

I Only Have One Rule In The Bedroom: I Come First.
"Damn. That was it?"
A familiar phrase and a stark reminder of why I only have one rule in the bedroom: I come first.
I've grown weary of the reminder that I have good p*ssy, because this is something that I know. Guys normally lean in right before their big "O" to inform me of how tight and wet I am, which is usually their excuse as to why they couldn't offer me more than five minutes of action.
My first sexual experiences were totally male-focused and I began to believe that was how it was supposed to be. I hadn't been told or seen any different. Even most porn is male-centric, the focus is rarely on the woman's climax. My sexual inhibitions were always stifled by my partner's urgency to orgasm, leaving me to feel repressed and unsatisfied.
Related: My First Orgasm Changed Everything I Thought I Knew About Sex
It wasn't until I was 24 that I first confronted a man for not having the desire to make me orgasm. He came over, humped me for a total of three minutes, and fell alongside of me. In my bed. In my apartment. In which he did not pay bills. And then, he went to sleep like a baby. The first time that he failed to make me climax, I showed mercy. I assumed that he had a long day, and felt as though I shouldn't be so demanding. But after the fifth time of the cycle of a few strokes, finish, pass out, and repeat - I had enough.
"What about me?" I asked him softly, calmly.
To which he replied, "If you want me to be honest, I don't really feel like it."
All I could see was red. I screamed at him to get the f*ck out of my apartment. He stuttered, glared at me, amazed by my exclamation. I yelled louder for him to leave as I pulled the pillow from beneath his head and ripped the covers from his scrawny naked body. He stumbled out of my bed, scrambling to put his clothes on.
I can admit, my response was disproportionate to the situation. Maybe it was pent up aggression and frustration after years of sexual oppression from being relentlessly humped by men that could give a damn about my own liberation. Or maybe I was just really, really horny. Needless to say, we didn't speak after that night and I didn't care. Not only had I learned a valuable lesson about relenting my energy so freely, but I had also developed a new perspective about sex.
I deserve to orgasm, every damn time.
In college, I admittedly was promiscuous. I would have sex with one guy after another, hoping to find out what all the hype was about. I didn't like sex until I was 21 and met a man who changed that. He was 18, fresh outta highschool, and a terrible choice for a suitor but he f*cked me in ways grown men had never been able to, and he always made sure I came first.
Sex before and after him had been mediocre.
Related: This Is Why I'm Okay With Having Sex With My Ex
Guys didn't care if I climaxed. It was a "don't ask, don't tell" dynamic that, as I got older, sickened me to my core. I've developed the standard that if I decide to share my sacred spaces with you, the least you can do is get me off. I also understand that your desire to get me off, as a man, is predicated on your own sexual fulfillment.
I decided that it was time to put an end to the male-centric sex in my life and got myself off that night, thus I developing the golden bedroom rule that I now live, honor, and abide by. No longer will men be permitted to waltz in my bedroom with their only goal being to fulfill themselves, and then rush me to reach my level of optimum pleasure.
I. Come. First.
I can admit, my rule hasn't always been effective and there have been times I've allowed men in my bedroom to get ahead of themselves. But I find solace in knowing that my climax is the center of attention during a sexual encounter, therefore the tables are turned and his orgasm is predicated on mine.
Give my method a try, and I promise that it will switch up your sex life.
What are some methods you use to regain your feminine power in the bedroom? Drop some suggestions in the comments!
- Female orgasm: What women want ›
- What IS the secret to the female orgasm? Two scientists who... ›
- Scientists Ponder an Evolutionary Mystery: The Female Orgasm ... ›
- Cosmo's Female Orgasm Survey Tells You Everything You Need To ... ›
- The Evolutionary Origin of Female Orgasm - PAVLIČEV - 2016 ... ›
- Women's orgasm. ›
- Researchers Describe A New Hypothesis About Why The Female ... ›
- Human female orgasm and mate fluctuating asymmetry ... ›
- Female orgasm 101: Not all women are the same in the bedroom ›
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
It’s almost as if most of the traditional sugary sodas that we grew up loving were swapped out for most health-conscious alternatives. If you walk into any grocery store and find yourself in the soft drink aisle, what you’ll discover is a new, fast-growing selection of gut-friendly drinks that are improving our digestive health, one sip at a time.
Probiotics are live microorganisms, often referred to as "good" bacteria, that help maintain a balanced and healthy microbial environment in our digestive system. With probiotic beverages that contain live beneficial bacteria, these drinks deliver probiotics to the digestive system in a convenient and enjoyable way.
Although it may seem as if probiotic sodas have had an instant surge in popularity, these low-sugar, tummy-soothing beverages have earned their position by tasting good and being good for you. From their support in maintaining good bacteria in the gut to keeping your immune system balanced and in check, there’s truly nothing like sipping your way to better gut health.
From fermented seltzers to probiotic pops, we’ve got the best bubbly, gut-focused sodas for you to try.
Poppi 12-Pack Sparkling Prebiotic Strawberry Lemon Soda
Poppi
This sparkling soda from Poppi is packed with the good stuff to keep your immune system boosted, your stomach less bloated, and your digestive system flowing.
Health-Ade Pop Prebiotic Soda
Flavor and fuel for your tummy, who could ask for a better duo to keep your digestive system happy?
Mayawell Bubbly Prebiotic Soda
Amazon
Looking for a soda that puts your gut health first? Mayawell has all the good prebiotic fiber to keep your immune system strong and metabolism burning.
wildwonder Sparkling Probiotic Juice Drink
We love a silly little drink that’s serious about giving your gut the good bacteria it needs, with both prebiotics and probiotics packed in every can.
KeVita Probiotic Sparkling Refresher
The secret behind KeVita’s sparkling refreshers is that it’s been fermented with their water kefir culture to keep the “good bacteria” happy and working for you.
OLIPOP
Amazon
Whether it's for the taste or its endless gut benefits, OLIPOP is providing a healthier alternative to sugary sodas with high-fiber ingredients that support your digestive system.
culture POP soda
Amazon
Sipping on your favorite soda is even better when you know that it’s juicy, fruity, and made with organic spices and herbs, along with billions of live probiotics that are as soothing as it is satisfying.
Humm Probiotic Seltzer
Amazon
If you’re looking for a seltzer that’s good for you and loaded with two billion probiotics in every can, you’re gonna love these seltzers from Humm.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Stefania Pelfini, La Waziya Photography/Getty Images