Quantcast
Ask Ayana Iman: He Says He Misses Me But He's Boo'd Up On IG
Dating

Ask Ayana Iman: He Says He Misses Me But He's Boo'd Up On IG

Ask Ayana Iman is a weekly segment on xoNecole that features real-life questions from real-life people with real-life advice from certified life coach Ayana Iman.

Dear Ayana Iman:


I met a guy online. We've been video chatting for two years straight, and I'm getting impatient waiting to meet him face-to-face. If he doesn't show up this Christmas, should I end it?

Your intuition is begging you to listen. This man is not who he says he is because, if he was fully invested, this wouldn't be a prolonged conversation. I know you've been video chatting for two years, but not meeting face-to-face is a red flag. Do you live in the same state? Country? Was there a date set to meet? I have questions. What is his reasoning for not wanting to physically be present in your life? I would love to know how he deflects when asked about meeting and why you have allowed it for so long.

Waiting until Christmas to break it off? That's a "no" from me, sis. I can only assume that the connection you've made with him runs deep, which is why it pains me to tell you to break it off, sooner than later.

The best gift you can give yourself is the gift of self-love.

That starts with accepting the situation and letting go of the fairytale ending where you two ride off into the sunset. The reality is you're wasting time on someone who may or may not exist. To put it in perspective, you have already invested 730 days, 104 weeks, and 1,051,200 minutes. However, you have the power to turn back the clock and have a fresh start. The quicker you close this door, the faster another one will open, hopefully, with someone who couldn't spend two years, let alone two weeks or two days away from you.

Dear Ayana Iman:

I was dating this guy for seven months and decided to just "be friends" after seeing his efforts change. Later, I wanted to try the relationship again, but he told me he's focused on enjoying work. However, he posts pictures with other women on his IG stories and quotes about wanting a girlfriend. When I finally stopped communicating and interacting, he started sending me "checking in on me" texts and saying he misses me. At one point he was in a whole other country and called me. I wanted to try the relationship again but now I'm so confused about what he wants. What should I do?

"I wanted to try the relationship again but now I'm so confused about what he wants…" What about what you want? Honestly. You seem consumed by his wants and needs, forgetting you are the most important person in this situation.

And from what I can assess, you are the only person thinking about a relationship. He's not just enjoying his work; he's enjoying life, with whomever he pleases, including you. His actions show a single man on the prowl. Of course, he calls you to check-in. Pillow talk is a hell of a drug and can make any lonely night, well, less lonely.

Sharing that you miss someone is sometimes just something to say.

He's so comfortable to have you in his life because there are no consequences when you aren't emotionally invested, especially when the other person (you) allows it. While you're thinking about him – he is doing what's in his best interest. It's time you do the same. I'm not discounting the connection you two may share. I know he likes you. However, the lack of respect and honor do not equate to settling for a piece of a man. I hope you find the confidence to ask for more out of a relationship.

I suggest unfollowing him on social media and deleting his number out your phone, respectfully. If you choose to give him an explanation as to why, let him know that you are focusing on enjoying your life with people that want to be in it. No, you don't need his friendship or goodbye sex. The power in your actions will help you strengthen your boundaries and attract a man that is deserving of your time.

Let's leave f**k boys in 2018.

With Love,
Ayana Iman xx

Related Stories

Ask Ayana Iman: My Workplace Feels Like The Black Version Of 'Mean Girls' - Read More

Ask Ayana Iman: How Do I Find Closure After Being Ghosted? - Read More

Ask Ayana: I Fell For A Coworker & Now He's Left Me Hanging - Read More

Ask Ayana Iman: I Hate My Job But I Can't Afford to Quit - Read More

Featured image by Getty Images

TRENDING
ALSO ON XONECOLE
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly

This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.

Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.

KEEP READINGShow less
Could The 'O Method' Be Just What You Need To Have The Sex You Want?

An author by the name of Alexandra Katehakis once said this about orgasms: “Great spiritual teachers throughout the ages have stated that orgasm is the closest some people come to a spiritual experience because of the momentary loss of self. Why is this true? Because with spiritual sex, you move beyond orgasm into a connection with yourself, your partner, and the divine — recognizing them all as one.”

If it’s counterintuitive to what you’ve ever thought about orgasms, believe it or not, there are even pastors who have said that climaxing is the closest comprehension of heaven on this side of it: it is an extreme kind of bliss that is indescribable and is best experienced between two people who share a sacrificial kind of love for one another.

KEEP READINGShow less
LATEST POSTS