Quantcast

Confessions Of A Reformed Sex Addict

Sex Stories

Before I begin, let me be clear, I love sex. There's nothing like a man that knows how to make love to your mind as well as your body.


However, while I have memories that I will always cherish, there are memories I honestly wish I could eliminate. The thing is, I knew I was having sex for all the wrong reasons. There were feelings that I didn't want to deal with and I used sex as a way to deal. I wasn't happy with my life, and it was nothing for me to call up one of my "junts" and release those feelings. I quickly learned that I only received a temporary release.

Nothing could take away the thoughts and personal issues I had with myself.

It didn't hit me that I was using sex as a drug until I was damn near going crazy without it.

Like drugs and alcohol, sex can become an addiction when used as a coping mechanism. People who are addicted to sex tend to use sex as a means to avoid stressful problems. Some sex addicts even find relief from boredom, discomfort, anxiety, and depression. I would literally stay up at night, looking at the wall because I quit cold turkey. I needed a break simply because sex wasn't doing it for me anymore; I would have a few sexual highs here and there but I was left with nothing but an empty feeling.

There I was sharing my body with men I didn't give two fucks about, nor see a future with. When I realized I used sex to avoid my feelings, I knew I had to stop.

One can walk a fine line between being addicted to sex and sexual gratification. An individual who is addicted to sex crosses this line without realizing the dangers of doing so. Sexual addiction can destroy not just the life of the addict, but also the lives of the people around them. This addiction can disrupt various aspects of one's life, like their relationships, careers, finances, psychological health, and emotional well-being. The urges related to sexual addiction can spiral from being intense to becoming obsessive. Moreover, the person who is addicted to sex will pursue sexual adventures to the point of no return. Sex addiction cases are more common than many people realize.

Sharing my feelings has never been easy. When I felt disappointed or frustrated, I used sex as a way to express my feelings with the guy I was seeing at the time. Not knowing what I was doing was not only harming myself but harming him as well. I couldn't keep looking at sex as an antidepressant. When I went that year without sex, I found my truth and I finally knew I had to face it. I didn't like where my life was heading. I was looking for any and every way not to deal with problems. I felt left behind. But I wasn't willing to put the work in to change my life either. I was literally waiting for a blessing to fall from the sky, without me working for it. It wasn't until I fell in love that I knew I had to change.

I had to face my demons before I took someone down with me and I knew I didn't want to hurt the love of my life.

So when I took that break from sex, my life changed and I grew a deeper self-control with my needs and body. I learned to go without it, and also to please myself without looking for a man to please me. When I discovered my worth, I had this guilty feeling of all that I'd done. While I didn't sleep with the world, I shared my body with men that didn't deserve me. Men who didn't deserve my spirit or time, let alone my body. For a long time, I felt guilty for my past mistakes and didn't feel like I deserve happiness because of my bad choices. Until I turned it into a blog, and now I'm doing pieces for a woman who deeply inspires me.

I've come to learn that some people used sex to seek that spiritual connection that they must find within themselves first. In this sense, the sex responsible for producing each of us connects us seamlessly with nature, with the whole universe, and with each other.

As I grew to learn about my body, sex is only as powerful for me when I'm laying down with a man I'm in love with.

In the Hindu Kama Sutra and Tibetan Buddhist Tantra traditions, spiritual development involving mastery of sexual energy in the context of mature male-female relationships reveal the possibility of a fruitful merging of sex and spirituality. Instead, we seek so many to please us, because we don't have a clue to how we need to please ourselves. We tend to consider the main purpose of sex as pleasure rather than either procreation or spiritual development. We seem to accept that "anything goes, as long as it does not harm anyone."

We aim for fidelity in pair-bond relationships but acknowledge this more as an ideal than a genuine goal. We just settle for sex because finding that timeless love is hard. However, once we change our thoughts and views on love, we will not only find what we want, but what we need. Peeling back the layers and unearthing the roots of my codependency on sex as drug taught me that.

xoNecole is always looking for new voices and empowering stories to add to our platform. If you have an interesting story or personal essay that you'd love to share, we'd love to hear from you. Contact us at submissions@xonecole.com.

Featured image by Getty Images

While Issa Rae's HBO show Insecure is coming to an end, the star just celebrated a new beginning. The writer/actress got married to her longtime boyfriend Louis Diame in July in the south of France. The couple released the wedding photos on social media on July 26. And while many people expressed excitement for the 36-year-old, others were left confused thanks to Issa's sense of humor.

Keep reading... Show less
The daily empowerment fix you need.
Make things inbox official.

At the start of each season, I browse the net to get an idea of the latest styles and trends to look out for when adding to my closet. When shopping, not only do I love items that are hot for the moment but mainly those that I can keep in rotation year after year. I especially look for styles that are both modern and classic, giving off an effortlessly timeless vibe.

Keep reading... Show less

Minnesota Timberwolves star Karl-Anthony Towns has had to deal with numerous devastating losses over the course of two years due to COVID-19. On April 13, 2020, his mother, Jacqueline Cruz-Towns passed away from the novel virus. He had several close family members pass from COVID-19 as well. And, in the beginning of 2021, Karl also contracted the virus and ended up in the hospital.

Keep reading... Show less

Is it just me or does it seem like, these days, folks are used to just throwing words and phrases out without really understanding what they mean? Take being a free spirit, for example. While some people may be spontaneous (at times), like to take risks or even be a lot of fun to be around, that doesn't automatically or necessarily make them a free spirit. In short, a free-spirited person is someone who's considered to be a nonconformist. And, even with that said, it goes a little bit deeper.

Keep reading... Show less

Before Naturi Naughton captured audiences as Tasha in Power and even before she played Lil Kim in the Biggie Smalls biopic Notorious, the actress was in the girl group 3LW. The group 3LW, which stood for 3 Little Women, composed of Naturi, The Real's Adrienne Bailon and BET Presents: The Encore's Kiely Williams, and they had many hits including "No More (Baby I'ma Do Right)" and "I Do (Wanna Get Close To You)."

Keep reading... Show less
Exclusive Interviews

Adrienne Bailon Wants Women Of Color To Take Self-Inventory In Order To Redefine Success

"You can't expect anyone else to care about yourself like you do."

Latest Posts