Every time I have a conversation with a friend or I'm interviewed about relationships and I mention that there is something unique that I've learned from each person I've had sex with, I get a reply along the lines of "C'mon. Every single guy?!"
Yep. Every single one.
I know most people don't believe me. I think it's because I've never sat down in an open forum and broken down what my takeaway was from all 14 of those dudes. Hmph. There's no time like the present…right?
Why do I feel that this is a relevant thing to do? The answer to that question is about a book long, but here's the gist—I firmly believe that each of our bodies is sacred. I also know that oxytocin—the hormone that makes us bond to the people we have sex with—is very real. Plus, nothing that happens to us (especially something as profound as sexual activity) is empty or pointless. There is something that can be gained from each and every experience. Something that can change us for the better—if we allow it to.
So, my hope is that after I conduct this brief rundown of the 14 physical and 14 emotional things that I gathered from each person I slept with that it will encourage you to see the good, bad and indifferent sexual adventures of your own life as moments. My hope is that you will be open to seeing that just like sex is a physical and emotional experience, every experience you have has carved out something sexual and emotional that you probably still carry with you—even now. These were my experiences:
Partner #1
Sexually, he taught me that first-time sex isn't all that painful, messy, or scary so long as your partner cares about you. Emotionally, he taught me that when you come from a broken family dynamic, you should heal before getting into a relationship—with anyone.
Partner #2
Sexually, he taught me that just because a man goes down on you, that doesn't mean you're special to him. Emotionally, he taught me that a man can always make time to cheat on his girlfriend; even if that means hiding you in his closet whenever she comes over.
Partner #3
Sexually, he taught me that men are just as vulnerable about trying new things as women are. He also taught me that the 69 position is awkward as crap. Emotionally, he taught me that a man who is content with just being in your space, sex or no sex, is the sexiest kind of man there is.
Partner #4
Sexually, he taught me that not all men like to receive oral sex even if they enjoy giving it (weird but true). Emotionally, he taught me that if a man doesn't want anyone to know that you're sleeping with him, he isn't worthy of sleeping with you. Point, blank and period.
Partner #5
Sexually, he taught me that men can be in love with one woman and sexually sprung on another (men really do compartmentalize more than we do). Emotionally, he taught me that being sexually sprung doesn't equate to there being a true emotional connection.
Partner #6
Sexually, he taught me that uninhibited sex will give you memories (and chills) to last a lifetime. Emotionally, he taught me that there really is such a thing as the perfect man at the wrong time; that you really can "pluck fruit" before it is ripe.
Partner #7
Sexually, he taught me that some men try to turn women out for the sake of their own ego more than a woman's own pleasure. Emotionally, he taught me that a guy's first time can totally damage his ability to be intimate if he's not careful (in this case, his brother locked him in a bedroom with a grown woman and wouldn't let him out until he had sex with her; he was 12 at the time).
Partner #8
Sexually, he taught me that fine-and-still-some-mo-fine doesn't necessarily make a great sex partner, and a man's height and shoe size have NOTHING to do with the size of his genitalia (he was well over 6'6"). Emotionally, he taught me that if you tell a man you don't want something serious, you'd better mean it. Time, sex, and intense experiences usually won't change what he mentally signed up for from Day One.
Partner #9
Sexually, he taught me that some guys will do certain things with certain women that they won't do with their own girlfriends or wives (I'm still unpacking this one). Emotionally, he taught me that no matter how much a man may like you, if he doesn't love himself, he's going to do you harm. One way or another. Eventually.
Partner #10
Sexually, he taught me that sex with a narcissist is some of the worst sex on the planet, no matter how good it feels (some of y'all will catch that later). Emotionally, he taught me that if you only make decisions to please another person, you're going to resent them, and to some degree, hate yourself before it's all over.
Partner #11
Sexually, he taught me that a freak is sometimes not worth the headache. Emotionally, he taught me that some men don't know how to relate to a woman outside of the bedroom.
Partner #12
Sexually, he taught me that some of the best sex doesn't come with an orgasm, just a strong connection. Emotionally, he taught me that a lot of men are far more emotionally-unstable than many women are; their signs are just a little more cryptic.
Partner #13
Sexually, he taught me that if you say "no" it's rape. Even if you've said "yes" to that same person before. Emotionally, he taught me that a lot of men who rape have been raped—they just don't want to admit it to themselves.
Partner #14
Sexually, he taught me that size doesn't matter nearly as much as most women think it does (our vaginas are only 2-3" and the average penis is 5" erect). Emotionally, he taught me that you can't talk yourself into loving someone, no matter how awesome they are. Either you're feelin' them or you're not.
Here's the thing.
If I lumped all of these experiences together, if I didn't pull each one apart, not only would I run the risk of repeating the same lessons over and over again, but I wouldn't have been able to honor each journey.
That's a part of the reason why I'm not big on the whole "casual sex" way of thinking. My mind, heart, and body are too purposeful for any sexual experience to have no rhyme or reason. I lived it. I've learned from it. It matured me emotionally and better prepared me…sexually.
I bet if you pulled out a piece of paper and jotted down what your sex partners have taught you both sexually as well as emotionally, you'd walk away sharing the same sentiments. It could do wonders for how you process your sexual past and help you determine how you choose to live out your sexual future.
So thanks, fellas. There's a lot of y'all I would've done differently—by not doing you at all. Yet, I'm thankful for the experiences that made me who I am. I'm someone who now knows that every sexual experience contains a sexual and emotional component, which is exactly why we should do our best to always choose our sex partners wisely.
Originally published on November 30, 2018
Featured image via Gyfcat
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
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It’s officially Miss Keri, Baby season again—and if you ask us, it’s been a long time coming. After 15 years away from the music scene, Keri Hilson has returned not only with a brand-new album, but also a captivating new role in Lifetime’s Fame—the latest installment in The Temptations film franchise.
Between the album We Need to Talk: Love and her leading role in Fame, this isn’t just a comeback—it’s a rebirth. The Grammy-nominated singer-songwriter turned actress is letting us into her world like never before, unpacking themes of vulnerability, healing, and inner strength with grace, grit, and raw artistry.
Now streaming on Lifetime, Fame follows two superstar sisters—played by Keri and singer/actress Keshia Chanté—as they navigate the cost of stardom, sibling rivalry, and the dark side of desire. The film also stars Romeo Miller, Ecstasia Sanders, Nathan Witte, and Sophie Carriere, and is executive produced by Derrick Williams and Adriane Hopper Williams of the Seven Deadly Sins franchise.
As for the music? We Need to Talk: Love is a three-part album (Love, Drama, Redemption) that tells the story of a woman who’s been through it—and has risen from the ashes. “It was time to speak for myself,” Keri says.
We sat down with Keri to talk about her return to music, her passion for acting, the emotional depth of Fame, and how she’s learning to care for herself amidst the chaos.
From R&B Queen to Drama Star: Keri Gets Into Character
“Even though she’s famous—as am I—it was really her humanity that I wanted to portray.”
Keri plays Cherish, one half of a superstar sibling duo who must confront their fractured relationship in the wake of a traumatic robbery. For Keri, the role was more than a character—it was a psychological study.
“I enjoy departures from reality. That’s why I love acting,” she shares. “Psychology is one of my favorite things in life. I became a writer because I’m an observer of human nature, emotion, and behavior. I think I did a good job showing her humanity.”
The Fame Isn’t Always Worth the Price
“Keep the main thing the main thing.”
Keri doesn’t sugarcoat the industry. When asked about what Fame reveals about the dark side of celebrity culture, her answer is clear:
“It’s a cautionary tale. It reminds you to keep your family close and not allow anything to come between them—especially in pursuit of success. Keep the main thing the main thing. For me, that’s family, love, spirituality, and values.”
Three Chapters, One Story: Love. Drama. Redemption.
“I’ve shed the fear. It was time to tell my own story.”
Released April 18th, We Need to Talk: Love is Keri’s first album in 15 years—and a deeply personal one at that. The three-part project (Love, Drama, Redemption) represents a timeline of healing and growth.
“I’m finally in a place where I’m able and willing to open up more,” she says. “For a while, I became really guarded—shell-shocked, even—after making mistakes in the public eye. Whether it’s all your fault or not, the scrutiny takes its toll. But now, I’ve shed that fear. It’s time to tell my story.”
Cooking, Walks, and Recalibrating in the Chaos
“I’m not doing the best job—but I’m doing what I can.”
Between eight-hour rehearsals, press runs, and music releases, Hilson admits she hasn’t quite figured out the balance yet—but she’s trying. For her, the key is carving out small rituals of normalcy.
“I enjoy cooking. That’s my sanctity,” she says. “I’ll go home, take my makeup off, put on my rehearsal clothes, and cook a meal. I take walks. I run. These little things help me feel like myself again.”
Art Imitates Life (and Album Tracklists)
“Cherish goes from Love… to Drama… to Redemption.”
Asked which album chapter her Fame character would fall into, Keri doesn’t hesitate. “She fits into all three,” she says. “You see her go from love, to drama, to redemption. That arc mirrors the journey of so many women who’ve had to navigate pain and find their way back to themselves.”
No Pressure, Just Art: Keri Wants You to Feel Something
“Just enjoy the art. That’s it.”
After all the time, patience, and healing, Keri isn’t asking for much. She just wants fans to press play—and feel something.
“I just want people to enjoy what they’re seeing and hearing. Enjoy me on screen. Enjoy me through their ears. People have waited, and I feel blessed by that. That helps me keep it all pure and simple.”
As Keri Hilson steps boldly back into the spotlight, it’s clear this era is all about alignment, artistry, and authenticity. With Fame airing on Lifetime and the first chapter of We Need to Talk: Love setting the tone, we’re more than excited to see what’s next.
As she continues to unfold the album’s next two chapters—Drama and Redemption—one thing’s for sure: this isn’t just a comeback. It’s a reintroduction. And we’ll be watching, listening, and cheering her on every step of the way.
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