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Ask Ayana Iman: How Do I Find Closure After Being Ghosted?

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Dear Ayana Iman: How do you let go of someone who never said goodbye?


It sounds like you've been ghosted: the act of ceasing all communication without justification. It's a power move, which allows the other person to take control of the situation by eliminating emotional fallout. I'm sorry this has happened to you, no one deserves it. In my opinion, it's disrespectful and a selfish way to end any relationship. The sad reality is relationships are at will…meaning either person can end it at any time without reason or warning.

The need for closure is human. We all want to know the cause of breakups to maintain our dignity. I do, however, hope you can see this person was a jerk and undeserving of your time.

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Here are some things to consider moving forward:

  1. You are worthy.
  2. Grieving is necessary. Give yourself the freedom to let go of distress.
  3. The relationship ended for reasons you couldn't control and that is not your fault.
  4. Forgive yourself for trusting someone who didn't have good intentions.
  5. Acknowledge the end of the relationship and accept it.
  6. This is a new chapter and you are allowed to take your power back.
  7. Surround yourself with people who love you.
  8. Don't waste your energy rebounding for the sake of not feeling lonely; you are not alone.
  9. Focus on moving forward by setting goals and revisiting your bucket list.
  10. Take it one day at a time.

Dear Ayana Iman: I'm 33 years old and stuck in a rut. I'm currently working at a dead end job but I need the money so I cannot quit.The job isn't bad, it can be stressful, but it's just not paying me enough to survive. I would like to follow my passion of having my own media and film production company. I've even went as far as creating a name and registering it but I'm not college educated and early on, I made some mistakes in life which lead to a felony background and difficulty in obtaining employment. I'm sort of playing catch up on everything: bills, life, etc. What should I do??

Hey Sis, the power is in the tongue. If you want to own a media and film production company, speak life into it. You don't have to be college educated to start or own a business. That is a myth.

The mistakes you've made are in the past; forgive yourself.

Here are some people trying to change the stigma of convicted felons. Yes, life can be unkind, especially when opportunities feel scarce, but there is no limit on your glory. One way to pay homage to your growth is to share your story and provide a platform for others to share their experiences.

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Utilize social media as a free tool to post your work and build your tribe. Create an email list and share your goals and progress with subscribers. Identify the cost associated with running your media company and crowdsource funds to cover projects. Also, find mentors in the business to gain clarity and access to information.

Director Ava DuVernay didn't pick up a camera until she was 32, and now she's directing blockbuster films. She forged her own path and is constantly breaking down barriers. There is room for your gift and if you're willing to do the work, change is possible.

Do you have a question about love, life, career, wellness, etc. that you'd like for life coach Ayana to answer in a future Ask Ayana Iman segment? Submit your questions here for a chance to have your question answered! Click here for past Ask Ayana Iman posts to see if your question has already been answered!

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This article is in partnership with Xfinity.

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