me climax, I showed mercy. I assumed that he had a long day, and felt as though I shouldn't be so demanding. But after the fifth time of the cycle of a few strokes, finish, pass out, and repeat - I had enough.
"What about me?" I asked him softly, calmly.
To which he replied, "If you want me to be honest, I don't really feel like it."
All I could see was red. I screamed at him to get the f*ck out of my apartment. He stuttered, glared at me, amazed by my exclamation. I yelled louder for him to leave as I pulled the pillow from beneath his head and ripped the covers from his scrawny naked body. He stumbled out of my bed, scrambling to put his clothes on.
I can admit, my response was disproportionate to the situation. Maybe it was pent up aggression and frustration after years of sexual oppression from being relentlessly humped by men that could give a damn about my own liberation. Or maybe I was just really, really horny. Needless to say, we didn't speak after that night and I didn't care. Not only had I learned a valuable lesson about relenting my energy so freely, but I had also developed a new perspective about sex.
I deserve to orgasm, every damn time.
In college, I admittedly was promiscuous. I would have sex with one guy after another, hoping to find out what all the hype was about. I didn't like sex until I was 21 and met a man who changed that. He was 18, fresh outta highschool, and a terrible choice for a suitor but he f*cked me in ways grown men had never been able to, and he always made sure I came first.
Sex before and after him had been mediocre.
Related: This Is Why I'm Okay With Having Sex With My Ex
Guys didn't care if I climaxed. It was a "don't ask, don't tell" dynamic that, as I got older, sickened me to my core. I've developed the standard that if I decide to share my sacred spaces with you, the least you can do is get me off. I also understand that your desire to get me off, as a man, is predicated on your own sexual fulfillment.
I decided that it was time to put an end to the male-centric sex in my life and got myself off that night, thus I developing the golden bedroom rule that I now live, honor, and abide by. No longer will men be permitted to waltz in my bedroom with their only goal being to fulfill themselves, and then rush me to reach my level of optimum pleasure.
I. Come. First.
I can admit, my rule hasn't always been effective and there have been times I've allowed men in my bedroom to get ahead of themselves. But I find solace in knowing that my climax is the center of attention during a sexual encounter, therefore the tables are turned and his orgasm is predicated on mine.
Give my method a try, and I promise that it will switch up your sex life.
What are some methods you use to regain your feminine power in the bedroom? Drop some suggestions in the comments!
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Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
Watch the full episode below:
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by YouTube/xoNecole
From Rock Bottom To Redemption: Paula Patton Opens Up About Her New Film 'Finding Faith'
When Paula Patton’s name is on a project, you already know it’s going to bring some soul. From Jumping the Broom to Baggage Claim, she’s long been a radiant presence on-screen. But in her new film Finding Faith, premiering in theaters June 16–17 via Fathom Events, Paula digs deeper—into grief, healing, and ultimately, redemption.
The film follows Faith Mitchell, a wife and mother whose life is upended by a devastating loss. As she spirals into despair, it’s the love of family, friends, and God that slowly leads her back to light. And for Paula, this story wasn’t just a role—it was personal.
“It connected to a time in my life that I could really relate to,” she says. “That feeling of having lost so much and feeling like so much pain, and not knowing how to deal with the pain… and numbing out to do that.”
Courtesy
A Story That Hit Close to Home
Having been sober for seven years, Paula says the emotional territory was familiar. But more than anything, it brought her closer to a deeper truth.
“Once you give [the numbing] up, you have to walk in the desert alone… and that’s when I truly found faith in God.”
Turning Pain Into Purpose
While the film touches on loss and addiction, Finding Faith ultimately lives up to its title. Paula describes the acting process as cathartic—and one she was finally ready for.
“Art became healing,” she says. “That was the biggest challenge of all… but it was a challenge I wanted.”
More Than an Inspirational Thriller
Finding Faith is described as an “inspirational thriller,” with layered tones of romance, suspense, and spiritual reflection. Paula credits that dynamic blend to writer-director LazRael Lison.
“That’s what I love about Finding Faith,” she explains. “Yes, she goes on this journey, but there’s other storylines happening that help it stay entertaining.”
"Finding Faith" cast
Courtesy
On-Set Magic with Loretta Devine
With a cast stacked with phenomnal talent—Loretta Devine, Keith David, Stephen Bishop—it’s no surprise that the film also came alive through unscripted moments.
“We did this kitchen scene… and Loretta changed it,” Paula shares. “She wouldn’t leave. I had to change my dance and figure out how to work with it, and it took on this whole other layer. I’m forever grateful.”
Faith When It Feels Like Night
The film leans on the biblical verse: “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” Paula says that reminder is something she’s lived.
“When you’re feeling so anxious, and you look out in the distance and see nothing there… that’s when you have to trust God’s timing.”
Divine Timing Behind the Scenes
Paula didn’t just star in the film—she produced it through her company, Third Eye Productions. And the way the opportunity came to her? Nothing short of divine.
“I said, ‘Just for one week, believe everything’s going to be perfect,’” she recalls. “That same day, my friend Charles called and said, ‘I have a film for you. It’s called Finding Faith.’ I thought I was going to throw the phone down.”
What’s Next for Paula Patton?
When asked about a dream role, Paula didn’t name a genre or a character. Her focus now is on legacy—and light.
“I want to make sure I keep making art that entertains people, but also has hope… That it has a bright light at the end to get us through this journey here on Earth.”
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