What Exactly Is 'Orgasmic Meditation'?
I remember once having a conversation with what I call an "old-school Christian" about meditation. While I was talking to them about why I thought it was a great thing to do, they claimed to not do it because it was "unbiblical". Yeah, no disrespect but that's not even close to being accurate. In the New King James Version alone, the word "meditate" is mentioned 20 times. Shoot, a verse that has personally saved me, many a times, is "Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still. Selah." (Psalm 4:4) For this reason, and about a dozen more, you can't convince me that meditation is not a powerful and very necessary spiritual practice; one that is good for the mind, body and soul simultaneously.
If you're not a big meditator, maybe you're wondering what some proven benefits are that come with making it a daily practice. Girl, how much time do you have?
- Meditation strengthens your immunity.
- Meditation reduces bodily inflammation.
- Meditation lowers anxiety and anxiety-related issues like phobias, paranoia and OCD.
- Meditation helps you to focus better; especially at work.
- Meditation reduces your risk for heart disease.
- Meditation better connects you to your unconscious mind.
- Meditation is a good source of pain management.
- Meditation improves your quality of sleep.
- Meditation increases self-awareness and self-esteem.
- Meditation gives you a more positive outlook on life.
And this is just 10 out of at least 80 reasons why meditation is scientifically proven to be so good for you. What I personally like so much about this practice in mindfulness is it's a really easy thing to do. Simply find a quiet place, sit down and focus on deep breathing for 10-20 minutes (by the way, a cool site that focuses on Black women who desire to learn more about meditation is Black Zen).
Trust me, if you try meditating for even a week—shoot, three days in a row is even good—it'll totally change your life. You'll be calmer, kinder and able to take on whatever life throws at you, so much more easily and effectively. Yeah, meditation is the total and complete bomb.
That's why, I did a double take when I read about a particular kind of meditation that is currently getting quite a bit of attention. It's called "orgasmic meditation". For all of you already-meditating sistahs out there, I don't know about you, but I was over here thinking, "If 'regular meditation' is great, I can only imagine how amazing orgasmic meditation is!"
What exactly is orgasmic meditation?
It's when you and your partner get together in a quiet space and they intentionally stroke your clitoris for 15 minutes. If you immediately read that and thought to yourself, "That's it?", the answer is "yes" and "no". It's actually a little bit more specific than that because your partner needs to aim for the upper-left quadrant of your clitoris and gently stroke it (giving it no more pressure than if they were to stroke one of your eyelids) with a finger that has some sort of lubricant on it. They are to repeat this action until the time is up. You are not to "return the favor" by stroking his genitalia.
Back when I was engaging in this kind of foreplay, if the guy was doing it right, an orgasm probably would've transpired at the end of the 15 minutes. But that's actually the other "catcher" about orgasmic meditation—the purpose of it isn't to climax (although it is sometimes a natural benefit); the focus is all about learning how to stay in the moment.
It's about you and your partner training yourselves to shut out the world around you, deep breathe with one another and establish a strong connection with each another's energy (hence the "meditation" in orgasmic meditation).
Aside from the orgasms that may arise, are there other benefits that come from this particular type of meditation? Indeed, there is. In fact, there is a website called the Institute of OM that includes lots of testimonials of people who practice orgasmic meditation. According to them, this particular practice has done everything from boost their confidence level and increase their feelings of happiness (I bet) to make they quality of their relationship healthier too. Also, because just about any form of meditation relaxes you while increasing blood circulation at the same time, it's almost a given that it's going to do wonders for your sex life overall.
Now, before sending your man a text that says, "How about doing some orgasmic meditating tonight?", let me break down the steps:
- Again, find a quiet space—one that is dimly lit and smells soothing and sensual.
- Put a yoga mat or blanket on the floor.
- Get into a comfortable position; one where your clitoris can be easily accessed.
- Set your timer for 13 minutes for the first round. Then again for two minutes following.
- Your partner should have lube on his finger (K-Y jelly, coconut oil or homemade lubricant is fine).
- After getting your consent to begin the process, he should gently stroke your clitoris in a downward motion. During this time, he should softly describe what he sees when it comes to different colors and textures. He should slowly do this for the total of 13 minutes.
- When the timer goes off, for another two minutes, he should apply more pressure, this time with his entire hand. Then stop, relax for a few moments, and the practice is officially complete.
Experts in the field of orgasmic meditation say that if two people do this for 15 minutes a day, every day, not only will it bring them closer together, it will also help to redefine or expand their views on orgasms, one another's bodies and even sex altogether.
I know, right? What more do you need to get sold on a form of clitoral touching that will calm you down and improve your sex life in the process? And what if your man is like, "So, when is it my turn?" Well, once the orgasmic meditation exercise is complete, y'all are free to do whatever you wish. Just remember that true orgasmic meditation is all about clitoral stimulation. Since he doesn't have one of those, well…you get my drift.
An author and AIDS activist by the name of Ma Jaya Sati Bhagavati once said, "Quiet the mind, and the soul will speak." I can only imagine what else you can get to talking after a couple of rounds of orgasmic meditation. Never say a sistah never looked out. Enjoy, sis. Enjoy.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
Powerful Mantras & Meditation Techniques For Mindful Mamas
This Is How You Master The Female Orgasm
Want A More Intense Orgasm? These Tips Are Sure To Make You Cream
SZA On Life Lessons, Meditation, & Quantifying Your Worth Before God's Timing
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Sheila Rashid's Androgynous Approach To Unisex Clothing Is A Lesson In Embracing Individuality
The ItGirl 100 List is a celebration of 100 Black women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table.
For Sheila Rashid, it all started with some free-hand drawings and a few strokes of paint.
The Chicago-based clothing designer and creative director of Sheila Rashid Brand recalls using her spare time in high school to hand paint designs on t-shirts and distressed hoodies, distributing them to classmates as walking billboards for her art.
Rashid sought to pursue fashion design at Columbia College in Chicago but eventually took the self-taught route to build upon her knack for crafting one-of-a-kind, androgynous pieces.
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Thanks to the mentorship of local designers taking her under their wings, Rashid was able to gain valuable experience in putting together collections and creating patterns; equipping her with them with the necessary skills to pursue her own collections.
After two years of living in New York, Rashid returned home to the Chi and uncovered the unique flair she could offer the city. “I moved to New York after that because I wanted to be in the fashion capital world,” she tells xoNecole. “That's when I really got a leg up. I found myself when I moved back to Chicago after moving to New York.”
For the Midwest native, inspiration comes from her time around creative peers and the city’s notorious winters — known to be a main character in many Chicagoans stories. “It's a different perspective and mindset when I'm making stuff because of the weather here,” she explains. “When we get summer, it’s ‘Summertime Chi’ — it's amazing. It's beautiful. Still, I find myself always making clothes that cater to the winter.”
"I moved to New York after that because I wanted to be in the fashion capital world. That's when I really got a leg up. I found myself when I moved back to Chicago after moving to New York.”
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Many designers have a signature aesthetic or theme in their creations. In Rashid’s design story, dancing between the lines of femininity and masculinity is how she’s been able to distinguish herself within the industry. Her androgynous clothing has garnered the eye of celebrities like Zendaya, Chance the Rapper, WNBA star Sydney Colson, and more — showing her range and approach to designs with inclusivity in mind.
“I think I do reflect my own style,” she says. “When I do make pieces, I'm very tomboyish, androgynous. My work is unisex because I feel like everybody can wear it. I cater to everybody and that's how I try to approach my clothes.” From denim to overalls, and color-drenched outerwear, Rashid has mastered the structure of statement pieces that tell a story.
“Each collection, I never know what's going to be the thing I'm going to focus on. I try to reflect my own style and have fun with the storytelling,” she shares. “I look at it more like it's my art in this small way of expressing myself, so it's not that calculated.”
"My work is unisex because I feel like everybody can wear it. I cater to everybody and that's how I try to approach my clothes."
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Still, if you were able to add up all the moments within Rashid’s 20-year career in design, one theme that has multiplied her into becoming an “ItGirl” is her confidence to take up space within the fashion industry as a queer, Black woman. “Being an ItGirl is about being yourself, loving what you do, finding your niche, and mastering that,” she says.
No matter where you are on your ItGirl journey, Rashid says to always remain persistent and never hesitate to share your art with the world. “Don’t give up. Even if it's something small, finish it and don't be afraid to put it out,” she says, “It's about tackling your own fear of feeling like you have to please everybody, but just please yourself, and that's good enough.”
To learn more about the ItGirl 100 List, view the full list here.
Featured image Courtesy