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I think we all can agree that social media really is a double-edged sword. What I mean by that is there is just as much bad that can come out of it as good. At the end of the day, it really is about 1) having your own mind, 2) finding balance when it comes to how much time you spend online, and 3) doing your own research instead of taking random people’s opinions as the gospel (i.e., facts).
Gee, I wish more folks did all of this when it comes to if a man needs to have a large penis to sexually satisfy a woman (he does not) and if a woman who has had multiple sex partners will ultimately end up with a vagina that is too large for smaller penises to please her (a lie).
Science totally has my back on debunking both of those things (more on that in a bit). Know what else does? A particular type of sex method that is becoming more popular by the day. One that just might convince you to, as they used to say back in the day, focus less on the “size of the wave” and ride out the “motion of the ocean” instead.
It’s called shallowing. Here’s what it’s all about.
What Is Shallowing?
If there’s one thing that I wish folks would say more thoroughly when it comes to women and orgasms, it’s that when it comes to75 percent of women not being able to orgasm from only intercourse, the accurate statement is they struggle with achieving a vaginal orgasm without the assistance of some type of clitoral stimulation. Yeah, we’ve really got to remember that very few things in this life are a complete monolith — orgasms included (check out “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight”).
In fact, it was while I was reading up on pairing — a word that is used for when clitoral stimulation transpires during penetration — that I decided to do some deep-diving into shallowing (because it was mentioned inone of the articles that I read).And what is it? Shallowing is when a penis, finger, tongue, or sex toy of some sort is used in order to ever so slightly penetrate the vaginal opening of a woman.
And why is shallowing not just a current sex trend but something that every woman on this planet should try? It’s because of what I’ve said, more than once, on this platform: it focuses on the most sensitive part of a woman’s vagina, which isthe first two inches of her vaginal opening.
When the emphasis is placed there, not only does it increase your chances of experiencing “the big O,” but it can also build up anticipation, which can intensify your orgasms too — yes, shallowing can also be seen as a form of edging.
Another thing that’s cool about shallowing is — and it really and truly can’t be said enough — something that makes vaginal and blended orgasms easier to achieve for some women really has little to do with the size of a man’s package or even his technique; it’s straight up anatomy. Yep, the closer that a woman’s clitoris is to her vaginal opening, the easier it is for a penis to stimulate both. So, science makes it possible for vaginal orgasms to be easier for some women than others.
At the same time, shallowing can make it possible for more women who want to see what a vaginal orgasm actually feels like (because it’s easier for the head of the penis to stimulate the opening of the vagina while the shaft can rub up against your clitoris; based on the position that you are in, of course — the missionary with some pillows propped under the lower part of your back is ideal for this).
Now that you see what shallowing actually is, do you get why I said that penis size doesn’t matter when it comes to doing it — and getting the kind of orgasms that you want? Contrary to popular belief, your vagina is only around four inches. In fact, some health experts say that it ranges between 2-4”. Anything larger, your body literally has to stretch out to accommodate; this includes penises and babies. So, if your vagina is “making room” for more than four inches, why in the world do you think you need a 10-inch man? Yeah…exactly. It really is time to get over the silliness. The average penis continues to be 5.5”. Makes sense when you take it all in (no pun intended).
Aight, so now that you know what shallowing is all about, let me try and hard sell you on why it’s a sex technique that you should try as soon as tonight (if you possibly can).
1. It takes the pressure off of you and your partner.
I’ve been working with couples for almost 20 years at this point. This means that the topic of sex comes up quite a bit. And if there’s one thing that continues to be an issue is inconsistent orgasms (check out “Why Do Orgasms So Often Seem Like A ‘Hit-Or-Miss’ Experience For Women?”).
Listen, no matter how many articles you read or sex positions you try, if you’re anxious, stressed out, or overthinking, it’s gonna get in the way of you experiencing high peaks of pleasure on a consistent basis. Since shallowing is something that can easily be done even in foreplay (via fingering and/ororal sex) if you get that first “release” off, that makes it easier to just sit back and enjoy the ones that (hopefully) are to follow.
2. It teaches you more about your vagina.
A part of the reason why I keep repeating certain facts about vaginas in these articles is that it’s amazing how little certain things are discussed en masse — like the size of the vaginal tube. And since shallowing helps you to stimulate the nerve endings at the entrance of your va-jay-jay along with your G-spot (which is housed a little ways from your opening), shallowing is a great way to explore that area of your body as you figure out what truly works for you and…what doesn’t.
3. It’s the perfect merging of foreplay and intercourse.
When you really stop to think about it, shallowing is like the bridge between foreplay and intercourse because you can use so many different things to do it. So, if you want to experiment with a new sex toy or you want a bit more time to “warm up the engine” before full-on penetration begins, shallowing is one of the most sexually arousing compromises there is.
4. It can help to increase your partner’s stamina.
A few years back, I penned an article for the site entitled, “We’ve Got Some All-Natural Ways To Increase Stamina & Sensitivity.” Listen, even though I onceread a GQ article that said that over 60 percent of the people they polled were fine with intercourse lasting no longer than 5-10 minutes — that poll doesn’t speak for all of us, chile.
So, if you would like your man to build up to going longer, shallowing can help to make that happen. Since he’s barely putting beyond the tip in, he can learn how to be in you for longer periods of time without being, well, in you.
5. It helps you to appreciate whatever “package” he has.
Again — and it really can’t be said enough — if shallowing is all about exploring the mere entrance of your vagina, you don’t need a man with BDE (check out “BDE: Please Let The 'It Needs To Be Huge' Myth Go”) or honestly, even anything close to it.
I mean, even though, reportedly, the size that the average woman says gives her the most orgasms is eight inches — I bet those women have never really tried shallowing before. 10”, 8”, or the average 5.5” can certainly get the job done. And well.
6. It feels A-MAZ-ING.
Okay,so now that you know about shallowing, I promise that if you put the word into your favorite search engine, you’re either gonna see articles on golfing (LOL) or sex, especially as of late. That’s because more couples are trying it out and getting mind-blowing results from it. So, if you’re looking for something new to try, give shallowing a shot.
Hey, anything that’s designed to stimulate your most intense vaginal nerve endings has got to be something for the record books. I mean, how could it not be? Lawd.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
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10 Black-Owned Wineries, Bars, And Breweries To Visit Across The U.S.
In the booming industry of wine, beer, and spirits, it’s always exciting to come across Black-owned businesses that we can support. The spirits industry has long been a space where Black entrepreneurs have faced significant barriers, from accessing capital to breaking into predominantly white-dominated networks.
I didn’t enjoy beer until I was in my mid-20s, partially due to the fact that it didn’t seem to be marketed toward me. According to a 2021 report from the Brewers Association, less than 1% of breweries in the U.S. are Black-owned, and Black winemakers make up an estimated 0.1% of winemakers nationwide. Despite these challenges, Black-owned wineries, breweries, and bars are still carving out their place in the industry.
By visiting and supporting Black-owned establishments, you’re not only indulging in world-class drinks but also contributing to a movement of equity and inclusion. Whether you're a wine enthusiast or craft beer lover, these businesses celebrate culture, tell stories, and foster spaces where everyone feels welcome.
The more we pour into these Black-owned breweries, bars, and wineries, the more doors we will see open for others to enter the beer, wine, and spirits industries.
There’s nothing I enjoy more than having a sip of wine surrounded by people who look like me in an establishment owned by someone who also looks like me. From lively bars to innovative breweries and boutique wineries, here are 10 Black-owned spots across the country where you can raise a glass to diversity and excellence. Cheers!
1.Harlem Hops - New York, N.Y.
Harlem Hops is more than just a craft beer bar—it’s a celebration of community and culture. Co-founded by three HBCU graduates, this gem focuses on showcasing beers from local and independent breweries, including offerings from Black brewers. When it opened in the summer of 2018, Harlem Hops became the first 100% African American-owned NYC local craft beer bar in Manhattan.
With its cozy vibe, rotating tap list, and tasty bites, Harlem Hops is the perfect spot to discover your new favorite brew while supporting a mission of inclusivity in the craft beer scene. Don’t miss their delicious beer pairings and community-driven events.
2.Brown Estate - Napa Valley, Calif.
Brown Estate is Napa Valley’s first and only Black-owned estate winery. Established in 1996, the family-owned winery is known for its exceptional Zinfandels and refined vineyard experiences. Beyond the Zinfandels, Brown Estate also crafts a variety of other wines to fit everyone’s preferences, including Cabernet Sauvignon, Chardonnay, and Petite Sirah. If you can’t make it to the winery, you can also enjoy an intimate tasting experience at their downtown Napa tasting room, which opened in 2017. With stunning views and award-winning wines, Brown Estate is a must for wine lovers visiting Napa.
3.Abbey Creek Vineyard - North Plains, OR
Facebook/AbbeyCreekVineyard
What do you get when you merge a love for wine with an appreciation for Hip Hop and Culture? You get Abbey Creek Vineyard in North Plains, Oregon. Loved by both locals and visitors, this community spot offers a unique wine experience while embodying the saying “Hip-Hop, wine, and chill." Owner Bertony Faustin became Oregon’s first Black winemaker when he founded Abbey Creek Vineyard. Faustin’s wines, dubbed “The Creole Collection,” bring a unique cultural perspective to Oregon’s wine industry. Visitors can enjoy tastings at the vineyard’s wine bar, known as “The Crick,” for an intimate experience that’s all about community.
4.Two Locals Brewing Co. - Philadelphia
Business is always better when it’s a family affair. Two Locals Brewing is Philadelphia's first Black-owned brewery, founded by brothers Richard and Mengistu Koilor. The brewery officially opened its doors in early 2024 in the University City neighborhood after years of planning.
The brothers, West Philadelphia natives, started brewing beer as a hobby in 2016 and began planning their expansion while noticing the lack of Black representation in the brewing industry.
Aside from serving up tasty brews, the brothers offer Liberian food, a homage to where Mengistu was born. Throughout the month, guests can pop in for some improv or a comedy night event while enjoying a cold one.
5.House of Pure Vin - Detroit
Located in the heart of downtown Detroit, House of Pure Vin is a Black-owned wine bar and retail shop. It features an impressive selection of global wines, including many from Black winemakers. One highlight is their focus on boutique and hard-to-find labels, offering guests the opportunity to discover unique flavors they won’t see on typical store shelves.
The space frequently hosts events such as wine education classes, collaborations with local chefs, and themed wine nights, giving customers plenty of reasons to pop by throughout the week. Whether you’re shopping for a bottle, enjoying a tasting flight, or attending one of their vibrant events, House of Pure Vin is a must-visit destination for anyone looking to elevate their wine experience while supporting a Black-owned business.
6.LaShellé Wines - Woodinville, WA
LaShellé Wines, located in Woodinville, Washington, stands out as one of the region’s few Black- and female-owned wineries. Founded by Nicole Camp, the winery reflects her passion for winemaking, which she developed through her formal training at the Northwest Wine Academy. Opened in 2021, LaShellé Wines is known for its range of refreshing white and red wines and offering a welcoming and family-friendly environment. On any given day, you can expect to pop in and see owner Nicole involved in the day-to-day functioning—from destemming grapes to hosting guests in the tasting room.
7.Diamond Farm Winery and Brewery - Nokesville, Va.
Instagram/DiamondFarmWinery
This lovely venue was the result of hard work and a change of plans. Diamond Farm Winery & Brewery is an exciting new Black-owned establishment that blends rustic charm with modern sophistication. Owners Alice and Glenn Bertrand, Sr. originally purchased the property to serve as their retirement home but decided to go in a different direction after seeing the historic barn on the land.
Situated on a picturesque farm, the venue offers a serene setting with features like a remodeled historic farmhouse and a romantic heart-shaped pond. While their tasting room is slated to open this spring, the winery is already a sought-after event space, hosting weddings, corporate gatherings, and private celebrations. The venue is rolling out over three phases, so expect all aspects to be fully functioning later this year.
8.Thurst Lounge - Washington D.C.
Thurst Lounge is the first Black-owned LGBTQIA+ bar and lounge in Washington, D.C. Located in the historic U Street corridor, this bar serves as a much-needed inclusive space for the Black LGBTQIA+ community residing in the city. The lounge offers an intimate setting for socializing, complete with carefully curated cocktails and a stylish ambiance that’s perfect for linking with the crew.
Beyond its role as a nightlife destination, Thurst Lounge aims to foster a supportive environment for community connections and cultural celebration.
9.Seven Springs Farm and Vineyard - Norlina, N.C.
Seven Springs Farms and Vineyards is a Black-owned vineyard established by Preston Williams and his family, and it sits on a 140-acre property featuring seven natural springs, providing a picturesque setting for wine tasting and events. The vineyard specializes in muscadine grapes but also grows Merlot, Cabernet, and Chardonnay varieties. Visitors can enjoy tastings in the cozy tasting room, participate in seasonal grape-picking events, or even book a stay at their on-site Airbnb for a more immersive experience. This family-owned space is the perfect location for an outing with the girls or a group event.
10.For The Culture Brewing - Houston
The name says it all with this one. For The Culture Brewing is a craft beer brand focused on creating an inclusive and vibrant space for beer lovers. Holding the title of being H-Town’s first Black-owned brewery, owners Jonathan Brown and Carl Roaches Jr. began working on this brand after realizing that there weren’t many brands marketing to Black Men who like to drink beer.
The brewery aims to cater to a wide range of tastes, offering a variety of beer styles such as tropical IPAs, rice lagers, pale ales, and dry stouts.
While still in the process of opening its own dedicated taproom, the brewery often collaborates with other local businesses, including Ovinnik Brewing, through a unique cooperative model called Craft Culture X. This collaboration has allowed them to share resources and brewing equipment while planning events and developing new beer recipes.
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