There are a lot of things that I enjoy about being a marriage life coach. One of them is, you get to hear some of the "back in the kitchen" truths about husbands and wives. Stuff that, outside of a counseling session, you might not discover (outside of being married) any other way; especially when it comes to sex-related issues. Take penises, for example. I can't tell you how many times a couple, one who is on the verge of being sexless, has included a wife who has looked me dead in my eyes and said, "Girl, a big d—k ain't all it's cracked up to be. Believe that."
And you know what? She's right. As someone who, back in my sexually active days, used to make it my mission to make sure that a man was long and strong (with a side of girth, similar to the girls featured in this skit right here), I've got to say (and believe I've shared before) that the one who ended up giving me the most vaginal orgasms was someone who was, for the most part, smaller than all of the rest. We were tight (at the time). He was sexually curious, adventurous and giving. And yes, I'm sure that all played a part in my pleasure too. But I'll be honest with you—if I only factored in his member alone, I'd still say that he played a real role in dispelling the ridiculous myth that if a man ain't huge, he need not apply.
If you read what I just said and you're saying to yourself, "Girrrl, please", this article was written with you in mind. Matter of fact, I got a couple of women in my life to share that while it might be popular to say that a man needs a large penis in order to truly (sexually) satisfy a woman, at the end of the day, he actually…doesn't.
Who First Told You That You “Needed” A Large Penis?
I don't think we realize, just how much outside voices influence—and sometimes even infect—us. I mean, it's not like we all came out of the womb with a natural longing for a man with a big penis; it's not like it's a natural part of our DNA. But media, porn and conversations either we've had or eavesdropped on that brought up the subject (oh, and don't even get me started on how much Black people has been sexualized and fetishized in America) have all played a clear role in making us think that if a man isn't at least 8-9 inches, he's not worthy of getting any action.
Don't believe me? Somehow think that you came to that conclusion all by yourself? If so, take out your journal and think back to the first time you thought about male genitalia in a sexual way. When size and/or sexual pleasure came into the picture, if you thought that your partner(s) needed to be huge in order to please you, where did you get that idea from? I'd be shocked if it was internal. I'd also be surprised if you even pondered if that conclusion was even true—or not. Let's keep going.
Penises, on Average, Are Much Smaller Than You Think
So, before sharing with you some of the thoughts that a wife, who has a husband with a huge penis, has to say on the topic, let's discuss reality for a moment, shall we? First, I'm thinking that it's pretty common knowledge at this point that roughly 75 percent of women struggle with experiencing a vaginal orgasm (which is an orgasm that comes strictly from vaginal penetration). So already, if penetration doesn't automatically "do it for ya", what do you need a big member for? OK, but let's keep going.
Also, did you know that our most intense vaginal nerve endings are within the first two inches of our vagina? Technically, this means that if a guy is three inches or more when he's erect, he can still get the job done. Good thing too because (brace yourselves) reportedly less than 20 percent of men have a penis that is larger than six inches (erect). As far as someone who is seven inches or more? Penises only fall into that "very large" category with only three percent of guys (you can read more about this here and here).
I've been knowing all of this for quite some time. That's why, whenever I hear a man brag about how much he's "packin'", the first thing that comes to my mind is, "Somehow, I doubt it", followed by, "Have you ever actually measured it, sir?". The reason why I say this is because, if a man is simply going on assumption (or hyping himself up), how does he actually know if he's small (under five inches), average (between 5-6") or large (7" or up). This brings me to my next point.
Because You Don’t Need a Big D*ck. You Really Don’t.
Just like a lot of guys believe that they are "huge" without really knowing for sure if that is the case at all, tons of women automatically assume that their partner is large-and-in-charge too. For those ladies, the same points apply—how do you know how big your partner really is, if you haven't measured his penis before? Because now that actual inches have been shared, have you considered that maybe you've been with a lot of "5s" (or girthy instead of long penises) and so, in walks a "barely 7" and your mind is blown, when really…it's still just a 7? Either way, now that you know that over three inches can actually stimulate the part of your va-jay-jay that needs to get off, what is the big freakin' deal about a big d—k anyway? Especially if you're not someone who has vaginal orgasms from them to begin with.
This brings me to the wife that I was telling you about a little while ago. Let's call her Angela. Angela has been with her man for over 25 years and married to him for almost 20. I actually call her "the penis whisperer" because she has the uncanny ability of being able to guess a man's size (more from the angle of being small, medium or large than the actual inches) without ever seeing his penis (she's been spot-on with some of my exes). Anyway, according to her (and her man when he's being obnoxious), her hubby is really large—shoot, even larger than that. At the same time, she makes it very clear that having a man with a big d—ck is certainly not all that it's cracked up to be.
"I've been with small and large penises. One guy, his was abnormally small due to an injury. My husband, he is one of the largest I've had. The smaller guy was much more satisfying than all of the big men I've been with. One reason is because guys with big d—ks typically have a lot of ego, even in bed. They think that they can just 'bang you out' and you'll automatically be satisfied, while the smaller guy, the sex was far more sensual. His penis wasn't all that he brought to the experience and so he focused on more than believing his d—ck was enough. Plus, if you're someone who has truly had a big penis before, you know that it can take a while to get fully adjusted to it. With the smaller guy, I could totally relax and 'take him in' without any awkwardness or pain. Our bodies are made to adjust to any size, but personally, I think a lot of us have been conditioned to think that a big d—ck is a big deal when, at the end of the day, all you really end up with is a sore p—sy and a hurt back."
Hey, she's not alone in this conclusion. I read an article on Medical News Today's site that not only said that men are far more concerned with penis size than women are, but the majority of women don't need a big d—ck in order to be sexually satisfied either. Surprise, surprise.
Care More About What a Man Can Do Than What He’s “Got”
This brings me to another woman who I interviewed for this particular piece. Let's call her Monica. She too is married, only her husband is smaller than most of her past sexual partners; considerably so.
"I remember when I saw my husband's penis for the first time. In my mind, I was like, 'Dude. Where's the rest of it?' But 10 years in, I can tell you, while some of my 'big d—k guys' were OK in bed, more than anything, I ended up with bladder infections and UTIs than orgasms. Meanwhile, my husband is awesome because he is so giving, his stamina is amazing and he cares more about pleasing me than impressing me with his member, you know?
"It takes maturity to realize that hypersexualizing Black men is something else that white culture has done. The Mandingo complex is played out. If a man is making love to you, truly making love to you, trust me—you will prefer that over some large penis any day."
Amen. I totally agree. While a big d—k isn't a "bad" thing, when it comes to deciphering the criteria that you need in order to be sexually fulfilled, it is so important to have higher expectations than that alone. What else do you need—shoot, more than need; require—in order to thoroughly enjoy your sexual experiences. What kind of foreplay do you like? What kind of afterplay experiences do you desire? How does your partner need to embrace your erogenous zones? What's your oral sex preferences? What makes you feel the most sexy? If you really stop and take these types of questions in, do you really need a HUGE MAN in order to fulfill you? If you're really honest with yourself, somehow, I seriously doubt it.
Embrace That “Average” Can Still Be Really (REALLY) Good
While this is the kind of topic that I really could go on and on about, my bottom line is actually quite simple—if penis size truly matters to you, I get that. Just try and not make it matter so much that you program yourself into thinking that unless a man is gigantic, you won't be pleased. Because, for all of the reasons that I just shared with you (and so many more), that's just not true. Just like a woman doesn't need huge tits or a big clitoris in order to sexually satisfy a man, the same apples on the flip gender side. Believing otherwise isn't based on facts; it really is just a myth.
So, if you've got a man who is 5-6" down below and somehow, in the back of your mind, you find that to be some sort of sexual concession prize, please don't. So long as those first two inches inside of your vagina are thoroughly getting tended to, your partner gets off on pleasing you and you both accept each other fully, you can have some really great sex. Hmph. Better than a lot of women who've got a big ole' d—ck in their bed. And that's real talk right there, sis.
Join our xoTribe, an exclusive community dedicated to YOU and your stories and all things xoNecole. Be a part of a growing community of women from all over the world who come together to uplift, inspire, and inform each other on all things related to the glow up.
Featured image via Giphy
RELATED
So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Apparently, there was a Thanksgiving episode that featured all of the friends having dinner together. And y’all, there was simply no way that I was going to mention the latter without shouting out the original (amen?).
Okay, so with that out of the way — Friendsgiving. Something that I appreciate about twists to holidays like this is that it’s a reminder that there is no one way to celebrate special occasions. And so, if, for whatever the reason, you will not or cannot be with family during the holiday season, there are certainly other alternatives at your disposal.
That being said, if the thought of spending time with friends this Thanksgiving is something that you’d like to do, yet you’re not sure how to host it in a way that will make Friendsgiving a fan favorite for your entire circle — I’ve got 10 suggestions that can make the planning process easy as pumpkin (or sweet potato) pie.
1. Position Chrysanthemums or Orchids for Your Table Décor
Unsplash
Let’s start with décor first. Listen, aside from cleaning up your place, you don’t have to be over the top. If you put together a really nice centerpiece or put a flower at each table setting, honestly, you’re all good. And if you’re someone who is big on details and symbolism, my recommendation would be to go with some chrysanthemums and/or orchids.
When it comes to chrysanthemums, not only are they a peak fall flower, they represent things like friendship and happiness. And orchids? They tend to bloom during the fall and spring seasons and, not only are they about luxury, certain orchid colors also symbolize friendship (for the record, yellow roses symbolize friendship too). Perfect.
2. Incorporate Scents That Cultivate Gratitude
Speaking of cultivating a warm and inviting space, you can never go wrong with scented soy candles — or at least having an essential oil diffuser in a few spots. Some scents that actually help to bring in the spirit of gratitude include vanilla, jasmine, ginger, cedarwood and frankincense.
3. Use Upscale Paper Products to Dine With
Unsplash
Let’s be real — a lot more of us would probably host events in our home if it wasn’t for the mess that is left behind in our kitchen once the festivities are over. Wanna avoid that? Use paper plates. No, I don’t mean the cheap Styrofoam ones. SMDH. These days, there are paper (and plastic) plate brands that will low-key blow your mind when it comes to how bougie they look. Some that are worth considering are located here, here and here.
4. Handwrite Thank-You Notes (Use Them As Place Settings)
If you’re like Tiffany (from the HBO series Insecure — what a time) was at that memorable dinner party when all hell broke loose between Lawrence and Issa and you’re pretty anal — I mean, particular — LOL — about place settings, it’s a nice touch to pick up some blank thank-you cards that you can write a personalized “I’m thankful for you because…” message in. Place each one where you’d like each friend to sit. They won’t see it coming and it’s a really nice touch.
5. Have Everyone Bring Their Favorite Homemade Dish
Unsplash
Okay, and what if what has you on the fence about hosting is you don’t feel like doing a ton of cooking? Chile, this is where the concept of having a potluck comes in. Get everyone to bring the dish that they claim they cook the best and make sure to let them know how many individuals you plan on coming (so that they will make enough). You can even make a game out of it by having everyone anonymously vote for the first, second and third best dishes out of the bunch. Take it up a notch by having a prize for each winner.
6. Take a Warm Drink and Dessert Poll Beforehand
You know what isn’t discussed enough about dinner parties? Folks bringing desserts that other people don’t even like. SMDH. You can avoid this from becoming an issue at your Friendsgiving by sending an email (most people prefer that to group chats; let’s be real — and make sure to BCC everyone as well) asking everyone to share what their top three favorite desserts and warm drinks are. Then pick the top 2-3 out of the bunch. That way, you won’t have a ton of (for instance) coffee cake or apple cider lying around that no one even wanted in the first place.
7. Create a Signature Friendsgiving Mocktail and Cocktail
Unsplash
Speaking of drinks, another way to make your Friendsgiving memorable is to come up with a signature mocktail (for those who don’t consume alcohol) and cocktail. For the mocktail, you can also poll your friends about their favorite mocktail or fruits and come up with a mixture of your own. For the cocktail — although National Friendship Day is actually in August, I did peep that there are certain drinks that have been created in its honor. Some of them are located here for you to do a bit of tweaking on (if you’d like).
8. Ask Everyone to Share Their “Favorite Friend Quality” of Another
You know how it’s customary for everyone to go around and share what they are truly thankful for before having dinner? Well, to continue along with the Friendsgiving theme, have each person share what their favorite friend quality is about the person to their right. If folks are just meeting each other for the first time, instead they can share what they value the most in friendship overall, along with a story of how it was displayed to them personally over the past 12 months.
9. Send Each of Your Guests Home with a Fresh Gratitude Journal
Unsplash
Wanna send folks home with a nice parting gift? It would be so on-trend to give each of them a gratitude journal. Listen, we are in some crazy times right through here (at least in the States) and so, encouraging your friends to set some time aside, regularly, to think about and then outwardly express what they are grateful for? That helps to keep stress down, keep things in perspective and it reminds us all to maintain a positive mindset as much as possible.
10. Watch a Nostalgic Movie
While everyone is enjoying dessert and drinks, how about watching a movie that brings back fond memories? A list of some of the most popular movies to come out previous Thanksgiving weekends is located here and a list of some favorite Black holiday-themed films can be found here. It’s a way to wind down and share some laughs before everyone heads home.
___
Friendsgiving. What a wonderful way to celebrate your friends while also observing Thanksgiving in a way that is totally on your terms. And now that you know how to put it together, what are you waiting for? Hit your friends up and let them know that, whether it’s on actual Thanksgiving Day or a few days before or after, you’ve got a special dinner in mind.
One that has a good time with amazing friends written ALL over it.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by PeopleImages/Shutterstock