Yeeeeah, baby. Some of y'all might recall the piece I wrote a while back entitled, "Why You're Always The One Who Prepares A Man For His Wife". Whenever someone hits me up to ask, "How in the world did you get into my head like that?", my response is usually something along the lines of, "I wrote it because I've lived it." You know how a lot of people will go through something and say, "I've got the T-shirt" as a way of expressing how much experience in that area they have? Girrrl, when it comes to getting guys ready for the woman they are going to pledge their lives to, I've got the wedding dress, the wedding cake and the bridal bouquet (SMDH). That's a part of the reason why I wrote, "Why I'll Never Call Someone A 'Boyfriend' Again". Long gone are the days when I'm out here acting like someone's wife when they are barely acting like a boyfriend. Also, gone are the days of being out here living like, just because I'm someone's girlfriend, they should get all of the privileges that comes with being a wife. I promise you, the way a lot of folks date out here, it's not teaching them anything about how to be in a healthy marriage; what it's actually doing is prepping them to be cool with getting a divorce (if not multiple divorces). There's a reason why people should take vows before getting someone's all. I'll leave that right there…for now.
Anyway, if there were to be a follow-up article to the preparing a man for his wife one, I humbly would have to say that this would be it. For those of us who've had a pattern of being in dysfunctional relationships—by the way, if a relationship is stagnant, that brings its own form of dysfunction right along with it—I'd venture to say that a part of the reason is because of the two simple words that are in all caps in the title: TO and FOR.
We tend to care more about if a man is good to us when really, the bigger priority should be if a man is good for us. If that makes sense in theory, but you'd like me to expound a bit more in order to really drive the point home, go get yourself a glass of wine and then we'll get into it. Chile…chile.
When a Man Is Good TO You
Recently, while talking to one of my clients about the importance of grieving past relationships, she brought up a guy in particular who she still can't seem to get over, even though it's been quite some time since they were "together". The reason why I put together in quotes is because, when I asked her to explain the relationship and then follow that up with what she currently missed about him, a lot of what she shared was how she felt about him vs. how he actually treated her. For example, she liked his sense of humor to the point of overlooking his tendency to be dismissive of her needs. Or, even though the sex was good, he never wanted to be in a serious commitment. After listening to her for about 10 minutes, I asked, "So, you miss someone who isn't even all that good for you, eh?" She immediately replied with, "No, we have a good time together. He just doesn't always treat me the way I think I deserve to be treated", to which I echoed, "Again, so he isn't good for you."
Some of y'all probably caught on immediately to what I meant, but just to be sure that I am being as thorough as I can, what she illustrated is the difference between a man who is good to you vs. a man who is good for you. You know, there are several men in my past who could make my toes curl who were also real jackasses when it came to emotional availability and reciprocity. During sex, they made me feel good—or, as Tank once said in an interview, they participated in copulation like they were totally in love with me while, outside of the bedroom, they saw me as not much more than "cool people". But outside of that, I couldn't really tell you how they were truly benefitting my life. They were good to me.
Here's another way of looking at it. Recently, while sharing with one of my male homies (who is a relationship coach) about how I'm now processing a man who I once deeply loved, I said, "It's weird but a part of me is even embarrassed for ever caring for him the way that I did." In true men-will-tell-you-just-how-it-is fashion, my friend said, "Shellie, he's always been selfish and kind of a jerk. Your feelings overlooked a lot of that at the time." Yeah, another way that a man can be good to you and not for you is all based on perception. While your friends, family and even your pet is looking at the person who you're all into like, "What the hell?!", you're somewhere in la la land like, "I mean, he's great to me." Meaning, because I think he's great…he is.
Meanwhile, a lot of the time, the person we are all excited about? He isn't anything to really write home about. It's just that our low level of self-esteem, our profound desire to be in a relationship and/or fear of leaving something/someone that we've invested so much time, effort, energy and body parts into, it will have us out here saying, "TO ME, he's wonderful" even while everyone else is like, "Well, he's not TO us." I'm telling you, coming to a point and place of understanding the differences between "to" and "for" can spare you—a lot.
"To" is oftentimes based on seeing only what you want to see.
"To" addresses surface things—having a good time and having things in common.
"To" speaks to charisma and chemistry more than an actual connection.
"To" is more about emotions and hormones rather than rationality, self-awareness and logic.
"To" typically has an expiration date.
Don't get me wrong—"to" isn't bad so much as it should be seen as "the icing" far more than "the cake". That's why, now more than ever, I'm far more interested in a man who is actually good FOR me instead.
When a Man Is Good FOR You
For. Don't sleep on that little three-letter word. For means "intended to belong to". For means "suiting the purposes or needs of". For also means "in the direction of" and "to the advantage of". When a man is good for you, he belongs to you, he suits your purpose and needs, he's walking in the same relational direction as you are and he benefits you, on so many different levels. Now, remember how I just said that "to" has an expiration date? Peep a definition of that word (when it's used as a preposition): "as far as; until". When a man is good to you, that goodness lasts as far as or until—shoot, he decides not to be that to you anymore. Man, what a stark contrast between "to" and "for". Please tell me that you see it.
Y'all, I know some men who are good for their ladies. It's truly a beautiful (and functional) sight to see! One of the things that I like most about men who are good for their woman (anyone who takes issue with my using "woman" here, that was Eve's original name in the Bible; please don't trip—Genesis 2:18-25) is the fact that when someone is truly good for someone else, that reality tends to be across the board. What I mean by that is, he's not good in one or two areas or categories. Homeboy is good—point, blank and period.
Let's step out of relationships for a second, just so I can drive this point home another way. I really like ice cream. Pretty much any kind that has some form of chocolate in it will do. But the older I get, the less dairy and I are friends, so while the ice cream might be good to me, more times than not, it's not really good for me. Meanwhile, something that I can't seem to ever get enough of are grapes (frozen grapes are the total bomb!). Grapes are sweet. At the same time, they are loaded with water, antioxidants, compounds that fight cancer, plus they help to lower my cholesterol levels and support my blood sugar levels being where they should. Other than making sure that I eat them while they are in season, I can't think of one problem that comes with snacking on some grapes—as much as I want to too. That's because they are good to me and for me.
For a lot of us, we opt for ice cream more than grapes. In other words, we are so emotions- and/or hormones-driven that, so long as a man can make us feel some type of way—even if it's only temporary, even if we see the writing on the wall that's warning of us all of the side effects that come right along with him—we'll stay. We'll stay in something that really doesn't have our best interest at heart…until he leaves. And because of that, we end up becoming way too "full"—full of drama, full of distrust, full of toxic patterns, full of bitterness, full of paranoia, etc., etc.—that we won't even take the time off that we need in order to heal or look at the bigger picture so that we can change our palate over to wanting grapes (or whatever your favorite fruit is) instead. Have mercy—sadly, we are so conditioned to only want what temporarily appeases our senses that we we ignore what our common sense is alerting us to. And it's costing us. Dearly. Know who else it's potentially preventing from coming our way? The man who is waiting to be good for us.
So, am I saying that you can't have the "to" and the "for" in your relationship? All you've got to do is read, "My Eureka Moment For Why I'm Not Into 'Nice Guys'" to get that is absolutely NOT where I am coming from. But what I am saying is, if you are putting the "to" before the "for", it's time to do some serious pondering.
What's the point in having great sex with a guy who is constantly breaking your heart?
What's the point in remaining with someone who gives you extreme highs and lows—continually so?
What's the point in staying in something where some of your wants are granted while all of your needs are constantly being ignored?
It's ideal, it really is, to choose to be with someone who is good to you and good for you—both. Yet there is something that I don't want you to miss about that. A guy who is good for you is going to try his hardest to be good to you, anyway. Meanwhile, a guy who is good to you? Yeah, he doesn't tend to prioritize the "for" very much. Hell, he doesn't even really care all that much who is good for him (but that's another article for another time).
You know, recently, I saw a tweet that was like a shot heard around the world. When it comes to this particular piece, I dedicate it to all of the ladies who settle for "to you" guys because when you settle for that kind of man, one way or another, sooner or later, this is what it all boils down to—"Stop blessing people for hurting you, please."
You deserve, I deserve…we all deserve a man who is more than just good to us. Please, wait for the one who is actually good for you. The differences are literally life-altering. Just ask any woman with a "for you" guy. I'm confident that they'll vouch for this. One hundred-fold.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
He Loves You. He's Just Never Gonna Marry You. Now What?
Should Someone Have To MAKE You Feel Loved?
The Right Relationship IMPROVES Not CHANGES You
Common & Angela Rye's Break-Up Reminds Us To Pick A Person—And A Path
Featured image by Shutterstock
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Pluto goes retrograde in Aquarius from May 4 until October 13, and this will be a time of remembering your power when it comes to your purpose, innovations, and the ability to attract support into your life. Mercury moves into Taurus on May 10, making this a good time for negotiations, creating new plans financially, and sticking to your word on something that holds value to you. The Full Moon of the month occurs in Scorpio on May 12, and this is the Flower Moon of the year, signifying growth and seeing the beauty in your life.
This Full Moon is all about letting go of what doesn’t feel authentic or resonate with you emotionally, and about experiencing more closure and healing within relationship matters.
Your May 2025: A Monthly Overview
Gemini Season officially begins on May 20, and we enter air sign energy, which is good for communication, business, and coming up with inspiring and new ideas. On May 24, Saturn enters Aries, beginning its new transit where it will remain for the next few years. Saturn in Aries is bold, direct, and straightforward, but so are its lessons. There is a gift in resilience and finding your strength during this time, and this transit will show you where your power is, but it may challenge you to confront self-limiting behavior in the process.
Mercury enters Gemini on May 25, and Mercury loves being here. Mercury in Gemini is the creative genius, and this is a month of aligning yourself with this energy. On May 26, we have a New Moon in Gemini, and it’s time to set your intentions for where you want a communication breakthrough in your life, and what new ideas you want to start planting the seeds for. This is a good New Moon for networking, exchanging ideas, having more fun, and getting inspired.
Article continues after the jump.
We Are/Getty ImagesMay 2025 Horoscopes for Every Zodiac Sign
Keep reading for your sun, moon, and rising sign below to see what May has in store for you.
ARIES
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleThe impact from April is finally behind you, and you get to move forward this month, Aries. After a month of retrogrades and Eclipses, you are starting to see the progress of what you have been working towards financially this year. The Sun is in your 2nd house of abundance, self-confidence, and values this month, and you are putting your dreams here first.
With Venus also in Aries for the entire month of May, you are feeling the support within and without this month, and this is a beautiful month unfolding.
On May 24, Saturn enters your sign, beginning its transit in Aries, which will last for the next few years. Saturn is the master of tough love, and you are going to be learning a lot about yourself during his time and going through a growth spurt. The New Moon of May is at the end of the month on May 26 and will be giving you the answers and clarity you have been looking for, highlighting open communication in your life. Overall, this is your month of fewer obstacles and more progress.
TAURUS
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTaurus Season is officially underway, and you are the main character right now, Taurus. Remember that. This month is about trusting your intuition and the timing of things, and knowing that things are working in your favor. With Venus, your ruling planet, in your 12th house for the month, you are seeking a lot of closure and culmination right now and are healing what was. Mercury enters your sign from May 10 until May 25, and it’s all about the perspectives you are gaining right now.
Don’t be afraid to ask the important questions and get down to the bottom of things that have been worrying you. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in your 7th house of partnership, and you are closing the door on what has not been working for you in love. You are seeing the clarity of what you need within your emotional world and how you want to navigate the changes you have been through here now.
GEMINI
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is a new beginning for you, Gemini. You have a lot of energy and vitality with you this month, and you are ready to accomplish some personal goals and intentions of yours. For most of the month, the Sun is in your house of closure and healing, and you are finding yourself rejuvenated from the transformations you have been through. Gemini Season officially begins on May 20, and with the Sun in your sign, nothing is holding you back from shining and living in your truth right now.
On May 25, Mercury enters Gemini until June 8, and Mercury loves being in your sign, as this is your planetary ruler.
Mercury in Gemini is forward-thinking, quick, and intelligent. You are coming up with solutions to previous challenges or obstacles, and overcoming something that has felt restrictive mentally. Before the month ends, there is a New Moon in Gemini on May 26, and this New Moon is one of the best times of the year for you to set your intentions and manifest your dreams. Remember you are worthy of what you are setting out to accomplish this month, Gemini.
CANCER
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCancer, this month requires you to slow down, take care of your health, and allow things to come to fruition the way they are meant to. There is a chance you could be overthinking more than usual this month, and you are being reminded that there is only so much that is in your control, and to give yourself some more grace. The Full Moon in Scorpio on May 12 will help you gain a little more clarity of the heart and is going to be a time of feeling the love and appreciation in your life.
Saturn enters your 10th house of career on May 24, remaining here over the next few years, and you are getting an opportunity to grow and discover where you may have been limiting yourself professionally, socially, or within your aspirations in life. This time is all about reminding yourself that you deserve recognition for the work you do, but that you must also be the one believing in yourself as well. On May 12, there is a New Moon in your house of emotional healing, and you are seeing the gifts of alone time, safe spaces, and tending to your creative inklings at the end of the month.
LEO
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is an opportunity for a new beginning in love and progress within your emotional world, Leo. You are learning to trust your intuition more, and you are putting more of your energy into your heart’s desires. With the Sun in your 10th house for most of the month, you are shining in your truth and remaining confident in your goals in life.
Venus is in your house of adventure for the entire month, and this is a good time for experiencing romance while traveling or getting out of your comfort zone a little.
Saturn makes a significant move from Pisces into Aries at the end of the month and enters your 9th house. With Saturn here, you will be learning more about what mental growth and clarity mean to you, and this is a good time to dedicate yourself to higher education, traveling, gaining a new perspective, and honoring your integrity and values. The New Moon of the month is on May 26, creating magic within your friendships and community.
You are leaving this month with hope in your heart and new plans for the future.
VIRGO
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is a month of abundance and fruition for you, Virgo. Your dreams and intentions are coming to fruition, and you are owning that which you have created for yourself. With Venus in Aries, this is a good time for seeing support in your life financially, dedicating yourself to your commitments and responsibilities, and seeing the gifts in that. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication, and this is an intuitive time for you, giving you the strength needed to close the chapter on what you don’t resonate with anymore.
On May 24, Saturn enters your house of shared finances, rebirth, intimacy, and resources, and over the next few years, you will be learning the importance of connecting with people who truly have your best interest at heart, and not committing to what feels unstable. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini in your house of career, and this is a good time to manifest and set your intentions for where you want to see professional growth in your life.
Overall, May is about embracing your freedom while honoring the people and connections that help you grow and make you feel more secure in life.
LIBRA
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis is a month of feeling empowered and ready to take on anything that comes your way, Libra. You are inspired by the progress you are making in your life right now, and with Venus in your 7th house of love, you are being well-received. This is a month of finding your balance between your path and the growth of your relationships, and there is a sense of support, harmony, and love in your life in May.
You are owning your authenticity and living in your truth fully, and this energy is magnetic.
However, Saturn also enters your 7th house of love this month, where it will remain for the next few years. Saturn empowers and helps you grow, but you can also feel a little more challenged within your relationships during this time. The more you can own your wants and needs, the more you can find vulnerability and support within your relationships. On May 26, a New Moon in a fellow air sign occurs and happens in your 9th house, creating a chance at a new adventure and an opportunity to discover some new inspiration.
SCORPIO
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is about believing in the impossible, Scorpio. It’s time to take a leap of faith in yourself and to remember your power. You are seeking a new beginning in your life, and with the Sun in your 7th house of love for most of the month, you are being supported and encouraged in the process. Pluto, one of your ruling planets, goes retrograde in your house of home and family from May 4 until October, and you are gaining clarity on the people and support systems you can rely on more.
The Full Moon of the month is in your sign on May 12, and this is the Flower Moon of the year. You are in full bloom and ready for whatever is next for you, and this is beautiful. Previous intentions and goals come to fruition for you overall in mid-May, and there is a lot to look forward to right now as you are getting excited about it all. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini in your 8th house, creating a sense of empowerment through what you are looking to change and transform in your life right now.
This month is about not being afraid to take more risks and doing things your own way.
SAGITTARIUS
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is a beautiful month of magic, success, and good fortune, Sagittarius. You are feeling lucky this month and are attracting success to you in many different areas of your life. Venus, the planet of love, is in your 5th house of romance for most of the month, and you are enjoying your life, feeling the love within your heart, and expressing yourself freely in May. You are a magnet for your manifestations, and dreams are coming true for you this month, Sag.
On May 12, we have a Full Moon happening in your house of endings and closure, and you are closing out a big chapter in your life this month.
You are letting go of old pain or emotional experiences and choosing not to repeat a pattern that left you feeling hopeless before. On May 26, we have a New Moon in your sister sign, Gemini, enhancing your need for love, connection, and relationship development this month. This is a great New Moon to set your intentions for what partnerships you want to see grow, heal, and come to fruition for you. Overall, May is your month of fruition, balance, and believing in the magic in your life.
CAPRICORN
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is about slowing down and allowing yourself to find the answers you have been looking for, Capricorn. This isn’t the time to rush your progress or doubt where you are in life. The Sun is in your 5th house, and this is good for finding more time for fun, pleasure, self-care, and asking your heart what it needs. With Pluto going retrograde in your 2nd house of values and income, you are being reminded to hold yourself with integrity and to know that you are worthy of the things you are asking for.
The Full Moon on May 12 is a beautiful time to connect with loved ones or those who inspire you. The universe wants to show you that you are not alone this month and that you deserve to live a life where you can enjoy yourself more and manifest your dreams, rather than believing everything needs to be a challenge to be worthy. Saturn, your ruling planet, then enters your 4th house of home and family, and over the next few years, you are going to be rediscovering what home means to you.
AQUARIUS
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleYour guidance for May is to trust that what is falling from your life or changing for you is doing so for your benefit, Aquarius. Trust that what is happening is happening for you and not to you, and don’t doubt that you will rebuild from this. With Pluto going retrograde in your sign from May 4 until October 13, you need a break from some of the confusion you have been feeling in your personal life, and you are getting a chance to gain a new perspective this month.
Use this time to get inspired by change rather than let it bring you down, and ground yourself in the present moment more.
Saturn enters Aries in May, where it will remain for the next few years, helping you grow in the areas of your life that have to do with communication, networking, transportation, siblings, and education. You will be learning a lot during this time and will be finding new outlets for self-expression and communication. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini occurring in your 5th house of romance, pleasure, hobbies, and entertainment, and after a month of navigating endings, changes, and closures, you are ready for a fresh start and are receiving one in love now.
PISCES
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecoleAllow what is to be, be, Pisces. May is a month of allowing yourself to trust the timing of the universe and not giving up hope that things are going to turn out beautifully for you. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in fellow water sign, Scorpio, and this is a time to get inspired and see the benefits of closure. This Full Moon is about gaining a new perspective and not doubting what is clearer to you now, that you are worthy of a new beginning.
On May 24, Saturn moves into your 2nd house of income, and you are going to be moving through a journey of developing financially, and working on maintaining stability while building new foundations in your life. The New Moon in Gemini at the end of the month is about setting your intentions for your home and family life and creating some new energy here. Overall, May is your month of breaking ground on the things you want to create for yourself and trusting the timing of how things are unfolding.
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Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
