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What Exactly Is 'Orgasmic Meditation'?

"Every sexual encounter is a partnership and agreement to exchange energies and information."---Shalom Melchizedek

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I remember once having a conversation with what I call an "old-school Christian" about meditation. While I was talking to them about why I thought it was a great thing to do, they claimed to not do it because it was "unbiblical". Yeah, no disrespect but that's not even close to being accurate. In the New King James Version alone, the word "meditate" is mentioned 20 times. Shoot, a verse that has personally saved me, many a times, is "Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still. Selah." (Psalm 4:4) For this reason, and about a dozen more, you can't convince me that meditation is not a powerful and very necessary spiritual practice; one that is good for the mind, body and soul simultaneously.

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If you're not a big meditator, maybe you're wondering what some proven benefits are that come with making it a daily practice. Girl, how much time do you have?

And this is just 10 out of at least 80 reasons why meditation is scientifically proven to be so good for you. What I personally like so much about this practice in mindfulness is it's a really easy thing to do. Simply find a quiet place, sit down and focus on deep breathing for 10-20 minutes (by the way, a cool site that focuses on Black women who desire to learn more about meditation is Black Zen).

Trust me, if you try meditating for even a week—shoot, three days in a row is even good—it'll totally change your life. You'll be calmer, kinder and able to take on whatever life throws at you, so much more easily and effectively. Yeah, meditation is the total and complete bomb.

That's why, I did a double take when I read about a particular kind of meditation that is currently getting quite a bit of attention. It's called "orgasmic meditation". For all of you already-meditating sistahs out there, I don't know about you, but I was over here thinking, "If 'regular meditation' is great, I can only imagine how amazing orgasmic meditation is!"

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What exactly is orgasmic meditation?

It's when you and your partner get together in a quiet space and they intentionally stroke your clitoris for 15 minutes. If you immediately read that and thought to yourself, "That's it?", the answer is "yes" and "no". It's actually a little bit more specific than that because your partner needs to aim for the upper-left quadrant of your clitoris and gently stroke it (giving it no more pressure than if they were to stroke one of your eyelids) with a finger that has some sort of lubricant on it. They are to repeat this action until the time is up. You are not to "return the favor" by stroking his genitalia.

Back when I was engaging in this kind of foreplay, if the guy was doing it right, an orgasm probably would've transpired at the end of the 15 minutes. But that's actually the other "catcher" about orgasmic meditation—the purpose of it isn't to climax (although it is sometimes a natural benefit); the focus is all about learning how to stay in the moment.

It's about you and your partner training yourselves to shut out the world around you, deep breathe with one another and establish a strong connection with each another's energy (hence the "meditation" in orgasmic meditation).

Aside from the orgasms that may arise, are there other benefits that come from this particular type of meditation? Indeed, there is. In fact, there is a website called the Institute of OM that includes lots of testimonials of people who practice orgasmic meditation. According to them, this particular practice has done everything from boost their confidence level and increase their feelings of happiness (I bet) to make they quality of their relationship healthier too. Also, because just about any form of meditation relaxes you while increasing blood circulation at the same time, it's almost a given that it's going to do wonders for your sex life overall.

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Now, before sending your man a text that says, "How about doing some orgasmic meditating tonight?", let me break down the steps:

  1. Again, find a quiet space—one that is dimly lit and smells soothing and sensual.
  2. Put a yoga mat or blanket on the floor.
  3. Get into a comfortable position; one where your clitoris can be easily accessed.
  4. Set your timer for 13 minutes for the first round. Then again for two minutes following.
  5. Your partner should have lube on his finger (K-Y jelly, coconut oil or homemade lubricant is fine).
  6. After getting your consent to begin the process, he should gently stroke your clitoris in a downward motion. During this time, he should softly describe what he sees when it comes to different colors and textures. He should slowly do this for the total of 13 minutes.
  7. When the timer goes off, for another two minutes, he should apply more pressure, this time with his entire hand. Then stop, relax for a few moments, and the practice is officially complete.

Experts in the field of orgasmic meditation say that if two people do this for 15 minutes a day, every day, not only will it bring them closer together, it will also help to redefine or expand their views on orgasms, one another's bodies and even sex altogether.

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I know, right? What more do you need to get sold on a form of clitoral touching that will calm you down and improve your sex life in the process? And what if your man is like, "So, when is it my turn?" Well, once the orgasmic meditation exercise is complete, y'all are free to do whatever you wish. Just remember that true orgasmic meditation is all about clitoral stimulation. Since he doesn't have one of those, well…you get my drift.

An author and AIDS activist by the name of Ma Jaya Sati Bhagavati once said, "Quiet the mind, and the soul will speak." I can only imagine what else you can get to talking after a couple of rounds of orgasmic meditation. Never say a sistah never looked out. Enjoy, sis. Enjoy.

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Amira Unplugged and other contestants on Becoming a Popstar

Amira Unplugged / MTV

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A Black woman wears a long, salmon pink hijab, black outfit and pink boots, smiling down at the camera with her arm outstretched to it.

Amira Unplugged

Amira Unplugged / MTV

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