These 69 Positions Are Guaranteed To Get You Off

Sex

Sixty-nine or soixante-neuf (in the language of love, French) evolves with age. It's like a fine wine in that way — it gets better with time.


When you first give it a go in your late teens/early 20s, it's more of an insurance policy that both parties get where they want to be before the f*cking. Straight like that, because there's nothing sexy about it.

As time goes on, and with the right person, it becomes a dance of seduction in the way that it tickles and teases you until you succumb to the pleasure. Seriously, I don't even know if I can make it completely through a good sixty-nine sesh without cutting it short and begging for the dick (yes, I will shamelessly beg and grovel). If you can both somehow finish in sixty-nine, then congratulations because you've mastered the art of multitasking and can do so through anything, but not I.

That said, I'm not one for routine and easily find boredom in the monotony of certain sex positions and, really, this is most of us. Yeah, let's not front like we're all buying this month's Cosmo for the horoscope and fashion tips — it's for the spicy updates on classic sex positions. Well, save your coin, sis! I've got you with 7 modifications to sixty-nine that will have you coming back begging me for more — more positions, that is.

The Golden Gate

badgirlsbible.com

If you're anything like me, you hate-hate-hate when there's an article on sex positions and they have an unspoken prerequisite of circus acrobatics to execute them. I purposely avoided that because, who has time? While Golden Gate requires you to be a little limber, it's not an impossible contort for the average aging body. To get the ball rolling, your guy will need to lay on his back and bend his knees, keeping his feet planted on the surface. You will also get on your knees, placing yourself over his mouth. Once you feel secure, do a slight back bend and plant your hands on each side of his waist. If you find that balancing is easy, you can one hand it to grab his dick but if not, maybe ask him for a lifeline?

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