Quantcast

Ask Ayana Iman: He Says He Misses Me But He's Boo'd Up On IG

Which one is it?

Dating

Ask Ayana Iman is a weekly segment on xoNecole that features real-life questions from real-life people with real-life advice from certified life coach Ayana Iman.

Dear Ayana Iman:


I met a guy online. We've been video chatting for two years straight, and I'm getting impatient waiting to meet him face-to-face. If he doesn't show up this Christmas, should I end it?

Your intuition is begging you to listen. This man is not who he says he is because, if he was fully invested, this wouldn't be a prolonged conversation. I know you've been video chatting for two years, but not meeting face-to-face is a red flag. Do you live in the same state? Country? Was there a date set to meet? I have questions. What is his reasoning for not wanting to physically be present in your life? I would love to know how he deflects when asked about meeting and why you have allowed it for so long.

Waiting until Christmas to break it off? That's a "no" from me, sis. I can only assume that the connection you've made with him runs deep, which is why it pains me to tell you to break it off, sooner than later.

The best gift you can give yourself is the gift of self-love.

That starts with accepting the situation and letting go of the fairytale ending where you two ride off into the sunset. The reality is you're wasting time on someone who may or may not exist. To put it in perspective, you have already invested 730 days, 104 weeks, and 1,051,200 minutes. However, you have the power to turn back the clock and have a fresh start. The quicker you close this door, the faster another one will open, hopefully, with someone who couldn't spend two years, let alone two weeks or two days away from you.

Dear Ayana Iman:

I was dating this guy for seven months and decided to just "be friends" after seeing his efforts change. Later, I wanted to try the relationship again, but he told me he's focused on enjoying work. However, he posts pictures with other women on his IG stories and quotes about wanting a girlfriend. When I finally stopped communicating and interacting, he started sending me "checking in on me" texts and saying he misses me. At one point he was in a whole other country and called me. I wanted to try the relationship again but now I'm so confused about what he wants. What should I do?

"I wanted to try the relationship again but now I'm so confused about what he wants…" What about what you want? Honestly. You seem consumed by his wants and needs, forgetting you are the most important person in this situation.

And from what I can assess, you are the only person thinking about a relationship. He's not just enjoying his work; he's enjoying life, with whomever he pleases, including you. His actions show a single man on the prowl. Of course, he calls you to check-in. Pillow talk is a hell of a drug and can make any lonely night, well, less lonely.

Sharing that you miss someone is sometimes just something to say.

He's so comfortable to have you in his life because there are no consequences when you aren't emotionally invested, especially when the other person (you) allows it. While you're thinking about him – he is doing what's in his best interest. It's time you do the same. I'm not discounting the connection you two may share. I know he likes you. However, the lack of respect and honor do not equate to settling for a piece of a man. I hope you find the confidence to ask for more out of a relationship.

I suggest unfollowing him on social media and deleting his number out your phone, respectfully. If you choose to give him an explanation as to why, let him know that you are focusing on enjoying your life with people that want to be in it. No, you don't need his friendship or goodbye sex. The power in your actions will help you strengthen your boundaries and attract a man that is deserving of your time.

Let's leave f**k boys in 2018.

With Love,
Ayana Iman xx

Related Stories

Ask Ayana Iman: My Workplace Feels Like The Black Version Of 'Mean Girls' - Read More

Ask Ayana Iman: How Do I Find Closure After Being Ghosted? - Read More

Ask Ayana: I Fell For A Coworker & Now He's Left Me Hanging - Read More

Ask Ayana Iman: I Hate My Job But I Can't Afford to Quit - Read More

Featured image by Getty Images

When it comes to skincare, I have to say we are spoiled. We have a variety of products on the market that help us achieve that natural, youthful glow we all want. From gels, oils, serums, creams, foams, scrubs, and vitamins, we clearly can't go wrong. If you're obsessed with taking care of your skin or have been prone to skin problems like me, you've probably used retinol, hyaluronic acid, glycolic acid, salicylic acid, and benzoyl peroxide as part of your skincare routine. These are just common key ingredients that have been on the market for decades. Now, there are so many other types of acids and supplements that give your skincare routine the upgrade you didn't know it needed.

Keep reading... Show less
The daily empowerment fix you need.
Make things inbox official.

This article is in partnership with Xfinity.

Those who have experienced an HBCU homecoming understand the assignment. Students, alumni, and family of a Historically Black College and University gather to partake in the excitement of celebrating the heritage and culture of the school. It's a time of joy, honoring traditions, and for some, reflecting on the good ol' days. Homecoming weekends are spent eating well, laughing plenty, and enjoying the sights; and there is plenty to see! (Spoiler alert: Sleep is not on the syllabus.)

Keep reading... Show less

Summer is coming to an end, and it's officially time to start the fall activities. And with the start of a new season comes new movies and shows. One, in particular, is the final season of Netflix's Dear White People, airing September 22. A great thing about this show is that it sparks healthy conversation. Past seasons have explored topics like double consciousness, sexuality, and the Me Too Movement, but it's done it in a way that still allows the show to feel relatable and fun.

Keep reading... Show less

Period pain. Lawd. Could there be something that is more annoying, especially since it happens every 28-30 days? Like, c'mon. If you've ever wondered about the science behind it all, basically, we need our uterus to contract, so that it can shed the lining that accumulated, just in case we conceived in between cycles. And so, what basically happens is, the prostaglandins levels in our system increase which trigger inflammation and also period pain, so that the blood is able to flow from our bodies.

Keep reading... Show less

One of my favorite things about the changing seasons are the new vibes and new energies that change welcomes with it. September represents a transition from the white sand beaches, bottomless brunches, and undeniable romantic vibes long nights, festivals, and impromptu road trips often thought of when we think about the summer. In its place comes romanticism in a different approach. Pumpkin spice anything, the excuse to cuddle up, and the leaves of the trees turning warm shades sparks joy in a different way as fall begins. Perhaps what I am most excited about though are the 2021 wellness trends that come with it.

Keep reading... Show less
Exclusive Interviews

Exclusive: Lucky Daye Is Doing It For The Culture, From The Soul

Every so often, an artist comes along who seems to be a physical manifestation of all that we are.

Latest Posts