Ask Ayana Iman: How Do I Find Closure After Being Ghosted?
Dear Ayana Iman:How do you let go of someone who never said goodbye?
It sounds like you've been ghosted: the act of ceasing all communication without justification. It's a power move, which allows the other person to take control of the situation by eliminating emotional fallout. I'm sorry this has happened to you, no one deserves it. In my opinion, it's disrespectful and a selfish way to end any relationship. The sad reality is relationships are at will…meaning either person can end it at any time without reason or warning.
The need for closure is human. We all want to know the cause of breakups to maintain our dignity. I do, however, hope you can see this person was a jerk and undeserving of your time.
Here are some things to consider moving forward:
- You are worthy.
- Grieving is necessary. Give yourself the freedom to let go of distress.
- The relationship ended for reasons you couldn't control and that is not your fault.
- Forgive yourself for trusting someone who didn't have good intentions.
- Acknowledge the end of the relationship and accept it.
- This is a new chapter and you are allowed to take your power back.
- Surround yourself with people who love you.
- Don't waste your energy rebounding for the sake of not feeling lonely; you are not alone.
- Focus on moving forward by setting goals and revisiting your bucket list.
- Take it one day at a time.
Dear Ayana Iman:I'm 33 years old and stuck in a rut. I'm currently working at a dead end job but I need the money so I cannot quit.The job isn't bad, it can be stressful, but it's just not paying me enough to survive. I would like to follow my passion of having my own media and film production company. I've even went as far as creating a name and registering it but I'm not college educated and early on, I made some mistakes in life which lead to a felony background and difficulty in obtaining employment. I'm sort of playing catch up on everything: bills, life, etc. What should I do??
Hey Sis, the power is in the tongue. If you want to own a media and film production company, speak life into it. You don't have to be college educated to start or own a business. That is a myth.
The mistakes you've made are in the past; forgive yourself.
Here are some people trying to change the stigma of convicted felons. Yes, life can be unkind, especially when opportunities feel scarce, but there is no limit on your glory. One way to pay homage to your growth is to share your story and provide a platform for others to share their experiences.
Utilize social media as a free tool to post your work and build your tribe. Create an email list and share your goals and progress with subscribers. Identify the cost associated with running your media company and crowdsource funds to cover projects. Also, find mentors in the business to gain clarity and access to information.
Director Ava DuVernay didn't pick up a camera until she was 32, and now she's directing blockbuster films. She forged her own path and is constantly breaking down barriers. There is room for your gift and if you're willing to do the work, change is possible.
Do you have a question about love, life, career, wellness, etc. that you'd like for life coach Ayana to answer in a future Ask Ayana Iman segment? Submit your questions here for a chance to have your question answered! Click here for past Ask Ayana Iman posts to see if your question has already been answered!
Featured image by Shutterstock
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Ayana Iman is a certified life coach, professional speaker, and mama of one based in New Jersey. She's also known for her love of big hair, travel, and cooking. Find her across social @AyanaIman.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Rihanna Talks Shedding Expectations And Finding Balance As A Mother
Since becoming a mother in 2022, Rihanna has defined parenthood by her terms and hopes to pass that sense of autonomy on to her children.
For Vogue China’s April cover story, Rihanna shared her perspective on raising her two sons with A$AP Rocky, and how she hopes to preserve her children’s uniqueness, devoid of societal expectations.
"The most beautiful thing...is that [children] come into the world with their own individuality and sincerity, without any logic or conformity,” she told the publication. “Which usually makes you feel that you must fit into a certain group."
The “Work” artist, known for her trendsetting style and captivating persona, expressed her desire to support children in fully embracing their individuality and encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. "It's really beautiful to see and I want to continue to help them navigate that and make sure that they know they can be whoever they want to be,” she says.
She continues, “They should embrace it completely, because it's beautiful, and it's unique. I love them just that way."
From shattering music charts to shaking up the beauty industry, Rihanna has forged a path that has since created the “dream” life we see today. One that she says has made her parents proud of.
“I’m living my dream,” she continued. “My parents were very proud of that because they just wanted me to be happy and successful. So, I think the key thing is to find some kind of balance. Yes, balance is important. Do this and you get the best of both worlds. You can write your own life the way you want, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to let go of everyone’s expectations and start living your own story.”
Rihanna, who shares sons, RZA, 23 months, and Riot, 8 months, with rapper A$AP Rocky, recently shared her vision for expanding her family in the future in Interview Magazine.
When stylist Mel Ottenberg asked about the number of additional children she hoped to have, Rihanna replied, "As many as God wants me to have.”
"I don't know what God wants, but I would go for more than two. I would try for my girl,” she adds. “But of course, if it's another boy, it's another boy."
Featured image by Neil MockfordWireImage