![Quantcast](http://pixel.quantserve.com/pixel/p-GS-HF4BKvzCmv.gif)
![8 Things You Should Do Daily To Keep Your Relationship Strong](https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8xOTM0MjU2MS9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTc3NTgyODY1NH0.Y902QRMLveyVRSUJAwPB7vttZS5DVqGQ6IR6sqwptYU/img.jpg?width=1200&height=600&quality=90&coordinates=0%2C0%2C0%2C354)
8 Things You Should Do Daily To Keep Your Relationship Strong
Whenever someone says something along the lines of "relationships are hard work" (typically with an emphasis on "hard"), typically my response will be, "I prefer to say that relationships require daily maintenance." While on the surface, it might seem like I'm splitting hairs, think about a garden and I think you'll get where I'm coming from.
When you first decide to grow a garden, it's definitely a lot of work to get it started. You've gotta break ground, pull up stones, fertilize the soil, plant seeds…I'm getting tired just thinking about it. But once your garden is all set, so long as you water it, make sure the soil (the foundation) is good, check for weeds and pests and keep up with when it's time to harvest, for the most part, you're all set.
So yeah, to me, a healthy relationship is a lot like a garden. It may require a lot of work at first because you're getting the foundation laid. But if you both are committed to nurturing the relationship once it's been established, it shouldn't require tons of blood, sweat, and tears. It really shouldn't.
And just what do two people need to do in order to maintain their relationship with one another?
1.Be Courteous
Have you ever noticed that some of the basic rules of courtesy we're taught as children are the ones that seem to go totally out of the window once we're grown and interacting with the people closest to us? Strangers and co-workers aren't the only ones who deserve to hear "please" or "thank you". They also aren't the only individuals who should receive actual requests when we need something or should be told that they are appreciated when said request is granted.
One of the main reasons why a lot of people feel taken for granted in their relationships is because their partner fails to show good manners to them. It sounds elementary, but I promise that if you're more polite, it truly can do wonders for your relationship.
2.Ask. Don't Assume.
Something else that most of us heard while growing up is if we assume, it will make a total ass of us. Yet, when I'm in the middle of a counseling session, I can't tell you how many times one or both people have told me that they are frustrated with their partner because they know they are thinking "this" or they know they are going to do "that".
Yeah, I know a lot of us women think that we are so intuitive that we can constantly read our man's mind. I also know that kind of presumption tends to piss a lot of men off. No matter how long you've been with someone, they're forever gonna be capable of doing something that surprises you. Therefore, if you really want to know something, give them the respect of asking rather assuming what they are going to say or do. And yes, require they do the same thing for you in return.
3.Apologize. And Forgive.
There is someone I used to be very close to who I had to stop being close with, basically for one major reason—they refused to apologize. Like ever. Something that life experience has taught me is if someone wrongs me or even just hurts my feelings and they refuse to address it, that's a form of toxicity that I can do without.
I did some research into why some people seem to be wired this way. Many psychologists say that some individuals don't apologize because they have trouble separating their actions from their character (they think what they are apologizing for is both). Others say people don't do it because they feel that apologizing will trigger other unwanted conversations (like they might apologizing for being perpetually late and that will turn into their other "flaws").
Personally, I think it has more to do with egomania than anything. Oh, and the title of this article right here—"People Who Never Apologize Probably Aren't Nice to Themselves, Either". If someone is not nice to themselves, it's only a matter of time before they show out, on some level, with their partner. Life is too short to not work through things. When you know you've done wrong or even when your partner simply brings hurt feelings (at your hand) to your attention, it's an act of humility and love to apologize.
On the flip side, in order for relationships to be healthy, it's also important to forgive. People who can't forgive also baffle me because it sends the message that others should accept their flaws, missteps and wrongdoings, but those same individuals aren't deserving of that very same reception. No relationship is perfect; that's because both people in them aren't.
A relationship that forgives each other stays together.
Apologize. And forgive.
4.Love with Intention
Intention. Did you know that two definitions of the word "intention" are "purpose or attitude toward the effect of one's actions or conduct" and "purpose or attitude with respect to marriage"? It's kind of a trip that the meaning of intention speaks to a type of romantic relationship.
And yes, if you want to keep your relationship healthy and strong, it's important that you thoughtfully and purposefully express your love and commitment to your partner on a daily basis. It doesn't have to always be an over-the-top gesture. It can be a mailed Hallmark card. Lunch from their favorite restaurant delivered to their job. A back massage out of the blue. Recreating their favorite date. Cuddling in bed while watching one of their favorite movies.
It's all about thinking about how much you love them and then doing something—whether it's big or small—to show them just how much you do. As often as you possibly can.
5.Lean. Don't Push.
I grew up on Beverly Hills, 90210. So, when I found out that Luke Perry (aka Dylan McKay) died in March, I was all up in my feelings. It made me want to watch some reruns. It also caused me to recall some great advice that another character on the show (Ian Ziering who played Steve Sanders) said to one of his girlfriends when they were having some miscommunication issues—"Lean. Don't push."
What he basically meant is sometimes, when we're in a really vulnerable place, rather than admit that to our partner and ask for help, we slick find ways to push them away or self-sabotage the relationship, all because we're afraid that they won't be able to endure our hard times with us.
Ian/Steve is exactly right. If anyone should be your advocate and source of support, it's your partner. At the same time, they should be able to feel the same way about you. Lean into your support system; don't do things that will push him away or have to "prove" that he's gonna stay. That kind of test may be one that you'll royally fail.
6.Laugh Together
If you got 50 people together in one room and asked them to list five things that attracts them to another person, I'd be shocked if 80 percent of them didn't mention the importance of having a sense of humor. Not only is it a sign that an individual knows how not to take life so seriously all of the time, it's also an indication that they can see the positive/funny sides of things too.
Plus, science reveals that laughter does everything from reduce stress and lower your blood pressure to strengthen your heart, increase T-cells and release endorphins too. Whether it's calling up your partner in the middle of the day to share a funny story with them or it's sitting on the couch and watching old episodes of The Boondocks (Tom singing Usher's "Let It Burn" and a pizza commercial that KevOnStage featured on his channel never get old!), make a point to laugh with the one who you love, just as often as you possibly can.
7.Remember Why You Started
Something that I recommend all of the couples that I work with do is jot down 10 things that they really like about their partner, then post it somewhere they can see it on a daily basis, whether it's their bedroom or bathroom mirror or even the fridge. It's a great way for them to remember what drew them to one another in the first place.
If relationships were easy, divorces would drop by at least a billion percent. Sometimes, when your boo is getting on your very last nerve and you're tempted to only focus on all of the things you don't like about them, you need a visual reminder of all of the things that you love. Refer to the list as often as possible. Sometimes even shoot a text to reiterate a couple of things that are on it—just so both of you can remember why you started your relationship in the first place.
8.Stay Consistent
Who cares how good the sex is if you only get it ("it" meaning "good") on your birthday? Who cares how romantic your man is if you can only recall two solid memories? Who cares how special your man makes you feel if it only happens after you've threatened to leave him for the fifth or 50th time?
Many a good relationships have crashed and burned, all because they lacked one very critical component—consistency. When someone is consistent, they are steady. They don't care about what they did last month, week or even yesterday. What matters to them is showing their partner, right in this moment, how special and wonderful they are. And when they get up the next day, they have the same mindset.
To me, consistency is a superpower. And there is a lot of truth to, what you did to get your partner, you need to do to keep them. Consistently so.
When it comes to keeping a relationship healthy and strong, consistency wins the race. No doubt about it at all.
Featured image by Getty Images.
Related Articles:
5 Ways To Stop Self-Sabotaging Yourself - Read More
Knowing Your Partner's Love Language Can Transform Your Relationship - Read More
On Choosing Relationship Health Over #RelationshipGoals - Read More
Ask Ayana Iman: Have I Outgrown This Relationship? - Read More
- 5 Daily Relationship Habits That Will Make Your Marriage Crazy ... ›
- 4 Things To Do Before You Start A New Relationship ›
- 10 Habits to Strengthen a Parent-Child Relationship | Psychology ... ›
- Daily Habits of Couples in Healthy Relationships | Reader's Digest ›
- Personal Relationship with God | Our Daily Bread ›
- How To Be Happy In A Relationship By Doing These 10 Subtle ... ›
- Relationships: What to do when you're losing lust | VailDaily.com ›
- What To Do If You're In A Toxic Relationship, According To Experts ›
- 10 Little Things Happy Couples Do Every Day ›
- 7 Things To Do With Your Partner To Keep Your Relationship Strong ›
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Blair Underwood Initially Turned Down 'Sex And The City' Because 'It Was About How Samantha Was Fascinated By Dating A Black Man’
Actor and heartthrob Blair Underwood is opening up about why he turned down Sex and the City the first time he was offered a role. Many fans of the HBO series may recall Blair's time on the show in which his character was dating Miranda (Cynthia Nixon). However, he was previously offered another role where his character would date Samantha (Kim Cattrall).
During his interview with AV Club, the Set It Off star revealed that he was uncomfortable with the initial offer due to the character's fascination with him being a Black man.
“I actually did say ‘no’ the first time,” he said. “The first time they had offered the role, to be honest with you, it was about how Samantha was fascinated by dating a Black man and wanted to know if, uh, all of the rumors were true about our anatomy! And I said, ‘Listen, I’m honored, thank you, but I just don’t want to play a character based on race, on curiosity about a Black man.'”
But that didn't stop them from reaching out again. This time he was offered to play Dr. Robert Leeds, the love interest to Miranda and he decided to go for it. "So they were nice enough to call about a year later, and I said, 'Well, is it gonna be about race?' And they said, 'No, no, no, we’re not even gonna mention race!' And I think it really did only come up maybe once," he recalled.
"It did five episodes, and I think Samantha mentioned it once, saying something about 'a Black doctor' that Miranda was dating. And that’s really been a consistent thing in my career: not wanting to be boxed as 'the Black guy.'
"I’ve had that conversation with many producers along the way, and they were so great. They said, 'No, he’s just a doctor who Miranda meets in the elevator, and they have a nice little fling.' And it was amazing."
Blair has had a wide-ranging career playing everything from a lawyer on L.A. Law to playing Madame CJ Walker's husband on Self Made: Inspired by the Life of Madame CJ Walker. And during his interview, he revealed another role that he initially turned down, Set It Off. The movie, which is considered a classic in Black culture, stars Queen Latifah, Jada Pinkett Smith, Vivica A. Fox, and Kimberly Elise. Blair's character, Keith, played a banker and love interest to Jada's character, Stony.
He explained why he said no at first and eventually accepted the offer. "I had initially said “no” to that. Because I was playing this historic, iconic African-American historical figure in Jackie Robinson, and the time, y’know, there was Boyz N The Hood, and Menace II Society was out there, and I’d finished playing this noble Negro… [Laughs]," he said.
"And I’m reading the script, and there’s a scene where Jada Pinkett’s character—Jada Pinkett-Smith now—was going to sell her body so she could make some money to send her brother to college. And I remember, honestly, I threw the script across the room. I was, like, “I don’t want to do this. I want to do something uplifting for the Black culture and Black characters, and I don’t know if I want to see this.”
After a conversation with the movie's director F. Gary Gray and the actor's manager encouraging him to finish reading the script, Blair had a change of heart. What he first thought about the movie turned out to be totally different.
"So I finished the script, and I saw that the character they were asking me to play was really the love story in the midst of all of this turmoil of all of these characters, the four ladies: Queen Latifah, Vivica Fox, Kimberly Elise, and Jada," he explained.
"It was so well-written, it was such a great platform for them. And to be able to play the love story and the storyline that gave Jada’s character a leg up and a way out of this world, something to hope for, to wish for, someone to love her… I said, 'You know what? I’d like to be a part of that.'
"And I’m so glad I did, because that film resonates to this day. People all the time come up to me and say that they love that movie. So I’m glad that I did it."