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My First Orgasm Changed Everything I Thought I Knew About Sex

In one night he changed my mind about having an orgasm. He showed me the glory of how it feels to pulsate around someone.

Sex Stories

I can remember the way it felt the first time it hit me. Like I had been running for miles and was finally able to get a drink of water, like I was eating my first home cooked meal after have been starved for too long, like a crash without a wave – a rush of euphoria.

It built up in the lowest part of my womb, fighting to leave me so that I may arrive. I had no idea I had it in me, not for another soul at least. For so long, that feeling was something I could only achieve alone. Past lovers tried their hardest to beckon it from me, hoping that it would respond when they called its name, “Come." It never did, I never did.

There was something about sex that felt like such a performance and an orgasm always felt like a spotlight shining as opposed to an inviting space where I could arrive at my leisure, not when I was told. I don't think past lovers understood that the way that he does. I gave disclaimers about my inability, my partners would nod their heads in understanding, but the acknowledgement would discontinue being mutual once their ego entered the picture and took center stage.

Oh, men and their challenges.

They looked at me like one. Frantic fingers would press my clit far too hard. Frantic movements in general, it was just…no. I understood why some would fake it, because my lack of an orgasm seemed to be taken so personally by them, as if my body was his own.

Despite what my language might suggest, I was content with sex without orgasms. For a long time, and even now, what I enjoy about sex is the ride itself. I love the way it feels to be filled, how lips and tongues intertwine, arms and lips. How we build just to break. How a want evolves into a need. The little sounds that exits his mouth that mingle with mine into a perfect duet. It's the experience itself for me, not the very end. Until him.

I felt something different in the air between us from minute one of meeting each other. We spoke like we knew one another for years. Our back and forth was instant and magic, our attraction undeniable, our chemistry magnetic. The vibe was right, the timing.

About a week after our first date, we were engaging in one of our nightly calls during my after class commute. Late at night, on the bus with prying ears to hear, I expressed to him how much I wanted him, how I didn't want to hold back out of hope that he'd desire me the more I made him wait.

I wanted to have sex with him.

We agreed that if we took it there, it would be a monogamous exclusive thing despite just officially entering the “talking" stage. I bit my lip. We played together on the phone later that night with my hand between my thighs. With his voice in my ears, giving me direction, calling its name, he gave me my first orgasm. I was able to let go in a way that I hadn't before in the presence of another. He wasn't physically there, but in a way, it felt he was. I tightened and came undone and, with him, it was only the beginning.

The second, would come in another week. I was working on an assignment late Sunday evening in the library with one of my classmates. My hair was tucked away underneath my obligatory winter beanie. I wore my panther pride proudly through my university hoodie and sweats. I wanted him then, but I wanted it to be under different circumstances. I wanted to be vampy, a showstopper. But I couldn't help that I wanted him when I wanted him. So after I finished my essay, I left the library, headed to his house, and I was his.

The seduction was like nothing I ever experienced, perhaps because it wasn't seduction at all. It was comfort, it was vulnerability, it was intimate.

The first time we saw one another naked was during an hour-long shower where we talked about life and listened to music. There was nothing sexual about it whatsoever, to the point where I wondered if we were indeed going to have sex at all. But as I moisturized my body with oil, he stopped me suddenly with a kiss that demanded my attention before leading me back to his bedroom. Then he took me. My gasp permeated the quiet of the house. I had never felt so full. Never. He lifted my legs and dipped his head so that he could meet my lips as we exchanged breaths and moans on one another's tongues. I didn't know I was coming until it hit me.

A combination of the sensuality of our act, the intensity, and how perfectly he fit within me made sex feel like nothing I ever felt before. He was like nothing I ever felt before. I let go. He didn't speed up his stroke at my center's fluttering, instead he kept steady in his movements. Slow, deep, purposeful strokes. My legs were on his shoulders, he bit my calf muscle, and moaned in response to feeling me grip around him. “There we go baby," he whispered against me. And I fell, surrendered to it and him completely. I was his.

In one night he changed my mind about orgasms. He showed me the glory of how it feels to pulsate around someone and writhe through waves of pleasure while touching another person in an act of deep intimacy. It happened so quickly and so effortlessly, without a strategically placed finger or a beckon for it at his lips. It was pure passion and my willingness to surrender to the spotlight I had always shied away from, a spotlight I drew closer to solely because he didn't ask it of me. He got me. He taught me that surrender does not mean I have been conquered.

He taught me that sex was a walk, not a race.

Not something to be determined, to be pressured, cornered, and made to feel like I must “arrive" in order to meet my partner's needs. I felt safe to let go to the extent that I did, because with him, it was not about need or ego. It was selfless, giving, dancing, bathing, it was love. I had never had a vaginal orgasm with someone before him, and he had me so addicted I didn't want to ever go back.

Come for me." It only answers to him calling its name. It does, I always do. As you may know, an “I love you" soon followed.

Featured image by Getty Images

ACLU By ACLUSponsored

Over the past four years, we grew accustomed to a regular barrage of blatant, segregationist-style racism from the White House. Donald Trump tweeted that “the Squad," four Democratic Congresswomen who are Black, Latinx, and South Asian, should “go back" to the “corrupt" countries they came from; that same year, he called Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas," mocking her belief that she might be descended from Native American ancestors.

But as outrageous as the racist comments Trump regularly spewed were, the racially unjust governmental actions his administration took and, in the case of COVID-19, didn't take, impacted millions more — especially Black and Brown people.

To begin to heal and move toward real racial justice, we must address not only the harms of the past four years, but also the harms tracing back to this country's origins. Racism has played an active role in the creation of our systems of education, health care, ownership, and employment, and virtually every other facet of life since this nation's founding.

Our history has shown us that it's not enough to take racist policies off the books if we are going to achieve true justice. Those past policies have structured our society and created deeply-rooted patterns and practices that can only be disrupted and reformed with new policies of similar strength and efficacy. In short, a systemic problem requires a systemic solution. To combat systemic racism, we must pursue systemic equality.

What is Systemic Racism?

A system is a collection of elements that are organized for a common purpose. Racism in America is a system that combines economic, political, and social components. That system specifically disempowers and disenfranchises Black people, while maintaining and expanding implicit and explicit advantages for white people, leading to better opportunities in jobs, education, and housing, and discrimination in the criminal legal system. For example, the country's voting systems empower white voters at the expense of voters of color, resulting in an unequal system of governance in which those communities have little voice and representation, even in policies that directly impact them.

Systemic Equality is a Systemic Solution

In the years ahead, the ACLU will pursue administrative and legislative campaigns targeting the Biden-Harris administration and Congress. We will leverage legal advocacy to dismantle systemic barriers, and will work with our affiliates to change policies nearer to the communities most harmed by these legacies. The goal is to build a nation where every person can achieve their highest potential, unhampered by structural and institutional racism.

To begin, in 2021, we believe the Biden administration and Congress should take the following crucial steps to advance systemic equality:

Voting Rights

The administration must issue an executive order creating a Justice Department lead staff position on voting rights violations in every U.S. Attorney office. We are seeing a flood of unlawful restrictions on voting across the country, and at every level of state and local government. This nationwide problem requires nationwide investigatory and enforcement resources. Even if it requires new training and approval protocols, a new voting rights enforcement program with the participation of all 93 U.S. Attorney offices is the best way to help ensure nationwide enforcement of voting rights laws.

These assistant U.S. attorneys should begin by ensuring that every American in the custody of the Bureau of Prisons who is eligible to vote can vote, and monitor the Census and redistricting process to fight the dilution of voting power in communities of color.

We are also calling on Congress to pass the John Lewis Voting Rights Advancement Act to finally create a fair and equal national voting system, the cause for which John Lewis devoted his life.

Student Debt

Black borrowers pay more than other students for the same degrees, and graduate with an average of $7,400 more in debt than their white peers. In the years following graduation, the debt gap more than triples. Nearly half of Black borrowers will default within 12 years. In other words, for Black Americans, the American dream costs more. Last week, Majority Leader Chuck Schumer and Sen. Elizabeth Warren, along with House Reps. Ayanna Pressley, Maxine Waters, and others, called on President Biden to cancel up to $50,000 in federal student loan debt per borrower.

We couldn't agree more. By forgiving $50,000 of student debt, President Biden can unleash pent up economic potential in Black communities, while relieving them of a burden that forestalls so many hopes and dreams. Black women in particular will benefit from this executive action, as they are proportionately the most indebted group of all Americans.

Postal Banking

In both low and high income majority-Black communities, traditional bank branches are 50 percent more likely to close than in white communities. The result is that nearly 50 percent of Black Americans are unbanked or underbanked, and many pay more than $2,000 in fees associated with subprime financial institutions. Over their lifetime, those fees can add up to as much as two years of annual income for the average Black family.

The U.S. Postal Service can and should meet this crisis by providing competitive, low-cost financial services to help advance economic equality. We call on President Biden to appoint new members to the Postal Board of Governors so that the Post Office can do the work of providing essential services to every American.

Fair Housing

Across the country, millions of people are living in communities of concentrated poverty, including 26 percent of all Black children. The Biden administration should again implement the 2015 Affirmatively Furthering Fair Housing rule, which required localities that receive federal funds for housing to investigate and address barriers to fair housing and patterns or practices that promote bias. In 1980, the average Black person lived in a neighborhood that was 62 percent Black and 31 percent white. By 2010, the average Black person's neighborhood was 48 percent Black and 34 percent white. Reinstating the Obama-era Fair Housing Rule will combat this ongoing segregation and set us on a path to true integration.

Congress should also pass the American Housing and Economic Mobility Act, or a similar measure, to finally redress the legacy of redlining and break down the walls of segregation once and for all.

Broadband Access

To realize broadband's potential to benefit our democracy and connect us to one another, all people in the United States must have equal access and broadband must be made affordable for the most vulnerable. Yet today, 15 percent of American households with school-age children do not have subscriptions to any form of broadband, including one-quarter of Black households (an additional 23 percent of African Americans are “smartphone-only" internet users, meaning they lack traditional home broadband service but do own a smartphone, which is insufficient to attend class, do homework, or apply for a job). The Biden administration, Federal Communications Commission, and Congress must develop and implement plans to increase funding for broadband to expand universal access.

Enhanced, Refundable Child Tax Credits

The United States faces a crisis of child poverty. Seventeen percent of all American children are impoverished — a rate higher than not just peer nations like Canada and the U.K., but Mexico and Russia as well. Currently, more than 50 percent of Black and Latinx children in the U.S. do not qualify for the full benefit, compared to 23 percent of white children, and nearly one in five Black children do not receive any credit at all.

To combat this crisis, President Biden and Congress should enhance the child tax credit and make it fully refundable. If we enhance the child tax credit, we can cut child poverty by 40 percent and instantly lift over 50 percent of Black children out of poverty.

Reparations

We cannot repair harms that we have not fully diagnosed. We must commit to a thorough examination of the impact of the legacy of chattel slavery on racial inequality today. In 2021, Congress must pass H.R. 40, which would establish a commission to study reparations and make recommendations for Black Americans.

The Long View

For the past century, the ACLU has fought for racial justice in legislatures and in courts, including through several landmark Supreme Court cases. While the court has not always ruled in favor of racial justice, incremental wins throughout history have helped to chip away at different forms of racism such as school segregation ( Brown v. Board), racial bias in the criminal legal system (Powell v. Alabama, i.e. the Scottsboro Boys), and marriage inequality (Loving v. Virginia). While these landmark victories initiated necessary reforms, they were only a starting point.

Systemic racism continues to pervade the lives of Black people through voter suppression, lack of financial services, housing discrimination, and other areas. More than anything, doing this work has taught the ACLU that we must fight on every front in order to overcome our country's legacies of racism. That is what our Systemic Equality agenda is all about.

In the weeks ahead, we will both expand on our views of why these campaigns are crucial to systemic equality and signal the path this country must take. We will also dive into our work to build organizing, advocacy, and legal power in the South — a region with a unique history of racial oppression and violence alongside a rich history of antiracist organizing and advocacy. We are committed to four principles throughout this campaign: reconciliation, access, prosperity, and empowerment. We hope that our actions can meet our ambition to, as Dr. King said, lead this nation to live out the true meaning of its creed.

What you can do:
Take the pledge: Systemic Equality Agenda
Sign up

Featured image by Shutterstock

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