As a life coach myself, I’m not shocked in the least that it is currently a market that is going totally off the rails as far as evolution and demand are concerned. For instance, over the past few years, the industry has reportedly grown over 33 percent as more individuals are looking for other ways to seek mental health solutions and/or achieve various goals in life.
Here’s the thing, though — even though life coaching is a billion-dollar industry, did you know that there are currently only 23,000 certified coaches in the United States (and only 71,000 in the world)? How is that possible? For one thing, it’s one field that currently isn’t regulated (although that’s about to change), which is why you see people everywhere — and I do mean everywhere — saying that they are a life coach even if they are more like a media personality, an influencer, a public speaker or someone who just wants to sound like they are an authority on something (even if they technically aren’t).
That’s why I thought it would be important — critical even — to share with you what it means to be a life coach and how it could benefit you to work with one. Because if you’ve been giving hiring one some serious consideration as of late, you need to make sure that you know just what you’re getting into and if it’s actually a wise investment (for you personally).
What’s the Difference Between a Life Coach and a Therapist?
I won’t lie to you — this first question really is its own article which is why I provided you with the handy chart (above). However, if I were to summarize things, I would say that if you want someone who will help you to dive into your past in order to figure out layers of “whys” in your life, a therapist is who you’re looking for. On the other hand, if you want someone who is trained in how to ask the kind of questions that will assist you in tapping into what you need to do in the present as it directly relates to your future, a life coach can make that happen.
In fact, one of the things that a life coach is taught while getting certified (and credentialed if they decide to pursue that as well) is that when it comes to the “who, what, when, where, why, and how” list of questions, the one that they actually are supposed to avoid (as much as possible) IS the “why.” Why? Because, again, the past is not their job; the present is.
A better way to explain this is, say you want to figure out why you keep dating the same kind of men who only prove to be unhealthy for you. If it’s been years of the same pattern, you should probably see a therapist. On the other hand, if you’re pretty self-aware of your cycle and you’re basically needing some assistance on receiving some ah-ha moments that can help you to put a plan together to date differently in the future, this is where a life coach can help you out.
My opinion? If you know that you need to unpack your past and you want to be proactive about your present and future, it can’t hurt to see a therapist and life coach at the same time, especially since, if a life coach is good at their job, you shouldn’t need to see them for years on end anyway. Solid ones can help you to get the insight that you need, typically after just a few sessions (like maybe 5-7), so that you can feel confident in making future decisions on your own. Or you can look for a hybrid of a therapist and life coach, which is slowly yet surely becoming a popular phenomenon in the world of mental health as well.
How Can a Life Coach Benefit You?
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A married couple who I’ve just started working with was just about at their wit’s end before getting referred to me by another client of mine. They’ve actually seen several therapists, yet they feel like it’s been a complete waste of their time and money because pretty much all those people did was stare at them with a notepad and take their coins.
Yeah, it really is another article for another time, how there are some licensed therapists who ain’t really worth a damn (#sorrynotsorry). Hell, some of them are ranting on TikTok as we speak. SMDH. That’s why you should never assume that just because someone has letters behind their name that they will automatically be good at their job. A therapist/client relationship is a serious one and a big investment mentally, emotionally, and financially on your end, so definitely make sure to vet a potential therapistthoroughly before officially signing on to work with them (a therapist’s blog that has a list of 22 good questions that you should ask prospective therapists is located here).
As far as the new couple goes, we’ve been thriving, in part, because my knowledge of marriage has given them some new things to think about. Also, since I’m not the most conventional coach on the planet (which is kind of an understatement), they like that I’m not comfortable with sessions ending without them getting some real clarity and having some short-term goals to work on. More than anything, though, what they have told me is they appreciate how much more confident they feel about their relationship since coming to my sessions.
And why is that? Because it’s a wise person who once said that wisdom lies not so much in having the right answers but in being asked the right questions. And why is that? Because questions help you to slow down and think. Questions help you to gain more internal clarity. Questions take the emphasis off of the person you hired (a lot of mental health professionals will talk more than listen, which can sometimes be super counterproductive) and back onto yourself. Questions can urge you to tap deeper into your curious, creative, and even organized sides of being. Questions can reveal to you the answers that you didn’t even know you had. And a life coach (a properly trained one) can help you to learn how to see all of this by asking you the right — meaning most beneficial — questions.
I mean, just think about it. While there is something to be said for seeing a professional who will just listen to you (if that’s what you’re looking for) and/or can provide you with some solid tips and tools, think about how good you’ll feel after having a session with someone who helped you to see that you oftentimes have, just what you’re looking for, within yourself? It’s all about working with someone who knows how to guide you along the way — and that’s just what a life coach does (or should be doing).
Aside from that, life coaches can:
- Help you to set and reach goals
- Get you to understand what your current needs are
- Support you in becoming a more effective communicator
- Offer up a different perspective on matters
- Boost your self-esteem
- Reframe your negative thought patterns
- Reduce your stress levels and provide some mental and emotional stability
Yep, they can be bomb on a few different levels…as you can see.
What Are Some Questions You Should Ask Before Officially Hiring a Life Coach?
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Did you notice how on the chart above the first question, it said that life coaches don’t need to be certified or credentialed (which is actually similar to doulas, although some formal training in both fields is a good idea)? While that is indeed true, word on the street is that fact will be changing over the next few years. The reality is that as life coaches are growing in popularity (and let’s be real, they are competing strongly with therapists and counselors), many in the mental health field are standing up and saying that they should be required to have some sort of professional training. Whether their reasons are rooted in jealousy, pettiness, or accountability, this is where we are now, and honestly, there are some benefits to the soon-to-be mandate becoming the case.
Again, because life coaching is still not regulated en masse, anyone with an opinion and a website can call themselves a life coach. And while I won’t name no names (the list is quite frankly too long at this point anyway), a lot of these people aren’t coaches at all. How do I know? Because they don’t do what I just shared that life coaches are supposed to do — ask you the questions that will empower you to find your own answers (in a nutshell).
That’s why, before just paying for a life coaching seminar from someone who offers them on YouTube or TikTok or even hiring someone who was referred to you by someone else, be prepared to ask the following questions:
Are you certified and/or credentialed through an ICF-accredited school? ICF stands for the International Coaching Federation. It’s where the serious life coaches go to get qualified. Although you can find some outstanding coaches who didn’t go through ICF, if you do work with someone who did, you can be confident that they know what a life coach is actually supposed to do and that they’ve been trained in exactly how to do it.
How long have you been working as a life coach? Even if they aren’t certified or credentialed, it helps to work with someone who has some experience underneath their belt. Try not to just take their word for it, either. Ask them if they have some referrals who would be willing to personally vouch for them.
What is your niche? Although a niche is not necessary, it can be beneficial to work with someone who has a “specialty.” For instance, I study marriage on a daily basis, like someone is paying me a million dollars annually to do it, and that has been the case since my 20s. So yeah, my niche is marriage with a subset of dating and relationships, first and foremost. At this point, even though I’ve never been married before (half of all marriages end in divorce, so don’t automatically assume that married folks are full of marriage wisdom just because they’re married…feel me?), there are husbands and wives who will send couples my way because they know how engrossed into the topic of marriage (including intel, stats, books, podcasts, studies, etc.) that I am. Can I also “life coach someone” into making a decision about their finances? Sure, because, again, it’s about knowing what kind of questions to ask. Yet am I better at helping folks with their marriage? Hands down, because it is my “lane.”
Do we have to work together in an office, or are there other options? Most of my clients, we meet by phone. Mostly it’s because many of them are out of town; however, even with the ones who live in my city, I find that a phone call takes some of the pressure off when it comes to them not being stared down for an hour or more at a time. Either way, ask a potential life coach what session options they offer, including in-person, phone, or video chatting (like a Zoom meeting). Sometimes the convenience of chatting from home can make the experience well worth your while (even more so).
Do you plan on getting certified/credentialed at some point? I live in Music City (the real ones know where that is), and so, since Tennessee is leading the charge in people having some formal/professional training, that’s a part of the reason why, even with almost 20 years of experience in working with married couples (and even getting referrals from therapists and pastors), I decided to recently get certified/credentialed as a holistic life coach and trauma recovery coach as well (I will be certified in both by May and credentialed by late fall).
However, if you are working with someone who isn’t certified or credentialed and has no plans on becoming that way, it can’t hurt to ask why. Again, there are some folks who are great without the training — yet knowing the method to their madness can prove to be highly beneficial.
How Much Should You Expect to Pay?
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Personally, I don’t charge as much as I should. I know it. My instructors say it. Other coaches in my life berate me about it. I’ve honestly heard it enough that it’ll probably change by the end of the year. And while I won’t put my own rates on blast (email me at missnosipho@gmail.com if you’re curious/interested), what I will say is the current going rate for life coaches typically averages somewhere between $75-200/hr.
Usually, what I will do is charge half of that amount for the first session to see if a potential client and myself would be a good fit but different life coaches approach the initial meeting in a variety of ways. Just make sure that you ask all of the questions that will make you feel comfortable about moving forward, and don’t feel bad about “interviewing” several before making a final decision.
How Long Should Working with a Life Coach Last?
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Last point. Remember how I said towards the top of this article that life coaching tends to be a shorter-term type of (professional) relationship? Because the ultimate goal of life coaching is to help you to find the answers within yourself that you need for your current and/or future decisions, oftentimes, you may not need more than a few sessions.
On the other hand, some life coaches will assess your situation (it’s normal for them to either give you an intake form) and then recommend a three, six, or 12-month commitment. Bottom line, life coaching really shouldn’t require a super long dynamic — unless you, as the client, would like for it to be that way (for instance, if you have several different things that you would like to be assisted with/supported in).
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Hopefully, I was able to provide you with some insights into the world of life coaching so that you now have a better understanding of what one is and how one could serve you. Plus, now you know that whenever you hear someone call them a coach, you have a proper guideline to go by.
Even though I happen to be one (which does make me a lil’ bit biased), I think everyone could benefit from seeing a life coach at least a couple of times in their lifetime. After all, anything that encourages you to think for yourself in ways that you never had before is definitely not time or money wasted. Straight up.
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Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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While the movies and shows on this list vary in genre and style, they all have toe-curling elements that make them truly mind-blowing.
1. Love & Basketball
Now, Love & Basketballis a universally memorable movie in the Black community in its own right, but that sex scene was almost revolutionary. The raw, realistic portrayal of Monica’s first time as she loses her virginity to her childhood soulmate Quincy was an important moment for young Black women everywhere. For a scene that had no on-screen nudity, the chemistry between the characters was enough to have us all feeling a little hot under the collar!
2. Set It Off
This 1996 sex scene between Blair Underwood and Jada Pinkett-Smith’s characters Keith and Stony had all the elements that take a sex scene from good to great. And let’s not let the fact that Jada used a body double take away from how iconic this scene is. Attractive actors, focused foreplay, close-ups, tension-building music (shout out En Vogue!), and chemistry for days. When I rewatched this movie recently and noticed the way Keith moved his chain out of the way (IYKYK), I yelled! Those little details set this sex scene apart.
3. Out of Time
Denzel Washington has been fine his whole life. He’s intergenerational fine. And when this movie came out he was in his PRIME, okay?! The chemistry between Denzel and Sanaa Lathan in Out of Time is undeniable. So much so that when the movie came out, rumors began to circulate that the actors were romantically involved. And if you’ve seen the movie, I’m sure you’re not surprised.
The icing on the cake for me was that roleplay scene (peep the video above). You know, the one where Matthias pretends to be investigating a crime and Ann talks him through what the “intruder” did to her and he reenacts it? Turns out WE were the ones intruding on a crime - assault with a deadly weapon, if you will.
4. Scandal
Thursdays haven’t been the same since ABC’s TGIT. Shonda Rhimes was in her bag when she gave us back-to-back episodes of Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal, AND How To Get Away With Murder. Lives were changed. Aside from nail-biting drama and salacious storylines, Shonda also consistently gave us an array of dangerously attractive characters and sexual tension so thick you could cut it with a knife.
I’ll forever be team #Olitz. Their steamy sex sessions were made even hotter because their relationship was taboo, scandalous, even.
Adultery aside, Olivia and Fitz’s sexy time scenes never left anything to be desired. Interestingly, my favorite Olitz sex scene is their very first time. After six episodes of build-up, they finally did the deed and alleviated all the sexual tension we’d all been feeling. I think we all developed a new level of respect for Fitz when he ordered Olivia to take her clothes off, and she did not disappoint because she served bawdy in that white lingerie (I see what you did there, Shonda). Olivia served at the pleasure of the President, and so did we. For all 6 seasons.
5. Bridgerton
Dearest Gentle Reader, this couple certainly set the Ton abuzz in Bridgerton season one. For a Duke who was once lost for words, the cat’s certainly no longer in possession of his tongue. And luckily, it seems the Duchess is more physical touch than words of affirmation.
The Hastings basked in newlywed bliss all over their new abode and that library ladder scene - you know the one - took the couple’s sex life to new heights. What made this scene with Simon going down on Daphne while she’s suspended on a ladder so incredibly hot is how it centered *female* pleasure. He a good man, Savannah!
6. Insecure
One thing we could always expect from Issa Rae and Larry Wilmore’s hit series - a jaw-dropping sex scene. What I loved about Insecure’s sex scenes is that they’re not only seriously hot, but alsoVERY relatable. From that incident with Daniel, to Issa and Lawrence’s freshly-broken-up-unfinished-business ex-sex.
The one that tops my list has got to be when Issa and Nathan joined their own version of the Mile High Club on the Ferris wheel at Coachella. Cinematically, the scene was gorgeous but it also felt truly organic, like it was the perfect first time for them. I feel like we all collectively exhaled because she finally chose a man we could actually root for. You know what that is? Growth.
Honorable mention: the we’ve-finally-reunited couch sex Lawrence and Issa have when they finally get back together.
7. Power
From gunplay to foreplay, Power held nothing back. Every sex scene was spicy in its own way from Tate and his staffer, to the pilot episode Ghost and Tasha, to Tommy and Keisha. So many to choose from! The one that stands out in my mind is when Ghost and Angela get it on against the window of his hotel room overlooking the New York cityscape. Their chemistry was undeniable and the yearning was palpable in every single one of their sex scenes. Now, that’s acting!
8. Love Jones
WhenLove Jones premiered in 1997, a Black romance about a couple of creatives living and loving in the city was unprecedented. Between the novelty of the story and the charming dynamic between Darius and Nina, Love Jones quickly became a cultural classic. And even with the plethora of Black stories that have since graced our screens, Love Jones is a movie the conversation always comes back to. I mean, with bars like “I’m the blues in your left thigh trying to become the funk in your right”? Yeah, I would’ve folded.
Nina and Darius having sex on the first date felt bold and spontaneous, but that’s only part of why that scene was so steamy. Music can make or break a moment on-screen - sex or otherwise - and Maxwell’s "Sumthin’ Sumthin’" playing in the background made it feel like they were truly making love. Romance is sexy too, right?
9. Queen & Slim
Finally, on-screen car sex that actually looks enjoyable! It’s a beautifully shot scene with long, slow closeups of the characters making intense eye contact (IYKYK!). And the passion between the two actors is so realistic that some people even questioned if the scene was real! The buildup that led to this spontaneous daylight, on-the-run hookup made it even sexier. 10/10, no notes.
For so long, we’ve been starved of seeing positive Black female sexuality on screen and the She’s Gotta Have It remake helped to change that. DeWanda Wise absolutely killed it in the Spike Lee remake as Nola Darling, a polyamorous pansexual woman living her best sexually liberated life, boldly approaching relationships in a way we usually see as taboo. Men, women…one, two, three on rotation, Nola’s pleasure was Nola’s priority (IKDR!).
While her sexual appetite meant her loving bed saw many visitors, I think her best sex scene came when she finally decided to give monogamy a try with her girlfriend Opal. While the scene was pretty graphic, just like the others, this one was different because it was special. It felt like Nola and Opal were two women passionately in love. And what’s sexier than sex with someone you love?
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Featured image via Netflix