Ask Ayana Iman: He Says He Misses Me But He's Boo'd Up On IG
Ask Ayana Iman is a weekly segment on xoNecole that features real-life questions from real-life people with real-life advice from certified life coach Ayana Iman.
Dear Ayana Iman:
I met a guy online. We've been video chatting for two years straight, and I'm getting impatient waiting to meet him face-to-face. If he doesn't show up this Christmas, should I end it?
Your intuition is begging you to listen. This man is not who he says he is because, if he was fully invested, this wouldn't be a prolonged conversation. I know you've been video chatting for two years, but not meeting face-to-face is a red flag. Do you live in the same state? Country? Was there a date set to meet? I have questions. What is his reasoning for not wanting to physically be present in your life? I would love to know how he deflects when asked about meeting and why you have allowed it for so long.
Waiting until Christmas to break it off? That's a "no" from me, sis. I can only assume that the connection you've made with him runs deep, which is why it pains me to tell you to break it off, sooner than later.
The best gift you can give yourself is the gift of self-love.
That starts with accepting the situation and letting go of the fairytale ending where you two ride off into the sunset. The reality is you're wasting time on someone who may or may not exist. To put it in perspective, you have already invested 730 days, 104 weeks, and 1,051,200 minutes. However, you have the power to turn back the clock and have a fresh start. The quicker you close this door, the faster another one will open, hopefully, with someone who couldn't spend two years, let alone two weeks or two days away from you.
Dear Ayana Iman:
I was dating this guy for seven months and decided to just "be friends" after seeing his efforts change. Later, I wanted to try the relationship again, but he told me he's focused on enjoying work. However, he posts pictures with other women on his IG stories and quotes about wanting a girlfriend. When I finally stopped communicating and interacting, he started sending me "checking in on me" texts and saying he misses me. At one point he was in a whole other country and called me. I wanted to try the relationship again but now I'm so confused about what he wants. What should I do?
"I wanted to try the relationship again but now I'm so confused about what he wants…" What about what you want? Honestly. You seem consumed by his wants and needs, forgetting you are the most important person in this situation.
And from what I can assess, you are the only person thinking about a relationship. He's not just enjoying his work; he's enjoying life, with whomever he pleases, including you. His actions show a single man on the prowl. Of course, he calls you to check-in. Pillow talk is a hell of a drug and can make any lonely night, well, less lonely.
Sharing that you miss someone is sometimes just something to say.
He's so comfortable to have you in his life because there are no consequences when you aren't emotionally invested, especially when the other person (you) allows it. While you're thinking about him – he is doing what's in his best interest. It's time you do the same. I'm not discounting the connection you two may share. I know he likes you. However, the lack of respect and honor do not equate to settling for a piece of a man. I hope you find the confidence to ask for more out of a relationship.
I suggest unfollowing him on social media and deleting his number out your phone, respectfully. If you choose to give him an explanation as to why, let him know that you are focusing on enjoying your life with people that want to be in it. No, you don't need his friendship or goodbye sex. The power in your actions will help you strengthen your boundaries and attract a man that is deserving of your time.
Let's leave f**k boys in 2018.
With Love,
Ayana Iman xx
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Ayana Iman is a certified life coach, professional speaker, and mama of one based in New Jersey. She's also known for her love of big hair, travel, and cooking. Find her across social @AyanaIman.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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There is a lot of debate on whether cusp signs truly exist in Astrology and what that means for individuals born on a cusp. You’ve probably heard someone say they are a Libra-Scorpio Cusp rather than saying they are a Libra. Or heard someone say they don’t resonate with the typical characteristics of their zodiac sign, but they do with the sign next to theirs. Cusp signs come into play when you are born within the last or the first few days of a particular sign’s dates. They signify someone who can be either one sign or the other, and there is a fluidness about which sign they claim. So what is the truth? Can you truly be two signs at once?
Are Cusp Signs Real? What Cusp Signs Actually Mean
Well, technically speaking, no, cusp signs do not exist. This is because Astrology works in degrees, and the degree in which the sun was at the time you were born is either in one sign or the other. There is no “Libra-Scorpio degree” or a separate zodiac sign for people who are born on the cusp. However, it is also evident that individuals who are born within this cusp-frame do indeed have personality traits of their bordering sign and often have a different experience than those with the sun sign they are do. This is called the Cusp-Sign Theory, which debates the validity of being two signs at once.
When you break down the personality of those who fall under ‘cusp signs,’ you can see there is definitely a different energy they bring forth, often a combination of the two signs they are on the cusp on.
The best thing about Astrology is that it’s all about what works and resonates with you. If you were born on the last day of Scorpio Season, yet you strongly identify with Sagittarius traits, then maybe look into your entire birth chart to see where this might be coming from. You may be tapping into your Mercury or Venus sign, which is never too far off from your sun sign as well. So, technically, there are no cusp signs in Astrology, but there are different personality traits that people carry when they are on the border of another sign however, and there is no denying that.
Therefore, it’s important to look into what those traits are, and what type of characteristics you resonate with and can learn more about in yourself. There is no right or wrong here, and below, we will talk about what it means to be born on such a date.
Cusp Signs Dates
1.ARIES-TAURUS CUSP (Apr. 16-22): The Cusp of Power
Individuals born within the Aries/Taurus degrees have an air of power to them. They are headstrong, willful, and, yes, stubborn. These are the type of Aries that are also a little more grounded than the typical fire sign and may also have more of a need for stability, being less impulsive than the Ram is. Those born on the last few days of Aries Season also typically carry more of the Taurean's physical traits as well. The Tauruses born on this date are more fiery and passionate than their fellow earth signs.
2.TAURUS-GEMINI CUSP (May 17-23): The Cusp of Energy
Tauruses who are close to the Gemini degree are typically more outgoing and social than most Taurus are. These are people who are more inclined to communicate and are gifted with their charming self-expression. The Cusp of Energy resonates with the fact that these individuals work at their own speed and own timeline, using their Taurus head-strong traits with their Gemini traits or curiosity.
3.GEMINI-CANCER CUSP (Jun. 17-23): The Cusp of Magic
The Cusp of Magic explains the Gemini-Cancer combination that can sometimes be apparent in individuals. These are the alchemists in Astrology, people who know how to work with the different resources available to them to create something magical. These are also more emotional Geminis than this typical Mercurial sign, and they align with the head and the heart. The Cancers born within these dates are more self-expressive than the typical Crab and come out of their shell more often as well.
4.CANCER-LEO CUSP (Jul. 19-25): The Cusp of Oscillation
The Cancer-Leo Cusp can feel a little more challenging to the individuals who are born within these dates because Cancer and Leo energy is drastically different. These individuals can feel all over the place at times, but these are also Cancers who are more confident and self-empowered. Those who are the Leos in this time frame tend to be more emotional as well. Mood swings can be more likely with this combo, and they strive to maintain balance in life.
5.LEO-VIRGO CUSP (Aug. 19-25): The Cusp of Exposure
The Leo-Virgo Cusp is one of light and energy. These are the powerhouses who stand by their word and who know how to show up. Leos born on these dates get the best of both worlds to where they still have the regal flair of a Leo but with the intelligence of a Virgo. There is no denying that Virgos, born in August, and Virgos, born in September, have a different vibe. August Virgos tends to be more outgoing with a luxurious flair, and these cusps tend to have a lot going for them in life.
6.VIRGO-LIBRA CUSP (Sep. 19-25): The Cusp of Beauty
The Virgo-Libra Cusp is the Cusp of Beauty. These individuals are physically beautiful and exude this type of feminine energy as well. Virgos born within these dates tend to overthink less and can be more open-minded on matters thanks to Libra’s laissez-faire attitude seeping in. Libras born within this cusp don’t differ too much from their charming Libra qualities but do typically have a stronger gift and need for organization than most Libras do.
7.LIBRA-SCORPIO CUSP (Oct. 19-25): The Cusp of Drama
The Cusp of Drama explains the Libra-Scorpio Cusp, and that’s because these are two very different signs, and when they come together, there can be somewhat of a clash. Libra loves, and Scorpio feels, so there are a lot of emotions within these individuals, and a lot is going on internally with them. This cusp seems to have a more dramatic life than most, and they always keep things interesting.
8.SCORPIO-SAGITTARIUS CUSP (Nov. 18-24): The Cusp of Revolution
The Scorpio/Sagittarius combo brings forth great power. With two transformative signs mingling, these are individuals who make great strides in life and who can do great things in this world. With Scorpio's determination and Sagittarius’ larger-than-life mindset, these are people who walk into a room and are instantly noticed. Their energy is very strong, and they go through many transformations in life.
9.SAGITTARIUS-CAPRICORN CUSP (Dec. 18-24): The Cusp of Prophecy
The Sagittarius-Capricorn Cusp tends to be common in teachers, philosophers, or guides. These are people who have learned many life lessons and also learned the importance of sharing their wisdom with others. The Sagittariuses born within these dates are a little less impulsive than most Sagittariuses. The Capricorns born within this timeframe are more intrigued with the spiritual side of life than the typical serious Capricorn is.
10.CAPRICORN-AQUARIUS CUSP (Jan. 16-23): The Cusp of Mystery
The Capricorn-Aquarius Cusp doesn’t differentiate too much from their typical sun sign traits because these signs are both ruled by the same planet, Saturn. These are hard-working and intelligent people who also tend to have a gift with money, time, and creating new systems. There is an air of mystery to these individuals as well, and they often surprise people with their interests, talents, and tastes.
11.AQUARIUS-PISCES CUSP (Feb. 15-21): The Cusp of Sensitivity
The Aquarius-Pisces Cusp is one of the more common ones, and these individuals often align strongly with their Piscean traits. Being on the border of an air sign and a water sign brings a heightened sensitivity and an awareness of the world around them. Aquarius is aligned with the collective consciousness, and Pisces is the compassion that heals the collective. These are people who typically make great friends and confidants and who you want in your circle.
12.PISCES-ARIES CUSP (Mar. 17-23): The Cusp of Rebirth
The Cusp of Rebirth signifies the Pisces-Aries Cusp and that is because Pisces is the last sign on the zodiac wheel, and Aries is the first. There is a transformative energy in the middle of these two signs, and their traits often differ drastically. However, the Pisces born on this cusp have an additional flair and charisma to them, and the Aries born on this cusp are more connected to their emotions than most Aries. People born within these dates are often changing, and moving through culminations and new beginnings in life.
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