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U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight

"An orgasm a day keeps the worries away."—Unknown

Sex

Orgasms are climaxes and climaxes are the ultimate. So, hell yeah, I'm gonna write about them, just as much as I possibly can (for example, check out "10 Hacks To Help You Climax More Consistently", "10 Weird & Random Things That Can Prevent An Orgasm" and "What Is A Super Orgasm & How Can I Have One?"). Today, what we're gonna explore is the kind of orgasms that you can have that don't get nearly as much attention as they probably deserve. What I personally think is so cool about them is they are a clear reminder that there simply isn't just one way to cum and if you're open to discovering some other avenues, you might be able to see the mountaintop—you know, so to speak—a whole lot more often than you currently do. And who doesn't want to do that? Let's check out six "uncommon" orgasms, shall we?

1. How to Have a U-Spot Orgasm

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So, what in the world is a U-spot orgasm? It's all about stimulating your urethra which is about gently touching the area that's around and above the opening of your urethra. If you're looking like, "Uh, OK but where exactly is my urethra?", it's an internal part of our body (a tube) that is located between your clitoris and vaginal opening.

Externally, the opening of your urethra is underneath your clitoris and above your vagina. It's literally the hole that you pee out of. When this tiny area is very lightly caressed with a finger or tongue—listen, there are absolutely no words to adequately describe how sensational it feels. There really aren't.

2. How to Have an A-Spot Orgasm

OK. This is the kind of orgasm that I already know some of you are gonna wanna throw one of your shoes at the monitor about because it's like a calculus-level one. However, since I can't think of too many things that are more fun than trying to achieve the Big O, it had to go on the list. An A-spot orgasm is what happens when the tissue that is located at the end of your vaginal canal, between your cervix and bladder is stimulated.

The way you find this lil' spot is you or your partner moves your finger about two inches deeper past your G-spot and—there it is. How do you know if you've reached it? Well, remember how the G-spot feels like a tiny walnut? Well, the A-spot feels really soft and spongy. If a finger moves along it gently in the motion of how a windshield wiper moves, you can end up with an orgasm that will blow your mind in every way.

3. How to Have a Kissing Orgasm

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A part of the reason why I wrote the article, "Umm, What's Up With These People Who Hate Kissing?" for this platform is because I enjoy kissing so much that those kinds of people seemed like polka-dotted unicorns to me. I'm serious—kissing is so pleasurable to me that I've even had an orgasm from doing it, a few times, before. TMI? IDC. IDC. If I had my way, everyone on this planet would experience at least one before leaving this earth!

While there is no real instruction when it comes to this particular kind of orgasm (which is also known as an oral orgasm), what most people who've had one will say is 1) it's easy to achieve with someone you have a strong emotional connection with; 2) it involves slow, intense and erotic kisses, and 3) the "goal" shouldn't be to have one. All you need to keep in the back of your mind is, if kissing happens long enough and the mood is just right (atmosphere means a lot with these orgasms too), a kissing orgasm can transpire when you least expect it. (I can certainly vouch for that!)

4. How to Have a Nipple Orgasm

A nipple orgasm is pretty self-explanatory. The reason why this is on the list is because, while it can be difficult for many women to have a vaginal orgasm (roughly only 25 percent of women do), if your breasts are a huge erogenous zone for you, this is one that you may want to try because it is very possible to climax, just from nipple stimulation alone. The way to achieve one of these is to deep breathe, slowly, as your partner first strokes your areolas (the dark part of your breast that is around your nipple), then works up to your nipples by stroking and then very gently pinches them. If he alternates the sensation of pinching and kissing them as you focus on your breathing, there is a really big chance that you'll have a nipple orgasm. Maybe even a few of 'em.

5. How to Have a Fantasy Orgasm

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They say that the brain is the biggest sex organ there is and I would have to absolutely agree. Case in point—there is one guy who I used to sleep with who I semi-recently ran into. When he winked at me, I literally thought I was gonna throw up in my mouth. That's how disgusting he is to me—now. That's why it doesn't surprise me at all that there is something known as a fantasy orgasm which is also known as a mental orgasm. So, what is that? It's when you are able to climax, strictly from your own thoughts. If you're skeptical about this one, there is scientific evidence which reveals that thinking "dirty" thoughts actually causes your brain to light up in the same way as having your genitals stimulated. So, how can you refute having this type of orgasm unless you try it out first? (Get to fantasizing and definitely report back!)

6. How to Have a Hands-Free Orgasm

If any of these orgasms are a real challenge (at least to me), this one would probably top the list. A hands-free orgasm? It's exactly what it sounds like—it's the kind of orgasm that you try and achieve without using your hands at all? AT. ALL.

Technically, oral sex could achieve this goal (I'm thinking that it would be pretty hard to engage in intercourse without using your hands). Still, try and think out of the box by engaging in some water play (showerhead, anyone?), tantric breathing or grinding on your partner while dancing to some of your favorite music.

When you really let your imagination go, there are all kinds of ways to experience this type of orgasm. Again, just remember that it doesn't count if your hands are involved in any way.

7. How to Have an Energy Orgasm

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Speaking of tantric breathing, another orgasm that can be a cool experience is an energy orgasm. It's all about focusing on breathing, sound and movement (pretty much in that order) in order to climax. The thing that's interesting about this kind of orgasm is you've got to find the balance between totally freeing your mind of other thoughts while also fully focusing on cultivating sexual energy. Do this by dimming the lights in the room you plan to have your orgasm in; lighting a candle or applying a scent that you want to breathe in deeply; getting into a position where you can comfortably have an orgasm; taking some long deep breaths, and having your partner gently caress your genitalia as you're breathing deeply and swaying your hips back and forth so that your spine is able to feel a bit of a sensation. Then, as you feel more aroused, speed up your breathing as well as your hip movements as your partner intensifies his strokes. If all of this happens at just the right time, an energy orgasm is exactly what will happen. No penetration needed.

8. How to Have a Full Body Orgasm

Let's all be honest—whenever an orgasm happens, it feels like it resonates throughout our entire body on some level. Well, a full body orgasm is pretty much a more intense version of this. The best way to achieve one is to engage in the act of edging (which is when you get sexually aroused to the point of climaxing, but you don't allow yourself to completely get there). In between those times, have your partner focus on stimulating the upper half part of your body that has erogenous zones (meaning it could be your breasts or it could be your ears or neck; the point is whatever turns you on above your pelvis).

While he is consistently alternating between doing those two things, you focus on breathing deeply and totally letting yourself go. If that means saying the dirtiest words created or yelling, it doesn't matter. A full body orgasm requires consistent stimulation on your partner's part and total release of self on yours. And how will you know if you've had one? Let me put it to you this way—I don't think ANYTHING makes someone feel more pleasured, exhausted and totally outside of themselves as a full body orgasm. If it happens, you'll know. You'll both know.

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You may not know her by Elisabeth Ovesen – writer and host of the love, sex and relationships advice podcast Asking for a Friend. But you definitely know her other alter ego, Karrine Steffans, the New York Times best-selling author who lit up the literary and entertainment world when she released what she called a “tell some” memoir, Confessions of a Video Vixen.

Her 2005 barn-burning book gave an inside look at the seemingly glamorous world of being a video vixen in the ‘90s and early 2000s, and exposed the industry’s culture of abuse, intimidation, and misogyny years before the Me Too Movement hit the mainstream. Her follow-up books, The Vixen Diaries (2007) and The Vixen Manual: How To Find, Seduce And Keep The Man You Want (2009) all topped the New York Times best-seller list. After a long social media break, she's back. xoNecole caught up with Ovesen about the impact of her groundbreaking book, what life is like for her now, and why she was never “before her time”– everyone else was just late to the revolution.

xoNecole: Tell me about your new podcast Asking for a Friend with Elisabeth Ovesen and how that came about.

Elisabeth Ovesen: I have a friend who is over [at Blavity] and he just asked me if I wanted to do something with him. And that's just kinda how it happened. It wasn't like some big master plan. Somebody over there was like, “Hey, we need content. We want to do this podcast. Can you do it?” And I was like, “Sure.” And that's that. That was around the holidays and so we started working on it.

xoNecole: Your life and work seem incredibly different from when you first broke out on the scene. Can you talk a bit about the change in your career and how your life is now?

EO: Not that different. I mean my life is very different, of course, but my work isn't really that different. My life is different, of course, because I'm 43. My career started when I was in my 20s, so we're looking at almost 20 years since the beginning of my career. So, naturally life has changed a lot since then.

I don’t think my career has changed a whole lot – not as far as my writing is concerned, and my stream of consciousness with my writing, and my concerns and the subject matter hasn’t changed much. I've always written about interpersonal relationships, sexual shame, male ego fragility, respectability politics – things like that. I always put myself in the center of that to make those points, which I think were greatly missed when I first started writing. I think that society has changed quite a bit. People are more aware. People tell me a lot that I have always been “before my time.” I was writing about things before other people were talking about that; I was concerned about things before my generation seemed to be concerned about things. I wasn't “before my time.” I think it just seems that way to people who are late to the revolution, you know what I mean?

I retired from publishing in 2015, which was always the plan to do 10 years and retire. I was retired from my pen name and just from the business in general in 2015, I could focus on my business, my education and other things, my family. I came back to writing in 2020 over at Medium. The same friend that got me into the podcast, actually as the vice president of content over at Medium and was like, “Hey, we need some content.” I guess I’m his go-to content creator.

xoNecole: Can you expound on why you went back to your birth name versus your stage name?

EO: No, it was nothing to expound upon. I mean, writers have pen names. That’s like asking Diddy, why did he go by Sean? I didn't go back. I've always used that. Nobody was paying attention. I've never not been myself. Karrine Steffans wrote a certain kind of book for a certain kind of audience. She was invented for the urban audience, particularly. She was never meant to live more than 10 years. I have other pen names as well. I write under several names. So, the other ones are just nobody's business right now. Different pen names write different things. And Elisabeth isn’t my real name either. So you'll never know who I really am and you’ll never know what my real name is, because part of being a writer is, for me at least, keeping some sort of anonymity. Anything I do in entertainment is going to amass quite a bit because who I am as a person in my private life isn't the same a lot of times as who I am publicly.

xoNecole: I want to go back to when you published Confessions of a Video Vixen. We are now in this time where people are reevaluating how the media mistreated women in the spotlight in the 2000s, namely women like Britney Spears. So I’d be interested to hear how you feel about that period of your life and how you were treated by the media?

EO: What I said earlier. I think that much of society has evolved quite a bit. When you look back at that time, it was actually shocking how old-fashioned the thinking still was. How women were still treated and how they're still treated now. I mean, it hasn't changed completely. I think that especially for the audience, I think it was shocking for them to see a woman – a woman of color – not be sexually ashamed.

I hate being like other people. I don't want to do what anyone else is doing. I can't conform. I will not conform. I think in 2005 when Confessions was published, that attitude, especially about sex, was very upsetting. Number one, it was upsetting to the men, especially within urban and hip-hop culture, which is built on misogyny and thrives off of it to this day. And the women who protect these men, I think, you know, addressing a demographic that is rooted in trauma that is rooted in sexual shame, trauma, slavery of all kinds, including slavery of the mind – I think it triggered a lot of people to see a Black woman be free in this way.

I think it said a lot about the people who were upset by it. And then there were some in “crossover media,” a lot of white folks were upset too, not gonna lie. But to see it from Black women – Tyra Banks was really upset [when she interviewed me about Confessions in 2005]. Oprah wasn't mad [when she interviewed me]. As long as Oprah wasn’t mad, I was good. I didn't care what anybody else had to say. Oprah was amazing. So, watching Black women defend men, and Black women who had a platform, defend the sexual blackmailing of men: “If you don't do this with me, you won't get this job”; “If you don't do this in my trailer, you're going to have to leave the set”– these are things that I dealt with.

I just happened to be the kind of woman who, because I was a single mother raising my child all by myself and never got any help at all – which I still don't. Like, I'm 24 in college – not a cheap college either – one of the best colleges in the country, and I'm still taking care of him all by myself as a 21-year-old, 20-year-old, young, single mother with no family and no support – I wasn’t about to say no to something that could help me feed my son for a month or two or three.

xoNecole: We are in this post-Me Too climate where women in Hollywood have come forward to talk about the powerful men who have abused them. In the music industry in particular, it seems nearly impossible for any substantive change or movement to take place within music. It's only now after three decades of allegations that R. Kelly has finally been convicted and other men like Russell Simmons continue to roam free despite the multiple allegations against him. Why do you think it's hard for the music industry to face its reckoning?

EO: That's not the music industry, that's urban music. That’s just Black folks who make music and nobody cares about that. That's the thing; nobody cares...Nobody cares. It's not the music industry. It's just an "urban" thing. And when I say "urban," I say that in quotations. Literally, it’s a Black thing, where nobody gives a shit what Black people do to Black people. And Russell didn't go on unchecked, he just had enough money to keep it quiet. But you know, anytime you're dealing with Black women being disrespected, especially by Black men, nobody gives a shit.

And Black people don't police themselves so it doesn't matter. Why should anybody care? And Black women don't care. They'll buy an R. Kelly album right now. They’ll stream that shit right now. They don’t care. So, nobody cares. Nobody cares. And if you're not going to police yourself, then nobody's ever going to care.

xoNecole: Do you have any regrets about anything you wrote or perhaps something you may have omitted?

EO: Absolutely not. No. There's nothing that I wish I would've gone back and said to myself, no. I don’t think at 20-something years old, I'm supposed to understand every little thing. I don't think the 20-something-year-old woman is supposed to understand the world and know exactly what she's doing. I think that one of my biggest regrets, which isn't my regret, but a regret, is that I didn't have better parents. Because a 20-something only knows what she knows based on what she’s seen and what she’s been taught and what she’s told. I had shitty parents and a horrible family. Just terrible. These people had no business having children. None of them. And a lot of our families are like that. And we may pass down those familial curses.

*This interview has been edited and condensed

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Feature image courtesy of Elisabeth Ovesen

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